Month: March 2021

Saddened

One of the presents that Sean bought me a for my birthday was a book and I have been loving it and diligently reading it since my birthday. I am most saddened at how much things have changed. I posted this on Facebook a while ago;

I am COMPLETELY a book lover and I thought it was funny because I do all of those things! I used to teach reading and before that I taught English. I was completely devastated by the news of Beverly Cleary‘s death and both of my brothers whom I thought would remember the Whopper Burger song, did!!!

The book that Sean bought for me is 337 pages. I have read books this length before in one night by foregoing sleep. But here’s the thing now, I have had glasses for a while now. I have figured out that I need to wear them when I watch TV or when I use my phone. But, I wear glasses now in addition to wearing my contacts. My brother FaceTimed my Mom and he saw me wearing my glasses when I first got them and he called me, “Four eyes.” When I told him that I am still wearing my contacts in addition to wearing my glasses, he started to laugh and and called me, “ six eyes“ instead.

My vision has changed so much so now that I have figured out that I can only read my book when I first wake up and after I take my contacts out for the night. As I explained it to Sean, I think my eyes are a little bit stressed with my contacts in and couple that with wearing my glasses the stress makes it hard for me to focus on text in a book. So, my reading time is shortened during the day and even though the book I am reading is excellent, I am noticing now that I can’t read as fast as I used to be able to. I think my mind works a little slower now because having MS for 20+ years, now makes a difference. I have been reading this book every day since my birthday but I am just over 100 pages in. That fact saddens me.

I thought about this today because before I put my contacts in, after my Mom took Leia for a walk, she cut my nails. I have always grown nails pretty easily since I stopped biting them when I was like 10. I just let my nails grow until one of them breaks and I cut them all and then let them go again. Techs at the eye doctor would comment on my nail length before I took my contacts out to get my eyes dilated until they saw the ease with which I took my contacts out. I would smile at them and say that I’ve been doing it since I was 12 years old.

This is where 20+ years of having MS saddens me most! I love to read and I can’t read as easily as I used to be able to! Now, I have to pay attention to my nail length, something that I never did before. I can even cut my own nails now. My Mom has to, “Supervise” me putting my contacts in because the control I have over my hands isn’t as good as it used to be either. All of these changes really saddens me but they also let me know how fortunate I am to have my Mom here to help!

“The ‘Rios’ Walk”

I think I had to be about 10 when one of my brothers was asked if he was, ”A ‘Rios’?” He was walking out of a bank and the woman asked whose son he was and she named a few of my uncles. My brother told her that he was Ray’s son. I remember when he told my Parents about this because the woman told him that, “He walked like a ‘Rios.’”

The closest thing that I got to that question was when I was in high school and I took my Parents’car to the tire shop. I was in my school uniform and I had my softball sweatshirt on. It had my number and my last name on the back. One of the owners who was going to work on the car, called out to me as I turned around to walk away. “Are you a ‘Rios’? I turned back around and smiled. I nodded and I told him that I was Ray’s daughter. He told me that I was a lot better looking than my Dad and to tell him that he told me that! He was friends with my Dad and I laughed as I went to sit in the waiting room. I was only asked that because my last name was on my the back of my sweatshirt but I liked hearing that.

Well, today, there was a plumbing issue in my house. Retirement or not, my Mom texted my brother, Jimmy, to fix it. He walked into my house and we gave each other, “Air hugs’ and he took a look in my bathroom. He went out to his van to get the auger and he had already taken his jacket off. So I looked up that saw the back of him walk toward my bathroom. I told him that I have not seen, “The Rios Walk” in a long time! All of my brothers walk that way and that comes from my Dad. He laughed as I told him that, “Mom doesn’t walk like that!” You know, the ONLY person I have seen for a year!

He fixed the problem so I would be able to use the bathroom and as he left, he had his jacket in his hand and seeing him walk out of my house with a shirt like my Dad and his longer Covid hair on the back of his neck made me think of my Dad with extreme fondness.

Cute!!!

I remember that when I was getting Sean ready for Easter with his dad’s family and I wanted to iron the pants that he was wearing. They were so little so I just heated up the iron and pressed it onto the clothes and just the length of the iron was the entire length of the pants from waist to ankle. He was preemie and still wearing 0 to 3 month clothes then even though he was at least six months old then. It was easy to do his laundry. I could do like 20 pieces of clothing because it was so little in one load. As he got older and when we moved out of my Parents’ house, laundry was still easy for me to do because it was just for us and his clothes were still little!

It wasn’t until we moved into our own house that his clothes started to become normal sized. For a few years now, he has, “Man-sized” clothes now.

It’s been a long time since he has had a little clothes. With that being said, it rained last night and I bought Leia a raincoat when we first got her. My Mom opened the door and saw that it was raining so she closed it and got her raincoat. She was taking her out before she went to bed.

I had just taken my contacts out so I couldn’t see how cute she looked and I was a little bummed out. My phone was charging and once I got in bed, my Mom brought my phone to me and told me that she took a picture on it. When I saw the picture, I screamed with thelight because it has been a very long time since I have seen little clothes and I have NEVER seen little GIRL clothes!


