Sean asked me to order this book for him because the class was reading it in his English class. I recalled reading the same book when I was in 11th grade also and I started talking to him about it but I couldn’t quite remember things. I told him that when he was done with it, that I wanted to read it.
I have a number of books in my queue to read and I chose to read this one because I am currently watching a Netflix series, You at my friend’s recommendation. It’s a bit crazy and one of the character’s name is Peach Salinger. I think in the show she is the adopted daughter of JD Salinger.
Before he took the book to school, I told him to write his name in the book. It thought it would be like a dedication or the author’s autograph written on one of the first couple pages just so his book wouldn’t get mixed up with other kids’ books which are all the same. This is how he interpreted me telling him to write his name in the book:
I showed my Mom what he did this morning and we both laughed. When Sean got home from school today, I showed him where I wanted him to write his name and we both started to laugh because that’s not where he ended up writing his name!
This evening, as Sean and I finished eating dinner, he took the plates and rinsed them off in the sink. I asked him for a sliver of my birthday cake. (We only have about half of it left to go!). I’m not sure why this song popped into my head but I began to sing it.
My cousinT, Shannon, introduced me to this play when I was in the high school and we listened to it often as we drove around. We saw it before I got pregnant with Sean at the Masonic Temple, I think? We were with my Mom and I know that she really didn’t like it very much. I loved it!
I’ve known all the words to this play for a long time but it has been a while since I sang any of them. It was a perfect time I guess because I sat in the kitchen as Sean cut me a sliver of my birthday cake and begin to sing it. I was just beginning to get into Kim‘s part when is Sean stopped cutting the cake and looked at me and told me to, “Quit being weird!” Then we both busted out laughing!
I told him that I was going to write a blog post about this because this song is REALLY in my head! As I searched for audio of the song that I was singing, I came across this one;
Sean was in his room when I called to him and asked if he remembered me singing this song to him which he did not. I sing it to him when he was really small! Probably well we were still living with my parents. OF COURSE, I CRIED!
I asked my Mom if she could leave a popcorn pack out in front of the microwave with the big pot with the handle on the stove so I could pop popcorn later. She looked at me questioningly and reached into the cupboard to get a package of microwave popcorn.
As she did this, I explained how difficult it is to maneuver my chair back and forth to situate myself properly to open the cupboard to pull the rollout shelf where the popcorn is on it. I have difficulty pushing it back in in order to close the cupboard as well. The whole process takes about 10 to 15 minutes.
As I told her this, to pulled a package out, easily pulled the plastic wrapper off and popped it into the microwave. What she just did in three minutes would take me at least another 10. She looked at me thoughtfully and she handed me the pot with the handle with the popped popcorn in it. I held the pot close to my chest and held the handle with my right hand while maneuvering my chair with my left hand to exit the kitchen backwards.
This morning my Mom apologized to me. I gave her a puzzled look and asked her why she was apologizing. She told me that she was sorry for the loss I experience as I witness other people do things that I can no longer do. Then she added that I still try my best to do them even though it takes me a lot longer.
I’ve always been an overly emotional person. I wasn’t prepared to hear apology. My eyes began to well with tears and I thanked her for her apology. It’s not often that I hear that. There are so many things that are more difficult for me all while dealing with my knee that is STILL killing me!
My Mom’s acknowledgment of my struggle and apology for it was very much appreciated but it made me think that it is really sad that an apology is warranted. Today, I miss my old life, before MS.
What I was young, probably third or fourth grade, my friend, Heather Wells gifted me a huge box with the entire Babysitters Club book series. I felt as if I had struck gold! I also learned very quickly that when it was summer, I could read an entire Babysitters Club book in one day. I have always loved to GOBBLE Books up!
I’ve written before about when I first started reading the Twilit series when it was really popular and I had just been given four copies of all four books for my classroom library. During silent reading, I flipped the first book open and started to read. It was terrible because I HAD TO finish all four books in four days (maybe five) and I did not grade any papers during that entire week!
When I was still an undergrad, there were times where I forewent sleep to start and finish a book. I did that for The da Vinci Code. However, now that I’ve had MS for 18 years, things have begun to change. I can no longer do that.
