Month: December 2014

I was late again to Barwis.  Dan asked if I didn’t have to work.  I told him that I didn’t and then he asked why I can’t be on time.  I kind of shrugged and said that I’m off schedule and I just can’t seem to “kick it in the a**!”  We laughed as Mike pushed me over to the blue table.  A few weeks ago Mike and I were talking as he was stretching my ankles I think I answered one of his questions with, “I have a GREAT smile!”  I have responded with this statement many times in my life as if it is a serious answer and will solve the problem at hand.  It usually is followed with laughter.  Mike looked at me and responded, “That’s debatable.”  I began to laugh loudly when he said this.

Once I was on the table on Monday, Mike began stretching my ankles and I told him about my conversation once with Adam when I said that my body can’t handle NOT seeing him for a week.  My legs get painfully tight and sometimes swell.  I told Mike that my legs began to swell over this past weekend (because I hadn’t seen him since last Monday because of the holiday) and he told me that it’s because he has a magic touch.  He looked at me and smiled because he was joking and I looked back at him and smiled and said, “That’s debatable.”  And then we both laughed.

I laid back and he began to put me in the, “Ooh Doggie!” stretch.  It was not as intense as it has been in the past and I asked him about it.  He agreed that it is a bit easier so there IS progress.  Mike put me in my car (kind of) because my legs were Jell-O but my knees bent easily.   As I drove home; they felt better – so it IS progress and that is NOT debatable.

I was running late to get to Barwis on Monday.  I didn’t have to work (It was the 1st day of Christmas Break) and I spent the day lazily watching TV.  (Mike told me that he could tell (my legs were PRETTY tight)).  I opened the door to Mike clicking his teeth at me because I was late.  I hurriedly put my hat, gloves, and my Dad’s Army jacket on the chairs and headed over to the blue table as is the custom now.  I laid on my back and Mike started to put me in the infamous “Oh Doggie!” stretch.  This stretch is still intense and Mike let out a low “Ooh Doggie.”  He did this a few times and asked me if I was going to say it.  I said that I was just going to “suffer in silence” through gritted teeth with my eyes squeezed tightly shut as he pressed his right hand on my left shoulder.  I was COMPLETELY thinking “Ooh Doggie!” but I wasn’t going to say it.  Mike was having too much fun making fun of me and saying it a bunch of times.

I remember telling Jesse once that he wasn’t like one of my brothers or one of my colleagues or one of my friends but there was a stronger “something” of how I felt about him; he was helping me to walk again.  That was mind-blowing for me!!!  I don’t remember specifically the day where I got really comfortable with Jesse but it was early on, with Adam too (Well yeah – I called him “Phil”).   Barwis is the one place in the world where I feel completely comfortable in my hope to walk again.  ALL the men who have worked with me (Jesse, Phil, and now Mike) ALL have felt how tight my legs can be and have stretched me with great exertion to loosen them up and they have ALL picked me up.  (This is a BIG thing because I KNOW I’m pretty hefty!).

I have felt close to my previous trainers, Jesse and Phil.  Mike became my trainer the Monday AFTER Thanksgiving and here it was, the Monday BEFORE Christmas and Mike was completely comfortable enough to make fun of my “Ooh Doggie”s.  In a strange way, it kind of gave me a certain level of comfort.  I have many fond memories of laughing with Jesse and Phil (mostly at my expense) over the past 16 months and now I have a memory of laughing with Mike (at my expense) and that is comfort for me.

I got in to Barwis a little bit early and was in the middle of an intense text conversation when Mike comes over and asks if I’m crying.  I backed up into the bathroom to make sure that I wasn’t.  Deeds walked by to check on me.  I was just blowing my nose!  So, I laid on my back on the blue table when it was my time and Mike had both of my knees stretched out to my right with his left hand and then he made sure that my left shoulder was on the mat with his right hand.  Now this particular stretch was INTENSE!!!  I just kept yelling “Ooh Doggie!”  I was trying to talk myself through it.  I told Mike that sound effects help (me get through it) and he kept asking if I was 5 and telling me to, “Shut up!”

