Category: Barwis Methods

I got to Barwis and Nick warmed my legs up in my chair (that’s how I’m going to say he loosened them up).  He helped me onto the table and Steven (I don’t know if it’s an ”v’ or a   ‘ph’ but my brother spells it with a ‘v’ so that’s how I’m going to spell it) brought over a wedge for me to lay back on and Nick worked my legs.  Steven sat on the table next to me  and asked what I had.  I told him that I had Multiple Sclerosis.

Nick found how far to stretch my legs by asking me and once that was set, Steven asked almost sheepishly what it was.  I told him I would explain it to him how it was explained to me 15 years ago.  I explained the broken up coating of the extension cord that is my nervous system.  Then I added the story of my internal civil war between my immune system and my nervous system and how my immune system is kicking my nervous system’s butt.  I also explained that my brain has lost communication with my legs because of this civil war.

I explained how I’ve been coming to Barwis almost 3 years and then I started enumerating my progress: my cold bathroom floor, I can now sleep on my stomach, and the necessity to shave my legs again.  I told him about my 35 yards walking, squats, and killing it on the shuttle.  I was just going on and on; I’m a talker, always have been.  Nick was pretty quiet as he worked other than asking me how far to stretch my legs.  My time was winding down.

I looked at him at told him that it was awesome walking my 35 yard stretch.  It’s awesome doing squats or killing it on the shuttle.  I paused a second and kind of stared at the ceiling and took a breath and willed myself not to cry and added, “but this (referring to his stretching) is pretty awesome.”  He smiled and then we were finished.  He helped me back into my chair and into my car and my legs felt loose and warm  and good and I knew I would sleep well and that too, is pretty awesome!

I was tired when I got to Barwis and my legs felt pretty stiff.  Nick warmed my legs up for a LONG time because it took a while for me them to loosen because they were resisting so badly.  Once he got my legs semi-normal feeling, he helped me onto the table.  He grabbed a wedge for me to lay on and then grabbed my right leg.  He bent it and told me that today he was going to take it easy.  Nothing crazy.

He slowly stretched my leg outward until I felt the stretch but it didn’t hurt.  He held it there a while and rocked it a bit further outward.  I clearly saw my legs being two new sticks of clay and he slowly, artistically even, melded them into something manageable to work with.  He did the stretches on both legs and changed the position of my legs so I felt the stretch in both of my groins and hips.

I appreciated that we were doing, “nothing crazy” because I needed the escape from the tight feeling in my legs.  I remembered Brock saying that, “sometimes you just NEED a stretch.”  I also remembered feeling to disappointed, not productive, and like a failure in NOT having a “Walking Wednesday”  but now I understood the immense importance of the stretching I would do with Phil, Michael, Susan, and now Nick.  It’s not a disappointment, unproductive, nor a failure; rather, I understood the importance of doing, “Nothing crazy” in that moment  because I needed the break from the painful tightness in my legs that I feel ALL THE TIME now at least for a little while and I got that right now while doing, “Nothing crazy.”

Nick would not be there on the 5th because he was still out-of-town from the holiday so I was scheduled to work with Megan.  Megan started at Barwis shortly after I did and she’s been there the longest beside Dan and Deeds but I don’t talk to those guys so much.  They work with athletes opposed to injury recovery clients.  I’m comfortable with Megan but I rarely work with her but she gives me hugs and we would compare our socks for “Wacky Sock Wednesday.”

She started stretching me out and I asked how she is doing.  Conversion flowed easily between us because I don’t really get to really talk with her for extended periods of time.  It felt like to old friends catching up.  I asked about the baby she works with (Emerson) and her apartment.  We started doing PNFs and she was impressed.  It had to have been over six months since I worked with her so the fact that she was impressed proved to me that I am progressing.

I rolled over on to my stomach and she bent my right leg and pulled my knee up away from the table.  On her command, I would push my knee down and then she would pull my knee back up and we’d do it again.  So,she pulled my knee up and told me to “push.”  I like doing these because by now, I’m pretty good at them.  When I’m told to, “push” I do it immediately and with purpose.  My quads burn in like a “muscle-ache-because-I’m-using-them” type of way and I like that.  So when I pushed and the movement was immediate and with purpose, Megan reacted with an immediate exclamation of, “Beautiful!” and that made me feel good!

So this particular Tuesday was three years to the day that I have been training at Barwis.   I thought it would be some  monumental moment.  Jesse told me a long time ago that I would be a “life-er” at Barwis and I get that but I had hoped I would be walking by now.  I thought I would be.  I was tired and it was hot outside so I was having a hard time.  I was tired of my disease.

Nick stretched me out nicely in my chair and then we worked on the table.  We did our normal PNFs and I was quiet.  My legs slowly started feeling better and I appreciated it but silently wished it wasn’t fleeting.  I knew that my legs would go back to feeling like neatly packaged sticks of clay that aren’t meant to be used for anything.  In order to be used for anything, these sticks need to be taken out of the package and kneaded and squeezed and rolled into something that is soft and malleable.

