Category: Barwis Methods

I did NOT sleep at all the night before last.  I stared at the ceiling in the dark WIDE AWAKE!  The last time I saw on the clock was 1:54 am.  I fell asleep only to wake up again at 3:08 am.  I fell back to sleep only to have my alarm wake me up at 4:15 am.  Needless to say, I was BEYOND tired at work and wondered how I was going to perform at Barwis.  The LONG drive to Barwis without the freeway seemed a bit daunting to me.  It was bad enough just having to transfer out of my wheelchair!

As I get to Barwis, I was even more tired!  Phil stretched me out and we go over to the Keiser machine.  He set my feet and told me to stand.  I was SO beyond tired but I found that spot within me to push through it anyway.  Phil told me many times to, “Push!”.  I stood for a total of 6 times and had 4 “fails.”  Then it was time to go.  I think on any other day I would be MOST unhappy with my showing but I was SO tired.  Not workout tired but sleepy tired.  Regardless, I still gave it my all!  I pushed myself.  I was not always successful in my stands but I attempted my stand until Phil told me to sit down.  In one failed attempt, I asked him if he could feel my legs shaking just before he told me to sit down.  He was pushing my right knee trying to help me stand.  I sat down and he said, “yeah.”

I think it was in that failed attempt that he attempted to fist bump me.  Our fist bumps now are us looking at each other with our hands kind of moving like the jellyfish in Sponge Bob (that’s how I see it) and trying to decide what to do.  This attempt ends when Phil just grabs my hand and forces it into a fist and shakes it.  That’s easy for him because his hands are SO much bigger than mine!

I’m not giving up on that though (I’ll get him  when he least expects it!) just like I’m not giving up on walking.  It’s NOT linear!  I knew that.  There will be some bad days but that’s okay.  I’ll push through them.  I have no other choice.  I’m still a bit sleep deprived today and coupled with the fact that it is raining doesn’t really help.  Phil says that it’s a mindset (reacting to the weather) and I have my mind set on walking!  So rain-shmain – I’m pushing through it.

Tuesday, I had somewhat of a fail in getting into my car after work.  I undershot sitting in the driver’s seat and was on the ledge of the door instead.  I tried hoisting myself up into the seat to no avail.  I ended up calling the school to have someone help me out.  I told Mrs. Berrocal to preferably sent out a “strapping man.”  Mr. Wright came outside and we both started laughing.  He told me that he would help me but was going to take pictures first.  We laughed even more.  I told him how he could best help me and he did.  After he got me fully into the car, he asked if I was hurt.  I responded, “only my pride.  It’s shattered right now.”  He waved his hand dismissively and shook his head.  I then was all set to drive home.

I thought that this was NOT a good sign if I was expected to walk on Wednesday.  So much so that on Wednesday after work, I asked Mr. Curl to put me into my car.  It’s already been established that he can lift me with ease so I was not THAT uncomfortable.  I refreshed his memory on how best to put me into the (like Phil does).  He lifted me out of my chair and did 2 squats while holding me before he put me into my car.  We talked some football and then I left.  My time at Barwis was pushed back until 7 so I stopped home to drop off my things from work and to see my son. It rained on and off and my body was tight.  I thought that was another NOT good sign regarding “Walking Wednesday.”

As I drove to Barwis, I could feel my body relaxing and that made me hopeful.  I got in and Phil stretched me at the Keiser machine.  He wanted me to stand and set my feet.  First is ALWAYS the worst but I hoped that the second would be better.  It TOTALLY was!  Phil even had me do two squats with which I *BINK*ed afterward.  He told me to head over to the turf.  I asked him somewhat in disbelief, “Really?!” and he told me to stand again.  I stood wonderfully with a *BINK* and he told me to stand on the turf the exact same way.

My first down I could NOT get any steps off.  I sat down again.  Phil told me to put my crutches on the ground and I slipped my arms out of them and threw them.  He meant for us to go again immediately but I misunderstood him.  He gathered my crutches and I stood.  I got 8 yards.  My 3rd down, I got 5 more yards.  I told Phil that it was, “T minus 4” until we take our #DaisyandPhil Take 2 selfie.  (We are taking a picture at 300 yards).  He disagreed and told me to go.  I got 4 yards. We tried one more down but I was too tired to get any yards off.