Next, Mike had me lay on my stomach and was stretching my legs behind me so that my heels were close to my butt.  In high school, when I tore my ACL, I was stretched the same way after surgery by my physical therapist.  I remember that it hurt but I’m pretty sure that it didn’t hurt this much!!!  It took Megan commenting on my screaming for me to really realize how loud it was.  I really wish that that stretch would be the last time that my legs would be that tight and the last time that it would hurt that badly… But I KNOW that it’s not.

Mike took me out to my car.  My legs were extremely tired!  I opened the driver’s side door and repeated in my head: Stand. Grab. Turn. Sit.  I tried once.  No dice.  I had to sit back in my chair.  Take two.  Mike gave me some assistance to stand but again, no dice.  I thought that “3’s a charm” and I tried a third time.  I was up on my own, I grabbed the steering wheel, I turned, and when I sat, I undershot it and didn’t land on the driver’s seat.  Mike helped me get in to my car and as he did, my knees bent and Mike was able to get them in my car easily so I guess it IS progressive!

I felt better on Wednesday but my legs started to tighten up as I laid back on the blue table.  I told Mike that that usually happens but it’s good because he’s there  to make me feel better.  We did a form of hypers where he had me lay back as far as I could from a sitting position and then sit up.  I did those really well and I was proud of myself!!!  Apparently, all of those crunches that I’ve been doing (the idea originated with Jesse, continued with Phil, and now I just keep it up out of habit).

Then he put a big medicine ball between my knees as he worked on my abductors.  I could feel the muscles working in my butt and outer thighs.  We worked some more and the feeling I was feeling changed into pain.  It was a sore muscle pain that really is a good thing.  We finished and Mike had me scoot to the edge of the table so he can put me back in my chair.  I began to feel sick so I told him to hang on a minute.  I have only felt sick at Barwis a few times but I remember Phil telling me that it was a good thing so…  I just waited for the sick feeling to leave so I’d be sure not get sick everywhere.

Mike took me outside and I was able to “Stand, grab, turn, and sit” ALL ON MY OWN AGAIN.!!!  Mike just has to get my feet in but it’s good that my knees bend on their own now.  I woke up Thursday morning to my legs hurting but it took me a few minutes to realize that the hurting wasn’t just pain but sore muscle pain and that’s a good thing.

Yesterday, I woke up NOT feeling well.  Having MS for SO long (going on 14 years), I always wake up with some discomfort but I couldn’t remember feeling this badly.  I got up and got ready for work.  I was extremely slow in the shower and getting dressed.  I sat at the table for a LONG time before I even put my contacts in.  Man – this is rough!!!  When I got to work, 3 people told me that I looked “tired.”  “Tired” is code word for I look like sh*t and EVERYONE knows it!  But I felt it so there was NO arguing.  I texted Phil that I wanted to cry – not even scream – just cry.

I told Mike that my body hurt which was A LOT different from last week but it’s the perils of having MS.  This stinks!  Mike stretched me out extremely well on the blue table.  It was QUITE intense at times but I gasped and breathed through it and Mike didn’t let up.  My legs loosened up and he had me  bend my knees and move both of my knees/hips from side to side.  He put me into my chair and took me outside.

I went through Phil’s 4 step process again and I WAS ABLE TO DO IT!!!  Mike helped me with my feet but my knees bent on their own and I told him that he was lucky that he didn’t have to do Phil’s “bends.”  I drove home with my legs relaxed and my hips and outer thighs kind of hurt but it’s a good pain NOT like the morning!

It has rained ALL DAY today as well.  Man – this is ROUGH!!!

Humidity was at 65%.  My hair handled it okay but my legs – not so much.  My legs were tight but not as tight as they have been.  Getting in to Barwis (Connor helped me), i made my way to the chairs.    When I got there, I saw a dad who I hadn’t seen for a while.  It was the same dad who asked me if I really did 600 squats.  We both recognized each other and after our greetings, he asked me where my boy, Adam, was.  I told him that I knew and then his next statement baffled me a bit.  He said, ‘You’re heartbroken, Aren’t you?”  It was more of a statement rather than a question.  I didn’t know how to answer that question.  It COMPLETELY sucks that I haven’t seen Phil in so long but I’ve said before that I like Mike and I have to keep my eye on the ball.  I WILL walk!!!

