Author: Jen Rios

A Slight Change of Plan

“Go Time” had a slight change of plan this month. Instead of having two doubleheaders, one today and one on Friday, today I just got my haircut. My doctor was injured so he was out of the office today. I just ordered supplements from them instead.

I like that I was able to place all of my orders! I think I will crash tonight because I am a little tired and then I will twilight sleep on Thursday night because that “Go Time” is a bit intense to say the least!

I’m glad that all of these appointments are in the same exact building because I have a specialist appointment at 2:30 and then an appointment at 4:10 with my internist. I have already spoken to her and she ordered bloodwork for me to get done between appointments.

I am just a little bit nervous about this one! But after Friday, I can crash big time and then the next day out is April 17.

I STILL Learn Something NEW Everyday!!!

Today is the eve of ‘go time,’ and my Mom has already gone to pick up the van. I have already set my alarms, went over my routine for the morning before I get out of bed, and I think I am set. I learned something new today! I think it’s crazy how I STILL learn something new every day!

Let me ‘splain ya:

I have been Catholic for 42 years and went to a Catholic school for my entire 12 years from kindergarten to senior year. Today, I learned a new term. I heard it while I was praying the Lenten prayer for today on Hallow. Jeff Cavens said today begins “Passiontide.”

It’s kind of like when I read the Bible for the first time. I was a Bible Quiz champion who never got a question wrong for all the years that I was there! Upon my first reading of the Bible, I quickly discovered that I didn’t really know the Bible before! I am currently in my third read through, and I have never heard the term ‘Passiontide.’ I looked it up on Google:

I’ve only known about Holy Week and those days. Holy Thursday is my favorite day of the Catholic liturgical year and I think it has been for my entire life! I remember watching the ‘Washing of the Feet’ when I was a child at church. They don’t do that anymore after Covid and I don’t even go to church anymore. I just go sitting in my living room watching my TV and I am part of The Virtual Front Pew.

I learned in my 21st year of having MS that it ain’t no joke, and I needed help to get through! I seem to have found it on Hallow. I started with the Bible in a Year and that segued into Hallow. I’m really digging this peace that I have found!!! This is difficult, and it hurts, but I still have peace and for that, I am ZBEYOND grateful!!!

NOT YET!!!

I saw a random duet on Facebook today, maybe it was Twitter, or YouTube, but it took me back to when my Dad had just died! So, naturally, it messed me up! The duet I saw was of Pink! singing with Kelly Clarkson and they were singing Pink!’s song:


Seeing this random duet set me so back! When the song came out, I was still driving and my hair was very long. I recently had a conversation with my brother and we were talking about the fact that we still choke up and cry when we think of Dad and I told him that eventually it will be a smile, but we both agreed… NOT YET!!!

Irish-ish.

So, today is St. Patrick’s Day, and I’m rocking my shirt! I took this picture last year and my hair is shorter now, but;


I clearly remember that day, it’s when I got my state ID renewed, and I was trying too hard to handle it myself! That was a really rough day, but it got done! Today, I did nothing! I am just gearing up for my two doubleheaders next week!

Since it’s St. Patrick’s Day, I always wanted red hair when I was a child! I sent this real to my brother. If you have Facebook, you can watch it yourself:

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/Q9FGi8VcW3KiyLvQ/?mibextid=UalRPS

We watched, Darby o’Gill, and the little people because today is today!

Wonkier.

I woke up today, and I felt ‘wonkier’ than ever! I can say ‘wonkier’ because I don’t think ‘wonky’ is even a word, but it is for me. It describes how it was feeling this morning, or afternoon really, when I awakened. I really couldn’t understand why I was feeling NOT well at all until I heard the rain on my roof!!!

Of course I was going to feel terrible because it’s raining! I pillaged today and I am gearing up for ‘go time’ next week. I have two double headers. One on Wednesday and one on Friday! Wish me luck!

Hand Control

Well, I realized pretty early on, when I woke up that putting in my contacts in was NOT going to be a thing today! I have been wearing contacts for 30 years now, and I have muscle memory when putting them into my eyes, but muscle memory is NOTHING when I don’t have enough hand control to put my contact on my finger to put it into my eyes. Subsequently, this is what I saw today for the entire day:





I needed to get my hair washed today and my Mom said that we should watch Ben Hur while she was washing it. I agreed and put it on. It might’ve been about 15 minutes into the movie when my Mom realized that I was not wearing my contacts. I told her that it was okay and that I have seen Ben Hur before.

I have seen that movie for my ENTIRE life so I know what’s going on! I did wheel up close to the desk under my TV to watch when Jesus gave Judah water. I knew enough to cry! I also was aware of the Roman soldier’s face of embarrassment and shame when he tells Jesus that Judah is not supposed to get water and Jesus silently looks at him.

I was prepared to watch the entire movie, but my Mom got tired and she is laying down so I stopped it just as the second half began! We will watch it tomorrow when I have my contacts in! It’s still Lent!

Our Easter Staple

We just watched the second half of Ben Hur. That movie gets me every time, especially because I’m an adult now! The second half is the chariot race and when Judah gets his sister from the leper colony. I bought this movie when Sean was 10. We watched it for the first time together. It’s our Easter staple! I’ve already seen it three times this year… It was made in 1959, but I absolutely love it and still think it is Epic!!! I still have two more weeks of Lent to watch it!

My ONLY, “Big Girl” Job

Today, I woke up to this post on Facebook:


You see, CCA was my ONLY “Big Girl” job. I was diagnosed with the MS when I was in college and I was hired in at CCA as an English teacher in 2005. I taught seventh grade English for five years while I was in grad school to get my reading specialist endorsement. I taught reading for seven years but then MS had something to say about it.

I am shocked at the turn MS has taken, and it’s not fun at all but seeing this reminds me of the GREAT people I worked with for so long!!! This was the NICEST birthday surprise!!!

THANK YOU!!!

💜🧡💜🧡💜🧡💜🧡💜🧡💜🧡💜🧡💜

Rando Tune #60

This song keeps popping into my head, and because I am into country music right now, I have a memory of pulling out of my carport and going over the speed bumps leaving our apartment complex as this song is playing. I was still driving with my feet then, I think:

More than Surprised by Myself?!

So, it was Friday when I realized that my birthday is on Tuesday. This is most surprising to me, because I always make a big deal my birthdays!

Thinking about this, I am more than surprised at myself. What is going on?! I think there are two things happening at the same time. I never really thought about this, but it is really affecting me! My aunt Rita was 42 when she died and I will be 42 on Tuesday. That’s just crazy to wrap my mind around!!!

But I also have been saying the last few days that 23 years of MS ain’t no joke!!! Because it’s not! I think it’s stopped being just a ‘mean’ disease at about Year 20 and now it is just a ‘mother b*tch!’ That is the swearword I heard from two men yelling at with dented cars because they had just gotten into an accident. They were still trying to master the English language at that point. I was just a kid and I thought it sounded funny but now, after having MS for 23 years, that’s a GREAT explanation of how I feel!