Phil didn’t want to take a picture but I didn’t have my phone with  and he is my official Barwis Methods photog.  I guilted him into taking it.

Here it is:

#DaisyandPhil Take 2  (I’ve tweeted this pic A BUNCH!!!)

Phil made me get into my own car which I ended up doing.  We did our fist bump thing and he forced my hand into a fist to “joystick” me.  When I got home, I checked to see if he sent me the picture and was happy to see that he had.  I asked him how many times he “joystick”ed me and he responded “6.” It was more like two.

My butt STILL hurts A LOT and Jesse is happy that it does.  I am too though!  I haven’t felt this in SO LONG!!!  It’s amazing to me how INVOLVED walking is but yesterday was the first time I consciously was able to squeeze all of the muscles Phil told me to to get steps off.  I couldn’t squeeze them for consecutive steps yet so I was trading off right and left (Who wants uneven butt muscles?!!!)  Not me.  I got 17 yards yesterday.  Phil told me that that was two weeks with double digits.  (I think it’s 3 but I didn’t argue).

TOTAL YARDAGE = 300 & 2 STEPS

Curl put me into my car after work yesterday.  He did 3 squats while holding me.  I told him that I will have to tell Phil about it.  I got to Barwis a little bit late and Phil razzed me a little bit.  It was Friday, so the mat and the plyo boxes were out and I knew what we were going to do.  Phil had me lay on the mat for the stretch.  Of course, I started groaning because it hurt and Phil started saying, “Shhh.”  I asked him if he was starting that again because I have told him that somehow that doesn’t soothe me.  Yesterday, I was really diggin’ the music at Barwis.  All of the trainers control the music with apps on their phones and at the start of every new song, amid my yelps of pain, I asked who was controlling the music.

After like the fourth time asking and like the millionth time I was gasping and yelping in pain Phil told me to, “Shutty-Uppy.”  And I started to laugh.  I asked him where that came from and he explained r his sister-in-law, Maria, started it and that his Mom tells him that all the time.  I asked him how to spell it and said that I was going to spell it with an “ie.” He told me that it was spelled with a “y” and gave me a “duh!” look. Okay, it’s HIS word; I’ve NEVER heard it before.  Another GREAT song came on and I explained why I really dug that song.  Phil said, “You know, you are being Chatty McChatterson instead of being Ms. Shutty-Uppity.”  I laughed and explained that there were good tunes on the radio and then the stretch was over.

Time for the hard part.  The kneeling.  Phil explained which muscles I needed to squeeze and it was on the third one where a switch was flipped.  I thought about what Chris had said to me SO long ago about new pathways being set.  Yeah, I think that was what was going on here!  I was excited!  I still had to have the UTMOST concentration but I believe that when Phil told me to stop holding it and I can sit back that from that point on, I gracefully sat back on my heels instead of collapsing down.  I could be COMPLETELY wrong about this because I don’t know what I look like but I am going to say that that is how it is now.  It sounds better.

When we were done.  Phil brought my chair over and lifted me off the mat and did some fancy-shmancy maneuver to place me back into my chair.  He told me that was impressive and I told him that Curl did three squats while holding me.  I don’t want to start some “Strong Man” competition.  Both men are strong and Phil is SUPER strong.  Yesterday, I knelt 10 times for 30 seconds a piece.  Except for the last one.  Phil said that I held that one for 1 minute.  The mat was positioned so I could not see the clock.  So I knelt for 5 minutes and 30 seconds!!!  I got into my car by myself yesterday as well.  Phil told me that I did a good job and put his fist out.  I hesitated wondering if I could grab it tight enough, hold it, and yell, “Joystick.”  I didn’t think I could but in my hesitation we did the weird “hand-clasping” thing until Phil forced my hand into a fist and shook it yelling, “Joystick.”

I REALLY feel that a switch  HAS been flipped.  Last night, even though I was tired, transferring was easier and I felt that I was standing taller.  Even today, as I sit and write this post, I feel that I am sitting TALLER!  My butt STILL hurts but I’m okay with that.