It was my time and Mike REALLY stretched my legs and hips out!  My butt REALLY hurt!  After the GREAT stretch to loosen me up, before my time was up, Mike had me lay flat on my back and bring my knees up with my feet still on the table.  I did it nicely 4 times.  I won’t say that it was easy because it wasn’t.  He told me to do it again and I had difficulty.  My right leg was true to form once again as my “poop leg” and it was EXTREMELY difficult to bring my right knee up.  I said, “Reset, reset” as I straightened my legs again.  Let’s try again.  I tried.  No dice.  “Reset, reset” AGAIN!  This time I squeezed my eyes shut even harder and gritted my teeth even more and I was able to bring both of my knees up to Mike’s satisfaction.  There.  I KNEW I could get 5 with my double reset!  Actually, I think it was Mike’s encouragement that gave me the edge.

I was EXTREMELY tired and Mike stretched me out further.  I asked about the band he was wearing.  Phil wore bands.  Mike had a white “WIN FOREVER” band and he explained what it meant to me.  Interesting.  He took me out to my car and I explained Phil’s 4-step process for me to get into my car.  “Stand. Grab.  Turn.  Sit.”  I told Mike that he was there to spot me and that I have trouble with the “turn” part sometimes.  Well, I DIDN’T this time.  I got in ALL BY MYSELF!!!  I stowed my chair and told Mike that I may need help getting my feet in the car.  I can get them about 90% in on my own.  I just need help with that last push.  This time I did and Mike helped.  It felt good that I was able to get my knees up the 5 times I did (even though I needed a double reset).  My shirt was NOT sweat-drenched, my face was not sweaty and red, and I was NOT gasping for breath as is the case as I have seen those high schoolers running sprints at the end of there workouts but I promise that I worked just as hard!

Deeds pulled me into Barwis after I transferred and opened the door on my own.  I just can’t seem to get all the way in on my own!  It’s a little bit frustrating but it’s good to know that I have people there who will help me out.  My legs were pretty tight yesterday.  The humidity was at 65% so my hair handled it okay but my legs – not so much!  On the table, my legs arched AGAIN and my quads burned in pain.  Methodically, Mike worked and stretched my legs to relax them.  This time, my LEFT leg was my “poop leg” and was NOT relaxing!  He apologized that I was not standing or walking today but I understood.  It will come.  Just not today.  I was just SO happy that my legs finally relaxed and weren’t screaming and burning in pain.

He stretched me until my time was up.  My legs felt so good that I was nervous how they would feel the next morning (this morning and they feel REALLY GOOD and I slept well last night).  I told him about Jesse and Phil being “ice-breakers” and wondered aloud if he would be one as well.  Connor took me out to my car again and I got in ALL BY MYSELF – AGAIN.  I texted Phil because I was SO excited.  He said that I did a, “Good Job” and that it’s good and I’m already getting better.  I told him that I have turned a corner.

But, I may have turned a corner but who REALLY knows where this path leads?  Ultimately, I WILL get to the end which is walking but this a VERY intricate maze I currently am in.  I’ve turned corners before just to be faced with a difficult obstacle.  I don’t know all  that this maze entails but I signed up to solve it a LONG time ago… So bring it!

Yesterday, I felt pretty good at work.  My legs were relaxed on my drive in and remained that way all day at school.  It wasn’t until I got off of the freeway at Sheldon that I could feel my legs start to tighten a little.  I was still able to transfer out of my chair and get mostly up the ramp.  I had decided to wheel up the ramp backwards (it’s a bit easier) but Megan saw me struggling and pulled me in the rest of the way.

I got on the blue table and laid on my back and I truly began to feel how tight my legs had gotten.  I couldn’t lay flat on the table and my legs kind of bowed in an arch in the air.  Mike began stretching my ankles out to loosen them up.  Before I laid back on the table, he said he wanted to get me standing and maybe walking on Friday.  He asked how that sounded to me and I thought it sounded wonderful!!!  But my body had different ideas.  It started to become apparent to me that standing wasn’t going to happen when my legs would resist Mike’s stretch and involuntarily bend at the knee.  Mike would look at me and say, “Aww Boooo!”  Which I began to say as well every time my legs did it.

