Category: Barwis Methods

Nick helped me onto the table, but before he did that, I HAD to tell him about my Neurology appointment the day before!  Having had MS for a little over 15 1/2 years, I have gotten into a routine.  I see my Neurologist annually (in the summer).  I don’t want to jinx myself but I’m very lucky to this point not to have reason for seeing my doctor more often or having to be admitted to the hospital because of a really bad flare-up.  So, I see my doctor once a year.  I think I have had my current Neurologist for 13 or 14 years.  I love him!  He’s really tall and looks like Lex Luther; the Gene Hackman one.

Only, he has a warm smile and even warmer handshake; he has big hands.  He’s the head of the Neurology department.  He came in for only a moment this time to ask if it was okay if his med. student did my intake.  I was okay with that.  Kai came in and did all the normal things; he looked at my eyes with his little light and tested my arm and hand strength.

Then he did something I hadn’t done in a while, he took both my socks and shoes off and pulled out that big one-sided Q-tip, took it out of the package and broke it.  I had done this so many times before, years ago.  It NEVER felt normal when I was poked in my feet and legs, rather it felt like a circular ripple  after the initial poke and the initial poke felt kind of tingly, not like the sharp edge of a broken Q-tip.  The soft side didn’t feel normal either so when Kai got ready to do this, I was ready to feel the normal “abnormal” sensations.

Only… this time, the sensations felt NORMAL!  The poke was sharp with no lingering sensations!  The soft side of the Q-tip felt soft and there were no lingering sensations either!  It felt normal on both legs!  He poked both feet and shins half-way up.  Then he asked me to wiggle my toes.  Now in my head i was wiggling them as if i were drumming my fingers on a table repeatedly.  There was slight movement in both feet but it WAS a wiggle!

I told this (an abridged version) to Nick and he smiled and said something like, “Hell yeah!” and helped me onto the table.  I laid on the table on my stomach and he pushed his fingers into my calves.  He asked if it hurt and i told him, “At first but then it feels good!” He didn’t use the rolling stick on me which I was kind of glad because my legs felt really bruised but instead used his fingers.  I rolled onto my back for some PNFs and Megan came over and sat on the table beside me.  Well, I HAD to tell her!  She smiled, gave me a, “Hell yeah!” also and raised her hand to give me a high-five.  I told her that it took three years but turns out that i am NOT a lost cause!

The routine changed.  Now, Nick helps me onto the table and I lay on my stomach right away.  To loosen my legs up, he pushes his fingers into the middle of my calves.  My legs loosen up quite easily and it makes for easier leg movements for me.  I say “easily” meaning that it is easy for me but not so much for Nick and his fingers!  This time, i remained laying on my stomach after the initial “calf pushes”.  Nick pushed into my calf again and my knee bent with my foot off of the table in a 90 degree angle relative to my thighs.

This time, for the first time, Nick had me do some PNFs where I pushed my leg backward toward the table and immediately pulled my leg back up to my butt.  I would rest a moment and then Nick would tell me to, “Push” (and I would) and then he would immediately tell me to, “Pull back up.”  This was the first time I completed PNFs with multiple muscle groups!  Granted, these PNFs could be stronger but, it’s a beginning!

I thought back to when I couldn’t even do PNFs.  I couldn’t do much with Jesse.  I did some with Phil before the deep freeze of my first winter at Barwis.  I remembered talking about moving up to PNFs with Mike Rhoades and now, here I am.  Multiple muscle group PNFs!  Nick had me roll over onto my back anf then pulled out the roller stick and rolled the fronts and sides of my thighs a little bit before my time was up.  He came out to help my Mom get me into the car.  Since Nick first started rolling my legs, my Mom can get both of legs in easily in one motion.  Nick got to see this as he brought me out and my Mom thanked him!  He smiled and went back in because I was in the car.

