Month: December 2018

Crazy Sh*t

I’ve been thinking about my time working at Superstars in Fairlane mall when I was in high school. I’ve been thinking about how excited I was to see the REAL Santa as I walked around with Don.  That might’ve been the day that we stopped and had lunch at a Coney Island together.

I thought about that lunch at Coney Island today when Sean came home from the second day of taking his finals.   He got home a few minutes before 11. Once my Mom and I were finished with our morning routine (we got a late start today),  Sean asked me if I wanted him to make me some lunch. I nodded and he asked what I would like to eat. 

 My answer is what made me think of that lunch at Coney Island. I wanted grilled cheese.    I knew that I wanted something warm to eat and I also knew that we did not have a lot of groceries at my house! So, grilled cheese it was! 

That lunch I had with Don, I also ordered grilled cheese.   Sean made the grill cheese and I told him to cut it into nine pieces. When I was in high school, I had a meeting with Mr. Flint during lunch and he ate his sandwich. As we talked, I had to interject that he took really big bites of his sandwich! He laughed and told me that it takes nine bite to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I’m not sure why I told Sean to cut it into nine pieces because I think Mr. Flint was wrong! It takes MORE than nine bites to eat!

     Sean made a really good looking grilled cheese sandwich! I only pretty recently told him about my lunch with Don at Fairlane.   It was during that lunch that I ate my grilled cheese sandwich that I ordered with a knife and fork. Don had almost a mobster way of talking and it was toward the end of our lunch that he told me, “Now Jen,  i’ve seen some crazy sh*t in my life…”  to which I looked at him intently and waited for the next thing he was going to say, “But, I have NEVER seen anybody eat a grilled cheese sandwich with a fork and a knife!”

    I was 16 when Don saw me eat that grilled cheese sandwich with a fork and knife; and now, 20 years later, I STILL eat my grilled cheese with a fork and knife!    I am not sure that it is just an MS thing; I’ve never liked my fingers feeling greasy after eating a grilled cheese sandwich so that is why I eat it with a fork and knife.  But, every time I do which isn’t very often I think of Don saying that  in that Coney Island and I smile!

    The Obtuseness Continues…

    I can’t believe that in six Christmas Faves lists on my blog that I have NOT included this song!!!   It has taken me watching a new Hallmark Christmas movie three times to finally remember to add this song! 

    I’m kind of embarrassed of my obtuseness and the fact that it has taken me so long to include this song! Hopefully, I will add my forgotten songs to my Christmas Faves 2018 list before Christmas! 

    Simply Red

    This song randomly showed up in my YouTube feed and I had to share it! I shared it both on Facebook and Twitter. I tagged my two oldest brothers on Facebook with this post and received comments from numerous people on both social media sites!

    This song brings back memories of the green carpet in the living room at my parents’ house and the front door being opened while this song/video played on the TV because we did not have central air back when I was young.

     Even though it is the middle of December and I only listen to Christmas music, I have listened to this song and have played it probably close to seven or eight times thus far since posting it yesterday. It’s so good! 

    A Gem

    I’ve said before that some days I have to watch BOTH broadcasts of Good Morning Football for the simple reason that I cannot fully appreciate things that are said because I am too out of it during the first broadcast.  I ABSOLUTELY love that show and need to fully appreciate it so I watch it twice.

    I watch it just about every day and if I am with it enough during the live broadcast, I will tweet at them all the time! It really makes me feel good when any of them like or respond to my tweets!

    This morning was a rough morning but Nate Burleson said something that I absolutely loved  when he was talking about Philip Rivers and the upcoming game between the Chargers and the Chiefs that I had to tweet at him! AND he liked it!  SCORE!!!

    I may have misquoted him because like I said, it was a rough morning!  It may be *will help  instead of *helps but either way, it is DEFINITELY a gem! I think back to all that I’ve been through with this horrible disease and it will help me to “get through”  everything that is yet to come of course!

    In My Eyes

    Yesterday morning, just before Sean woke up for school, my knee popped out! It hurt really badly and I asked Sean to pop it back in before he got into the shower.   Usually, my Mom is the only one to pop my knee back in to its socket,  but she wasn’t here and it was pretty early in the morning.

    I told him how to do it and as he popped it back into place, it made the biggest crack  in doing so!  Needless to say, my knee hurt  and throbbed all day yesterday.   As I fell asleep last night, I hoped that my knee would feel better today.

    After I got into my first car accident where my car was totaled, people asked me how I felt the day after. I told them that yesterday, (the day of the accident)  I felt like I hit a pole (because I did) and today, I feel like I’ve hit two poles.

    My knee he throbbed and hurt a lot yesterday but today, it throbs and hurts even more!   When my Mom came over this morning, I told her that my knee hurts even more and that I can feel it in my eyes! She said that she can tell! My face looks like it hurts even more!

