Category: Barwis Methods

Megan was in ATI talking with Luba when I came in.  As I laid on the table and Luba stretched my leg out, I told Megan that I would be back at Barwis in April.  My schedule is set and I am working with Nick Montoni on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I’m excited and I’ve worked with Nick before.  I’ve told people that I have known Nick with and without a beard.  He is bearded now but back when he was an intern, he didn’t have one.

i told Megan that with these last muscle  tears, I feel that the idea walking is slipping away.  I used to feel that I was on the cusp of walking and that it was SO close.  I fear that my immobility with these last muscle tears has made the idea of walking again somewhat fuzzy.  I used o see it SO clearly with my “Walking Wednesdays” but now it isn’t as clear.  My  memories of “Walking Wednesdays” are just that.  Memories.  It almost feels SO distant and somewhat implausible that I actually did that after my MS diagnosis and after being in a wheelchair for so long.  Megan looked at me and shook he head when I told her that maybe walking wasn’t in the cards for me.  She assured me that all of this was just a “bump in the road.”

i needed to hear that.  I needed to be assured.  I laid back and thought about what Megan had said with the stim on my leg.  Mike Morfitt stopped in and asked when I was coming back to Barwis.  I told him next week and told him my thoughts about walking becoming out of reach for me.  As he walked out the door, he simply said, ” I don’t know about that.”  Right then.  I’m not wrong to want to walk.  I needed that reassurance that I WILL get there and all of these muscle tears are just bumps in the road.  I hadn’t anticipated that my road to walking would be SO long, nor had I anticipated all of these bumps; but I am still moving forward.  I HAVE to!

 

My Mom got me out of the car and wheeled me into Barwis.  It had been SO long since I had been there.  The smell of the gym was comforting.  It smells like turf.  I was home.  It felt good!  My appointment was at 7 opposed to 6 and I was on Tuesday and Thursday instead of Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  I wouldn’t be there for “Wacky Sock Wednesday” or even “Walking Wednesday” (whenever those days came back around) but I didn’t care!  Elle talked with Luba and wanted to get me back on the schedule with a consistent trainer.  Hence, Tuesdays and Thursdays with Nick.  Thursday IS my favorite day of the week and I’ve worked with Nick before so this was a Win-Win situation.

Nick started working on me while I sat in my chair.  My legs were SO TIGHT!!!  Nick could hardly get them to bend!  He worked on me very methodically.  I could see him working extremely hard.  I apologized for my legs being so stiff and he told me to not be sorry.  He worked for a long time as I sat in my chair.  Then he helped me onto the black table.  He set my feet flat on the floor and I was able to stand because my legs were so tonic.  He helped me pivot so I could sit on the table.  He was able to work my legs better as I laid on the table.

The more he stretched and worked them, the easier it became because my legs began to feel like Jell-O.  It had been SO long since my legs felt this relaxed.  He finished up and asked if I could stand up to get back into my chair.  I thought about it for a moment and then shook my head and smiled a lazy smile because I was tired.  He had Megan come over and help him greet me back into my chair. He grabbed my arms and Megan grabbed my feet.  They both lifted me off of the table and back into my chair and I couldn’t have helped  them if I wanted to but I felt too exhausted to even try.  It’s good to be home!

I was glad to be back at Barwis!  I slept SO well Tuesday night and my legs were so relaxed Wednesday and even so on Thursday.  I didn’t realize how tight my legs were until I felt them as relaxed as they were Tuesday.  Nick still had to work hard at loosening my legs but they loosened up more quickly.  I was able to stand with Nick’s help as I did on Tuesday.  This time I was able to do some PNFs.  It had been SO long since I had done these with resistance it felt REALLY good!r

He had me push down with my foot on his shoulder and I FELT stronger.  It feels SO good to be able to start to control my body again.  After he finished those on both legs Nick did some other stretches and he arranged my feet so my knees were bent.  He stretched my legs pushing my knees together slowly and apart to show me the movements he wanted me to do.  I remembered having to push my knees together against Jesse’s forearm and with Phil.  I remembered laughing and telling Phil that his forearm was longer than Jesse’s because Phil was SO TALL.  This time, with Nick, he didn’t touch me but instead just told me to push my knees in or out.

