Month: April 2021

I woke up this morning kind of uncharacteristically early. My Mom had to handle things on the phone so I just sat in my chair, took my vitamins, drank water, brushed my teeth, and drank my breakfast. It was still kind of early in the morning so rather than turning the TV on, I just went down the rabbit hole of watching YouTube videos on my phone. I’m not sure how this one showed up but I watched it and posted it on Facebook as well:

I heard Johnny Cash‘s cover before I heard Nine Inch Nails’ original. I was completely blown away when I heard it and I vaguely remember talking about it with my Dad. He loved Johnny Cash. I learned a couple new things in watching this video. I did not know that he had a song on U2’s album Zooropa. The most important thing I learned was that he covered, “One.”

So, just as my Mom finished her business on the phone, she walked into the living room with me watching this video and crying. Having had PBA for so many years, I do not mind crying at all. I just let the tears stream down my face whenever they want to. Sometimes, my Mom will ask me why I am crying and I shake my head or shrug my shoulders and sometimes I can say, “I don’t know.”

My Mom looked at me in disbelief and she couldn’t understand why I was crying about Johnny Cash singing a U2 song but I don’t like her IL Volo singing a U2 song?! I looked up at her when the song was over and as I wiped my tears away, I told her, ”Well, “One” is easily one of my top five U2 songs!” “Beautiful Day” well NEVER evoke tears from me but “One” easily can! It’s my JAM!!!

So, at this point, I am basically a Hallmark channel expert! I’ve seen so SO many movies multiple times! I have figured it out the schedule on the weekend once a movie is released on Saturday night.

I was not able to see the whole movie yesterday so I turned the TV on to catch it again today. When I turned the TV on, it was halfway through with a movie that I had not seen all of it before so I figured I would just watch it to wait for the half the movie I saw yesterday.

I didn’t even know the name of it but there was a song playing in the background that was so familiar and it was kind of driving me nuts because I couldn’t remember what song it was. I am completely spoiled now and just spoke a few lines of the song that I remembered. Then it showed up on YouTube:

I figured out in searching for this song that the movie is called, Love Takes Flight:

But now the second half of the movie I was watching yesterday is on. I wonder how it ends?! It’s one of the reasons I like Hallmark movies, it always ends happily!!!

The concern was that she has heart worms. After blood work and an x-ray, it was confirmed that she has heart worm. My Mom and I begin to cry as Sean brought her home. We both know what a diagnosis of heartworm meant. We have given her heartworm the entire time we’ve had her but she needed to switch her regular flea and tick prevention because of her sensitive stomach. The vet wants her to go back to her original flea and tick and heart eorm gummies. Sean was given two prescriptions to fill at a human pharmacy for her and my Mom spoke with the doctor again.

Leia had an appointment at the vet this morning to get some blood drawn. At her physical on Monday, they were concerned about some results. Sean took her this morning at 8:00. He was there for over an hour and my Mom called as my proxy to pay the bill because I don’t speak well that early in the morning.

The doctor broke down how much treatment would cost and explained that Leah is just at the end of phase 1 in terms of having worms. The steroids she is prescribed well shrink it down and in one month, they will do another x-ray and see how she is.

Neither one of us have money like that and Sean is just in the infancy of working so he doesn’t either. We will give her her steroids and in one month we’ll see how she is. Decisions will have to be made but I told my mom and Sean that I am tapped out. The prescriptions were just dropped off here and somehow, I Still findmyself wiping away tears.

I have been subscribing to a fellow MS Warrior’s emails for a while now. One that I received not too long ago gave us a list of 10 things that we can do to make our lives easier. It was a pretty interesting list and I forwarded the email to my Mom. I don’t think she has read it yet but I will put a few of them here that proves that there is a method to my madness! It is out of order but things that I think about and do because it’s easier for me:

I thrive on routines and I think I am a little bit OCD about it but it works for me and decision making sometimes can be difficult when my brain doesn’t feel like working very well.

When I read this one, it made sense to me why I need to drink both my breakfast and lunch now. I’ve understood that digesting foods makes you tired and I have been drinking my lunch at work for years before I stopped working. Now it makes sense. Sean has told me that there are better protein shakes out there but I prefer Adkins, Dark Chocolate Royale, because I’ve been, “No carbing” it for so long that I actually think it’s good!

This last one is the most important one for people to understand but it is VERY difficult for them TO understand:

I think I sound heartless when I tell my Mom, “I don’t care“ about something that is frivolous to me because she doesn’t understand that every ounce of my energy is being spent I’m trying to deal with the pain in my body so I don’t have ANY room to think about things that really don’t matter to me. For me, I have figured out that if I dismiss it and say something like, “I don’t care“ It refocuses me and allows me to not put any mental energy toward it and work at the things I am trying to do.

