Author: Jen Rios

Yesterday, we worked at the mat but Phil pushed it away from the corner where it was last Friday.  Phil stretched me a whole lot but it wasn’t for as long as it was last week.  Phil brought the plyo boxes over earlier.  I ended up kneeling in front of the plyo box 8 times for what seemed like a half-hour each time.  When it was time to go, Phil brings my wheelchair over and grabs my ankles to pull me over to the edge of the mat.  I sit up and grab his arms as he lifts me up.  Just before he gets me to my chair, I was able to get my feet on the turf and stand up!  It was only for a second but it felt good!  I was SO extremely tired but being able muster up that little bit of strength to stand (even though Phil still was holding me up) just for that little bit made me feel that it was me going BEYOND fatigue.

Phil pushes me over  to the chairs where two parents were talking and when I come over, they both looked at me kind of startled.  I looked back at them and said that was the hardest I’ve worked in a long time.  Now, I work hard EVERYTIME at Barwis but yesterday felt different because I haven’t done this type of work in a long while.  I was using and over-using muscles I haven’t used in a LONG while (my core muscles) or I was using muscles in a DIFFERENT way (my glutes).  It was over now though.  Good.  I was TIRED!!!

Eric came out to the car with Phil and me.  He asked how I get into my car when Phil is NOT around.  I told him that I am NEVER this tired unless I’m at Barwis and Phil is with me.  He told me to get in my car by myself.  I tried!  A number of times!  But, I knew it wasn’t happening.  Eric went over to talk about some athlete’s truck so Phil hurried up and put me in my car.  I drove home and I was SO tired.  I sat in my driveway once I got home because I was TOO tired to transfer from my car to my wheelchair.  I did end up FINALLY  getting into my house.  Even today, my muscles STILL are sore but I know that since I want to be walking SOON that it is going to take hard work on my part to get there and I’m okay with that.

I thought I would have had a better showing last night for “Walking Wednesday” #25.  I thought about walking a SUPER long way!  Not so much.  Zach helped Phil and me with the walking.  For my first down, I got nothing.  I stood and could not will either one of my feet to move.  I was squeezing all of the muscles Phil was telling me to but apparently not enough.  I sat down a bit defeated but Phil only had me sit for a few seconds before I was up on my feet again.  For my second down, I  got 7 yards.  I wanted to get that conversion but I just couldn’t.  I got nothing on my 3rd down either.  For my 4th down, I got the 3 yards I needed for a first down.  I wanted A LOT more but I would take it.  I would have to.

But Phil extended a 5th down to me.  I always get 4 downs regardless of yardage.  Occasionally though, I get a fifth down bestowed upon me.  I was happy and smiled at Phil who returned  a small smile to me.  It was more like a smirk but I think he bestowed a 5th down on me because he could see the disappointment on my face on my 4th down.  Now, the few times I have gotten the opportunity for a 5th down, I haven’t gotten much more yardage if any at all.  I wasn’t going to let that fact stop me and I was determined to get some more yards.

I stood up and got one step off with my right foot.  Then I could feel both of my legs start to buckle.  Then it happened.  I call this “going BEYOND fatigue.”  I remember when Jon applauded me “going until fatigue” back in the summer when I was working with Jesse.  But “going BEYOND fatigue” is a new development on my part.  Yesterday, it was obvious that I was fatigued (my butt STILL hurts) but I managed to “grab my guts” and push BEYOND fatigue and was able to get a step off with my left foot.  Then that was it.  I got a total of 11 yards yesterday.  But, it is these last two steps that I am MOST proud of.  I wish I was able to get more yards than I did yesterday but I will take what I WAS able to do.  I am grateful for the yards that I have clocked thus far and KNOW that walking IS possible.

TOTAL YARDAGE = 283 & 2 steps

I ended up arriving early to Barwis because I didn’t have work yesterday.  I met Amanda (the young woman who also has MS).  I told her that I have heard so much about her and she told me likewise.  I asked her how it was going and she kind of nodded and I knew exactly what she meant.  I just responded that, “it’s a SLOW process.”  To which she also nodded.

My legs didn’t start feeling tight until Phil started stretching me.  He stretched me a little more when we got to the Keiser machine and he told me to stand.  I tried but it was apparent that that wasn’t happening.  I sat all the way back in my chair and shook my head, it was okay, “First is the worst, first is the worst.”  I think it’s amazing that it is 3 months later and that STILL rings true.  I took a deep breath and tried again.  STILL a no go.  Phil said as I sat down again, “2nd is STILL kinda sh**ty.”  When I fully sat down, I said, “But 3’s a charm!”  Well, this time 3 wasn’t a charm and Phil asked me if I wanted to get “harnessed.”