It took a second  but I was able to actually move my knees how he told me to.  The movements were slow and I had to concentrate A LOT with my eyes closed; but they ACTUALLY did!  The movements were slow, painfully slow; but they were movements.  Movements that my brain orchestrated.  This was e regaining control of my lower limbs. AGAIN.  Nick watched this and encouraged me by exclaiming, “There ya go!”  And that felt good too.  I’m back on the road to walking.  It’s a REALLY long road but I’m back on it.

Nick loosened up my legs as I sat in my chair enough so I could stand up so I could help Nick help me transfer to the black table.  My legs loosened up enough for me to bend my knees pretty quickly.  I say “quickly” in comparison to my legs before I returned to Barwis regularly NOT in comparison to an able-bodied person.  I’ve stopped comparing myself to able-bodied people because I haven’t been one in SO LONG.  The memories of being able-bodied are pretty hazy but in my dreams; they aren’t hazy at all.  I am able-bodied in 100% of my dreams.

I’m not trying to be a “Debbie Downer” but want to let you (the reader) know that when I say “quickly” it’s “quick” for me even though I am aware that it’s really not that “quick” by most people’s standards.  Nick had me lay on my back and he stretched my left leg up.  He told me to “push” and as I did, he stopped me part of the way down and lifted my leg back up and told me to do it again.  He said we would do “1/4 pushes.”  I don’t know how many of these I did but we did them in quick succession.  I understood that he wanted quick activation instead of the slower ones I have when I push my leg all the way down.

We did these for both of my legs.  We did them quickly!  It felt good because nowadays, I NEVER do anything quickly.  It was nice to immediately get activation in my legs and to keep that activation up.  I really dug these “1/4 pushes!”  They make me feel productive.  The “quickness” makes me feel that connections between my brain and lower body are being reconnected and it feels like walking IS a possibility.

Nick worked on my legs as I sat in my chair.  My legs have gotten a lot looser since I’ve been back to Barwis regularly.  This time, Nick chose to focus on my feet.  He took my shoe off and worked my ankles and the bottom of my foot.  He looked like he was thinking hard about something and grabbed a pen.  He warned me that, “It might hurt a little” but I was game.  He took the pen (it was closed) and dragged it long ways across the bottom of my foot.It didn’t hurt TOO bad, just a little.  Immediately, my leg jerked up.

Well, I guess not really because ANY feeling I can FEEL in my legs or feet is just WONDERFUL! My bathroom floor has consistently been cold just after I started coming to Barwis.  That isn’t annoying to me as it is for so many people; rather, it is reassuring because I am slowly getting feeling back in my feet.  Nick stopped using the pen and used his thumbnail instead.  My leg continued to jerk upward with each drag of his thumbnail.  He did this for both feet and then told me to pull my leg up actively each time he began dragging his thumbnail.

It felt really good that my leg muscles were reacting and reacting to my conscious thought as well.  I got on the black table and Nick had me lay on my side with my legs straight.  He pulled my top leg forward and had me pull it backward.  After moving my hips along with the thumb drag and pulling my leg back on Nick’s signal, I really felt I was actively beginning to control my leg muscles and actively working toward walking again.  This as really nice and it didn’t “hurt”at all.

Sean was Confirmed Tuesday evening so I was not able to go to Barwis.  I feel like I am doing pretty well at Barwis and I love my son more than anything and appreciate him being raised in the faith.  This was where I was on Tuesday instead of at Barwis.

It was a nice ceremony and my Mom was his sponsor.  His Confirmation name was “Juan Diego.”  The bishop gave them a hug once they were Confirmed with the oil.  I just got a handshake.  Sean told me that he was supposed to just get a handshake too but the bishop decided to hug everyone.  We had just got to the door to the reception when my Mom told both of us that she got a slap in the face when she was confirmed.  That statement ended our conversation because neither Sean nor I knew how to respond to that and we were at the reception.

