Since getting my air conditioning fixed, and my ducts cleaned, I thought summers would be so much easier because I no longer had a window box unit.
Well, not so much! I have to restart my Claritin because I think that’s a seasonal thing not so much the ducts thing.
I have to tell you that since my ducts have been cleaned, it gets so cold in my house so fast and it gets so hot in my house just as quickly! Both Sean and my Mom have noticed an air quality difference!
This is my first summer in nine years that I won’t have a window box air conditioner. And that feels strange, for sure. The weather being so strange given that it was 82° one day and today it was in the 50s is doing a number on my body! I am so drained.
Well, we did it!!! My skin tags are gone on the front of my neck and we had tamales!!! I still tell myself that they are NOT pork. Pork isn’t good for me to eat. I’m exhausted, but we are 75% completed! I just have one more appointment on Tuesday! I never once thought that my life would be like this, but it is…
Today is the eve, eve of ‘go time.’ That’s a thing now because my Mom picks up the van in the evening because now it is harder to leave the house. I wasn’t prepared for this.
For February, March, and April, I have three appointments which means three van rentals. But in April, I have four because my doctor wants to see me again because I have lost so much weight) I got used to just one doctor appointment a month with a haircut. But now I have serious appointments. In May, Sean is coming with us. He took off work. It’s a CT scan at 8 o’clock in the morning!
I really wasn’t prepared for this. I think with my disease progression, it has taken my smile away. Maybe I am just determined because this week is ‘go time’ for sure! But the silver lining is that on Thursday, I will get my AC fixed! Deferred gratification! It only took nine years.
This is my third Lent listening to the Pray40 challenge on Hallow. I originally listened to it for free and then I purchased the app on accident last year but then this year, I bought it. And I love the challenges for both Lent and Advent.
This is my fourth time through the Bible and I am listening to the gospel of John right now. I am so amazed at what is going on with me right now! I can’t explain it but it’s something big! It’s wonderful!
Thursdays during Pray40, they share a faith story. Yesterday, there was a man named Larry Dorame. He introduced himself as, “A husband and father who has been fighting chronic disease for the better part of a decade.”
My ears perked up at that and I was very interested seeing that I have been fighting it for the better part of two decades. His chronic illness is different than mine, but chronic illness is chronic illness. It’s terrible? Awful? Tiring?
It IS and I’ve got it! I cried as Larry was telling his story because it was different but it’s the same. He spoke of, The Chosen and referenced this specific scene:
So, of course, I had to watch it and I have seen it five times and I have to report that all five times, I have balled my eyes out! I can’t tell you how many times I asked God this exact question or prayed for some medical advancement.
I kind of like this answer better and maybe that’s why I am bawling my eyes out. I totally feel that God is doing something within me and it’s so big. I’m so excited for Holy Week!!!
So, I joined a group on Facebook called ‘Mind Thinkers’ and they will message me a meme daily. I will share them on Facebook, but I saw this one today and I thought otherwise. I thought that I will just share this on my blog because it feels so true to me. It’s kind of cathartic now that I’m 43:
I just sat with that for a while. Yes, baby girl! it’s going to eventually be alright but not in the way that you had envisioned…
I have been thinking a lot and I was feeling quite uneasy and I couldn’t understand why. But yesterday, I got some clarity finally:
I’m going on 25 years of having this disease and it absolutely is horrible and I hate it every single day but I get through it. I looked at my calendar on my phone for April.
“Go time” starts on Wednesday this month. And then the next week, I have two appointments but one of them is just a haircut so I’m comfortable with that one. My appointment on Friday to see my dermatologist is going to be a little tricky because it’s pretty early in the day!
In looking at my calendar yesterday, it’s completely doable. I say that because I tell myself each day when it’s tough and I need to figure something out, I say something along the lines of, “Suck it up Jen, you have a damn masters degree!”
Hearing myself say that encourages me to just get what I’m doing – done! So I am going to hold my breath for my April appointments, but I’m happy that in the end, the week after my two appointment week, I will get a little more clarity on why I have lost so much weight! That’s kind of scary to me!
I have been trying to wrap my head around this since my last appointment in March. I have been thinking about this and I clearly remember absolutely LOVING making my schedules in college! I remember that on ‘schedule release day,’ I used to grab three on my way out of the building! One for my book bag, one for my car, and one for my house (my Parents’ house).
I always thought of it as a puzzle! Each piece was a class that I needed to take to get my degree. It was a game to me and I loved it!
I graduated with my masters degree in 2010, that was a long time ago!!! But little did know that I would be doing that, making schedules for the rest of my life!!!
That is exactly what I do now! On April 1, I made my neurology appointment for August. That is a virtual appointment on May 1, I need to make my optometry appointment as well as my mammogram and I think that’s it for the year! Well, my internist may want to see me again this year.
This is so much! And that is why I’m still trying to wrap my head around it! I don’t think that it’s going very well at all!!!
I made an executive decision yesterday, I finished my vanilla bean chapstick and then started a brand new vanilla bean chapstick. Pillaging, I wore my hat the entire time! It’s not spring yet!
I’m comfortable with wearing vanilla bean until April 9 when I go to the doctor. We will see what the temperature is then!
But this was the very first time in my life that I could NOT pull off the seal to the tube of chapstick. I had to ask my Mom for help. That was really stinky and I’m sure other things will be happening soon because hand control is a super big issue these days!
