My internal clock is so messed up that I just woke up! It is 1255 p.m. I am still in the process of drinking my protein shake but I am done taking my vitamins. As a way to wake up, I scroll mindlessly through Facebook. I saw this meme from a friend:
And I loved it and thought of this song:
It was a good way to wake up. I better drink my shake before it gets warm…
My Mom and I figured out that we could buy the movie, Miss Potter, OnDenand. I have since watched this movie three times since I bought it so it was pretty cheap! We split the cost and bought it for ourselves for Mother’s Day. I absolutely love this movie!! I definitely suggest it to everyone!!!
Last night, my brother, Jimmy quoted this specific part of this movie during his Facebook live: He asked if I remembered it and of course I do! It’s Mike TV!:
And this song was posted in my MS Music Lovers group, they posted this song and then all came together and I think I will have to watch this movie even though I am 39 years old!
I think the Big Brtother does not want to get off of my back, that #SlyDevil!!! I saw this tweet and forgive the foul language!:
But I am, “Stong like bull!” No tears here but I thought of chocolate glazed Tim Bits! (Sean will know). Things are different now that I thought of this song and seeing this version of it kind of squeezed my heart a little bit:
I temporarily changed my Facebook profile picture to this:
I bought these buns after I spoke with the woman from the rescue that we were going to get her from. We were not going to get her for a week but Sean and I decided that we would keep her name that she already had which was, “Leia.” Amanda, the woman who runs the rescue we got her from when I asked her her name through email, she told me it was, “Leia, like the princess.” So for me, the buns seemed extremely fitting! They arrived to our house before she did and Sean shook his head at me. I laughed and didn’t care at all! It was going be cute because her name is “Leia.”
I took this picture of her on June 27, 2020 before her first vet appointment. My Mom also thought the buns were dumb and me putting them on her was even dumber! I told her that I just need, “One good picture!” Leia probably had these ones on for 30 seconds before she knocked them off. I sent this picture to Sean this morning and he told me that it was really cute but she will never let me put these buns on her again! I completely agree but I did get one picture. I’m not sure if it’s a, “Good picture” but that’s what I got. My Mom took this picture of her today. What a difference ALMOST a year makes!:
I think that Big Brother is trying to kick me when I’m down! But it’s not gonna work this time! This song showed up in my Facebook feed today and for the first time in 20 years, I did NOT. I can still see myself in my mind’s eye driving down E. Pond Dr. on WMU’s campus back to my dorm but no tears came.
Look at me being all healthy and stuff! Not really… there is still plenty of dysfunction to go around!
I have been thinking about my recent post about my random tune #6 in my Facebook feed, and I kind of want to post a different song. I am so far removed from that Matchbox 20 song that I feel this one is a better song for me now:
There are a number of reasons that I like this one better and there are lyrics that stick out in my mind! (I was an English teacher and words were my job!) No more tears at all anymore. The first lyric that sticks out is:
But I am happy to say that if that whole has not healed enough yet, it has calloused just enough so it doesn’t hurt or matter anymore. And the second lyric in retrospect is:
I remember when Sean was still very young, this lyric hit home for me! I have felt they were talking about me because I have a scar but I don’t talk about my C-section scar. I never really did…
This video showed up in my Facebook feed last night:
I think that Big Brother was just trying to mess with me. Normally, the song one strike a chord with me and I would be reminded of playing basketball in someone’s backyard and I was still a bright-eyed, high school graduate and not yen diagnosed with MS. This song would normally have filled me with regret but I was just checking one I liked the song and before things got real once I was diagnosed.
I think that Big Brother put the song in my Facebook feed to serve as a deep dive from days when I was still able-bodied. But it didn’t work because I’m still in a Different place from hearing Kings of Leon. I was less disabled than I am now but I was still an adult back then. Sadly, I don’t even recognize the child I was before I was diagnosed anymore.
I think my tenth Covid tears were the result of a build up. Things that built up that I did not even realize. I would call my tears Covid tears because I am still in my house with my Mom during this pandemic. I think my tears this morning were an overflow of my feelings last night. I really lamented the life I was supposed to be leading. I was thinking of the accomplishments I should have had but in dealing with MS for 20 years, those accomplishments have not been obtained.
I watched a little bit of the NFL draft on Thursday. I saw Kings of Leon performing and I could NOT get over how old Caleb Followill is!!! I texted my friend and told him as much and he reminded me that WE are old too!!! I was reminded of a song but I couldn’t quite remember it. So in order to find it, I just did a search of a line of the song that I remembered and then I was able to find the Kings of Leon song I was looking for;
In my head, when I hear this song, I am in my mid-20s and living in my second apartment. I am still driving and as I looked out the window today, and saw what the weather must be like, I remembered I was able to enjoy that weather myself back then. As I listen to this song, all these memories came to mind and the tears begin to flow! Back then, I didn’t think that I would be more disabled than using my Canadian crutches most of the time. I never dreamed it would be like it is now!
I also think that my tears were a combination of really thinking about how things have become. My abilities are diminishing constantly! I could not even put toothpaste on my toothbrush last night! I had to ask my Mom for help because my doTERRA toothpaste changed the tubes they use and it is too difficult for me to squeeze them. That fact also hurt and I think remembering a time when I could do that on my own easily and still drive was a little bit too much!
I am so very much into this song. All three versions of it! :
But then I saw Kings of Leon playing at the NFL draft and I thought of this song and I had to listen to it. I cried a little bit and I think I will write about that exclusively: