I think my tenth Covid tears were the result of a build up. Things that built up that I did not even realize. I would call my tears Covid tears because I am still in my house with my Mom during this pandemic. I think my tears this morning were an overflow of my feelings last night. I really lamented the life I was supposed to be leading. I was thinking of the accomplishments I should have had but in dealing with MS for 20 years, those accomplishments have not been obtained.
I watched a little bit of the NFL draft on Thursday. I saw Kings of Leon performing and I could NOT get over how old Caleb Followill is!!! I texted my friend and told him as much and he reminded me that WE are old too!!! I was reminded of a song but I couldn’t quite remember it. So in order to find it, I just did a search of a line of the song that I remembered and then I was able to find the Kings of Leon song I was looking for;
In my head, when I hear this song, I am in my mid-20s and living in my second apartment. I am still driving and as I looked out the window today, and saw what the weather must be like, I remembered I was able to enjoy that weather myself back then. As I listen to this song, all these memories came to mind and the tears begin to flow! Back then, I didn’t think that I would be more disabled than using my Canadian crutches most of the time. I never dreamed it would be like it is now!
I also think that my tears were a combination of really thinking about how things have become. My abilities are diminishing constantly! I could not even put toothpaste on my toothbrush last night! I had to ask my Mom for help because my doTERRA toothpaste changed the tubes they use and it is too difficult for me to squeeze them. That fact also hurt and I think remembering a time when I could do that on my own easily and still drive was a little bit too much!