I texted Sean this picture with these words:

Sean hasn’t responded to my text yet but he shakes his head at the things my Mom and I do for her!

My Author

Yesterday, while I was on the phone with Sean, my Mom read an alert that she got on her phone. She gasped a little bit and told both of us that Beverly Cleary had died. I immediately had to give the phone to my Mom to talk to Sean because I needed a moment to gather myself because tears instantly sprung to my eyes and began to stream down my face! Sean and I were in the middle of a conversation so I cut my grieving short. I posted this on Facebook:

Just a moment after I posted this, I saw that my cousin, Melissa, posted this that I shared as well:

My Mom talked to my brother, Steve, last night and she told him about Beverly Cleary and the fact that I cried when I found out. He sighed and said that she was, “My Author” because she really was!

I grew up reading Ramona Quimby books and this morning just after I got out of bed, I told my Mom that, “Ramona was my friend!” as I started to cry again. My Mom responded with a soft “I know.” My childhood is filled with reading all of the Ramona books!

I would venture to bet that both my brothers (Jimmy and Dave) still remember the words to the Whopper Burger song from the audiobook that my Mom would play for us sometimes that she got from the library on record while we were cleaning the house! My tears continued today and I think I just need to get them all out! When Sean Connery died, I cried a lot and that was it but I think because I needed to cut my grief yesterday, it continues today.

I spoke with Sean and I told him that I am still sad and he told me that he was sorry. I told him that I cried a lot with Sean Connery but I think I’m more sad about Beverly Cleary! I also told him that I am grateful that Bono, Bradley Cooper, and Matthew Stafford are all okay!

My Mom read for me a statement from her publishing house about her death and as she was reading, I finished the sentences for her but the fact that Henry Huggins lived on the same street that Ramona and Beezus lived on (Klickitat). I wonder how long I will cry about this because she came up with one of my closest childhood friends! I have always said that I wanted to name my daughter Ramona. My Mom doesn’t like that name and I don’t even have a daughter but I think I wanted to name my daughter that because of Ramona Quimby but Ramon was my Dad’s name so that’s, “Two birds, one stone!”

Rest in peace and thank you so much for writing the books that sparked my love of reading and filled my childhood with very fond memories!!! 💜💜💜

The 6th Friday of Lent

I am still trying to decide if I will watch Jesus Christ superstarnext week because Sunday is Palm Sunday and then Holy Week starts. I focused on Herod today and it breaks my heart when he is disturbed by Jesus being flogged!

I love when he is combining his hair in the beginning when they get off of the bus and if I wore tank tops, I would try my best to find the one he was wearing!

Completely Worth It!!!

I completely messed up my nighttime routine to watch a concert from 1983 when I was just over one year old! It was, however, COMPLETELY worth it!!! It was the second virtual tour video by U2. They all were so young!!!

I don’t know how long this concert will be available and it’s entirety but here it is!

My Favorite Episode

Yesterday, I had to text Sean even though he was at work and this is what I said;

I watched this show with Sean all of the time! We watched it for a couple years and I got completely invested in the characters!:

I texted Sean which episodes I was watching and I told him about one that Michael is learning how to drive a stick shift and he responded with this:

It was a lot of fun to watch this show on Teen Nock and I couldn’t believe that I was watching in but I really liked it! I also texted Sean that Zoey broke up with James (I never liked him and wanted Chase to come back). As that episode progressed, I realized that was my favorite episode!!!:

I speak every text I send because my hands don’t have the dexterity needed to type but sometimes what I say is not what the text writes. It’s not Cheese, it’s Chase!

Sean texted me that they don’t show that episode very often and I was grateful that I got to see it and the random day that I didn’t watch the news or watch a Hallmark channel movie (which I am watching right now!). So, since seeing that final episode yesterday, I am reminded clearly of our second apartment and that final episode aired on May 2, 2008. I’m thinking about all of the trailers for that final episode and I hear this song in my head;

Why?!

I was frustrated yesterday because I figured out tht I am having difficulty posting pictures on my blog because I am still using my iPhone 7S. I think the latest update is non-compatible with the old technology of my iPhone 7S. I’ve had a blog for 7 1/2 years and have not had a problem. I guess this just proves that I need a newer phone but I’ll deal with that later.

That frustration is not the only reason I was having a bad day yesterday. So much so, I almost want to call it my 10th COVID-19 tears but the reason I was crying was not because of the pandemic. The pandemic has made it clear to me how unable I am now and that frustrates and saddens me very much!

These tears were more than the just the few I’ve shed before regarding my inability but I was straight up crying with a lot of tears streaming down my face.

I looked at my Mom and asked, “Why?! Why is this so difficult? Why does it hurt so much?! She didn’t have an answer for me but told me that she didn’t know, put her hand on my shoulder, and handed me tissue.

I’ve sat with this feeling all day today and wrestled with the fact of writing it in my blog because I want it to stay upbeat but luckily for me, these days are few and far between and ones that I can tolerate and get through. “Birthday Month” or not, these days come and I just needed to acknowledge it.