Category: Tunes

My Dad used to sing this song to my Mom all of the time, especially when she went to get her hair done:

I even put this song on the final mixed CD that I made him for the last birthday he had with us. He was 55. My Dad used to sing the just refrain often. He would just say, “You painted up your lips and rolled your tinted hair.” I never knew until years after he had died and I have gifted him that CD that there is an extra word in that line! It made me smile because my mom also uses rollers to kill her hair.

I never knew until years after he died that the Vietnam veteran in this song who is paralyzed said that, “ If I could move, I’d get my gun, and put her in the ground.” ???!!!

When I heard that line, my eyes wideNed and I beseechingly asked my Mom, is he really going to kill her?! My Mom just laughed and told me that he was. I NEVER KNEW THAT!!! I told my Mom that it is a horrible song but we listened to it a few times last night as I was getting ready for bed and I still smiled when I heard the line my Dad used to sing and just ignored the fact that my Dad was singing a song about killing his wife!

My smile continued after this song ended as I thought of my Dad fondly and him singing. My mom played another song that reminds me of my dad but all I can do when it started to play was cry! She played this one:

My Dad really liked Johnny Cash and even though I’ve never had beer for breakfast, neither one nor two, I smiled at this song too until I heard the line, “ In the park I saw a daddy, with a laughing little girl that he was swinging.” Then, I began to cry. My Dad never swung me on swings but I AM his little girl! I really miss him!!!

So, my YouTube feed is filled with horrible news again with all that is going on in the world! As I was scrolling through it, I found this video:

I remember seeing them perform the song when I went to their concert with my brother, Steve, and a few colleagues from work. I remember Bono talking about why he wrote this song and dedicated it to his dad, Paul Hewson. I dug his reasoning for writing this song and this was less than six months before my own Dad would die.

I listened to their 18 Singles CD on my way to work for a long time.

I had just started my second year teaching and it was still dark when I drove to work. I would listen to this song continuously on my way and sing along and sob. I would put my sunglasses on as I walked into my school on my crutches in the morning when it was still dark.

I wore my sunglasses when I got my work done before school started so my eyes would not be read and puffed up in front of students, when I began teaching.

I really liked seeing this video in the middle of all the terrible news stories of the events taking place now. As I watched it, I remember driving and listening to it in the dark and crying. The tears came back today as I listened and remembered that time. I choose to think that my Dad had something to do with it showing up in my YouTube feed and for that, Thanks, Daddy!!! 💜💜💜

When I woke up this morning, I realized today would have been my Dad‘s 69th birthday. As I sat in my wheelchair in my living room and tried to wake up, I celebrated this day by posting it on Facebook and began to mindlessly play Solitaire on my phone as I tried to wake up. It took me a moment to realize that not only was it my Dad‘s birthday, it was also World MS Day:

When I realized that was also today, I put my favorite Sara Bareilles song on Apple Music on my phone:

I absolutely LOVE that song and it reminds me of, “Walking Wednesdays” at Barwis Methods and when I was actively working on walking.

Even though World MS Day has only been a thing since 2009, I will have had it for 20 years this December. I got onto Facebook and immediately saw this and completely agreed with it:

I told my Mom this morning that I could not believe that my Dad would have been 69 today! I cannot believe that 14 years will have passed this August

and then exclaimed that my Dad is old! My Mom immediately took issue with that statement because she is 67. I told her that my Dad is a year and a half on and then her so she will NOT be old for another year and a half! In fact, I don’t think I will EVER think that my Mom is old!

In my brothers and my Mom’s group text today, my Mom texted us all to remind us all that today is my Dad‘s birthday and he would have been 69 even though he was 55 when he died. Then my Mom texted that she is a cougar because she is 67. That text made me laugh!

I wish that World MS day was not a big deal for me but for the past 11 years, it has been. In fact, for the last 19 years. So there’s that and I miss my Dad! I am wearing a V-neck white T-shirt just like my Dad used to and I always think of getting my Dad Oreos, lemon drops, socks, and T-shirts when I was young that was orchestrated by my Mom. I made my Dad a mixed CD for his 55th and final birthday he had with us.

So, I have needed to use do you use medical supplies for the past 19 years. Once I got my first and only, “Big Girl” job, my health insurance paid for it. Once I stopped working, I had full Medicaid benefits. Then, they stopped. I have only recently learned that my full Medicaid benefits stopped once my son turned 18. My Mom and I have been on the phone for hours and hours trying to figure this out to enable me to receive my needed medical supplies. My Mom has been serving as my proxy since we have been sheltered in place at my house.

I needed her to be my proxy especially today because it was raining and I was miserable! Because we leave my front door open for Leia to see out of, I was reminded of my final day working because I heard the water on the car tires swishing as they drove by. I remember that sound as my Mom drove me to what would be my final day working. I didn’t know that it was my final day working but I knew that my knee was in excruciating pain and I could not handle it! As my Mom turned the corner from my house, I began to cry.

I have dealt with the pain of having MS and being in the rain but with my torn meniscus not surgically repaired yet. it was too much! I silently let my tears stream down my face until I got closer to my work. I was going to have to, “Grab my guts” and just deal with it in front of my students. Well, how I felt that day is how I felt this morning as well.

Thank God that my Mom was speaking for me as we were transferred from extension to extension trying to get the proper person. We were on the phone for close to two hours and it did a number on me! I had no idea what a, “Spend down” was until today but, it’s NOT good!

I will have to pay for my daily needed medical supplies until my deductible is met. It will be many months until I do that and that stressed me out! So much so, I drank my breakfast today. But I say that I drank my breakfast, I mean that I had a protein shake; NOT that I got drunk! Drinking a protein shake is a lot easier for me then chewing when I feel so badly!

After we completed our routine today, The rain continued and I very much felt it in my body! I drank my lunch today as well. I feel just awful today! I scrolled through Facebook for a short time and saw this picture shared by my friend and fellow MS Warrior:

Today is the day I COMPLETELY feel like this! It didn’t help much that after all of the phone calls, I still needed to pay a lot of money considering being on disability, I only get a little bit of money each month, for sure! I think the rain just compounded my frustration but it can‘t rain every day and I am taking advice from Milli Vanilli right about now to get me through:

Late this morning, as I was trying to get my body to wake up, I scrolled through my YouTube feed and found this song:

The only time I really heard this song was in the movie Acrooss the Universe so I kind of enjoyed watching this clip and seeing and hearing the Beatles so young! My cousinT, Shannon, is a huge Beatles fan and it also made me think of her!

I texted her Tuesday night because my Mom wanted to watch Mr. Holland’s Opus. I had seen the movie before, a long time ago, so it was vaguely familiar. Toward the end of the movie, when the high school is putting on a review as their senior play, it got me thinking about when I performed in a review for my school play during my senior year.

I asked Shannon about that because we both painted a bunch of stools black for the play. We did this at night and it took us a few times because there were a lot of stores to be painted! She sent me this picture in response to my text:

I laughed at this picture and knew that she remembered! So after I shared that Beatles video on Facebook, I realized it was Thursday! So I had to post this picture as my #TBT!

As my Mom washed my hair today, she suggested that we call Shannon. I was completely down do you that! My mom and I both had great conversation with her. She clarified that this picture was taken after the performance and we took it because we were so proud of the paint job we had performed on so many of the stools!

We laughed and talked until it was time for me to blow dry my hair. She even knew that in order for me to blow dry it, it’s, “A three act play!” I have smiled since talking with her and I think that is why my Mom suggested that we talk to her on the phone. I was feeling a little bummed out today and my cousinT, Shannon, was the perfect boost for me!