I recently saw this picture from one of my MS support groups on social media and I’ve really thought about it since then:
It made me think of an observation Dr. Cerghet had. People have often commented on my smile. I remember a professor commenting on it when I was an undergrad. My response to this was to say, kind of dismissively that, “My Dad paid A LOT of money for it!” That prof listened thoughtfully to me saying this and he looked at me and said, “No, I think it’s more than that.”
I’m so uncomfortable with that compliment that I would tell people at work that, “Smiling is my defense mechanism. When I am uncomfortable, I smile.” I am most grateful that my teeth are mostly straight having had braces in middle school. I knew that I had to work hard to bestow that gift to my son as well! He had orthodontic work longer than I did and he had two different surgeries before and while he had them. I love his smile too! His Mom paid a lot of money for it!
I was a little bit nervous for my neurology appointment that I had almost a month ago. I was nervous because I’m still trying to get comfortable with my new neurologist after Dr. Elias retired. He had been my neurologist for the past 16 years. He was super tall, had a warm smile, and a warm handshake with his huge hands!
I first saw Dr. Cerghet last May but her intern performed all of the parts of the physical exam. I met with her very briefly after the examination was finished.
This time, however, she did not have an intern. She performed the physical examination herself and she talked with me and my Mom about how things have been progressing with my MS. During this talk and the examination, I smiled. It was partly because I was a little bit nervous because I haven’t had a new neurologist in 16 years but also because my Mom and I work together SO closely dealing with the progression of my disease now that she stopped working to be my full-time caregiver. I talk with her (my Mom) so much about the progression of my disease and we deal with it together accordingly.
I told Dr. Cerghet that I was comfortable with my handling of the disease thus far. She placed her hand (which is a lot smaller than Dr. Elias) lightly on my knee (my good one) and looked at me with compassionate eyes and smiled. She told me that she agrees that we are handling my disease well, “Because [I] i’m smiling.” She said that a few times during my exam and the examination was only slightly a little more difficult than it has been since I used to walk down the hall 17 years ago. I don’t walk down the hall any longer but I still complete the same tasks of touching my nose and then touching her fingertip that is in front of me among other tasks.
From the moment I left her office almost a month ago, to seeing this picture on one of my MS support groups, to writing this blog post, I thought it strange that she commented on me smiling. It brought back all of the comments I have received regarding my smile and reading that picture that was posted, that is something to comment on! I am still smiling with my Mom’s help!
There really is NOT much to smile about when you have MS but I still manage to do so with my Mom’s help and care! Seeing that Dr. Cerghet sees so many people with MS, the fact that I am still smiling is something that is rare given how far my disease has progressed!
I still KNOW that my Dad paid a lot of money for my smile but I also think that it could be something more…