I am currently reading:
I saw a video on YouTube not too long ago, actually, it probably was a commercial, that let me know if you read for 45 minutes a day, most likely you will finish a book in one week. I began reading this book on May 10th. It’s been longer than a week! This morning, I only had 100 pages left. It’s sad to me that I know that I will not be able to finish it today.
The old me, before MS, would have been able to. But now, my eyes are shaking and after a while the green leopard print comes back and I read A LOT slower than I used to. Maybe it’s a whole neurological thing. I don’t know! But I know that it stinks!
My brothers have always called me a nerd because I am such an avid reader! I don’t mind being called a nerd for the fact that I am heartbroken that I can’t read as fast as I want to! The last 100 pages of this book may take me one or two more days to read and that just is not how used to be me. As a former English teacher/Reading Specialist, it is really devastating to me!
Okay, so, for the last few days, my Mom and I have been listening to the theme song of Game of Thrones while we complete our morning routine. She likes it and I am so excited for the last episode tomorrow. Now, I don’t want to ruin the theme song for anyone by writing this but I want to let you know that it is completely, “Roont” (My Dad used to pronounce “Ruined” like that) for me and I will tell you why in this post.
On Apple Music, they do not have the 2 Cellos rendition of the theme song so we are listening to what sounds like this:
Listening to this song as it plays over and over as we complete our work, brings to mind the opening credits and this scene from, “The Battle of the Bastards” for me:
Yesterday, as the theme song was playing over and over, my Mom said to me that, “It sounds like that one movie with the Indians, The Last of the Mohicans.” Well, that roont it for me! Now, I no longer see Jon Snow or horses riding toward me in slow motion. I see Daniel Day Lewis:
More specifically, I see this part of The Last of the Mohicans and also the fact that the Indian who beckons Alice to come away from the edge reminds me of Jerry, my first physical therapist.
I told my Mom that I can’t NOT see Daniel Day Lewis and it is completely roont for me but she let me know that it’s not her fault that they sound similar and that it probably won’t be ruined tomorrow when I watch the final episode. Thinking about it, it probably won’t but that’s what’s in my head right now!
It is no secret that in the 18 years that I have been on this horrible journey, MS has taken MANY things from me! I don’t want to innumerate all of my losses now but rather; I want to prove that in spite of everything, (“Everything” includes my consistent, enduring, and excruciating, knee pain!) I still can find a way to amuse myself and to laugh. I did that the other day.
Because I am basically homebound now, I read a lot more and I watch a lot more TV. I have seen this commercial many, many times!:
Sean had just gotten home from school and was changing and putting his book bag away when this commercial came on. I have seen it so many times that I HAD TO sing-along! Pretty loudly! Now, when I was in high school, I sing often and I was in the school musical all four years. When Sean was in preschool, he actually told his friends at school that I was in a band eith my cousinT, Shannon.
I started singing less and less when I began teaching and as Sean got older. I started singing less maybe because of the work I put in to teaching but maybe it’s because my MS progressed. Your vocal cords are a muscle and I think the fact that I am seated all day long does not help either. Not training at Barwis Methods has greatly affected my core muscles so I can’t even sit up straight most of the time. You can’t sing if your diaphragm is compressed.
With Sean here in his bedroom, I still belted out with the singer all of the notes she hit! She sings pretty high pitched! She is a soprano. Even when I was in the height of my singing in high school, I was NOT a soprano. The other day, it really didn’t matter to me and I belted out that song regardless! Maybe I should ask Sean what he thought about it. But, he already knows that I am weird! He has thought that for a very long time!
The first time I saw a Maroon 5 in concert, ( I have seen them three times) I witnessed Adam Levine‘s insane musical talent! He completely shredded it m on the guitar and he rocked out on the drums! I always have liked people’s, “Drumming Faces” because the faces guys make when playing the drums is hot! I don’t know where this belief came from but I completely stand by it!
I am COMPLETELY in on the last season of Game of Thrones after binging the first seven seasons a couple years ago. This video showed up in my YouTube feed a few days ago:
My Mom is NOT a fan of Game of Thrones at all! She says that, “There is too much killing and all that other stuff…” Although she does not like the show, she did tell me that she thinks that the introductory song is beautiful! I texted her this video and she has since shared it with my brother and her hairdresser.
