So, I felt “off” on Thursday. It was an unspoken agreement that we would do table work that day. Nick loosened my legs and then he helped me transfer to the table. Normally, when he eases me out of my chair and onto my feet, I can stand as he helps me swivel so I can sit onto the table. But on this “off” Thursday, when he eased me out of my chair, my legs gave out, buckled, and bent. Nick is quite strong and I was grateful for this fact at this point. He caught me when my knees buckled and he got me onto the table anyway.
Once on the table, I was quiet. We did PNFs and I think I did well. The “Fit Class” was there as always so the music is a little bit different but I guess that is the norm now; either way, I don’t mind. As I am quietly being stretched and doing some PNFs; Berlin came on. “Take My Breath Away.” Top Gun. I never told Nick about this. I’m sure I told Phil and Mike Rhoades, maybe even Mike Morfitt. I told Nick how scandalous this movie was for me once I heard this song. As you should know, I think I was like 6 or 7 and it was the first time I saw tongue kissing. I had seen kissing on TV before but I didn’t know you were supposed to do that! I was COMPLETELY scandalized!
The song continued and I didn’t think about Berlin as I heard it playing, rather I thought of Jessica Simpson. It was summer and Sean was 2. I had recently bought the Jessica Simpson CD and she covered this song. I listened to her cover of this song often. A vivid memory that came to mind was driving to my cousin’s house with my window down. My hair was longer, past my shoulders but not quite to my elbows. I stayed in this memory a long while, while the song played because it was SO vastly different from me now.
First of all, I was driving. I can’t do that anymore. I was driving with the window down with my hair blowing everywhere. I can now longer handle wind blowing on me at all. It’s the sensory thing and the fact that I can’t control my body temperature. I would freeze! I didn’t have sunglasses on. Now, because I have Optic Neuritis in both eyes, I wear sunglasses EVERY TIME I am outside like I’m in the movie, Book of Eli. I tried to stay in this memory even after the song was over but it was just so different from my current situation. It seemed like someone else’s life. My time was up and I was grateful that my body felt somewhat normal or at least better than when I came… regardless of how fleeting this feeling will be… MS sucks!