It refocuses me and allows me to not put any mental energy toward it and work at the things I am trying to do as best as I can.

I really like receiving emails like this and makes me feel less crazy because there is reason why I do what I do so there REALLY IS method to my madness!

So, my eyes hurt today. I needed to put three drops in each eye because they felt really dry! This is only a little bit concerning and by, “A little bit,” I mean, “A LOT!”

For the past 20 years, I have thought about the day I was diagnosed and the doctor (whom I had never seen before or after) telling me that I had MS by nonchalantly telling me and my Mom that, “Look, you have MS, you are going to go blind, and then you are going to die” before spinning around on her heel and leaving the room.”

Now, it is becoming apparent to me that my vision is changing and quite drastically. I’ve always had pretty thick glasses but my contacts have stayed the same prescription for about three years. My most recent prescription is a full number greater and in addition to wearing my contacts, when I am watching TV, or looking at my phone, I have to wear glasses. The glasses are simple nerd non-prescription glasses I bought on Amazon but my Neural ophthalmologist fashioned them to have a prism on my right eye so it looks a little better to just have glasses on then wearing an eyepatch like a pirate.

My brother, Dave, calls me “Six eyes” because I have my contacts and glasses and my normal eyes. I was FaceTimed with Sean a while back and I saw myself in my phone and I told him that I looked looked like Squints from The Sandlot. He laughed and agreed and when I told Dave what I told Sean about me looking like Squints, He laughed hysterically and hearing him laugh made me laugh even more so we both laughed for like five minutes at least:

When setting up my iPhone that I recently got, I had to put the settings to almost the largest text size. This is how big my texts are now:

But even with the settings at almost the largest in my phone, it’s difficult to read Facebook even with both my glasses and contacts in. So I wait until nighttime to edit my posts when I don’t have my contacts in at all. I DO wonder if I am going blind though…

It’s been six days since I got my teeth cleaned. Sean‘s hygienist clean my teeth because my normal hygienist was cleaning my Mom‘s teeth at the same time. I go with my Mom now to get my teeth cleaned so it’s like I am in little girl again.

I brought to Lisa’s attention the fact that I had injured my gums on the left side of my mouth. She was not surprised by this and told me that she has seen trauma like this before and to brush my teeth and just use three fingers to hold the toothbrush. It feels a little bit weird but I started doing that. And now, six days after she told me this, I don’t spinel blonde but I brush my teeth anymore! Brushing my teeth is becoming easier now as well.

More random things that I never thought about that would happen to me because I have MS and can no longer control my hands easily.

This song has been in my head since last night when I could not find a comfortable spot in my chair. I thought about this song more today because of my body spasms that accompany the weather change. I think I will write about it further another time but this song is still playing in my head because I absolutely LOVE Bono!!!:

So, yesterday was the seventh time I have been out of my house in a year? My Mom and I went to get our teeth cleaned. I was able to remain seated in my motorized chair to get my teeth cleaned and it all was super easy for me because I didn’t have to transfer from my wheelchair to the hygienist’s chair. Sean‘s hygienist cleaned my teeth because my Mom made the appointments for us to get our teeth cleaned at the same time so she was with my normal hygienist so I was with Sean’s.

I talked to Lisa about my teeth brushing. I told her that my hands are having difficulty brushing so I tend to scrape my gums which really hurts! She saw evidence of my gum trauma that happened a couple days ago. She gave me tips on ways to brush so I don’t hurt my gums with my lack of hand control until I can save enough money to get an electric toothbrush.

The only time I have missed getting my teeth cleaned every six months since Sean was three was right when Covid started. I have been going to the same dentist since I was a child and I got my braces through there as well. I liked seeing my orthodontist’s wife when I went there. She does some kind of billing there now. She has been doing that since shortly after my orthodontist passed away. I think I was six when I first started going there so Dr. Fox has been my dentist for the past 33 years.

When he came into the room to check my teeth after Lisa was finished cleaning them, he said that I always have, ”Great teeth!” I loved hearing that and I smiled and told him that, “My dentist told me that when I was a little girl.“. He smiled and turned and said, “ well, you listened!“

Three of the seven times I have been out of my house I’ve been to go to the dentist. I feel extremely comfortable there!

It was extremely warm yesterday and I started to melt in the 80° weather. Today’s weather is NOT much better as I hear the rain on my roof and the thunder. Last night, when I was getting for ready for bed, I had forgotten how terrible the weather change is for me! But, on the bright side, at least I have a great teeth!