Month: May 2016

So, I felt “off” on Thursday.  It was an unspoken agreement that we would do table work that day.  Nick loosened my legs and then he helped me transfer to the table.  Normally, when he eases me out of my chair and onto my feet, I can stand as he helps me swivel so I can sit onto the table.  But on this “off” Thursday, when he eased me out of my chair, my legs gave out, buckled, and bent.  Nick is quite strong and I was grateful for this fact at this point.  He caught me when my knees buckled and he got me onto the table anyway.

Once on the table, I was quiet.  We did PNFs and I think I did well.  The “Fit Class” was there as always so the music is a little bit different but I guess that is the norm now; either way, I don’t mind.  As I am quietly being stretched and doing some PNFs; Berlin came on.  “Take My Breath Away.”  Top Gun.  I never told Nick about this.  I’m sure I told Phil and Mike Rhoades, maybe even Mike Morfitt.  I told Nick how scandalous this movie was for me once I heard this song.  As you should know, I think I was like 6 or 7 and it was the first time I saw tongue kissing.  I had seen kissing on TV before but I didn’t know you were supposed to do that!  I was COMPLETELY scandalized!

The song continued and I didn’t think about Berlin as I heard it playing, rather I thought of Jessica Simpson.  It was summer and Sean was 2.  I had recently bought the Jessica Simpson CD and she covered this song.  I listened to her cover of this song often.  A vivid memory that came to mind was driving to my cousin’s house with my window down.  My hair was longer, past my shoulders but not quite to my elbows.  I stayed in this memory a long while, while the song played because it was SO vastly different from me now.

First of all, I was driving.  I can’t do that anymore.  I was driving with the window down with my hair blowing everywhere.   I can now longer handle wind blowing on me at all.  It’s the sensory thing and the fact that I can’t control my body temperature.  I would freeze!  I didn’t have sunglasses on.  Now, because I have Optic Neuritis in both eyes, I  wear sunglasses  EVERY TIME I am outside like I’m in the movie, Book of Eli. I tried to stay in this memory even after the song was over but it was just so different from my current situation.  It seemed like someone else’s life.  My time was up and I was grateful that my body felt somewhat normal or at least better than when I came… regardless of how fleeting this feeling will be… MS sucks!

My Mom pushed me over to the tables and Nick asked me if I wanted to stretch or go to the shuttle.  Well, I wanted to go to the shuttle but Nick pointed out that I hadn’t stretched for two weeks.  He’s the professional so I completely agree with whatever he thinks.  He decided we would do table work.  I sat in my chair and he worked my legs.  As he loosened my legs and I got on the table, I began to see the importance of table work.

I hadn’t realized how tight or “static-y” my legs were, I guess I’ve just gotten used it; but slowly, they began to relax.  As Nick stretched my legs, slowly but surely they began to melt.  We did some PNFs and they further melted and almost felt normal.  I told Nick that I hadn’t banked on still not walking almost three years after coming to Barwis to which he replied simply, “It’s a process.”  I silently smiled with a nod.

He helped me into my car and I knew I would sleep well!  Once I was seated with my legs in the car, he told me to have a good night.  I smiled and told him that table work was a “Good Call” just before he closed the door.  On the way home, I smiled because my legs felt SO GOOD!  I closed my eyes because I realized that walking is my ultimate goal and how long that will take I’m not sure but in the meantime, table work is a “Good Call.”

So, I didn’t make it to Barwis on Tuesday.  By Thursday, it was obvious!  I got into Barwis by the tables and Nick asked if I wanted to go to the shuttle or work at the table.  I told him I wasted to go to the shuttle but I was tight.  Nick told me that he would stretch me out in my chair by the shuttle and when I was loose enough, I’d get on the shuttle.  My legs were PRETTY tight but Nick worked hard to get them loose enough to get on the shuttle.  It took some time but when they loosened up enough, Nick got me on it by himself.

