Author: Jen Rios

July was supposed to be “The Month of my Eyes,” but my new neural ophthalmologist rescheduled and then I had to reschedule that appointment for another time. I originally scheduled the visual field test for July 3. She rescheduled it for August but that did not work for me so I had to reschedule it myself. I will not go for my visual field test until October 1.

Today, Dr. Harris (my optometrist) decided to strengthen my prescription. I was at -7 for three years because that would mess with my distance vision if he made my prescription more powerful. But as we conducted my eye tests, even the three letters, or the one letter in my right eye! It was just a blur.

That startled me, and I even started to cry a little. He apologized for making me emotional, and I just shook my head. He decided to move me to a -7.5. He gave me a pair of contacts and three more trial pair to try out. I put the contacts easily in my eyes because I have been doing it for 30 years!

I could see so much clearer!!! I did not have my eyes dilated this time so he could try out readers for me. And that was a great thing as well! Here’s the catch though, he told me that I would need bifocals, and I can’t do the Invisalign transition. He said that given all that’s going on with my eyes, I need to have actual bifocals, so my eyes can adjust to distance and looking down with the magnification.

As we were driving home, my Mom told me that she doesn’t have a problem with her bifocals that are in not visible. I just told her, you don’t have optic neuritis!!! I said to Dr. Harris when he told me about having the visible bifocals and I said, “Like an old person?” he smiled and agreed. I told him then at least it would look like I have something wrong with me! So many people think I have nothing wrong, because I look totally fine. You know that I’m NOT!!!

He was going to look through all the notes in my file and fashion a pair of glasses for me with a prism. I didn’t get them today but I will get them in the coming months I think. But I am opting to use my -7 contacts until they’re gone because I ain’t got money like that!!!

I do STILL hear that first neurologist’s voice telling me that I have MS and I’m going to go blind and then I’m going to die. I think that’s why I cried today…-7.5 is still not though!!!

I have to report that yesterday and today it was a little less intense, taking my cinnamon. That is because my Mom really mixed the cinnamon up in the jar to blend the dirt with the brown Mr. Sketch marker. So, naturally dirt and Mr. sketch cinnamon do not taste good on their own but it was a little bit less intense so it’s a little more bearable. I think that’s good because I will have to take it for the rest of my life…

I received a summons for jury duty.
Really? Me?!

I’m home bound.

I messaged my PCP. I told her that Dr. Elias has sent a letter, probably in 2002 but that was to Dearborn to excuse me but this summons was for Detroit’s 3rd district.

Dr. Elias was my neurologist but has since retired.

I messaged her at midnight and I received a response the following morning before I woke up. Her assistant said that she placed a letter in my MiChart. My aunt Iris printed it out and we attached it to the questionnaire.

My Mom filled out the questionnaire and I asked her to read the letter to me. I initially read it one way and I wanted to see if it still sounded that way.

It does.

It’s actually kind of savage. I’m sure that is a standard letter but it said that I am her patient and she does NOT recommend that I serve and if they want additional information, they to provide need MY signature if they want anymore information. Told ya – kind of savage!!!

My cinnamon this morning was 1/2 and 1/2. Half dirt and half the Mr. Sketch brown marker. It wasn’t as intense. When I finished my shake, I tossed it into the garbage can by me and I burped (WITH MY MOUTH CLOSED BECAUSE I AM A LADY!!!) and it tasted like chai tea. I love chai tea and I smiled to myself.

I meant to write that my tablespoon of cinnamon in the morning when I wake up no longer tastes like the brown Mr. sketch marker! And I think that is because we used all of the last batch of cinnamon. so I started a new one yesterday.

The intensity yesterday and today was different. It’s still intense only because it tastes like a mouthful of dirt!!! I could feel it in my teeth, and my Mom commented on it.

it seems like this is my new routine for the rest of my life! Sit with a mouthful of dirt or a brown Mr. Sketch marker in my mouth for 30 minutes. Then I take my vitamins and drink my shake to make sure that all of the dirt is out of my teeth! It seems like that will be the case because we will get it constantly from Zerbo’s.

Today is the first day of my Dragonfruit Lemon chapstick weekend. I really dig this flavor! It’s similar to the Grapefruit flavor that I tried a couple years back. I think it tastes like Grapefruit plus something else. I dig it!

I am still reminded of summer in college. But this is undergrad college. Not grad school college!

Grad school college was exclusively at the School of Education on Hubbard Drive. My undergrad education was largely at the CASL building. Pronounced, “Castle” it stands for college of arts, sciences, and letters. All of my English classes were in that building.

Today I thought about my final time in that building. It was just before graduation! I had to go to the administrative offices on the second and third floors to make sure that all my I’s were crossed all my T’s we dotted. I think commencement was the following weekend.

That close to commencements, I had already completed my student teaching, and had already broken my ankle so I was in a wheelchair. Parking in the disabled section did not seem strange to me because I had been parking there my entire time at school. I never thought that I would be as disabled as I am now!

This is the memory that I told my Mom. I was remembering my final time going into that building. I pressed the button for the first door to open to allow me between the two doors before you get into the building. I was not adapt at using disabled accommodations at that point and I’m not sure that it was properly formatted anyway.

I had forgotten this memory for 19 years! So I get in between the doors and the door shuts! I remember thinking, “What am I going to do now?!” but just after I thought that, another student came to the door from the inside. he was leaving.

I think that we laughed and I thanked him for opening the door to let me out of in between the doors because I was stuck! I had totally forgotten that memory, but now I can clearly see it! I think the guy had longer light brown hair?

I saw this updated forecast late Tuesday night, and I thought that it’s still okay! I can handle that!

But, now I realize that I CANNOT handle that when the vent in the backseat of the van is broken!!! Because that’s what happened yesterday, but I did not realize that until I got back to my house after we had already gone to the naturopath and gotten our haircuts I was completely spent!!!

Definitely a HARD recovery day for me today and I did not wear my contacts but I thought about my naturopath from yesterday. I started seeing him back in 2011. But I must say that it’s only now that I can say that I truly love him! And here’s why.:

My body seems to be doing well with what I am on and he added a couple more things. I really saw him yesterday, he wasn’t looking at me, and he just was kind of looking off in the distance before he looked and said extremely sympathetically and almost apologetically, “It’s chronic.” I just nodded in agreement and said, “yeah.”I’m so glad that he is on the case because he is finding what is working out with my body and I really appreciate that!!