Author: Jen Rios

It’s STILL MY Month…

Seeing that I am five days away from being 41 and that I am completely feeling like I am an adult now, I will retire my ‘birthday month’ just because I will be 41 but it’s still MY month! Let me explain:

I was thinking about this because now, MS awareness month is different for me. I no longer participate in the walks but I will share a meme on my social media outlets.

This picture showed up last week and squeezed my heart:

Having MS is very different for me now and I am still trying to get used to it. My life now is pretty much homebound and I use a power chair.

So, I may have retired my ‘birthday month’ but I STILL have MS and St. Patrick’s Day is this month and I have always wanted to be a redhead!!!


This [Can’t be] 40?!

I remember that my oldest brother came over to do some plumbing work for me back when I was 32. He asked me if I had seen the movie This is 40 and I told him that I had not. He told me that it was really funny and I should watch it! I think I started watching it but I didn’t get all the way through it because I had to do some thing else but…

I am one week away from being 41 and I must say that this past year, this can’t be 40?! It feels like my disease is in hyper-speed mode and I’m having difficulty dealing with it but I think I have not had a chance to just sit here to recognize it as I experienced it like I have been these past six years since I have stopped working.

I see my nutritionist on Wednesday coming up and I think we have figured out exactly what I need to eat. Once I started seeing her and changed my shakes over to nutrition shakes opposed to protein shakes, I gained 4 pounds. But for the past five months, I have weighed the same so I have finally stopped losing weight!

At least at this point! I hope. That was the craziest sentence to write because I used to always WANT TO lose weight but now I am losing weight without trying that kind of stinks too.

I Cried a Little.

My neighbor around the block has locked out for me the entire time I have lived here. For 13 years! His snow blows for me when it snows And with the last snow, his wife snow blowed for us because he has been having some health problems.

My Mom saw her in passing somewhere and she offered to bake her some thing. I had bought boxes of brownies when they were on sale at Target a while ago and she said that brownies are her favorite so my Mom offered brownies to her.

I used to make brownies all of the time!!! I remember taking them to work all the time when we were living in that our second apartment! I think I made a triple batch for my work when I was living at my house but that had to be 2013 or something.

So, I had a few boxes of brownies hoping that my Mom would make them with my direction, because I directed Sean one time before when we were living here as well when my disease progressed to where I couldn’t do it myself.

Well, guess who directed brownie making today?! I have been telling my Mom that it is so easy and she was resistant but she did it today so she can take some over to Barb. She put the first batch in and I directed her to make another one so that we could have brownies for us after she gives one batch to Mark and Barb.

As the first batch was baking, I began to smell a familiar smell from my apartment when I used to make brownies. I am not even ashamed to say that I cried a little because I did.

HORRIBLE.

Math is hard. That is a fact that I have always known! However, I feel the need to share an story problem/equation based on the events of last night and this morning. Here it is:

Jennifer has had MS for 22 years. A cold, snowy and thunderous night leads to a mild morning of 42° and sunny. How is Jennifer feeling today?

The answer is HORRIBLE

[NOT SO] Rando Tune #37

Because it is ‘birthday month,’ I decided to watch Leap Year after watching Jesus Christ superstar.
I put it on as my Mom was finishing the dishes and she kind of walk by and watched bits of the movie with me. She marveled that I knew all of the words for when the train attendant was talking. She said that I must have seen this movie hundreds of times!

I just looked at her and smiled and said, well it is birthday month after all! But I told her a couple weeks ago that I finally feel like an adult. It’s taking me a few months after my 40th birthday but I think I’m grown now.

I am no stranger to old habits dying hard but I think I will try to just have a birthDAY. I think… I will try… but 40 years of doing things one way is a long time!!!!

I have always liked the ending of this movie and I saw this clip on YouTube and I don’t think I have shared it before so I think that this will be the next not so random tune:

It IS ‘Birthday Month’?!

I almost finished my vanilla bean chapstick last night and it was so cold that a unpeeled a new vanilla bean. And here’s the method to my madness: 1. It’s difficult to control my hands in the morning and 2. I didn’t want to deal with the scrape on my lips while I’m still groggy when I wake up.

So, this morning, I had soft chapstick to put on my lips as I was waking up and then I watched Jesus Christ Superstar and I was touched by this song and I realized how small my life has really become now:

And then I was thinking about the 2018 Jesus Christ Superstar which I have never seen so I asked my mom if we could watch it tomorrow. It’s on YouTube and will put it on my TV! Well, it it IS ‘birthday month!’

I had to have a preview of our viewing for tomorrow and I saw thi:

3 Years Ago?!

I was searching for a song that was in Laws of Attraction because I just watched that. I was looking for the song that plays when they are going to get divorced but then I fell down a rabbit hole and I saw this alternate ending.

wait. What?!

So of course I had to watch it and I think I was too distracted by the greenery in the alternate ending so I prefer the first ending more.

Check it out:

NOT the Clip but…

I was talking to Sean a couple days ago and I told him that I am reminded of the movie, Love and Other Drugs. I know that I’ve written about that movie extensively because I really like it!

I want to watch it again but my Mom is living here with me now and I’m sure she’s not going to enjoy that at all! The reason I was referencing that to Sean is because there is a scene where she needs pain medication and she is trying to open her pill bottle. She is having a very difficult time!!!

I told him that I feel exactly like that every single morning as I am trying to open and close my nutrition shake. It’s about halfway through the shake that my hands become a little more normalized. And then I begin to squeeze my therapy putty.

I didn’t sleep last night and I am trying to find that clip but I can’t. I think this clip is just after the scene that I am talking about and that I was referencing to Sean but this is how it feels. I don’t have Parkinson’s so it’s different but the sentiment is the same 22 years in… This is not the clip and it’s a little crass but:

March 2023 Faves

I am a day late posting my faves for March. It’s my birthday month and I don’t know what’s going on?! Actually, I know exactly what’s going on!!!

I think what is happening is the culmination of 22 years with this mother b*tch is proving to be a little too much!!!

I have been listening to Carrie underwood. “Some hearts” Carrie underwood because that reminds me of our second apartment (Aug ‘06 – Aug. ‘09) when I would still leave my crutches at the front door I don’t walk around freely in my apartment. By the time I bought my house, I was using my manual chair all of the time.

This disease progression is really getting to me but I listen to these songs as I am absentmindedly playing solitaire or the match game and I am transported back there and that’s comforting for me because this hurts awhile lot!!!

I play the album on loop and these are some of my faves:


I am standing at the sink doing dishes and Sean is asleep. Maybe I am brownies baking… it’s all pretty bitter sweet.