For the time being, my legs felt good. But I was just in a bad spot.  Rather than basking in the good feeling in my legs, I mourned for the fact that this feeling was going to go away way too soon and was irritated that I had to deal with that fact.  My time was up but I was grateful that I at least I would sleep well.  I was quiet on the ride home and was frustrated that this feeling was going to go away.  It was my anniversary!  I was supposed to be happy!  Today I was not diggin’ having MS!

• So, I thought a lot about my “”Debbie Downer” anniversary last week and it got me thinking.  A catalyst that really got me thinking about this was the music at Barwis.  An Everlast song came on and I remembered a conversation that I had with Mike Rhoades back when I worked with him just after Adam left.  We had just heard the House of Pain song, “Jump Around.  Just after I started working with Michael.  Now, I LOVE music and can talk about it constantly, Michael asked if I knew that it was Everlast rapping and I told him that I had kind of heard that maybe.  Michael told me about one of his favorite songs by Everlast; “The Lonely Road.”  I’ve never heard that song at Barwis but when I heard that Everlast song with the ‘Fit Club” controlling the music; I thought of that conversation with Michael.

I could have such long conversations with Michael because that was back before I was doing the REAL work of PNFs.  I remembered Michael telling me about what a PNF was.  He didn’t actually tell me but made me find out myself.  (I just texted Nick Lucius and asked him)  but when I came back and told him what PNF stood for, (Proprioreceptive Neuromuscular Facilitation) he told me what it entailed and demonstrated it for me.  Now, this was back when he used to “Oh Doggie” stretch me and I couldn’t do much else but let myself be stretched.   I couldn’t even do PNFs then.

That is not the case today.  PNFs for me now are almost a daily routine.  I do multiple reps and multiple forms of them.  So, I’m a lot further in my progress than I was almost a year ago.  I couldn’t believe that it had been 3 years and I STILL wasn’t walking, so much so that I couldn’t see my progress.  I couldn’t hear all of my trainers’, “Hell yeah’s” or, Beautiful’s” when I was focused on what I couldn’t do but the fact is that they happened.  I leave Barwis now SO tired because I am actively doing stuff!  Stuff that will eventually get me walking  and I’m grateful that at this moment I can see that. I’m reminded of a quote I saw in a tweet not too long ago, I see it often  and I’m not quitting.

Well, I didn’t make it to Barwis on Thursday.  I’ve decided that this heat is tiring.  I’ve also decided that I’m tired of having MS.  So, I was just TIRED.  With the heat and having had MS for 15 1/2 years, I was just tired.  Nick could see my tiredness on my face.  He loosened my legs in my chair and helped me onto the table.  He told me that we were going to do something,  “a little different.”  

He slowly stretched my leg as far as I could take it and pushed just a little bit further and he told me that he would just “hold” it there. It didn’t hurt and I liked it a lot.  Him pushing it just a bit further and holding it allowed for me to feel a good stretch and for blood to flow freely.  My legs started feeling warm and they loosened up nicely.  Both of my legs stopped hurting and felt loose and I wished I could have that feeling all the time.

Nick is SO GOOD at his job and understands what he needs to do with me.  He knew that I just needed to chill out today.  I thought about Brock telling me that sometimes all I need is a stretch.  That was the case on this day and I felt a little bit bad that it wasn’t going to stay but appreciated that I had the feeling at all.  My legs felt warm and loose and I liked that!

I got to Barwis and Nick told me that we would be on the shuttle and I was REALLY happy because I hadn’t been on the shuttle in SO LONG!  He also told me that he would force my knees to bend by loading three bands onto the machine.  The pressure would cause my legs to bend because there was NO WAY I could fight it and I knew that; I was cool with it.  Austin helped Nick get me onto the shuttle and Nick loaded the pressure bands on.  My knees bent with ease.  My knees had no choice but to bend because the pressure was too great.

Nick told me that we (or rather I ) would just hang out there for a bit.  It did feel kind of good to have them bent so much with no choice but to bend much further than 90 degrees.  Nick told me to try to push.  I knew I wasn’t going to move but he wanted me to activate my muscles anyway.  I pushed two or three times; I held it and kept pushing until Nick told me to stop.  I didn’t move upward but I felt my muscles activate and my quads and hamstrings felt warm.  He took a band off and I repeated my muscle activation, this time with slight movement upward.  We did this a few times and he removed another Banda.  We repeated this process until there were no bands left.

Just as I began pushing upward, Elle came by and sat next to me and we started talking about the upcoming MuckFest.  She was doing it with her family as well.  We talked for a while and I continuously repeated the motion upwards and down while we talked.  When she left, I looked at Nick and noticed that my quads were burning.  He kind of laughed and told me that he just let me keep going as I talked.  I did a few more before I stopped and Nick and Austin helped me back into my chair.  I LOVE leaving Barwis with my legs feeling loose but I ESPECIALLY LOVE feeling the warmth and tiredness in my legs from muscle activation!

