This morning, on Good Morning Football Tiffany Blackmon (she’s filling in for Kay this week) asked the guys there favorite long haired man for #WhiteboardWednesday. Kyle’s answer was gold! Absolutely gold! I am not talking about this kind of gold though:
Kyle’s answer was Chris Gaines. You know, when Garth Brooks released an album under a different name.
I actually own this CD. It’s somewhere in a box with like 200 other CDs that I never listen to anymore. But it definitely took me back!
I wrote about the song I liked from this album and reposted that post on Facebook and Twitter. It was from August 1, 3016. I had a memory of back when I was a server at Lonestar Steakhouse the summer after my Senior year. I was still walking then and it was before my MS diagnosis.
I can clearly remember walking through the dining room waiting on tables and this song coming over the loudspeaker. When I first was hired in, one of the managers asked me if I listened to country music. I told her that I did not. Her answer was simple and confident, “You will.” She was right!
I am Kyle‘s contemporary because I just turned 37 so we’re close in age but this choice was absolutely gold! I appreciated it so much and this song has been in my head since this morning! I LOVE this show!!!
I posted these pictures of Sean yesterday on both Facebook and Twitter. I was making the point that the national color for MS is orange but NO ONE looks good in orange! Except for Sean. He has always looks good in orange! I posted the evidence in my Facebook posts and my tweets:
Who wouldn’t get that kid a fish?! He wanted a dog but he and I had just moved into our first apartment and they had a no dog policy and I didn’t want a dog anyway. He settled for a fish, actually it was two. I got him two Cichlids. One was orange and one was blue. Cichlids have a long lifespan but they do eat other fish; however, they also eat flake food. I opted to get him flake food because I didn’t want my child watching his fish eat other fish.
Because he was such a kind kid, he let me, “Have” one of the fish. The orange one. I decided that it was a girl fish and I named her, “Andromeda.” She died shortly after we got her. Sean named his fish, “Shark Attack.” He ended up living to make the move from our first apartment (a one bedroom) to our second apartment (a two bedroom). We fed him at night before Sean went to bed.
Three weeks after we moved into our second apartment, my Dad died. My nephew’s mom took Sean as my family and I stayed at the hospital until late into the night. My Mom and I went to pick up Sean (who had fallen asleep). He awakened before we got him in the car and was quite upset that my Dad had died. Once we brought Sean home, he had fallen back to sleep in the car and my Mom carried him into the apartment because I was already on Canadian crutches back then.
As she was laying him down in bed, I grabbed the fish food to feed the fish. Once I looked into the tank, I told my Mom, “ “Shark Attack” is dead.” Sean shot his head up and exclaimed, “ “Shark Attak died?! What a horrible day!“ I didn’t think that day could get any worse but it just did!
So, fast forward almost 13 years and Sean, my Mom, and I Were at a strip mall and Sean was picking up a pizza. There was a tropical fish store a couple doors down and Sean wanted to go in. My Mom and I waited in the car while he went into the store. I told him NOT to buy a fish! I think I am still leery of having a fish since, “Shark Attack’s” death. I think it was the timing.
So, what did Sean end up coming out of the store with?! A fish! He bought a blue Siamese fighting fish that he named, “Bill.” My Mom did NOT like that name but I kept singing this:
My Mom told Sean to get an additional fish because she didn’t want the fish to be alone but we explained that a Siamese fighting fish does not play well with others. We stopped at another pet store to get him a bowl, rocks, and a little barrel decoration thing. My Mom told Sean to not name him, “Bill.” Sean decided on renaming him, “James Pond.”
So, Sean has had that fish for five days. I hope it doesn’t die! I think I may have a hard time handling that! My Mom hates for us to say this but, she does the cutest things! She talks to the fish! Every day! Multiple times a day! Sean and I both let her know that a fish has a three second memory and when she walks out of Sean‘s room we tell her that he does not remember her talking to him. She does so anyway! Case. In. Point. Cutest THING EVER!!!
I am on chapter 3 of this book which is, “Raising Grateful Kids.”
Kaplan references Billy Collins, a former US poet laureate. She talks about his poem, “The Lanyard.”
Once the poem was referenced, I had to stop reading and retrieve it so I could read it because I was not familiar with it. I thought I would read it on my own but I found video evidence of it where Billy Collins reads it himself. Hearing him read his words, I thought back to an orange ring. A ring that Sean gave to me so many years ago.
