So this particular Tuesday was three years to the day that I have been training at Barwis. I thought it would be some monumental moment. Jesse told me a long time ago that I would be a “life-er” at Barwis and I get that but I had hoped I would be walking by now. I thought I would be. I was tired and it was hot outside so I was having a hard time. I was tired of my disease.
Nick stretched me out nicely in my chair and then we worked on the table. We did our normal PNFs and I was quiet. My legs slowly started feeling better and I appreciated it but silently wished it wasn’t fleeting. I knew that my legs would go back to feeling like neatly packaged sticks of clay that aren’t meant to be used for anything. In order to be used for anything, these sticks need to be taken out of the package and kneaded and squeezed and rolled into something that is soft and malleable.
For the time being, my legs felt good. But I was just in a bad spot. Rather than basking in the good feeling in my legs, I mourned for the fact that this feeling was going to go away way too soon and was irritated that I had to deal with that fact. My time was up but I was grateful that I at least I would sleep well. I was quiet on the ride home and was frustrated that this feeling was going to go away. It was my anniversary! I was supposed to be happy! Today I was not diggin’ having MS!
Good Morning Jen: Boy can I identify with your message here! Your description of our legs being like blocks of clay certainly resonated with me. I got up today and am so stiff I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. Instead I took my Zanaflex, dragged myself to the kitchen because I really wanted some coffee ( the one cup a day I must have). Hope sending this does not wake you up, but I fell asleep really early last night and am up for the day I guess. I am really enjoying reading the individual sections of your blog and it helps fill in some of the blanks. Keep positive and know you are loved! Char