Month: December 2017

12.29.17 NO Ice & Stim.

Yesterday was my first appointment at ATI after my Tenex procedure. I worked with Greg and Dr. Moore wants me to work on my range of motion.   After healing from that procedure and it didn’t feel like a screwdriver was stabbed into my shin anymore  and my “shank hole” has scabbed up, my knee doesn’t hurt. It worked! I am not out of the woods yet by any means but at least I don’t have that  constant, gnawing, crippling pain in my knee.

It only took a little over 15 months!  In those months, I have gone through COUNTLESS bottles of pain reliever!  I think yesterday was the first day I finally realized that my knee was NOT in pain. It’s really tight which is more uncomfortable than painful.  Dr. Moore says that physical therapy will help with that but the pain with my meniscus and my tendinitis is finally gone. I hope!

I cautiously say that it is gone because I don’t want it to return because it was SO PAINFUL!   I think what made it even more painful was that my left knee was perfectly fine so I had a comparison as to what my knee SHOULD feel like. My right knee doesn’t feel normal yet but I’m excited that it is on the way to being so.

Now that I’m back at ATI, I passed Barwis  when we were leaving and saw the signs in the windows and my sadness and longing to go back there  renewed.   Hopefully, Dr. Moore will clear me to go back there on February 16th! Happy birthday  Marilyn and Phil! It will be happy for me if I am cleared to go back to Barwis! Given how my knee is starting to feel, I am hopeful that I will go back!

Greg really stretched my knee out yesterday and it wasn’t a painful stretch but I could feel that my knee was tight. When he was finished, he asked me if I wanted ice and stim. I looked at him for a moment and thought about it.  Previously, I looked forward to ice and stim each time I was at ATI both before my surgery and afterword.  I kind of shook my head with a questioning look on my face.   I told him that my knee doesn’t hurt and he said, ” OK then, no ice and stim.”

Is that really OK to NOT have it? I had been to ATI for so many months NEEDING that ice and stim. so it felt strange  to not need it.   As I got ready for bed last night, my knee felt stretched out but I will take that feeling over the pain of the last 15 months any day!

12.28.17 Almost

During my senior year of high school, I drove my friend to school. On her 17th birthday, I arranged things with Mr. Flint (the first teacher to arrive to and open the school)  that he would let me in early so I could decorate her locker for her birthday. After the locker was decorated, I went to pick her up from her house for school.  I had the CD player all queued up and when she got into the car, I played, “Dancing Queen”  as we drove to school.

As with all music I listened to back then, it was turned all the way up and I sang along with every song I played while I was driving. I enjoyed seeing her face when we walked into the school and she saw her decorated locker.  She was puzzled as to how it got decorated and I told her how I did it and that I came to school early to decorate it before I came to pick her up. That was so long ago but I still remember it with  so much clarity.

Well, today is the 17th anniversary of being diagnosed with MS.   I DEFINITELY do NOT feel like a dancing queen even though I’ve listened to this song a few times. I’ve been quiet all day. My family really doesn’t understand how devastating this day is/was for me. It was the day that my life changed forever and I didn’t even realize  how much it would change 17 years ago.   I was a carefree kid who listened to loud music and sang along when she  drove. Things are so different now! It seems like being a “carefree kid” is a lifetime ago. Yes, it was a long time ago but being a “carefree kid” without MS changes everything.

This is the last year that I will be able to say that I have had MS ALMOST half of my life.  Next year,  I will be 36 and it WILL BE half of my life because I was diagnosed when I was 18.  After that I will have HAD it longer than I HAVENT HAD it.   People don’t really understand the severity of that distinction.

Next year, it WILL BE half of my life  but today it is ALMOST that.   I have difficulty remembering the “carefree kid” who didn’t have MS because it is so different from the woman with MS that I am today.  She DID exist though and I am reminded of that on my 17th anniversary because it makes me think of that ABBA song.   I will just have to settle for being a dancing queen in my head because I physically cannot be one today, I haven’t been able to be one for almost half of my life.

12.21.17 Shanked

This past Thursday, I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Moore after my Tenex procedure. It was exactly 15 months to the day of my knee injury and I am STILL having problems! I am not out of the woods yet.

The Tenex procedure was not what I thought it would be. Chad wheeled a large cart into the room and Stephanie manned the monitor as Dr. Moore sat next to my knee.   All three of them stared intently at the monitor as I laid on a table watching the immense concentration on all of their faces. I tried to get a clear glimpse of the monitor but couldn’t make anything out.

Dr. Moore said I would feel a little poke (which I DID) as he inserted the needle into the medial side of my shin.   Chad turned the machine and that made a humming noise. As Dr. Moore scraped my tendon, the machine made not only the humming noise but  also a squeal. It alternated between a squeal and a hum.