I missed my time at Barwis on Thursday. I just can’t handle the heat nowadays. When Nick saw me when I got to Barwis on Tuesday, he could see that I was tired.  I was a bit late to my appointment time so he just helped me onto the table.   It was a “just get stretched day. ” I was frustrated with that fact but happy to get stretched out so my legs would stop being so stiff.  I’m very grateful to have had Brock tell me that. He knows how hard this work is and him giving me permission to “just get stretched” made me realize that it’s okay.  Sometimes my body just needs the rest.

I laid back onto the weddings and Nick methodically stretched my legs out. Elle was on her way out and she sat on the table next to me and we talked more concretely about the MuckFest that was coming on Saturday.  My son has done the previous two and was registered for Saturday’s events. Elle’s family was also doing it.  We talked about the details and start times for Saturday and as my legs began to relax, I vaguely became concerned about the heat.

I’ve figured out that when my body temperature warms up too much (this occurs most often during the summer months) I only have a few minutes where I can control my arms and legs and have coherent speech. It only takes a couple of minutes for me to melt.  The few minutes have become shortened and I’m not sure if it’s more so because of the extreme heat we’ve been experiencing or the fact that I have had MS for 15 years. Either way, it really stinks! I do miss the warmth of the sunshine on my skin and basking in it rather than hiding from it and rushing from an air-conditioned indoors to an air-conditioned car.

Elle left and my time was almost up. I apologized to Nick for talking the whole time and he just shook his head and shrugged a little.  I was so grateful that my legs felt so much better and that I would be able to sleep that night. I’ve always liked the Autumn season most, even when I was growing up. Being a teacher, I probably should like summer because of the summer vacation but now I can’t think of summer without thinking of my limitations with having MS.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the MuckFest this year.  MS sucks! (On SO many different levels!)  Elle came to sit by me after Nick already had helped me onto the table.  My Mom was still by me and she also sat down.  I looked at her as she started talking and she told me that a donation was made to my account.  She told us the amount and my Mom started to cry.  This donation would pay foe over two weeks of training for me!

I was shocked and asked who donated.  A woman whose daughter is also a first stepper was the one who donated.  Her daughter would finish just as I would get there.  I first saw her when I worked with Adam and got to know her more back when I worked with Mike Rhoades.  I very much enjoyed watching her progress and I often spoke with her mother while she trained.  I count these women as my friends now and they both understand how difficult the work first steppers do at Barwis.

This woman donated to my account because she believes in Barwis Methods because of all of the wonderful work they have done with her daughter and she also believes in me.  I didn’t cry but was very moved by this donation.  It was the first donation I received.  (Actually, I take that back! – my mom donated some money to me when the donation site was set up.  Thanks mom!  Every little bit counts and DEFINITELY helps because as Jesse said, “I’m a lifer!” And I don’t mind that fact in the least!

Nick didn’t loosen my legs up in my chair as is the routine but instead helped me on to the table immediately.  He told me that we were going to do “something new” today.  I asked him if it was going to hurt and he simply replied, “yes.”  That reply was a bit concerning but I’ve always been okay with that.  I’ve known for a long time that, as in Never Ending Story, “it’s got to hurt if it’s to heal.”So I was game.  Nick helped me on to the table and had me lay on my stomach and he pushed my pant legs up to my knees.  He pushed his fingers into the middle of my calf and this kind of hurt but t wasn’t intolerable.  my knee bent and my heel went up in the air almost immediately.

Given the fact that my legs bent so easily and they began feeling loose, I was willing to handle the little bit of discomfort I felt.  I thought back to braking my ankle when I was student teaching. One student asked as I explained to the class how I broke it if I cried.  I guess he asked it in front of the whole class to put me on the spot.  I couldn’t feel my legs very much back then so I quickly and  honestly answered, “No.”  I guess that made me look tough given the surprised look on his face.

Nick asked if it hurt and I answered, “So good!”  Next he brought over a stick with handles on either end.  I’ve since found out from Jesse  that it is a “roller stick” used to break up fascia.  Well, Nick rolled it on the backs of both calves, had me roll over and rolled it on the fronts and sides of both of my thighs.  He constantly asked if it hurt and I constantly told him, “So good!”  It DID feel really good!  My legs felt warm and they loosened up very nicely.

When Nick and my Mom helped me into the passenger’s seat of my car, my Mom was able to easily get both of my feet in the car.  My legs felt relaxed and warm.  It was nice.  Then I got home…  My Mom touched  my knee to get my legs out of the car and it hurt!  I was able to fall asleep without anyone touching my legs and they felt warm and loose.  It wasn’t until the next morning that I felt like the girl with “birthmarks all over her body” from the “Crash Test Dummies” song, “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” from back when I was in grade school.  I felt like I had round bruises all over my legs like the purple circles she had all over her body in the video.

I texted Jesse about this fact the next morning and he told me the purpose of this what I call “rolling-pin” technique.  He asked me if it hurt and I told him, “Oh yeah! But SO good!” He told me that it was blood moving to the surface and that was a good thing.  I thought so too!  I didn’t have as many bruises as I thought I would but they were there!  Battle Scars!  I’ll take it!  It’s a battle worth fighting for sure!