So at Barwis on Thursday I recounted events from the Confirmation to Nick because he went to DC for grade school and his mom is still one of the lunch ladies.  As he stretched my legs to loosen them up, he paid attention to my ankles and my feet.  My legs weren’t SUPER tight even though I hadn’t been there on Tuesday.  As he stretched my legs out when I was on the black table, he continued to focus on my form.  He made sure my feet were set correctly when we started PNFs.  He did this by putting his hand on the bottom of my foot.  I find it mildly amusing to know that his bare hands are as big as my feet.

I DO have pretty small feet. Size 4.  Mike Morfitt has already commented on that.  I think this fact may have made it easier for Nick to position my feet correctly.  It felt good that he paid attention to such a small detail.  It’s really NOT a small detail for me.  He wants my feet to know the correct position as it translates to walking and maybe not being here may have let my feet become a bit supinated.  NIck fixed that be readjusting my feet with every PNF we did.

 

I was concerned before I got to Barwis and I talked to Nick about it when I got there.  My feet were turning inward which made it nearly impossible to stand and transfer.  I was concerned by this new development but when I told Nick, he had the thinking face that everyone at Barwis has given me at one point in time and then kind of nodded and new exactly what to do.  Here is what my feet looked like:

*NOTE: I COMPLETELY understand NOW why some people are totally grossed out by feet!  In trying to find a picture of how my feet looked, I saw A LOT of GROSS feet!  Lots of hairy legs!  I’m excited that the hair on my legs is beginning to grow again because I have blood flow in my legs but, I GET IT now!  I’ve never been grossed out by feet but…

   

As Nick explained it, my feet were inverted and in the supinated state.  He stretched my feet to get them in the pronation state.  He started speaking this other language as he stretched my feet “out” because the were “in.”  I marveled as he effortlessly said all these words that I had never heard before; he REALLY knows his stuff.  I asked him why this was happening and he had sort of a pained look on his face when he said, “MS.”  Oh!  Yeah.  Another reason for MS to stink!

As my feet loosened up and felt better and began looking like normal feet should, I got on the black table (with Nick’s help OF COURSE!)  I laid on my back as we did some PNFs.  Now, because I am at 7:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, there is a “Fit Class” from Schoolcraft college there.  It is a group of older adults so the music is different.  I laid on my back and for the first time, I heard one of my ultimate, favorite songs!  It was a U2 song.  It was “Pride (In the Name of Love)“!  I told Nick that it was a monumental moment because it was the first time I heard a U2 song at Barwis.  I remembered singing it at the top of my lungs on my 22nd birthday weekend with my brother, Jimmy, at JP West’s.  I laughed and told Nick that story.  So, this was a GOOD day!  Not only do my feet feel better, but;I heard one of  my favorite songs!

I got to Barwis and Nick stretched me out in my chair before I got on the black table which is the norm.  He stretched me out on the black table and we did some PNFs.  As he continued to stretch me and challenge my leg muscles to move, it felt better and better.  Since coming back to Barwis, even though I only come twice a week now, my legs have been loosening up faster.  It’s nice that the tight feeling is made to feel better pretty quickly.

It was Thursday, so Nico (the new intern from Germany) came over to make plans with Nick for the weekend.  Nick told me he was from Germany but I hadn’t talked to him other than saying, “Bye” as he was leaving.  As Nick was stretching me out, Nico started talking with him.  Whoa, whoa, whoa!?!  I have never heard English with a German accent.  It sounds pretty cool!  Nico left to get his stuff and I told Nick that I had never heard Nico talk!

I really dig accents!  I especially dig hearing them in this particular situation at Barwis.  I’ve heard Alex and Gorgi who were from Georgia and Kenny from Scotland but I also get tell them how it feels to have MS and they can watch me and my trainer work to get me walking.  Now I can add Nico from Germany to my international contacts.  Well, I haven’t really heard Nico at all a whole lot YET but he’s going to be here for three months.

Nick helped me into my car and my legs felt SO GOOD!  My Mom backed the car up and I told her that my legs felt really good as we pulled away toward the dumpster.  I STILL park in the back, something that feels so normal to me now but I remembered back when Phil told me to start parking back here and I thought it was SO WEIRD do so.  Now, I can’t imagine NOT doing so.  As we got onto the freeway, I told my Mom that my legs felt normal.  They have only felt “normal” three other instances in the past 15 years.  The first time with Parker, then with Jesse, then with Phil, and now with Nick.  I just wished the feeling lasted longer than it does.  Patience… then it will!

