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I saw this and shared it on Facebook and it absolutely made me laugh:

That is exactly how I feel! I cannot wait until October 1. But I have NOT left my house since July 21. I am hoping that when I leave my house on September 18 for my haircut, I will smell Fall!!!:

Sean told me today that he heard that the 2023 summer was the highest on record only to be surpassed by the 2024 summer heat! I told him that it’s definitely a lot more unbearable than last year and last year was a little bit tough.

I have been living in my memories for eight years now. Since I stopped working. My Mom and I didn’t find out that I am”Homebound” until December of 2023. I was going to be accepted into the HAP Senior Plus insurance plan because I have been disabled for so long. I no longer make my own memories and just look back into the catalog of my more able bodied times.

I had a doozy of a memory this morning as I was sitting in my bed waiting for my Mom to transfer me out of it!!! it was complete with a soundtrack!!! I heard the opening bars of this song as I saw in my head this scene:

And this is the song that played in my head as I was sitting in my bed waiting to be transferred:

Well, this song was released in 2015. I was still working in 2015! I was the Reading Specialist already for the school. I was still actively working out at Barwis Methods back then! I saw that scene in my head but my memory of that book is different.

I was teaching in my last classroom at that time, a converted closet off of the cafeteria as the Reading Specialist, I always would let my students catch me reading (something I learned specifically in college). I would read between classes. As students would come in, they would see me reading.

I remember that I specifically bought this book because the movie was coming out and this is the actual version of the book that I have:

I was reading the specific part where they go to the horse races, and he is in his power chair, and I knew it was going to be a disaster! As I was reading the words, my eyes started welling with tears but the bell hadn’t rung yet and I had to finish the paragraph.

The memory I had of this song, and this movie was about the book I read and cried in front of my students! They were so concerned, and they asked, “Miss, are you OK?” I remember wiping my eyes and telling them that, “You know that it’s good writing when it emotes emotion!” I was not embarrassed to cry in front of them at all, but one thing that this movie points out is the fact that disability is for the rich!!! I do not have a stable to convert to an handicapped accessible apartment!

Waking up is very difficult for me now, but I’m so happy that I had such a vivid memory to focus on to help me wake up! I am not sure that I will rewatch that movie for a while because it’s kind of tough as a person in a power chair and I am absolutely NOT rich!!!

Well, we have entered into that strange part of the season between seasons so I had the AC on today and a couple days ago. I had the space heater in my bedroom. I was actually sitting with a space heater blowing on my face, because I no longer can control my body temperature! I just can breathe easier now, but I wonder when I will start to freeze, because that will happen much sooner than I wanted to, but it will!

I heard this song yesterday and it made me want to watch Bridget Jones’ Diary. The first one. She doesn’t even look like that anymore but I’m going to watch it sometime after Christmas, I think!:

Well, I pillaged today as I do every Saturday and there is a new development. This is something that I am still grappling with and trying to wrap my head around:

I am a person who likes, “same ol’, same ol.’” As a homebound person now, my life is completely routine. I’ve been talking about that with my Mom and I don’t think I’m upset about it but I think this new change is a little bit of upsetting…

I listen to rosaries on my phone so I can concentrate. I have gone from three rosaries to four because my dosage for my supplements changed in February I think. So, I fill one supplement for the week and then take a swig of my nutrition shake. (On pillage day, that’s my dinner).

But, here is what happened today, I was filling my pillbox with one supplement that I take 10 a day and that’s for my urinary tract health and just on the last day of distributing it, I felt my hands were becoming difficult to control.

After I finished distributing that supplement, I started thinking because the next supplement was 21 pills a week and then the one after that was 28 pills a week. I could still distribute all the pills for the week without my hands feeling strange. The next pill I distribute is a tablet not a capsule and I take 36th of those a week. That one’s for my bones. And my teeth. (Which, when you think about it, that’s the same thing because teeth are bones).

That is where I made the executive decision to stop distributing my pills for Tuesday, take another swig of my infusion shake, and then on Saturday I did the same thing.