As this was going on, because I couldn’t see anything and was just watching their faces I thought of the U2 album, Rattle and Hum.  I never owned this album until my friend Joe (I called him, ‘Seph’ because he called me, ‘Fer’)  told me that I couldn’t  be a huge fan of U2 if I did not own all of the albums!  I had a Columbia House membership so I started buying all of the CDs for a penny. I mostly listen to the ‘Best of’ albums in the car but I never knew that Rattle and Hum had some of my fave songs:

“Desire”

“Pride(In the Name of Love)”

“All I Want Is You”

The procedure lasted about a half hour and the machine squealed and hummed the whole time.   When I left, I could not tell if it worked because my knee was numb so I would just have to wait to see how it felt the next day.

Well, the next day it felt like a screwdriver was jammed into my shin. My knee did not hurt because I was so distracted by how much my shin hurt.  As time went by, and  the prescription for my narcotics  ran out, my knee was feeling better. It still hurt a little bit but I think it had to do with the screwdriver shoved in may shin more than my original injury.

The ports made  on either side of my knee for my meniscus surgery took five months to heal so I think my screwdriver shank is going to take a while to heal as well.   Dr. Moore prescribed more physical therapy and a follow up appointment set for February 16. That’s my friend Marilyn’s birthday as well as Phil’s. So doctor’s appointmenrs continue for my knee. That’s kind of tiresome.

My mom cleaned my screwdriver shank  mark today and Sean walked by to see my shin. He looked at it and was disgusted and told me that it really does look like  I was shanked by screwdriver.  I agreed with him and told him it was a flat head screwdriver because it’s just a slit.  My knee feels tight today and my shank mark is a little sore still.

I called Elle the other day at Barwis to tell her what was going on.  I asked her to save a spot for me to come back because I miss Barwis more than anything!  I’m not even going to be back for at least another two months!

Winter 2017-18 Momentum

So,  I just received my quarterly Momentum from the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.   My picture is on page 29. I was given a phone interview a while ago and it showed up! I’m famous! This is the third time my picture has been in this  magazine from my photo shoot a while back at Barwis Methods. I really like being involved with the Society! I feel like they really think that my input matters.

Having had MS almost 17 years, I guess that makes me someone who’s input does matter! I called them a couple of days ago to get a few more magazines to share  proof of my fame  with family and friends! You can click on the magazine’s picture to read the article about Hispanics  and possible links to an MS diagnosis.

CLICK PICTURE TO VIEW FULL ARTICLE

Also, my #ChatMS peeps shared this picture montage and the fame continues 😂😂😂!!!

The “Perfect Gift” Commercials 2017… so far.

So, I think I watch too much TV. In fact, I KNOW  that I watch too much TV. During the week, I watch the NFL Network and on weekends, I watch football and the Hallmark Channel especially this close to Christmas!  I’ve seen a couple of Macy’s commercials for Christmas this year that I absolutely love! To say that I didn’t cry when I see them would be a lie. So,  I am not going to lie; I cry when I see them.  They “get me in my feels”  as the kids say today too!  I wonder how many Perfect Gift commercials Macy’s will have this year?  I can’t wait to see them! And I will see them because I watch too much TV!

 

Hershey’s Kisses Wishing Me a Merry Christmas

I saw this commercial just after Thanksgiving and still during November so I thought that was a bit premature to share it. I saw it again yesterday and  called to Sean to come watch because, “This has been a commercial since I was like 10 years old.”   I like the, “Phew”  at the end.

Turns out, I was 7, not 10;  so, it pretty much has been as long as I can remember, It’s always been a commercial. When I see it, it reminds me of being a child living at my parents house with green carpet in the living room. My Mom has hardwood floors now.  My brother did them and he did mine too.

Diggin’

So, watching Good Morning Football  every day, during the commercials, I fill my crockpot or wash dishes or something and lately I have been hearing this commercial. 

CLICK RED WORDS OR PICTURE TO VIEW COMMERCIAL

I do not know who sings this song and I do not know if I could dig it for the entire time it plays and not the 30 seconds for this commercial. I will find out and maybe put it in my January Faves for 2018 but I’m diggin’ it right now in the commercial form.

 

Got Me in My Feels!

I’ve only seen this commercial twice on TV but both times, it made me cry! I do not, nor will I ever, drive a Toyota (growing up, my  bread was buttered with GM money) but this is a really good commercial! Got me in my feels! if my Mom’s name began with an, “S,” it would be over!  My Dad’s name is Ramon.