I think Sean was about four or five years old at the time. We had met my parents at Senate Coney Island close to our apartment. I had given Sean a dollar (4 quarters) to buy something in the machines at the door. I don’t remember the other things he came back to the table with but I’m sure it was a temporary tattoo or a superball or something.
He had gotten an orange plastic ring. It was for me. Because I have small hands, this child’s toy ring fit me so I put it on the ring finger of my right hand.
I kept that ring on until it broke when Sean and I were living in our house so he had to be about 10.
My students would constantly ask about it through the years. My students thought that orange was my favorite color because being that the ring was neon orange, it didn’t go with anything I normally wore but I wore it every day! I never took it off!
I remember one time being out to dinner with a friend shortly after I started wearing it and he asked, “The deal with the orange ring.” I remember looking down at my right hand, smiling, and telling him that Sean had given it to me. I told him that whenever any man would give me a ring that cost half of all of the money he has in the entire world, I was obliged to wear it I would happily wear it!
One night, I was in bed when I realized that it had fallen off of my finger. I gasped and looked at my bare right hand! My Mom laughed at me and said that I was acting as if it was a huge diamond ring. It was even BETTER than a diamond! It was in the kitchen sink because it had fallen off of my finger while I did the dishes that evening. My Mom got it for me so I went to bed happy.
As Sean got older, he asked me why I still wore that ring and I told him it was because it was from him! I didn’t mind that it was orange. I loved it because Sean gave it to me. In his little mind, he thought to use two of the four quarters that he was given to get jewelry for me! What a great kid?! I was making copies in the office copier after school one day when the ring broke. I was completely aghast! At that point, I had been wearing it for five or six years.
Because the ring was a $.50 ring made of plastic, I couldn’t repair it. The machine at that Coney Island where he got it from five or six years earlier was no longer at the restaurant. I still have the broken ring in my room, in the small jewelry box Sean made for me in kindergarten.
I cried as I read that section of the book, I am not even finished with it because I had to stop reading because I needed to blow my nose because I was crying so much and the, “Green leopard print” had become too dark on the pages of my book. I cried because that orange ring definitely made Sean and I, “Even” in Billy Collins’ words and more importatantly, in my book!
I first saw this movie a couple times in the beginning of December 2013. It was free OnDemand. It’s OnDemand again but it’s on HBO OnDemand so there is a lot more nudity than when I first saw it! It still makes me cry though!
Despite all of the nudity, I still cry and it is when I begin to hear this song:
Now, I have heard in many circles that Hollywood movies tend to glamorize chronic illness and this one does that for sure but when I hear the beginning bars of that tune, the scene that is showing is something that makes me cry!
So yes, I would say that this is a glamorization of chronic illness because it does not show how horrible and humiliating illness can be but it definitely hints at it and because I am dealing with chronic illness, it resonates with me and makes me cry. I’d still recommend it but know that there is a lot of swearing and nudity.
I was alone in my house and just after Michigan made it into the Sweet 16. I turned off my TV and read. I really dig that book! Once my eyes got tired and the, “Leopard print” changed from yellow to dark green, I stopped.
Commercials were playing as I turned the TV on and hit the, “Last” button to continue watching my movie. Laws of Attraction, (this is the seventh time I have watched it since purchasing it on St. Patrick’s Day so it is only $1.86 each time I have watched it so far!) Pierce Brosnon and Julianne Moore are going to fly to Ireland shortly!
But as I was scrolling, the commercials still played and then a Spotify commercial began and I exited my scanning to see the Spotify commercial that played this song:
Before I could turn my movie on, I HAD to watch the ENTIRE commercial! I was immediately taken back to my cousin Alex’s quinceañera. My brother, Jimmy, was going to play the guitar at the reception and his friend, Luis, was going to play the drums. He called me just after I had gotten home from class and told me that they had decided on a song to play and since a girl sings it, I had to sing. He wanted me to come over and practice. I think the wuince was in less than a week.
I remember that I had a killer dress on at that quinceañera. Sean, who might’ve been 2 at the time, had accompanied me to find and buy it. He told me that, I, “Looked very pretty!” which was part of the reason that I bought it. I was still walking without Canadian crutches back then and I remember holding the microphone stand to strady myself as I sang.
I know that I was in my young 20s then but to hear that song on that commercial immediately brought back so many fond memories of that day and for so many different reasons! I was young, still could carry a tune, had a great dress on, and was still walking all by myselfy!
