Sean has been telling me for years with a shake of his head and a smirk on his mouth that a.m., “Too much.” Usually, it’s in silly situations and I flash him a broad smile and tell him that, “I I am just enough!” that will get both of us to laugh. I thought about me telling Sean that I was just enough because of the events of this morning. I am not sure if I am enough for this.
Upon waking up this morning, I again had an unacceptable solid ‘C’ sleep. I can’t see a solution to the sleeping arrangement because this is where it has to be at this point. Let me explain this to you all:
I open my eyes and when I feel that it is time for me to get up I will ask/say, “Mom?” And I will either hear her voice or silence. Now that I am sleeping in my chair, it’s her voice most times. She walks in to my room, and she will need to peel my covers off of me. ALL of my covers! This is a slow process because I do have a VERY heavy comforter and my other blanket that I sleep with is large enough to cover a queen size bed with my sheet as well. When she is finished with that, I will lay my head down further in my chair So as she can remove the pillow that my feet rest on. Once she does that, she puts my shoes on. Once they are on, I adjust my chair so I’m leaning all the way forward so my Mom can pull the blanket that I wear around my neck and shoulders off.
NOW, putting my shoes on with my legs extended higher than my head first thing in the morning is difficult for me to handle! Waking up in the morning is a VERY slow process for me but adjusting my feet and my broken knee is a little bit taxing! And by a little, I mean A LOT!
After she is finished with this, I sit in my chair in a days for a while. Then, it’s time to wash my hands. But here’s the thing, my house was belt in 1951 and in 1951, disabled people did not on their own homes so the doorways are too narrow to allow my powered chair into. For now, handwashing for me is soapy washcloths and rinsing my hands with wet washcloths repeatedly until they feel clean. It’s not ideal but it works for us now.
This morning, as my Mom was putting soap on one of the washcloths, she said, “It’s too much.” I don’t think she was talking to me but I said to her, “I agree, but I don’t see another way right now.”
To keep by self from crying, I thought of me telling Sean that I’m just enough but I don’t think that applies in this situation if I’m being honest with myself…