Yesterday, I was hoping for a good showing at Barwis.  After Friday’s work, I felt REALLY good.  Throughout the weekend I was standing taller which I believed would translate to a good show on Monday.  Turns out, on Monday, I was discombobulated.  Mr. Curl was NOT at work yesterday so I had to get myself into my car which took a little bit longer.  Traffic might have been heavier or something but the hour-long drive to Barwis was a little bit longer coupled with leaving work just a bit later made things even worse.  I FINALLY get to Barwis and Phil and I have to go to a different station because the Keiser machine was in use. Now, I am a creature of habit so running late (I HATE to be late) AND working at a different station equals me being discombobulated.  On top of that, my left leg was acting weird and it kept bending up and I wasn’t quite sure why.  I would get pain in my toe and then my leg would react by coiling up.  It took awhile for me to figure out that I had cut my toenails in the morning before putting my socks and shoes on so I was figuring that I must’ve cut the nail too short and that was why it was hurting.

Anyway, time to stand.  First is ALWAYS the worst but on my second attempt my right leg took the lead and was straight with my foot flat on the floor and it was supporting me because my left leg was still acting crazy.  I stood and it felt good.  I would stand until my left leg’s shenanigans would prove to be too much for my right leg.  I have called my right leg my “poop” leg throughout the duration of working at Barwis and I know that that leg will give me problems because it ALWAYS does.  But NOT yesterday.  It was doing what it was supposed to!  I sat after one of my stands and told Phil that it would be nice if BOTH of my legs were behaving at the same time.  But that was NOT the case yesterday, my foot was REALLY starting to hurt!  I am not sure how many stands we did but my right leg did well on each stand.  I even got into my car mostly by myself!  Phil “joystick”ed me but it didn’t count!

When I get home, I took my shoe off and expected to find my sock all bloody (that’s how badly it was hurting!) But there was no blood.  I took my sock off to discover a kind of  hang nail on my second toe.  That’s  why it was hurting!  I remedied the problem and as I was I thought that it hurt SO badly because I could feel that the nail was  getting snagged on my sock.  I could FEEL it.  It has been SO long since I have felt anything on my feet.  But now I can.  Wow.  It STINKS that I had a bad showing at Barwis for such a STUPID reason but I guess it wasn’t such a bad showing because my right leg showed me that it knows what to do.  So for “Walking Wednesday” I hope I get “combobulated.”  Which reminds me…

STOP READING PHIL BECAUSE THIS IS WHEN IT GETS STUPID BECAUSE I AM GOING TO TELL ONE OF MY “HORRIBLE” STORIES.

Phil has told me that he has read most of my blog “except for the stupid parts.”  In addition, he says that I tell “horrible” stories.  I know he is COMPLETELY joking with me and we laugh about it but he really doesn’t like my stories.  I tell him that they are pieces of me (to which he sings that Ashlee Simpson song in response) but he still thinks my stories are horrible.

Anyway, here comes one right now:

Sean had to be 5 or 6.  We were living in our second apartment at the time.  Now, anyone who knows my son, knows that he is somewhat scattered at times.  He has been this way since he was little.  Crayons and legos or whatever he was playing with end up scattered all over.  Shoes untied.  I would constantly tell him “you’re all discombobulated!”  Now, I love him dearly, but he’s a hot mess!!!  Anyway, we were coming home from somewhere and I pull into my space in our car port just outside our apartment and I turn the car off and take the keys out of the ignition.  I call over my shoulder, “Come on B, (my nickname for him) we’re home.”  He is seated in his booster seat and he says kind of frantic, “Wait, I have to get combobulated!”  I smiled to myself and looked over my shoulder to the back seat and I see two socks, two shoes, ( he ALWAYS took his socks and shoes off in the car NO MATTER what season) various snacks, figurines, and books scattered all over the back seat.   I got out of the car and opened the back door and began helping him gather his things.  I said, “Now son, I Love your deductive reasoning here.  Discombobulated is a big mess so combobulated has to mean order but combobulated is not a word.”Today, my son and I will occasionally say “combobulated” and smile a bit because I’ve shared this story with him numerous times.

So, with Monday behind me and my toe nails NEATLY clipped, I hope that I get “combobulated” enough to have a GREAT “Walking Wednesday.”