I pretty much only leave my house about once a month to get my hair cut and my eyebrows waxed. This time, Sean drove me and once we got home, he unloaded me onto the sidewalk and told me that he was going to pull the car up the driveway and asked me if I could wheel myself up to the porch ramp. That had never been a problem before so I said that I do that.
I should have been concerned when I could not push myself over the uneven sidewalk square in front of my neighbor’s house. Sean nudged me over the ledge as he closed the passenger side door and pulled the car up the driveway. I turned my wheelchair around and pushed myself to right in front of the walkway up to my front door.
By this time, Sean had pulled the car up, gotten out of the car, walked toward the porch, and stood next to the ramp up to the porch of our house. I turned my chair to position myself to push myself up the walkway. There is a slight incline so I would need to use a little more force to propel myself up. Sean stood at the ramp and told me he would push me up the ramp but I would have to get there on my own.
I took a deep breath, lunged forward, and pushed. I felt my arms and my chest burn and I felt my face flush and I went NOWHERE. I sat up straight, took another deep breath and decided to try again. I lunged forward and again, I went NOWHERE. ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE! By this time, Sean was cheering me on telling me to, “C’mon mom!”
On my third try, I STILL went NOWHERE! Sean saw the look of defeat on my face and he told me he would come get me and walked toward me. To keep me from crying, he told me that it was really good that I went to fatigue and patted my shoulder and pushed me up both ramps on my porch and through my front door, I thought of a blog post I wrote years ago about Jon telling me, “Way to go to fatigue!”
I didn’t, “Go to fatigue” though! I didn’t go ANYWHERE! The fact that I could no longer push myself up the walkway to my house made me miss Barwis so badly! So badly that it hurt! It has been two years, five months, and five days since I have been to Barwis because after my injury, Dr. Frush told me not to go back there until my knee did not hurt. It still hurts! And it will be two years since my surgery on May 1st.
Because my knee has been hurting so badly since my injury and even after surgery, I was put in a motorized chair so I can sit with my legs elevated, almost entirely straight out all the time. The chair helps with my knee pain but I did not want to be in a motorized chair for fear of losing my upper body strength. It’s been nine months since I’ve been in a motorized chair and it seems as if my upper body strength is gone because I couldn’t even push myself up the walkway to my house.
This fact is very difficult to deal with and it makes me quite sad! When Sean got me into our house and he was helped me take my coat off, I thought of that Jewel song that came out when I was in seventh grade because I DO miss Barwis so badly!
My Mom has always told me that when I was born, she excitedly made the observation to my Dad and told him that I had, “Dancing Eyes,” People in my life have told me that I still have, “Dancing Eyes” when I smile broadly.
I did a couple of Google searches today and here are the results I found:
The results of my second google search:
So I guess I still have these, “Dancing Eyes” but these “Dancing Eyes” are NOT good. This symptom of MS only come about recently now that I’ve had MS for over half of my life.
This symptom has been new to me in the past two years I’d say. I ordered something on Amazon a few days ago to counteract this specifically when I watch movies at the movie theater or if I am watching basketball or some other fast action afilm in my house. I was by myself in my house when my doorbell rang and I heard something put in between the storm the door and the front door. I knew it was a package and it made me a bit sad because I knew what it was.
When Sean came home from his haircut, he brought the envelope in and asked me what it was kind of excitedly. I was not excited and I told him he could open it and this is what it was:
That’s right, it’s an eyepatch. As much as it saddens me that it has come to this, I need to try to be able to focus and covering one eye, my “poop eye,” will definitely make that easier. I took a long time when ordering this and I read all about it and cried. It’s supposedly supposed to be comfortable.
I don’t plan on wearing it all the time but I have found that I tend to get dizzy in movie theaters and I squint my right eye closed to counteract that.
I wore it today while watching, The Quiet Man with Sean because I was excited that he finally agreed to watch it with me and it was truly comfortable and it did help with my, “Dancing Eyes.”
I have always been completely impressed by Kyle Brant’s random 90s references on Good Morning Football! I am pretty groggy in the morning but I could not help but to Tweet at Kyle Brant because he always fits in some random and often obscure 90s reference.
They were discussing the Pittsburgh Steelers, Ben Roethlisberger, Antonio Brown, and Le’Veon Bell. Kyle talked about Antonio being on a new team and the fact that “[He’s] got a man.” Ever since he said that, Positive K’s song popped into my head and it’s been that way all day long! I was 10 when that song came out and I was surprised at how many of the words I still knew after all this time!