She has told me that she appreciates the cellists, “Music faces!“ Well, that’s where I get it from then! I too have that appreciation for passion expressed in people’s faces while playing an instrument; although, I just appreciated drummer‘s faces until seeing this video.
I don’t want to say that I am to sick to attend live concerts; but, reluctantly, I think I may be too sick to attend live concerts now. I will however, hold out for an intimate concert with U2 in Dublin though… I am just putting that out into the universe but I recall Adam Clayton’s face (he plays the bass) and I dug that too do you only time I saw them in concert.
My Mom told me about my Dad singing this song to her when they were newly married and I pulled it up in my Apple Music. We have been listening to it every day since Mother’s Day because I am trying to wrap my head around my Dad singing this song to my Mother. My brother, Steve, and my aunt Lissa corroborated her story and they also remembered my Dad singing it to her when they were young. Even though my brother and my aunt let me know that my Mom’s story was true, I had the hardest time envisioning it. I figured if I immersed myself in the song, and then it would be easier:
I am still having difficulty envisioning this! When you are young, your parents are just your parents and you don’t really think about them being in love. My parents were just my parents. I did, however, witness what I believe that love could be like when Sean was born and toward the end of my Dad’s life. Sean knew my dad, his, “Gandfodder” and his best friend. I have three distinct memories that show me how much they were still in love!
I’m not sure which memory comes first but I know they all happened when Sean was alive.
Sean and I came over one morning for breakfast and we always came in through their side door. Once the drawer was opened, my Dad would call to my son, “Where’s my baby?!“ as Sean ran to the living room where he was. I remember coming up those stairs and seeing my Mom making eggs. I remember her looking extremely happy, she told me that she got married last night! She recounted her dream of reliving all the events from her wedding day. I was she described everything, she looked wistful and she told me when she grabbed my Dad’s outstretched hand at the altar, everything was in color and then she woke up. I enjoyed watching her face but was sad that it ended so abruptly. She continued working at the stove and then looked at me and excited they said, “So then, I fell asleep and dreamed it again!
We both started laughing and that day they drink Orange juice from their wedding flutes and my mom kept referring to my dad as, “My husband” and my Dad called her, “My bride.” I really appreciate that I got to witness this!
My second memory is the one that I did not witness but my mom tells me the story finally. It was just after my Dad second heart surgery and he was intubated for eight days (had that tube down his throat) which was unbearable for him! My Mom told me about locking eyes with him in an attempt to calm him down. My Mom told me that they stared at each other for a very long time as my Dad began to calm down. A nurse came in to take his vitals and she recognized that she was interrupting some intimate moment between them so she looked at my Mom and told her that she would come back. I love hearing my Mom tell me about that!
My third and final memory that I hold dear is that one time, well Sean and I still lived with them, I walked into the living room to witness my parents sitting on the couch holding hands and watching TV! Actually, my Mom was watching TV and my Dad was just listening while holding my Mom’s hand. Retrospectively, I understand that my Dad’s vision had gotten pretty bad before he died but the fact that they would do something so sweet as hold hands while watching TV is the cutest thing EVER to me!
Even with these memories clear in my mind, I still can’t wrap my head around my Dad singing this song to my Mom. It’s nice for me to know that it’s true though…
Yesterday, after the dentist, and on our way to Logan‘s, my son had his phone plugged in and we were listening to music through his phone. Sean always says that he never realizes how inappropriate a song is until I am in the car with him. He constantly had to skip songs that were playing on his random shuffle. Then, we heard this song:
As I belted this song out, (and in front of Sean, I really don’t care how I sound now) I told Sean that this was my senior quote.
“Good friends we have, oh, good friends we’ve lost Along the way (hey). In this great future, You can’t forget your past So dry your tears I say“
I’ve told him before about me listening toLegend on loop in my car for a lot of months. I asked him if his school does that and he shrugged. I told him that if he does, he should use this quote because it’s great! I paused for a moment and then added, “But what do I know? I was just a dramatic teenage girl in high school back then.” Sean started to laugh!