What a question!!!  OF COURSE I don’t want to get harnessed!!!  I glared and him and stood up fully to a *BINK.* I looked down at Phil and yelled, “Yeah! Yeah!”  He told me to keep standing.  My Mom always tells me that anger is a great motivator for me.  I guess she is right. Or maybe in this instance, fear was the motivator.  I REALLY don’t want to get re-harnessed AGAIN!!!  I stood until my legs shook about 6 times.  Phil asked me if my butt still hurt.  “Of course!!!  Ever since last week.”  He just kind of nodded and told me to do one more  and then we’d be done.

I tried but he ended up putting me into my car.  He refused to fist bump me and told me that  I did a “good job.”  I didn’t do a million squats that I could brag about on Twitter but I did get some stands in.  I went “to fatigue,” until my legs shook just about every time.  I was tired so I knew I worked hard.  I told Amanda that it was “a SLOW process” and so it is. “Little by little…”

Yesterday, Phil took me over to a red mat and had me lay down on it. I kept asking why we were over there, I had never been there before, and he kept saying, “Don’t worry about it.” So I laid down and it was soon obvious what I was doing there. He started stretching my legs out like a pretzel! It hurt SO badly! I kept yelling and he kept shushing me.

After this really hard stretch that seemed to last forever, he brought a plyo box over to the mat.  The goal was for me to kneel in front of the plyo box and hold it for 20 seconds. Apparently, it would work my core muscles. They pretty much have been non-existent for a way super long time.  It took a few times to completely work out the logistics of how we were going to accomplish this goal. I ended up kneeling for the 20 seconds twice. But, Phil was counting way SUPER slowly!

I asked Phil how I was going to get up now that I’m on the mat and he asked me how I get up from the turf and back in my chair. I said, “You pick me up and put me there.” And he kind of nodded.  So that is what he did.  He ended up putting me into my car because my legs were SO fatigued they were shaking.  He grabbed my hand and refused to fist bump me.  I sat in my car for a while because I was SO tired.   I drove home tired, sore, and in pain but my strength is coming back “little by little…” and that makes me happy.

My legs didn’t start feeling tight until I pull up to Barwis yesterday.  Phil told me to relax when he was stretching me out.  When he told me to go to the turf, I didn’t even put my hands up and “weee!” when I went down the ramp so I had to back up for a redo.  Phil told me that he is going to laugh at me that one time when my foot gets stuck and I fall on my face.  I told him unfazed  that,  “then he will have to pick me up.”

Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” came on the radio and Lindsay was dancing before we started.  My first down, I got no gain on the play.  I stood up and my right foot wasn’t having any part of it so I sat down again.  It’s okay though!  I told myself and said it out loud with a shake of my head “First is the worst.”  My 2nd down, I got 10 yards.  I got that conversion and I was tired so I couldn’t go any further but I remained standing (LARGELY because Phil was holding me up!) but I remained on my feet.  For my 3rd down I was at 9 yards and I told Lindsay and Phil that I was going to get that 1st down – I was pushing to get 10!  I couldn’t.  I tried REALLY hard though.  I remained on my feet and Phil had to hold me up a little bit less.  My 4th down, Eric was behind me and I am MOST proud of this down to date I think.  So I have Phil on my left and Lindsay on my right and Eric is behind me pushing my chair.  All 3 of them were shouting encouragements at me.  I only got 2 yards but that is the HARDEST I have ever fought for yards so I am MOST proud of that drive.  I thought I was going to collapse but I didn’t.  I “grabbed my guts” and got 2 yards off.  Phil REALLY had to hold me up as my chair was brought to me on this one!  I got 21 yards yesterday.  “Little by little…”

It was “Camo Wednesday” and I recently got a different camo shirt while I was at the army surplus store.  I explained to the salesmen about my training at Barwis and “Camo Wednesday” and how I don’t wear camo.  I had to get a new bag (that’s why I was there).  My purse is an ammunition bag.  My Mom HATES it but it’s me and it was easier when my son was young to get him to carry my purse.  I have patches to put on it.  I have sergeant stripes because my Dad was a sergeant and his “4th army” patch.  That was the platoon he was in.  I talked with the salesman about my Dad’s service when I was there.  He showed me the  Tigerstripe camouflage that he said was the type of camouflage they wore in Vietnam.  Naturally, that was the shirt that I ended up getting.  I have to tell Jesse about my new shirt and it’s unveiling at “Walking Wednesday” #24.