My Mom wanted to watch this movie today and I vaguely remembered it so I was game:
I only vaguely remembered this, and this is the reason why:
I was only three years old when this movie came out, but I do remember in the beginning, “He took daddy‘s boots!” And I remember the ending with him holding her in his arms and the sun was shining through the window.
I was reminded of my aunt Rita and I asked my Mom if we saw this at her house house which sounds kind of familiar.
Having had MS for 24 years means that I am used to routine at this point and I am used to brands changing. Every time a brand changes of something that I use on a daily basis, that’s really hard for me to get used to! I have had to get used to so many changes regarding brands of things I use every day!
But this next one, kind of hurts! Let me ‘splain ya:
I remember that Sean and I were getting our teeth cleaned just after my 30th birthday. My cleaning was just about finished and my hygienist was my flossing my teeth. I was so surprised at how much my gums were bleeding! I asked my hygienist about it, and she asked me how old I was. I told her that I had just turned 30 and she nodded with a smile. She told me I would have to floss my teeth twice a day for the rest of my life!
Judy had been my hygienist many years at that point, and she was Sean’s for a while as well. She has since retired. Sean would call her his ‘tooth fairy.’ Somehow I remember leaving the dentist and going to Target to buy floss picks. That sounds familiar!
I have been using them for the last 12 years! I actually buy four packs of 75 in December for the following year, so that I can change them out each time I change my toothbrush head (Jan, Apr, Jul, Oct – same as my water bill) I buy the refill bags to fill them up between bag changes. I got my order in December. Well, it looks like it was a time for a brand change:
it says in the upper left-hand corner that is new clean-tech floss. That’s code-word for plastic and it feels disgusting between my teeth! I wasn’t sure what I was going to do but I did have some otherwise floss picks in the bags of 150 so I’m using that now.
This is what they used to look like:
Now, enter my Mom, Mary Rios to problems solve! While I was sleeping, she went to, not one, not two, but three different stores to buy up all the close out merchandise of the old floss pics that I use:
She showed this bag to me just after I drank my shake, wow! I think I have a year supply of floss picks! She even commissioned the other members of ‘the three little ones’ in my family to see if they can find some as well!
I am not sure what kind of floss picks I will use once all of the ones I have are gone, but my Mom is going to call there to complain on my behalf tomorrow! Maybe they will change it back?
I just realized how actually small my life is now. Tiny really. I do the same thing every day. My Mom asked me when we are leaving the house again and I told her February 19. Really? This realization of this fact is making my head spin…
I experienced a new sensation last night, and I thought of, and heard this song in my head as it was going on, this song reminds me of my brother, Steve. I was five when this song came out:
But this new sensation started in the late evening. I actually told my Mom that it feels like the ending scene of Willow!:
The new sensation feels like when Bavmorda has the wand and lightning strikes it!
It did not feel good at all! It hurt more on my left cheek than my right cheek But it was acute, but it kind of lasted for a while. I breathed, and I prayed, and I think I drifted off probably at 5:56 this morning…
I don’t know how often that is going to happen but I have had this neurologic disorder for 24 years now so…
I watched The Accountant today just to get The Upside out of my head because I woke this morning thinking about Phil talking about, “A sea of hands” and I do not experience that. My disease is progressing 100%!!! I am completely startled by it but it’s just my Mom working with me.
I say it with the distain that Disability is for the rich but I don’t have to pay people to take care of me! My Mom loves me! And the care Sean gave me when he had to help me out, was through the roof!!! He loves me too! I was thinking about that and I told my Mom, kind of tearfully (for both of us) that we love each other so it’s okay.
But, I had to get that movie out of my head because it is just too much for me to really think about right now! So I watched The Accountant because I didn’t want to think about the care that I need now.
I don’t remember the last time I watched it, but I own it, and I watched it again today. right when Ben Affleck dumps those whiteboard markers into the garbage can and begins rolling up his sleeves like my Dad used to roll his sleeves up and I was sitting by myself in my house, but I just clenched both of my fists, and raised them up a little bit over my head, and said out loud, “He’s so crazy! I love it!”
Sean called me because he went to dinner with my Mom and his aunt and uncle and now my Mom is visiting my aunt. He told me that normally people watch a wholesome movie to get them over watching a terrible movie. He thought it was strange that I was doing the opposite! I just laughed! I actually wonder how crazy I am because that’s totally true!!!
He said something about me wanting to watch a movie where 15 people are killed. I corrected him and told him that it is way more than that and they are brutal killings like beaten and shot in your head. Then he thought about it for a moment, and said that I was correct, and that’s crazy! But I guess I am too and maybe that’s why I love it?!