    I  would love to say that my knee has not popped out today at all but that would be a lie.  I still feel the pain in my eyes right now but it has gotten a little bit better after taking the pain meds and after hooking up my tens unit.   Since my knee has popped out again today, I’m nervous that tomorrow will be like the day after the accident that I totaled my car in!

    To say that I haven’t sung this song a few times today would be a lie…

    If you haven’t seen the  play or the movie –  don’t worry, Mimi DOESN’T die!

    Sentimental

    I have always been an overly sentimental person! Last week, my Mom and I talked about setting up our Christmas trees. CORRECTION:  we talked about my Mom setting up our Christmas trees! Remember, I just have a supervisory role when she puts mine up now!

    As she was putting the ornaments on my tree, I was recounting the stories of each one of them.   We even started talking about all of the ornaments on her tree and the memories I have regarding them! There is this purple gingerbread house cookie that looks like it would taste so good and my brothers and I used to bite it!  It NEVER tasted good!

    I also started to tell her about the tamale girls we used to have. Two girls who were made from corn husks so they looked like they were tamales. I told her that I used to take them off the tree and play with them all the time! Sometimes, a G.I. Joe would talk with them too because he was their same size!

    My Mom has always had the tamale girls for as long as I can remember. I remember that one of them (the taller one) got lost when I was in high school.   As she was decorating my tree, I asked her if she still had the one and she did!

    Saturday, my Mom brought this over to my house (on the right):

    She brought it over and put it right on the front of my tree next to my favorite ornament of Sean and his preschool school picture! I was shocked! She told me that since I had so many memories of them that I should have it on my tree! I screamed in delight and was so excited!

    She told me that it was originally on my Abuela’s tree!   Talk about sentimental!   Completely warms my heart!  I have visions of my granddaughter having it on her tree one day as well!

    Great Minds Think Alike

    My Mom got two pot roasts on sale at the grocery store.   We figured out that if she put the pot roast on to cook at my house in the morning before we started our routine, but by the time we were finished, it would be close to being done. Then she could take it to her house and her dinner would be finished!

    I don’t eat red meat anymore but it was really nice to have my house smell like my childhood because we used to eat roast all the time. It was my Dad’s favorite!   Once we were finished for the day, we added the finishing touches on my tree.

    I see, “We” but really it was just my Mom putting the stuff on as I  supervised.   The tree is just about up and finished but the lightbulb on my star burnt out. So it’s not finished just yet because my star does not light up!   As the roast finished, my Mom decided to put in a batch of biscuits because  then her dinner would be finished and my oven was already warm.

    It smelled so good that I asked my Mom if she could leave some of it and that would be dinner for Sean and me yesterday. It was a big roast and she agreed.   My Mom left a portion of the meat and potatoes in a glass dish in my warm oven and she put a few biscuits for us in a plastic container on the table.

    I have not eaten red meat in years because it makes me extremely tired but I told my Mom now that I don’t leave my house I will just fall asleep sitting in my chair more often  during the day.  I have not eaten biscuits in a long time either but those also smelled delicious!

    When Sean got home and when it was dinner time, I instructed him to get the food out of the oven. He put some meat and potatoes into a bowl to give me that would be easier to eat out of.  He brought it to me in the living room so I could look at the tree because I was extremely tired as I have been for the past few days.

    As he went back into the kitchen, he asked me if I wanted a biscuit and I told him that I did. As I sat in my chair in the living room,  Then, I  said loudly, “Just  grab them by the biscuits!”  Yeah that’s right, I was quoting Digital Underground!   Sean and I sing the same songs so many times because, surprisingly, he really digs 90s rap and I grew up in the 90s! As he was still in the kitchen,

    He told me that he said the same thing under his breath!  I  started to laugh and said, “Yeah,  because that’s really appropriate!”   He told me that’s why he said it under his breath.   I told him, “Great  minds think a like!”

    I have not realized how inappropriate songs I grew up with are until I became a mom  but here it is!

    Smiling

    I recently saw this picture  from one of my MS support groups on social media and I’ve really thought about it since then:

    It made me think of an observation Dr. Cerghet had.  People have often commented on my smile. I remember a professor commenting on it when I was an undergrad. My response to this was to say, kind of dismissively that, “My Dad paid A LOT of money for it!”   That prof listened thoughtfully to me saying this and he looked at me and said, “No,  I think it’s more than that.”

    I’m so uncomfortable with that compliment that I would tell people at work that,  “Smiling is my defense mechanism.   When I am uncomfortable, I smile.”   I am most grateful that my teeth are mostly straight having had braces in middle school. I knew that I had to work hard to bestow that gift to my son as well! He had orthodontic work longer than I did and he had two different surgeries before and  while he had them.   I love his smile too!  His Mom paid a lot of money for it!