He put 3 bands on so my legs could bend.  He had me push with all 3 bands on to activate my muscles.  I pushed, but I didn’t go anywhere.  I did this a few times and then Nick took a band off.  I kinda, almost moved with 2 bands a few times but I could actually do a complete extension with one.  It was a little difficult but I managed to do 2 sets of 20 with a rest in between.  This time, I rested with my knees bent to get a good stretch in.  For my next set, Nick wanted me to do something a little different.

He wanted me to extend all the way up; but on the way down, as I bent my knees, he had me pause and hold it halfway down before extending my legs fully.  With that pause, it would enable more muscle  fibers to activate before I extended my legs again.  As Nick told me this, he kind of interlocked the tips of his fingers in a succession.  Jesse told me that years ago with the same hand motion.  It makes even more sense now.  After each extension, on my way slowly down, Nick would tell me to, “Hold” and I would stop and my legs would shake and I would squeeze the handles at my sides as if doing that would make this easier.  I did 2 sets of 20 of these.

Then, Nick pulled that last band off and told me to, “Bust ’em out!”  So I tried to extend my legs quickly because there were NO bands.  The operative word here is “tried.”  I thought this would be easy but when I pushed I didn’t go anywhere.  So, I squeezed the handles and my eyes shut, grabbed my guts and slowly “busted them out.”  I got 10 and Nick encouraged me to do 5 more.  After I did that, I asked Nick how many that was.  He said 15. I looked at him and said, “I GOTTA make it 100!”  With the 40 regular and 40 with the “hold”  and 15 with no band that would only make 95.  So, I busted out 5 more.

Then, I was CRAZY TIRED.  My whole body felt like Jell-O!  Nick called the new intern, Austin over to help me back into my chair.  Austin was from Virginia and he had red hair.  He admitted to having a southern drawl.  I wanted to comment on that and his hair but I was SO DARN TIRED that I just remained quiet and let Nick put me back in my chair.  Austin will be at Barwis all summer so there’s time.  Once in my chair, I felt my arms go limp and my quads and hamstrings felt worked, warm, and SO tired.

I slept SO well and woke up to my legs aching.  It was a “marathon running” ache.  A dull throb in my quads and hamstrings.  I will take this feeling over the TV static feeling that has been the norm in my legs for the past 15 years.  I welcomed this feeling.  I haven’t felt anything like this in SO long!  I really dug it!

We were running a bit late so my Mom pushed me into Barwis over to the black table.  Nick was kind of on the other side of the gym and told us to make out way over to the shuttle.  I looked back over my right shoulder and told my Mom that she HAD to see this.  She wheeled me over and it was just Nick getting me on to the shuttle.  I was excited and wondered where Nico was.  Nick got me on the shuttle and situated.  Just then, he came of the break room with his stuff.  He was leaving.  He asked when I would be there again.  I told him Tuesday and we wished each other a good weekend.

Nick had me bend my legs, he used his foot to pull me down toward the platform so my knees would bend just to start.  I started pushing with ease because there was no band on.  It was a little difficult to bend my legs but I was able to.  I did 10 of these.  I did them well and Nick was pleased.  He looked at me and encouraged me to do 10 more.  I did.  I felt really good and made me happy that my Mom was here to see me.  Megan walked by to see me do my second set of 20 with ease.  She looked at my legs and exclaimed, “There it is!” and smiled. I smiled too along with Nick.

I could feel my legs getting warm.  A good warm and that made me smile more.  Nick had me do another set.  Wow!  I haven’t felt productive like this in a LONG time!  For my last set, Nick had to pull me down a bit with his foot but I could straighten up nicely on my own.  He got me back into my chair and told me that I did a total of 80.  I didn’t even care that they were band-less because they felt SO good!

I asked my Mom what she thought on our way to my house.  She smiled, nodded, and said, “Good!”  I asked her if it looked like I could control my legs and she said, “Yes.”  Hearing that made me feel so good!  I was happy and my legs were warm and tired as I drove home.