I watched,The Upside, again today. It has been a really long time since I saw it. My Mom laid down in the middle of it, and before she laid down, I told her that this movie proves that Disability is for the ultra-rich. Which I am not!
I thought about, Me Before You, as well, but that one is kind of really sad! But it further proves that someone can modify their stables to make a fully accessible apartment for their son. Yeah, that’s not me either!
I watched The Upside with commercials today. I don’t like commercials at all! And usually, I can find one of the platforms that I have that doesn’t have commercials. I couldn’t today. I watched it on FX.
I saw an MS commercial three times today. I hated it! I said that out loud each time I saw it. I remember talking with Suzanne, Dr. Elias’s nurse, (who are both retired now and here I am still sick) we were talking about MS commercials and I said I hate them and she just said that everyone hates them!
I had something to say about each person who was in the commercial! People were walking down the street with ease and driving. One woman put her arms up over her head in a V and I remembered when I could still do that. I really didn’t like the woman at the end who like had a podcast or was a DJ or something.
The amount of effort that it takes me to speak now makes me cry at times. I really can’t believe how small my life is now but it’s just the way it is now, I guess. I told my Mom that I used to see myself throwing my wheelchair into the trunk of my car when I was 65. Or maybe I will stop driving 30 years before that?! Because I did! I think I was 34?
Wishful thinking now. I can’t believe that I saw that commercial three times and I hated it every single time! Maybe that’s why I don’t like watching commercials?
I had written about my January appointments a while ago. And a former colleague and Facebook friend told me about my Tuesday appointment. She said it was going to be really cold!
I originally thought that I could just power through it but then I saw this on Facebook:
My Mom told me that my uncle Al told her that it was going to be really cold that day. When she told me that he said that, I thought of that saying that if ‘two people tell you that you are drunk, go home and lay down.’ Or something like that.
I canceled my appointment yesterday. I cannot believe that I thought I could go to the doctor today! It’s cold enough in my house, I think I told my Mom about four times that I can’t believe I thought I could go outside today!
When I saw that article, I was reminded of the Polar Vortex of 2006? I was still teaching English then. Teachers had to report and students did not. I just remembered sitting at my desk with my hat and coat on and freezing my butt off! I ended up going to the teachers lounge because they were no windows there.
I only went into work during a Polar Vortex that time. I want to say that in my 12 years teaching, there may have been one or two more days we had to do that. I just called in. I could not handle that!
I said on Facebook to another former colleague that 24 years in, I don’t think I can handle that at all! I was just six years diagnosed with MS when I tried to Weather the Polar Vortex. That was terrible, and I’ll never do it again!
I will leave my house February 19 for a haircut and then again on February 25 for a teeth cleaning. I haven’t gone to get my teeth cleaned by myself since before Sean was three. That means for the last 20 years, we have always gone together. Then, I was going with my Mom but now I have to go three times a year by myself. #MSsucks!!! 😒😒😒…
I started this chapstick on January 1. I couldn’t even last three weeks. Now it is less than three weeks and I have changed over to Vanilla Bean.
I changed over midday. I don’t like doing that but I have two tubes of Vanilla Bean so if it’s cold for too long…
I woke up Saturday morning thinking about how much care Sean had given me the night before at my appointment. I immediately thought back to his time in NICU. I can still feel his little baby hair I Wasn’ton the right side of my jaw. I also still can remember how his tiny ribs felt under my left hand. He was so small!!! Two months premature makes you that way and he only weighed 4 pounds and 11 ounces.
But it wasn’t until today that I thought about it, we ARE that book. Love you Firever!!!:
This wasn’t my favorite book and I thought it was weird that the man carries the Mom and put her into bed.
I preferred this book:
I carried this book in Sean’s diaper bag, and I’ve read it to him often when we were out! I gift it to my friends when they have baby showers because it is very androgynous child!
I had already gotten out of bed and had my prayers and most of routine finished for the day when it dawned on me that is EXACTLY who Me and Sean are now. I didn’t think it would be when he was 23 and I was 42; I wasn’t ready for this! But that’s how it is now, I suppose.
I pillaged today. And the cheese stands alone:
That is the rest of the vitamins before my Mom puts the new vitamins we got on the 15th on my desk.
It’s technically standing next to the silver drops I take daily and my Pat-a-day that I put in my eyes each morning. One drop per eye when I wake up. My ibuprofen is a little bit further to the left. I take one pill every day for the rest of my life because of my knee injuries and surgeries. I just snapped that picture as I put the other pill bottles on my table where I keep my vitamins that I take daily from my pillbox.
I really can’t believe this is my life now!!! But it is… #MSsucks!!! 😒😒😒…