I did NOT sleep at all the night before last. I stared at the ceiling in the dark WIDE AWAKE! The last time I saw on the clock was 1:54 am. I fell asleep only to wake up again at 3:08 am. I fell back to sleep only to have my alarm wake me up at 4:15 am. Needless to say, I was BEYOND tired at work and wondered how I was going to perform at Barwis. The LONG drive to Barwis without the freeway seemed a bit daunting to me. It was bad enough just having to transfer out of my wheelchair!
As I get to Barwis, I was even more tired! Phil stretched me out and we go over to the Keiser machine. He set my feet and told me to stand. I was SO beyond tired but I found that spot within me to push through it anyway. Phil told me many times to, “Push!”. I stood for a total of 6 times and had 4 “fails.” Then it was time to go. I think on any other day I would be MOST unhappy with my showing but I was SO tired. Not workout tired but sleepy tired. Regardless, I still gave it my all! I pushed myself. I was not always successful in my stands but I attempted my stand until Phil told me to sit down. In one failed attempt, I asked him if he could feel my legs shaking just before he told me to sit down. He was pushing my right knee trying to help me stand. I sat down and he said, “yeah.”
I think it was in that failed attempt that he attempted to fist bump me. Our fist bumps now are us looking at each other with our hands kind of moving like the jellyfish in Sponge Bob (that’s how I see it) and trying to decide what to do. This attempt ends when Phil just grabs my hand and forces it into a fist and shakes it. That’s easy for him because his hands are SO much bigger than mine!
I’m not giving up on that though (I’ll get him when he least expects it!) just like I’m not giving up on walking. It’s NOT linear! I knew that. There will be some bad days but that’s okay. I’ll push through them. I have no other choice. I’m still a bit sleep deprived today and coupled with the fact that it is raining doesn’t really help. Phil says that it’s a mindset (reacting to the weather) and I have my mind set on walking! So rain-shmain – I’m pushing through it.