CLICK TO VIEW COMMERCIAL

 

Grateful

In all my years of writing this blog, I have made it no secret that MS is a mean disease.  It  strips away your abilities so slowly that you don’t even realize  your abilities are being stripped away until you no longer can do  something  on your own.    But, still at this point you don’t realize your ability is stripped away until it is brought to your attention. In recent events, the stripping away of my abilities has been brought to my attention.   It didn’t feel good.

I have written about PBA before in this blog and my inability to properly express my emotions  is problematic at times. It’s more problematic if that expression of emotion is tears rather than laughter.   Laughing, although it can be annoying at inopportune times, tears are just plain disturbing.

My Dad told my Mom years ago, years before he died, that me having MS was going to be, “bad.”  How, “bad” it was going to be, I had no clue.   I didn’t read about this disease once I was diagnosed, it was just too scary and depressing.   I wouldn’t have believed it  if I read it anyway!   Anything, “bad” was not going to happen to me! My Mom did not tell me that my Dad told her this until about a year ago, A full decade after his death! Now that I know he said this years ago, I am grateful that my Mom did NOT tell me.

It has been in the gradual stripping away of my abilities that my Mom has become my caregiver.   I did not realize this until a few months ago. I am her daughter. I thought we were just “hanging out.”   But that isn’t the case all of the time. My mom knew this before I did. Well, my Mom is the best caregiver in the world!

I am not going to pretend that this “care-taking” has been easy for either one of us for so many reasons! There are many times when we are not each other’s “favorite person.”   Thus far, throughout this almost 17 year journey, I have maintained a lot of my independence  on paper.  Sean and I still live by ourselves. Today, I realize this maintenance of my independence is dependent  upon my Mom.

This realization has been a bit overwhelming  for me today.   It’s only when it is brought to my attention,  like it has been as of late, that I realize how  stripped away my abilities are and how dependent I am upon my Mom for my independence. PBA sucks almost as much as MS does.   Sean and my mom are less affected by my tears now that they know that I cannot control the expression of my emotions having undiagnosed PBA. It still disturbs me  though!  I just can’t stop crying!

I am beyond grateful for my Mom  for so many reasons! Those of you who know her, know that that is something that is easy to feel! I wanted to write something today because tomorrow is my Tenex  procedure for my knee. I am nervous! I don’t know what to expect really. Wish me luck Kids! (I wrote, “Kids” because in addition to everything else, I miss  addressing my students as “kids.”)   Please offer up or send me your thoughts, prayers, and/or good vibes. It’s SO much appreciated! I  promise to write as soon as I can!…

My Worlds Collide

So, U2 has been my favorite band forever but I was asked in college who my favorite band was and I said without hesitation, U2.  I started watching NFL football in 2009 when Sean started playing city football for Dearborn.   He was on the same team as my nephew and started when he was seven but he played as if  he was  an eight-year-old because his birthday is in November. My nephew’s birthday is in December so he turned 10 at the end of the season.

We always  would joke because my son was the youngest and my nephew was the oldest and they were on the same team.   I knew all the football positions  when I was in high school but seeing a bunch of kids with their helmets bigger than their shoulder pads running around bumping into each other, it got a little confusing so I started watching the Lions (post 0-16)  to see what it was supposed to look like. I LOVE football now!

   

It has become my routine since my knee injury to watch Good Morning Football every morning since I was not teaching.  All this week, everyone let us know that Bono is going to be on the show.  I was beyond excited!  I got to see a clear-cut moment where my worlds collide.  GMFB  tweeted this picture yesterday and I think I may have to frame it!

  

There are many times that I wish I was in Kay Adams shoes but I think this moment is the moment I wished the most I were in her shoes!  I got out of bed early and put my contacts in to make sure I saw the first run of the show. I wouldn’t mind being Kyle Brant either.

 

But really thinking about it, I think it would be more like when I saw U2 in concert. Bono popped up onto the stage through a trap door below the stage when I saw them for the Vertigo tour in 2005.   I gasped when he showed up on stage and thought, “Me and Bono are sharing the same air!”   We really weren’t because my seats were not that good but I was so shocked to actually be in his presence.

He started singing my favorite song at that time (“In a Little While”)  a cappella and wanted the crowd to sing-along. I belted it out as loud as I could but because I was so far away from the stage, he couldn’t hear me so he stopped singing it.   He said, “No?  Maybe next time.”

I watched both broadcasts of the show and the interview about six times and I was such a fan!  I thought I could draft the blog post in the commercials but I was breathless after seeing him and hearing the breakfast table talk about the interview.   I just woke up from a nap because I pooped out because I was so excited this morning! I really liked that my worlds collided today and I liked hearing  from Kyle Brandt that Bono is a hugger!