This morning, when I opened my eyes, my body hurt and my knee hurt. I knew it was an MS pain and in addition, it was a surgically repaired meniscus pain. My Mom came over and got me out of bed. I sat in my living room in silence. I did not turn on my “Gameday Morning” guys on NFL network but rather just stared off into space.
I thought about how bad it would be if I did not get clean at all today and just have dirty hair and it dirty body. In 17 years, I have always felt the need to be clean. But this morning, I actually thought about just staying dirty. As I thought about this, Sean woke up and started to come out of his room. He stopped in his bedroom doorway I looked at my face.
He asked me what I was doing staring off into space with a strange look on my face. I shifted my eyes slightly so as to make eye contact with him. I mostly just mouthed the words, “It Hurts.” He opened his arms and began to walk toward me. I could feel sobs beginning in my chest as I pulled my arms in close to me. Sean put his arms around me and let out an, “Awww!!” As he drew me in closely.
As he did this, I was overwhelmed and my shoulders began to shake as silent sobs raged in my body and hot tears streamed down my cheeks. He hugged me for a while as I tried to compose myself. It always takes me a while for my body to, “Warm up,” but Sean really hasn’t seen this. Normally, he’s at school. He hasn’t really witnessed my slow start morning. This morning was an exceptionally bad morning though.
It was difficult, but I am clean! My Mom was here! She can make sure anything gets done even though as I blow dried my hair, I cried. Today is an exceptionally bad day because even as I write this, it hurts and I know it is not just because the Lions lost.