But, I think this is what is so startling about what I did today. As I was telling my Mom about it, I asked her if she remembered about that doctor appointment we had in Livonia to prove that I was disabled. I asked her about quarters on the tissue, and she remembered that as well. I told her that is what I thought of and I saw myself actually doing it just before I was approved for Disability.

I think I’m just startled at how difficult everything is now. I don’t think this heat is helping at all but my disease IS progressing and I can’t believe that I can’t do things for too long without reinforcement of nutrition and that kind of stinks…

So, yesterday. It was terrible, right?! At 95° outside, tears just streamed down my face all day long! I was so uncomfortable that’s just what happened! If I was not crying, I was just sobbing silently with my shoulders shaking because it was miserable!!! I talked to Sean yesterday and he agreed with me that it was so hot because he was working in it and he was concerned about me. I was very concerned about how much longer I would have to take it and I saw this meme on Facebook today:

I added this comment to my repost:

This is the last of my Spring/Summer, chapstick. I used all four tubes!!! (I have no idea how I did that with the picture by the way!) I was just telling my Mom today that I can no longer control my hands even more so and it’s a little bit startling!

AnyWho, I think I have about six or seven days to use the rest of this chapstick before I pull out my Fall box. It’s sitting in the box with my remote controls right now.

I really cannot believe that I used all four tubes but this heat was insane and the fact that I am homebound, I think my chapstick addiction has come out! I read that some years ago about people being addicted to chapstick, but I think my body hurts so much all the time that I need a little bit of a reprieve from that so I smear chapstick on my lips constantly and rub the softness of them together A LOT so it seems?!

So, I went to see Dr. Clark in July and he changed the dosage of a couple of my supplements and he added colloidal silver. Yana told me before we left that we can get it next month because she knows that both me and my Mom are on fixed income.

“Go time” for me this month consisted of me being Wade from Kim Possible! but my Mom was able to pick it up Yesterday:

I didn’t know what kind my Mom got from Zerbo’s, but this was the actual bottle that Yanna gave Dr. Clark to test on my body. I was tested for 25 drops a day. He told me just to add to my water. I drink about one and a half to two Yeti’s of water a day and my Mom put it in my water this morning.

I felt my eyes get really big the first sip I took this morning after taking my morning vitamins, started my shake, and took Goli. It didn’t taste any differently but once I swallowed it, I looked at my Mom and told her that it tastes “Lighter.”

I don’t know how else to explain it, but it feels different on my teeth. Different in a good way I think! Well, I will have more tomorrow, and for the rest of my life, it seems so I’ll have a lot of time to ponder it

Tomorrow is supposed to be “Go Time,” but I have made the executive to do a switch-a-too instead and this is what I mean:

I have already written about Saturday night smelling hydraulic fluid when I was transferring back into my chair. I had my Mom call NSM on Monday and she was able to get an appointment for Wednesday. Wednesday, I had rented a van to get my haircut, but I’m just going to let my hair grow (the curls will come out now) and my Mom will drive just my chair to get serviced. I will be in my manual chair in the meantime.

I tore my meniscus eight years ago, so I don’t think it’s going to hurt that badly as I am waiting to get back into my power chair. After my Mom comes back here to switch me back to my power chair, she wi then go to Zerbo’s before she takes the van back.

Tonight, I was telling Sean about it and I told him that I will be the guy on Kim Possible! We started to laugh, and I had to look it up, because neither one of us could remember his name. He was like six at the time. I looked it up and his name is Wade:

I laughed when I found out his name! But my Mom sent me pictures that she took last night of the hydraulic fluid leaking. I will enclose two pictures here. I hope it gets fixed!!!:

I am reclined in the chair in this picture, and my Mom crawled beneath my chair and could see the leak. And then she took better picture:

It’s August. August has been a hard month for me since 2006! But, this heat this summer is making it so much worse!!! I feel the tears so close to the surface because I am so uncomfortable and I have been for a prolonged portion of time. I thought I was noticing age spots on my hands so I sent pictures to my brothers to ask if they think that what it was and my brother Steve sent me this:

Seeing his hand completely startled me! So I texted him this:

My text to him said, “You have hands like Daddy too! And once I finished sending both texts, the tears just flowed freely! But he does have hands like my Daddy! ALL of my brothers do!