 

I was early for Barwis yesterday.  I knew that I needed to get “combobulated” for “Walking Wednesday” #27 and being on time was one thing to help with that.  It rained yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work.  Phil told me that, “It’s a mindset.”(to get over the weather) and I have my mind set on walking so I pushed through my shower.  I was feeling pretty good when I got to Barwis and Phil stretched me at the Keiser machine.  Then, he had me stand.  Now, historically, first is ALWAYS the worst so I prepared myself for it to be bad.  Not this time.  I pushed through and stood with a *BINK.*  I even proceeded to do 3 squats!  I sat back down and was surprised.  I asked Phil if he was impressed because I KNOW I was!  That was even the first attempt!  The first is ALWAYS the worst.  I did it again.  4 squats this time.  The bar was set lower for these two sets.  I asked why it was and Phil told me that it will work different muscles.  After I sat after the second set of squats, i again asked him how it was.  I told him NOT to patronize me and he told me that he wasn’t and told me that it was, “not too shabby.”  He told me to head over to the turf and I tapped his knee and told him that I was REALLY excited!!!  He half smiled at that and sort of laughed.  I rode down the ramp (with NO hands of course!) and lined up at the line he told me to as he got my crutches.

I got 7 yards on my first down.  My second down, I had a stutter step, or 2 of them!  On my third attempt, I got 8 yards.  I hit somewhat of a slump and only got 3 yards for my 3rd down.  I ended with 5 yards on my 4th down.  I got a total of 23 yards yesterday!  I was TIRED!  I got mostly into my car by myself yesterday and Phil refused to fist bump me on the turf.  We did get one fist bump in with NO shenanigans because it has been so long since he congratulated me like that.  He forced my hand into a fist when I was in my car and yelled, “Joystick!” and told me that I stink at those.  Well, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, PHIL!!!  I’ll SHOW him!  Eventually.

Mr. Curl says that at the top end, I would be worth about 9 million in the NFL with the average carry that I had.  I’ll take it! Today, as I write this; my butt is KILLING me!!!  My quads and hamstrings have decided to join that party and the are KILLING me as well!!!  i texted Phil, telling him that I am trying to decide which hurts the most.  I can’t decide.  They ALL hurt!!!  But this pain shows me that my legs and butt are contributing entities in my body to get me walking and that makes me feel SO good!!!

TOTAL YARDAGE = 323 YARDS AND 2 STEPS.

I woke up to this thought for the day:

Well, I know that I am trying!!!  I just have to wait and either way good things will happen but I’d prefer “better”things to happen.

Yesterday, Phil started stretching me at the Keiser machine.  It was Friday.  The habit now is to immediately go to the mat.  I asked him why we were at the Keiser machine and he repeatedly answered my questions with his usual responses of, “Shhh,” and, “just.”  After he stretched me, we went over to the mat.  Phil moved it to the middle of the turf away from the clock as is the usual place now.  He told me to get down on the mat and he started stretching me more.  I was laying on my stomach and he was stretching my left leg.  My foot was up in the air and he was stretching me HARD-CORE!  He lifted my knee up a little and I began to laugh a little bit because it hurt SO badly.  He lifted my knee a little more and I yelled, “Unbelievable!”  It just came out because it hurt SO much!  Phil was amused by this and continued to repeat it for the rest of the hour.

After this CRAZY stretch, it was time to kneel.  Yesterday, it was a little bit MORE difficult because my butt, quads, and hamstrings were STILL hurting!  I can’t see the clock when it is time to kneel so I just kneel until Phil tells me to stop.  Phil says that I knelt 12 times for a total of 7 minutes.  I knelt 10 times for 30 seconds and twice for 1 minute. It felt like A LOT longer than that!!!  But, I just did what Phil told me to do.  I KNOW that it had to be longer because after Barwis, I drove straight to the Center for Performing Arts for the viewing of the Dearborn High student films. (My nephew was in one of them).  After it was over and the lights came up, it was UNBELIEVABLE how much my butt was hurting!!!

Phil had to put me into my car yesterday after my three failed attempts to do it on my own. I have decided to stop “stealing his thunder” after he gave me a forced “joystick” AGAIN and just let him do his worst.  So, my butt STILL hurts A LOT and this is a new “hurts so good” for me.  I KNOW that it is good that it hurts but I didn’t know that it could hurt this MUCH!!!  But I’ve said before that “I’ll do ANYTHING to walk” and if enduring this pain is part of that “anything” then BRING IT!