I wheeled myself over to the black table and when Nick came over, he asked how I was feeling.  I felt alright.  He said he wanted to start at the shuttle.  I told him I was game.  He wheeled me over and Nico and Nick helped me get onto it.  My legs were straight and stiff.  Nick was having a really hard time attempting to bend them.  Nico too.  Nick decided to put some bands on the shuttle to force my legs to bend.  They did.  I asked Nick if he put 500 on there, he replied, “Something like that.”  I think it was 3.

Once my legs bent, Nick told me to push up.  I obviously wasn’t going anywhere but he wanted me to activate my muscles.  I did that a few times and then he took a band off.  He had me activate again and I got the slightest movement.  He took off another band and wanted me to activate again.  This time, with one band, I was able to push up a little bit.  Nick told me that he was okay with a quarter push but I knew I had a good one in me.   I bent my legs back to the starting position and sure enough, I had a good one in me!  It’s STILL true!  First is the worst and second is the best!

i did 20 extensions with one band and with my legs straight, Nick said we would rest.  Nico asked what my illness was and how it affects my body.  I explained how there is a civil war going on in my body and my immune system is kicking my nervous system’s butt.  I explained how it was explained to me 15 years ago, how my spinal cord is like an extension cord and for some unknown reason, it’s all broken up and my raw nerves are exposed.  My immune system has never seen my raw nerves and it thinks they are something bad so it attacks them ultimately breaking up communication between my brain and my muscles.  Then I told him that I’ve been working on getting that communication back for almost three years here at Barwis.

Nick took a band off and had me bend and straighten my legs again.  I asked him if this was no-banded kind of disappointed.  He nodded and said, “You gotta start somewhere!”  I did 15 more before I rested again.  Nick told me I was going to do single leg extensions next.  I asked Nico where he was from in Germany.  Düsseldorf.  He old me it was in the Midwest.

How cool was that?!  I’ve never known someone from Germany!  He had already told me how he had heard of Barwis Methods during our first conversation.  He told me about watching YouTube videos just after the Seahawks won the Super Bowl and how he saw that Richard Sherman came here and I told him that I could have met him if I didn’t chicken out because I saw him.  He held my right leg off the platform as I did 2 sets of leg presses with my left leg.  A total of 35.  Then Nick held my left leg  off while I did 35 on my right.  Nick put my foot back on the platform so I could rest with my legs straight.  I told Nick that my legs felt warm and tired.  Tired, like I worked my muscles not tired of the static feeling I feel in my legs all of the time.  This felt really good!

 

I missed Tuesday and Nico and Landis had already left when I got to Barwis on Thursday.  It was just me and Nick.  He loosened me up in my chair before we got me onto the black table.  Nick was sick, he kept sneezing and I felt bad.  I HATE IT when I’m sick!  He still worked hard and worked me hard as well.  It kind of is the “norm” now to do 1/4 pushes in quick succession.  I did A LOT of these!  I switched legs as I laid on my back and they felt good.

He had me roll onto my side and we continued the quick PNFs with me pushing my leg out and pulling it in on his command.  I REALLY dig this quick movement.  I like that now there isn’t a noticeable delay when he tells me to move my legs.  It’s taken nearly 3 years but it seems as if pathways are being set, or should I say re-set.  It feels good that I think my brain is beginning to communicate with my legs again.  That was a communication I took for granted and NEVER thought I would lose.  Once it was lost, I NEVER thought I would get it back… but look what seems to be happening!  I guess this movement makes it easier believe what Mike said that first day and everyone at Barwis since.