At the tail end of that segment, he threw in an N’sync reference of a song that came out when I was 15 which left me in stitches! I Tweeted at him telling him that he is the BEST! (Because he is!)
I think it’s a bit anti-climactic that I’m not sure that I have so much to say today as I post my 1,000th post. I’ve had my blog since November 2013 and I know my stats aren’t great but they are GREAT for me! With just over 2,700 subscribers and just over 14,000 views, I think that’s a big deal. I know that it really is not in the blogosphere but for me, it is!
I joined Facebook just after I stopped working and just before my knee surgery (which still hurts a whole lot! My knee pops out constantly but it didn’t today yet, but the day is NOT over). I am rarely on Facebook other than to wish my friends a happy birthday but I was on this morning and saw this article. It really bummed me out!
The article was titled: Everclear singer reveals MS diagnosis
Everclear lead singer Art Alexakis has revealed that he has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. He shared a letter to fans on the band’s website.
Alexakis co-founded the long running band in 1991, and has been the band’s only constant member. He’s also planning to release and tour his debut solo album ‘Sun Songs’, which is due out in the summer.
He was diagnosed shortly after a car accident three years ago. Believing that he had a pinched nerve in his neck as a result of the crash, Alexakis underwent a number of tests before a neurologist “told me that I have a form of multiple sclerosis (RRMS), and that I have had it for anywhere between 10 to 20 years”.
He mentions having an image of MS similar to my own images of the disease before my own diagnosis.
“The words multiple sclerosis conjure up all sorts of images: helplessness, wheelchairs, pain, misery, and worst of all, hopelessness – and pity in the eyes of my family and friends (you get the picture),” Alexakis wrote in his letter.
It prompted me to listen to some Everclear because my Mom did not know who they were. This song gets me, “in my feels” every single time! I cried this morning when I played this song for my Mom and because I needed to copy the link, I cried again as I wrote this! I haven’t even listened to the whole song today! I KNOW it’s going to be badly!
I post a lot of things on Facebook this month because it is MS Awareness Month and I want to make my friends aware even though I deal with it EVERY month!
Then I saw this post from Montel Williams:
Many of you have wondered if Selma and I have ever connected. We did so this morning, and I have to say how impressed I am by the dignity, the grace and strength with which she is handing the challenges her diagnosis has thrown at her. She has demonstrated incredible courage both by facing these challenges head on and by sharing her journey. Selma is a beautiful soul, an incredible mother to her son and and a powerful advocate for us all. Selma, I am proud to have you as a friend and Tara and I are honored to continue to support you in your journey. Remember that we have #MS – it will never have us unless we let it.
I think it’s absolutely nuts that so many famous people have been diagnosed with MS too! I feel so far removed from the circumstances of when I started this blog because I am not at Barwis Methods right now but I STILL enjoy posting!
I was barely awake when I heard my Mom open the front door to my house. I could hear the rain as I groaned and tried to rollover. Rain has always NOT been a good thing for me, or better yet, it hasn’t been good for me in probably the last 15 years. When she opened the door, a song from my youth popped into my head. Something about the rain and crying. I already did not feel well because my knee threatened to, “pop out” all night! When I heard the rain, it was no wonder that I did not feel well! I had to look that song up because I didn’t know where it came from but I remember being young when I heard it. And all of this blasted rain! I found that song I thought of, it’s about some guy cheating on a girl. It’s not Sunday but is talked about the rain. I did not see the rain, but rather, heard it.
The pain was evident on my face as my Mom helped me out of bed. She asked me where it hurt and my response was a single word. I said, “Everywhere!” She asked me where it hurts the worst and I told her a simple, “my knee.” I thought of one of my Mom’s favorite songs that we have a listened to often as we complete our morning routine. The song I thought of came out when I was five years old:
The Merriam Webster online dictionary cited the second definition of the word menagerie to be, “A varied mixture.“ That is exactly what my pain was! A menagerie of pain! A mixture of MS pain because of the rain and broken knee pain because my knee STILL hurts! The Allure song stayed in my head most of today and not so much the Fleetwood Mac song.
I lit some, “spring smelling” candles to make myself feel better after the rain stopped and thought of my nephew. I texted him a picture because years ago, he’told me that house smelled like candles. It does now! I use PartyLite candles because I am chemically sensitive now. They don’t bother me even with the scent.