 

 

 

Because of the rain, my legs felt REALLY tight yesterday.  I almost hit a duck who was crossing the parking lot at Barwis!  I was getting into my zone and didn’t see it until almost the last second.  Phil stretched me out at the Keiser machine and I stood.  Phil didn’t time it but I think it was for an hour or so.  Seriously, might have been AT LEAST a minute.  It was a strong, sturdy stand; one in which my right leg joined the party immediately.  I sat when Phil told me to VERY slowly and with the UTMOST grace!  (At least that is how I perceived it to be).  It was even the first one and it WASN’T the worst!  I stood again equally as good.  On my third stand, Phil had me do squats in quick succession.  I did 19.  I was on my way up to make it 20 and he said, “I’m not taking you out to your car today.  The new intern is.”  Well, I lost my concentration with that so I had to sit.  I could have done like 30 maybe.. not really, I was already losing steam.

I rested and stood again but I only got 5 more squats.  He fist bumped me and “joystick”ed me.  I let him.  Phil yawned and told me that he was tired and that I was the 7th client he had with neurological problems that day.  I replied with a smile and throwing my hands in the air, “Lucky 7!”  That’s me.

I tried another stand and only completed one squat.  I was disappointed and Phil told me that I was tired.  Well, I guess I WAS.  I told Phil that, “I wanted to knock your socks of but I guess I will save that for “Walking Wednesday.” ”  He stretched me again before my time was over.  He told me I did a good job and we fist bumped like 3 times.  I think he was waiting for me to try to “joystick” him. But, I said that I’m not going to steal his thunder anymore… or am I?  It was nice to just fist bump again.

Zakk took me out to my car which I got into almost by myself.  I undershot the car seat a bit so he had to help me get onto the car seat.  I sat in the car for a while because I was  tired but it was a “good” tired.  I worked hard.  I wondered if I will ALWAYS have to work this hard.  I’m okay with that too though.  It’s bound to get easier!  It already has compared to the days BEFORE Barwis.  I ended up doing like 5 stands and 25 squats yesterday!  I think I can REALLY see walking on the horizon!  We’ll see what “Walking Wednesday” #28 brings…

It rained yesterday on my way to Barwis.  Even though the weather was not good, I didn’t feel TOO, TOO badly.  I got into the center and I heard one of Jesse’s songs.  It was a song I heard a lot this past summer and he used to dance to it and we would laugh.  Phil stretched me out at the Keiser machine (after he gave me a piece of gum because I lost my pack and I really like the gum he chews.  Now I chew it.) and had me stand.  Well, first is STILL NOT the worst because I stood sturdy and strong.  I had to fight for it in the beginning but with Phil telling me to, “Push”, I was able to stand with a *BINK.*  He then told me to do two squats which I did coming up to a complete stand, *BINK.” I stood again and this time I did 3 squats.  I was excited!  So much so, I extended my fist in which Phil “joystick”ed mebut that was okay with me because I was SO happy!

I then completed two more stands where Phil counted down from ten to have me sit again.  He wouldn’t start counting  until I got my bearings and once he started counting, I let out an involuntary, “Wooo!”  Sometimes in life, a well placed, “woo-hoo!” will adequately express your mirth.  I was REALLY happy that I had put forth a good show at the bar so I was looking forward to “Walking Wednesday” #28.

I get set at the line Phil told me to.  Phil has made fun of the fact that I say, “Let’s do this thing!” at the beginning of each down but I said it anyway.  My left foot was getting EXCELLENT steps off and both Phil and Lindsay thought so and were telling me.  My right leg, not so much but my left leg was taking a good lead.  I got 13 yards on my first down.  I got 3 on my 2nd down and 2 on my 3rd down.  I stood for my 4th down but I couldn’t get anything further.  I was squeezing all of the muscles that Phil told me to but I could not will my feet to move.  I sat a bit defeated and said , “I punted.”  I got 18 yards yesterday.  But thinking about it, I have faith in my punter and faith in my D-line.  My return team is GREAT so it wasn’t such a bad thing, I suppose.