As I finished these pushes and pulls on the other side, my time was up.  I was tired!  Nick helped me with my jacket but I told him that my Mom would help me get into the car.  He needed to go home to rest and I was his last appointment.  My Mom was already in the car so I rolled outside as she got out of the car and moved to the other side to help me into the passenger’s side.  I went around the back of the car and when we met by the door, she looked up and exclaimed, “Look at your face!” I don’t know if she said it was red or pink but when I gave her a tired smile and told her that I worked hard, she said that my face looked, “Sun-kissed.”  That made me feel good!

I got to Barwis and Nick stretched me out in my chair before I got on the black table which is the norm.  He stretched me out on the black table and we did some PNFs.  As he continued to stretch me and challenge my leg muscles to move, it felt better and better.  Since coming back to Barwis, even though I only come twice a week now, my legs have been loosening up faster.  It’s nice that the tight feeling is made to feel better pretty quickly.

It was Thursday, so Nico (the new intern from Germany) came over to make plans with Nick for the weekend.  Nick told me he was from Germany but I hadn’t talked to him other than saying, “Bye” as he was leaving.  As Nick was stretching me out, Nico started talking with him.  Whoa, whoa, whoa!?!  I have never heard English with a German accent.  It sounds pretty cool!  Nico left to get his stuff and I told Nick that I had never heard Nico talk!

I really dig accents!  I especially dig hearing them in this particular situation at Barwis.  I’ve heard Alex and Gorgi who were from Georgia and Kenny from Scotland but I also get tell them how it feels to have MS and they can watch me and my trainer work to get me walking.  Now I can add Nico from Germany to my international contacts.  Well, I haven’t really heard Nico at all a whole lot YET but he’s going to be here for three months.

Nick helped me into my car and my legs felt SO GOOD!  My Mom backed the car up and I told her that my legs felt really good as we pulled away toward the dumpster.  I STILL park in the back, something that feels so normal to me now but I remembered back when Phil told me to start parking back here and I thought it was SO WEIRD do so.  Now, I can’t imagine NOT doing so.  As we got onto the freeway, I told my Mom that my legs felt normal.  They have only felt “normal” three other instances in the past 15 years.  The first time with Parker, then with Jesse, then with Phil, and now with Nick.  I just wished the feeling lasted longer than it does.  Patience… then it will!

I was concerned before I got to Barwis and I talked to Nick about it when I got there.  My feet were turning inward which made it nearly impossible to stand and transfer.  I was concerned by this new development but when I told Nick, he had the thinking face that everyone at Barwis has given me at one point in time and then kind of nodded and new exactly what to do.  Here is what my feet looked like:

*NOTE: I COMPLETELY understand NOW why some people are totally grossed out by feet!  In trying to find a picture of how my feet looked, I saw A LOT of GROSS feet!  Lots of hairy legs!  I’m excited that the hair on my legs is beginning to grow again because I have blood flow in my legs but, I GET IT now!  I’ve never been grossed out by feet but…

   

As Nick explained it, my feet were inverted and in the supinated state.  He stretched my feet to get them in the pronation state.  He started speaking this other language as he stretched my feet “out” because the were “in.”  I marveled as he effortlessly said all these words that I had never heard before; he REALLY knows his stuff.  I asked him why this was happening and he had sort of a pained look on his face when he said, “MS.”  Oh!  Yeah.  Another reason for MS to stink!

As my feet loosened up and felt better and began looking like normal feet should, I got on the black table (with Nick’s help OF COURSE!)  I laid on my back as we did some PNFs.  Now, because I am at 7:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, there is a “Fit Class” from Schoolcraft college there.  It is a group of older adults so the music is different.  I laid on my back and for the first time, I heard one of my ultimate, favorite songs!  It was a U2 song.  It was “Pride (In the Name of Love)“!  I told Nick that it was a monumental moment because it was the first time I heard a U2 song at Barwis.  I remembered singing it at the top of my lungs on my 22nd birthday weekend with my brother, Jimmy, at JP West’s.  I laughed and told Nick that story.  So, this was a GOOD day!  Not only do my feet feel better, but;I heard one of  my favorite songs!