    I was a little bit nervous for my neurology appointment that I had almost a month ago. I was nervous because I’m still trying to get comfortable with my new neurologist after Dr. Elias retired. He had been my neurologist for the past 16 years. He was super tall, had a warm smile, and a warm handshake with his huge hands!

    I first saw Dr. Cerghet  last May but her intern performed all of the  parts of the physical exam. I met with her very briefly after the examination was finished.

    This time, however, she did not have an intern. She performed the physical examination herself and she talked with me and my Mom about how things have been progressing with my MS.   During this talk and the examination, I smiled. It was partly because I was a little bit nervous because I haven’t had a new neurologist in 16 years but also because my Mom and I work  together SO closely dealing with the progression of my disease now that she stopped working to be my full-time caregiver.   I talk with her (my Mom) so much about the progression of my disease and we deal with it together accordingly.

    I told Dr. Cerghet that I was comfortable with my handling of the disease thus far. She placed her hand (which is a lot smaller than Dr. Elias) lightly on my knee (my good one) and looked at me with compassionate eyes and smiled.   She told me that she agrees that we are handling my disease well, “Because [I]  i’m smiling.”   She said that a few times during my exam and the examination was only slightly a little more difficult than it has been since I used to walk down the hall 17 years ago. I don’t walk down the hall any longer but I still complete the same tasks of touching my nose and then touching her fingertip that is in front of me among other tasks.

    From the moment I left her office almost a month ago, to seeing this picture on one of my MS support groups, to writing this blog post, I thought it strange that she commented on me smiling. It brought back all of the comments I have received regarding my smile and reading that picture that was posted, that is something to comment on! I am still smiling with my Mom’s help!

    There really is NOT much to smile about when you have MS but I still manage to do so with my Mom’s help and care!  Seeing that Dr. Cerghet sees so many people with MS, the fact that I am still smiling is something that is rare given how far my disease has progressed!

    I still KNOW that my Dad paid a lot of money for my smile but  I also think that it could be something more…

    NSMW 2014

    Because I have finally reviewed my blog posts and edited the first two pages of the Barwis Methods tab, I  saw blog posts that I posted in 2013 and 2014.   They were blog posts about walking and  both Jesse and Adam.   I remembered that I had written a post that had the links to songs that reminded me of both of them  early on as I started my blog.  That was when I started my Tunes tab.   I went back and reviewed this tab from 2013 and 2014. I made a playlist on Apple Music.

    I won’t listen to it just now because I am into the Christmas spirit and I am only listening to the playlist I made of my Christmas Faves.   As I downloaded all of the songs from the beginning of my Tunes tab, I downloaded songs from November 2013 and all of 2014. It is comprised of 115 songs and it lasts for 7 hours and 25 minutes  and it is quite the eclectic mix!

    There were three songs that I could not download as I made my playlist. I searched the songs on YouTube and here are the three songs that are NOT in my playlist;

    August 2014 Faves

    Unscrew you – Rachele Royale

    I tried my best to find this song and just reading the title of the song, I could not remember it. I was able to finally find it in a roundabout way on vimeo.   I was unable to share this song though.

    I did find a video of her hearing this song on the radio. She screams really loud a whole lot but I think that I would do the same thing if I heard myself singing on the radio (which I never will by the way!)

    I posted that video because hearing the few bars of this song before her and her friends scream really loud refresh my memory a bit. It’s not a big deal that that’s not on my playlist though!

    I was able to find the other two songs though. Here they are:

    Posted September 2, 2014.

    Throwback School Year Tunes

    Medicate the kids

    July 2014 Faves

    The Madden Brothers

    I put these songs on my blog so I still will be able to access them also because I cannot find them on Apple Music.

    “This Makes Me Happy!”

    To make my morning routine go a little more smoothly, I  made an Apple Music Christmas playlist. I put Wham! on it four different times! Before we start, I put it on shuffle and my Mom laughs because every time I hear the beginning bars of Wham!; I smile and gasp!

    I added four songs to the playlist last night:

    Gloria Estefan reminds my Mom (and me) of my aunt Rita.  She died when I was eight.   This was a  Christmas album that I remembered listening to in my younger days.

    One more song that  I added to my Christmas playlist was one that my Mom told me that she liked and reminded her of my Dad.   When she told me that, I told her that I didn’t want to hear it. As I was downloading the songs last night, I told Sean that this song reminds Abuela of Grandfather and he said, “That’s enough!”   I exclaimed that that was what I told her but it’s not like that.  At least that’s what my Mom told me.

    The four songs that I added, played in this order today sprinkled between my favorite Christmas songs.   When we were finished and I was transferring back to my wheelchair,  my Mom told me that, “This makes me happy!”   It made me happy too!