Phil didn’t take me out to my car yesterday.  We fist bumped in the center and Phil told me that I did a good job.  I grabbed his fist and gave it a good shake as I yelled, “Joystick.”  I think Phil let me because he wasn’t taking me to my car.  Zakk took me.  He complimented my rims and I told him, “If I’m gonna roll, I’m gonna roll in style.”  I got into my car COMPLETELY by myself!  I sat in the car and rested a long while, drank water, and texted Jesse to tell him how I did.  He responded, “Wow you have been steady w that”  I guess I have! I have gotten double-digit yardage for tha last three “Walking Wednesdays.”  I responded, “I have!  It’s coming!!! “Little by little…”

TOTAL YARDAGE = 341 and 2 steps

 

I arrived to Barwis just in time to begin.  Phil pulled the mat out of the corner to begin our infamous stretch.  It still hurt like anything regardless of Phil’s attempts to calm me with his repetitive, “Shhh” and, “Woosah.”  I asked him if it will always hurt this badly and he said,  “Probably.”  Well, that stinks!

After the stretch, it was time to kneel.  I didn’t feel that my kneeling was better than last week’s but Phil told me that it was better than last time.  He knows.  I can’t see myself and he CAN.  I ended up kneeling  for 8 minutes this time.  I knelt 12 times for 30 seconds each time and twice for 1 full minute each time.  Phil then lifted me off of the mat to put me back into my wheelchair and pushed me over to where my coat and things were.  I was SO tired!

Phil took me out to my car and I tried to get in by myself but Phil had to put me in.  We fist bump once I’m in and I tried to, “Joystick” him but couldn’t.  He told me that I did a good job and Shut my door.  I was SO TIRED!  I left and on my way home, the “numbness” in my legs was replaced with the all too familiar pain in my butt!  I have had continuous pain in my butt, quads, and hamstrings for a few weeks now.  It’s a “good” pain though and it lets me know that I am working hard to walk and the lower half of my body is too!  It’s been SO long that I have felt ANY muscle in my legs.  Now, I feel ALL OF THEM but I’ll take it because it’s FEELING and that’s a good thing!

I called Dusty when I got to Barwis.  I needed help.  I told him that when 5 o’clock comes, to send Adam out.  He asked if I was here (at Barwis) and I told him that I was.  I didn’t mind waiting.  Nick (the new intern) came out to get me.  I told him my name and then told him that I have MS and then added, but “it feels like MS has me today.”  I told him that I didn’t know how he could help me so he just picked me up like Phil does and put me into my chair.  I was MOST grateful and only a little bit embarrassed.

Phil motioned me over to the Keiser machine and just before I got there, a man carrying a camera smiled at me and said, “You must be Jen.”  I smiled back and asked him jokingly how he knew kind of looking around and pointing to my chair.  He told me that he has his ways and we both laughed.  He then told me that the other “First Steppers” come at 10 or 12 o’clock.  I’m the only one who comes now.  I smiled again and told him that I still work.  He told me that he was there to photograph me and not to mind him.

Phil stretched me out and I told him that I wasn’t feeling very well.  Transferring was difficult at work and Nick had to get me into the Center.  He told me to stand and that was easier said than done!  I sat in my chair again and told him that it was okay because, “first is the worst.”  I was able to stand and I completed two squats before I had to sit.  I attempted to stand and squat many times but it was SO difficult!

I told Phil that I began to “glisten” (that’s my way of saying that I am sweating).  He replied, “good.”  Normally, it IS a good thing but with the gentle breeze that was blowing, (the doors were rolled open) I would be chilled to the bone.  Standing and squatting remained being EXTREMELY difficult and I told Phil that my hands had been hurting throughout the day.  I ended up completing 5 squats and a few more stands than that.  It was a BAD day to have MS yesterday.  At least for me but…

Amanda Heckman‏ @aheckmannn

You have to fight through some bad days, to earn some of the best days in your life.

It wasn’t until I was home and my speech began slurring (MS stuff) that I decided to go to bed early.  I have since hit the “reset button” and am looking forward to a GREAT “Walking Wednesday.”

Because…

Motivation&Success‏ @MotSuccess

“The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests.” — Epictetus

These quotes are quotes that I have “favorited” or “retweeted” or both.  I believe them.  I just have to wait for it.