I got to Barwis a little bit early and my Mom pushed me to in between the tables so I was out-of-the-way.  I was next to Landis stretching someone out after their workout to my right.  A few tables over, to my left, Megan was stretching someone out on a high table and I wondered how they both got up onto the table.   I watched both of them stretching out their clients with ease and I was envious.  They both were stretching their clients pretty far and it wasn’t hurting either client.  It looked like it felt good.  I told Landis that, “I wished my body moved normally.”  I was a bit sad watching normal bodies move.

Just then, Nick came over, moved the fan off of the table we would work on and put it on the table right next to us and wiped the table down.  I got on the table and laid on my stomach.  He asked if the fan would be okay there and I tossed my head so my hair blew back around my face and i told him, “Yeah, I’m pretending I’m a supermodel at a photo shoot with the wind machine blowing my hair everywhere!”  I was okay with the wind.  It wasn’t cold so it didn’t bother me.  He periodically asked if it was okay and I told him that I was still at the photo shoot,

Nick got the roller stick and rolled the backs of my calves, thighs, and butt.  Then he pushed my foot back to my butt until I could feel the stretch in my thighs and held it there for a bit.  Then I rolled over onto my back and told him that the photo shoot was over and he rolled my thighs.  He bent my knees and rolled the insides of my thighs and I rolled on to either side and he rolled the outsides of my thighs.  I felt relaxed and completely rolled.  I vaguely wondered if I’d have bruises but didn’t care!

I got to Barwis a bit early and just waited around by the tables for Nick.  When he came over, he helped me to stand to transfer but when he did that, for a moment, I felt sturdy and sure; it felt like standing was effortless. He felt it too and had me continue to stand.  I was reminded of back when I used to work with Phil and would tell him that I could, “stand for days!”  This was how I felt at that moment, but my waist bent and my butt stuck out and that standing for days didn’t feel like an option, standing for moments seemed improbable.

Nick pulled the right side of my butt toward him with a couple of his fingers and my butt was back under me but I kept teetering between, “standing for days” and just barely being able to remain upright.  My legs began to shake.  Nick and Megan both saw this and began yelling encouragements to get me to continue to stand and, “not let my butt hit the table.”  I gritted my teeth and tried my hardest.  Just before I finally was forced to sit, I rested my forehead on Nick’s “muscle boob.”

All the guys at a at Barwis have “muscle bobs.”  I remember resting my forehead on many of their boobs out of sheer exhaustion when they’d help me to stand.  Phil and Mike Morfitt stand out but I’m sure I rested my head on Jesse and Mike Rhoades.  Everyone at Barwis is in optimal physical shape!  Megan laughed and made a comment but understood how exhausted I was.  As Nick and Megan were yelling, Luba came over to talk to Megan.

Once I was seated, Luba asked me what was going on.  I laughed and told her that I was standing for like 10 years.  She said that it sounded CRAZY! (All the yelling).  I know I didn’t stand for 10 years, it may have only been 10 seconds but at least I was able to stand. Once on the table, I laid on my stomach and Nick started rolling my legs out.

I’ve always thought of  him rolling some kind of dough out, nice and flat.  I’ve pictured me as sugar cookie dough being rolled out nice and smooth, getting prepared to be cut into some cute shape.  But this time, he rolled me deeper and pushed the stick harder.  It felt good by all means but instead of sugar cookie dough, I pictured a tough ethnic woman rolling the dough into something more functional like biscuits or pasta.

After Nick was done rolling the backs of my legs and butt, he told me that we would, “Kick and Pull” meaning that I would do the “multiple muscle group PNFs” again and kick my leg out (foot toward the table) and immediately pull my foot to my butt once that motion was complete.  I thought back to my young years competitively swimming in the summers growing up.  I’ve talked about Mr. Bill (whom I LOVE) but Mr. Seitz was also my coach.

He used to talk out of the side of his mouth when he was addressing us swimmers in the pool.  I guess to project his voice but I remember when he taught us the breaststroke and showed us the stroke with both arms on lg standing by the pool.  He told us to, “Pull, kick, and glide.”  He told us this often while teaching us the stroke.  Even the words were unversed, I thought of him with fondness. I always smile when I thin of these two men!