As Mike was stretching me, the high school group was running timed sprints.  A LOT of them!  Dan was calling out the time in seconds as they ran past me.  I could see their sweat drenched shirts and their red, sweaty faces running by.  All of them (both boys and girls) were panting and gasping for air as they kept running.  I told Mike that I could NEVER do that!  Push myself THAT hard!  But just as the words were out of my mouth, I realized that is what I do EVERY DAY.  I have sweated only a few times where I feel like I’m going to be sick at Barwis but I have worked hard EVERY TIME I come!  Even when all I do is try to move my foot out wards because it has become crossed with the other foot.  Well, that stinks!!!  I wish I had something more to show for my efforts!!!  I told Mike about Jesse’s “accident” analogy that he told me SO LONG AGO now and Mike nodded.  It really stinks that it STILL is so true!

Mike finished stretching me out and Megan and Connor took me outside.  I got into my car alone.  Connor helped me to get my feet in.  He didn’t chant Phil’s “bends” but it still made me laugh.  It was something about “bending my iron legs.”  I drove irritated that my legs didn’t feel as relaxed as they did last week. As I was in the house getting ready for bed, my son asked me if it was raining because he heard the cars outside riding on slick roads.  It was.  No wonder I felt SO tight!!!  I told Mike that weather was a big factor and it IS!!!  It rained this morning too.  Humidity was at 72% today.  It did NOTHING for ,my hair and even less for my legs!!!

Yesterday, I was able to transfer out of my car to my chair, open the door, and wheel about 90% of the way up the ramp and on to the turf on my own.  Mike saw me and came over and pulled me in the rest of the way.   When it was my time he told me that we were going to go over to the table.  I asked which one.  The white and blue one were available.  He told me to choose whichever one.  I chose the blue one and told him of how I was reminded of an Asian tea ceremony when I first saw it.

I laid on my back and he began stretching my legs.  I felt pretty good at work and on my drive to Barwis but as has happened before with Adam, I tighten up as soon as it’s my time at Barwis.  He stretched me A LOT and was able to loosen me up.  He had me move to the end of the table and told me that he was going to stretch my legs up really far as I was seated by the edge.  I asked, “Like a Rockette?!”  He kind of laughed at this and replied with a, “Sort of.” Or something like that.  He had me raise my right leg first (my “poop leg”) on my own.  It didn’t go very far and I told him that the Rockettes won’t recruit me.  He told me, “Not yet anyway.”  He stretched both of my legs out pretty good and was able to stretch my leg over his shoulder by the end as I laid on my back.  I remember Jesse and Phil doing this and it hurting SO much more.

I told him about “Walking Wednesdays” and my camo socks.  He asked how Jesse got me walking and I told him about my crutches and two people on either side of me as spotters.  He said that I’m going to do it again but with Mike and Mike on either side of me.  I asked kind of excitedly, “You mean a Jen sandwich with Mike bread?!” He also kind of laughed at this and said something like, “Whatever you want.”  Megan and Connor came over and Megan sat next to me on the blue table and Connor said he would take me out to my car.  Mike went over to the chairs because his 6:00 group was there and Connor told me that he would be right back.  Megan helped me into my wheelchair  and then Connor came back and wheeled me over to my coat crazily spinning me in circles.

Outside, I was tired but I mentally went over the four step process that Phil always used to tell me for transferring out of my chair and into my car.  Stand. Grab (the open door). Turn (Swivel my hips). Sit (in the driver’s seat).  Connor was there to help me (I usually have trouble with the “Turn” part) but this time I did it ALL BY MYSELF!!!  I bent my knees and Connor had to push my feet in the car a little bit.  On the way home, I thought about how good my legs were feeling and managed to tear up a little AGAIN because Mike was talking about me walking soon so I thought about Phil being right.  “I WILL walk, just not with [him].”  I’m such a crybaby!!!