I missed Tuesday and Nico and Landis had already left when I got to Barwis on Thursday.  It was just me and Nick.  He loosened me up in my chair before we got me onto the black table.  Nick was sick, he kept sneezing and I felt bad.  I HATE IT when I’m sick!  He still worked hard and worked me hard as well.  It kind of is the “norm” now to do 1/4 pushes in quick succession.  I did A LOT of these!  I switched legs as I laid on my back and they felt good.

He had me roll onto my side and we continued the quick PNFs with me pushing my leg out and pulling it in on his command.  I REALLY dig this quick movement.  I like that now there isn’t a noticeable delay when he tells me to move my legs.  It’s taken nearly 3 years but it seems as if pathways are being set, or should I say re-set.  It feels good that I think my brain is beginning to communicate with my legs again.  That was a communication I took for granted and NEVER thought I would lose.  Once it was lost, I NEVER thought I would get it back… but look what seems to be happening!  I guess this movement makes it easier believe what Mike said that first day and everyone at Barwis since.

As I finished these pushes and pulls on the other side, my time was up.  I was tired!  Nick helped me with my jacket but I told him that my Mom would help me get into the car.  He needed to go home to rest and I was his last appointment.  My Mom was already in the car so I rolled outside as she got out of the car and moved to the other side to help me into the passenger’s side.  I went around the back of the car and when we met by the door, she looked up and exclaimed, “Look at your face!” I don’t know if she said it was red or pink but when I gave her a tired smile and told her that I worked hard, she said that my face looked, “Sun-kissed.”  That made me feel good!

I wheeled myself over to the black table and when Nick came over, he asked how I was feeling.  I felt alright.  He said he wanted to start at the shuttle.  I told him I was game.  He wheeled me over and Nico and Nick helped me get onto it.  My legs were straight and stiff.  Nick was having a really hard time attempting to bend them.  Nico too.  Nick decided to put some bands on the shuttle to force my legs to bend.  They did.  I asked Nick if he put 500 on there, he replied, “Something like that.”  I think it was 3.

Once my legs bent, Nick told me to push up.  I obviously wasn’t going anywhere but he wanted me to activate my muscles.  I did that a few times and then he took a band off.  He had me activate again and I got the slightest movement.  He took off another band and wanted me to activate again.  This time, with one band, I was able to push up a little bit.  Nick told me that he was okay with a quarter push but I knew I had a good one in me.   I bent my legs back to the starting position and sure enough, I had a good one in me!  It’s STILL true!  First is the worst and second is the best!

i did 20 extensions with one band and with my legs straight, Nick said we would rest.  Nico asked what my illness was and how it affects my body.  I explained how there is a civil war going on in my body and my immune system is kicking my nervous system’s butt.  I explained how it was explained to me 15 years ago, how my spinal cord is like an extension cord and for some unknown reason, it’s all broken up and my raw nerves are exposed.  My immune system has never seen my raw nerves and it thinks they are something bad so it attacks them ultimately breaking up communication between my brain and my muscles.  Then I told him that I’ve been working on getting that communication back for almost three years here at Barwis.

Nick took a band off and had me bend and straighten my legs again.  I asked him if this was no-banded kind of disappointed.  He nodded and said, “You gotta start somewhere!”  I did 15 more before I rested again.  Nick told me I was going to do single leg extensions next.  I asked Nico where he was from in Germany.  Düsseldorf.  He old me it was in the Midwest.

How cool was that?!  I’ve never known someone from Germany!  He had already told me how he had heard of Barwis Methods during our first conversation.  He told me about watching YouTube videos just after the Seahawks won the Super Bowl and how he saw that Richard Sherman came here and I told him that I could have met him if I didn’t chicken out because I saw him.  He held my right leg off the platform as I did 2 sets of leg presses with my left leg.  A total of 35.  Then Nick held my left leg  off while I did 35 on my right.  Nick put my foot back on the platform so I could rest with my legs straight.  I told Nick that my legs felt warm and tired.  Tired, like I worked my muscles not tired of the static feeling I feel in my legs all of the time.  This felt really good!