After I completed some of these PNFs, I rolled over and Nick rolled the fronts, insides, and outsides of my thighs.  I was tired but my legs felt good and loose.  My mom easily got me into my car and she thanked Nick for the work he does with me.  I involuntarily dozed on the ride home.  When I woke up before we got to my house, my legs felt SO good!

My son ran track and threw shot put in grade school.  He started in 4th grade and continued on through 8th grade.  I’m not sure what he will do in high school but I enjoyed being a “track mom.” The coach used to email the parents with a list of times and distances for the previous meet.  He would highlight all PRs for the kids.  I learned that PR meant, “Personal Record.”  I thought about this fact this past weekend after I went to Barwis on Thursday.

I got to Barwis a bit early and watched Deeds, Mike Morfitt, and Landis stretch out their clients enviously.  I can’t really remember my body moving normally anymore… Nick came over and after he wiped the table down, helped me to stand up.  I felt sturdy and stood for a little while.  Mike Morfitt helped adjust my feet so I could stand longer.  I sat on the table to rest and Nick told me that we would work on that today.  After I rested awhile, I stood again.  Nick asked Megan to put the timer on but there was some miscommunication so I stood without it.

As I was standing, I looked over to the squat machine where I used to work with Phil and remembered, “Standing for days!”  I sat and rested again and then stood two more times.  Once for 1:11 and lastly for 1:13.   After my last stand, Nick couldn’t find the rolling stick so he used a softball to press on my calves.  It did the trick, it felt extremely similar to the rolling stick on both of my calves.

Then he found the stick, rolled my legs out a bit, and stretched my legs out.  It was like the stretching I saw, I’ve seen, but it’s just a little modified because my body doesn’t move normally.  It felt good and it relaxed me.  I thought about my previous stands – I know I wrote about these stands before and thought about re-reading them.  I didn’t.  If I remember correctly, they were longer than my most recent 1:11 and 1:13 and I’m choosing to embrace and celebrate my new PR instead of lamenting over what I used to be able to do.

I thought about what I used to be able to do.  When I was first diagnosed,  I remember playing basketball in my son’s dad’s yard and I noticed it was a little difficult.  I thought about the fact that my memories of being able-bodied have changed over the years, from being on the elliptical machine up to an hour daily to now I think of just being able to dust my furniture on my own.  My physical abilities have diminished over the years and it seems my memories of my physical abilities have gotten smaller over the years as well.  I used to be able to walk and I used to be able to stand effortlessly 15 1/2 years ago and I KNOW that I have stood longer at Barwis even but for now, I am choosing to celebrate my new PR even though I look forward to it getting longer.

This was my first day with students for the 2016-17 school year.  It’s my 12th year teaching so I’m used to the “First Day of School” hype but I was tired!  Exhausted even!  I think Nick could sence it so he helped me onto the table immediately when I stood from my chair.  I laid back and Nick stretched me out and I did some PNFs.  The stretching and the PNFs made me even more tired and I started to, “glisten.”

It didn’t take very long for this, “glistening” to turn in to all-out sweating.  Like A LOT!  I put my nose in my shirt collar and wiped it off just as I felt the sweat changing from, “glisten” to sweat and then I constantly had to wipe the bridge of my nose as I felt sweat beading on my forehead and the roots of my hair became damp.  As Nick was working, he glanced over to me and commented that I was really sweating and I agreed.

I thought back to conversations I had with Parker years ago.  He told me that tears and sweat were two forms of the body’s natural way of cleansing itself.  I always think of that when I am a sissy, cry-face baby and cry.  Sweating doesn’t come very easily to me anymore so I welcome it more now.  It makes me feel that I’m working REALLY hard and something athletic.  It feels good and I hear Parker telling me that it’s a good thing; that it’s a cleanse so I continued to wipe the bridge of my nose in my shirt and thought of Parker with fondness.  I miss him.

I continued to “cleanse” but my legs loosened up really nicely.  I got into my car easily because my legs were so relaxed and I closed my eyes IMMEDIATELY!  My Mom made a comment as we were backing out of the space behind Barwis about me being a, “Sleeping Princess.”  I slept the entire way home until I was in my driveway with the exception of this moment, when the car had backed up enough to change direction and head left out of the parking lot.

I opened my eyes for the briefest of moments where I could see the dumpster as the car changed directions.  I thought of Phil.  I thought of Mike Rhoades.  The thoughts of them forced me to open my eyes.  Just like I corrected both of them, I had to open my eyes and interrupt my sleep and correct my Mother.  I just needed to set her straight, state a fact before I went back to sleep.  Just like I told Phil and Michael, I simply stated before closing my eyes again; “I am a queen.”

So, once on the table, Nick had me lay on my stomach.  He bent my foot back to my butt and told me to, “Kick!” Once I kicked my foot so my leg was mostly straight, he pushed my foot back to my butt and would yell, “Kick!” again.  We did these motions in quick succession and after a few, “Kick!”s it changed to Nick saying, “Kit!”  I knew what he meant so I continued kicking and thought about my Dad.  And two of my brothers.  My Dad was in the army.  His basic training was in the south before he went to Vietnam and he and my Mother lived in Oklahoma after they were married while my Dad still had time to serve once his tours were over.

I write about this because at one time, I worked with two of my brothers.  One was the vice principal and one was the behavior interventionist.  Both of these roles called for them to address and correct student behavior.  This address was usually at a high volume be it in the cafeteria or in the hallways.  When either of them raised their voice it sounded especially like my Dad.  It wasn’t until another teacher asked one of my brothers when they lived in the south.  My brother (neither one) has never lived in the south.  The teacher told them that when they raised their voice, they got a southern twang.  I laughed when my brother told me this because they BOTH did it and I guess that’s because my Dad did it to them when giving directives when they were growing up and my Dad’s directives when he was in the army came from a southern man.  Now, Nick’s, “Kit’s” sound just the slightest bit southern and I thought of this story of my brothers and my Dad.

Nick had me roll onto my back and he was having a heck of a time bending my legs.  He was working SO hard!  I could see it in his face.  I always feel badly hearing his grunts and seeing him sweat and the look on his face because there is nothing I can do to make it easier for him.  I try to, “will” my legs to bend but it is no use.  They only loosen after he has exerted SO MUCH energy and after more than a few grunts.

So, I’m just laying on my back as Nick is working SO hard and an intern I have never seen before walks by.  It took me awhile to figure out why I felt funny looking at this kid, until I realized that he reminded me of Phil!  I think it was because he’s tall.  I asked Nick who he was and he told me that his name was Michael.  I told Nick that he reminded me of Adam (I know not refer to Adam as “Phil” to anyone at Barwis because I was the ONLY one to call him “Phil” and that was SOOO long ago now).  Nick agreed and said he kind of looked like him.

I wasn’t sure if he looked like Phil.  I still haven’t decided.  I laid on the table and tried to decide.  It took me a minute to figure out why he kept glancing over at me.  It’s because I was straight up staring at him with my thinking face on.  The damage was already done before I realized this; I’m creepy.  But there was already a (or I already called someone) “Michael” at Barwis.  And that was Mike Rhoades (even though he didn’t like me doing so).

I laid back on the black table, tired.  I had had “Open House” at my school and one of Sean’s football games so I was unable to go to Barwis.  I was there again and happy to be there.  It was mellow and there was just the new semester’s group of the “Fit Club” (not a full class this time), Nick, Deeds, and me there.  Me and Nick chatted it up a bit while Deeds sat on the table to our right.  He was messing with his phone to change the music.  Nick told him to, “Turn on u2, Deeds” and gave me a small smile when I jerked my head to look at him.  The music stopped for just a moment before I heard the opening bars of “Pride.”  Now, u2 is my ultimate, favorite band and all the guys at Barwis (past and present) know this but I know it’s NOT really Barwis music.  It’s not, “Pump-You-Up,” workout music and I KNOW this.  Deeds played it just for me.

I recounted the singing of this song at the TOP of my lungs in the bar with my brother on my 22nd birthday.  (My Dad was taken to the hospital and started dialysis on my 21st birthday so there was NO partying that day!) I know I’ve told Adam and I’m pretty sure I’ve told Michael about it too.  Nick continued stretching me and we continued doing PNFs as “Where the Streets Have No Name” came on.  I KNOW this isn’t Barwis music!  But, I REALLY dug it.

Lastly, “One” came on as Nick was helping my Mom get me into the car.  Now, this song FOR SURE is NOT Barwis music but is my FAVORITE u2 song if I had to pick just one.  I love SO many of them!  As we pulled away, the fact that I heard 3 u2 songs played just for me made me feel SO special!  I’ve worked with Deeds once, the 2nd time I came to Barwis when Jesse, “Stood me up” but Deeds has always been there when I am.  The few times he’s been sick or on vacation in the past 3 years, I miss him.  I remember I told Jesse that ALL of the guys at Barwis are not so much like my brothers (because they didn’t torture me when I was little) but they are!  Deeds playing this music for me solidified that fact even further for me!  I love ALL of them!

The last time I was at ATI was awhile ago.  When I was there, the therapists talked about moving to the space next door.  Construction actually started when I was there and they told me about it being a bigger place.  I found it a little difficult to picture and I wondered what their current space would look like.  They told me that Mike Barwis was turning it into a yoga studio.  I remember the new ATI opening and I saw video of the old ATI space.  I often looked at the new double doors on the far side wall of Barwis and wondered what it looked like.  I didn’t think I would end up there again and kept telling myself that I should go check it out.

Well, as my luck would have it… I was injured.  My right knee.  After an emergency room visit, two days off of work, a visit to Saturday urgent care and referral to sports medicine, I got in to see Dr. Frush.  I sprained my MCL.  I told him that it hurt and I thought I was just being a sissy at first but I knew something had to be wrong with my knee.  I had had knee surgery on this knee before, I had broken my ankle, I bore a child (via C-section), and I had braces.  Not to mention that I’ve had MS for almost 16 years; I was NO stranger to pain.  He said it would be painful for 4-6 weeks to come.  He was NOT lying!  He prescribed a brace and physical therapy; so here I am back at ATI, the new ATI.

it is a lot bigger and there are more tables and a large space for people to do their work.  Luba told me that there are 5 physical therapists now.  It still smells like new paint.  I dug it.  I dug it even further when Luba started working on my knee.  I hadn’t really realized how much my knee hurts until Luba rubbed it and made it feel so much better!  I’m scheduled to come to ATI, 3 days a week until November 10th.  I COMPLETELY need it!  But I HAVE TO enter through the back door so I come in to ATI through Barwis… I still HAVE TO see the guys!

I worked with Kristen on Wednesday. I will be at ATI Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays for the next month.  This was the first time I worked with Kristen at the new ATI and my excessive rambling continued.  First, I explained to Kristen how I was injured and how much it STILL hurts!  I am trerribly surprised how much it hurts but Kristen rubbed my knee differently than Luba did but I tell equally as good!

My rambling continued and I started talking about Sean and football.  Then conversation changed to the movie, Concussion with Will Smith.  She had also seen it and I told her that I  ordered it OnDemand and watched it by myself.  I wasn’t sure where Sean was but I remembered him coming home when I was already in bed for the night.  I called him to my room and asked him to come close to me where I tearfully had him lean close to me where I could kiss his forehead.  He was taken aback by me doing this and asked why I did it.  I told him that I just blessed his brain and told him that I ordered Concussion and he could watch it the next day if he wanted.  He asked if it was going to make him NOT want to play football anymore and I thought for a moment and told him, “Maybe.”  He didn’t watch it.

Kristen finished my stretch and rub-down and put the patches on my knee for stim and put the ice on.  I always take a deep breath with my eyes closed because it feels SO good!  As I laid back, I wondered if I was always going to ramble when I was at ATI.  Hmmm.  Probably.