Today would have been my Dad’s 70th birthday. In August, it will be 15 years since he has been gone. I was recently speaking with a friend whose dad recently died. She couldn’t believe that it was going on 15 years this August for me. She marveled at my strength because we worked together when my Dad died. I kind of chuckled and told her that sometimes, it feels like it just happened! And today, it looks like it’s one of THOSE days!
I listened to my Maroon 5 playlist on my Apple Music last night and it got me thinking about grad school. It was the summer of 2007 when I started my second year of grad school (I only went to school in the summer while I taught in the fall and winter). I was asking my Mom a question about seeing my Abuela’s car being driven by a woman wearing a hat who looked like my Abuela and my Mom was compelled to follow her.
She told me that she KNEW it was NOT my Abuela but she HAD TO follow it and then she added, “Just like you.” To which I nodded and started to cry. I also saw a man in my Dad’s car on my way to school. I KNEW that that was not my Dad (he stopped driving years before he died) but I HAD to follow it. I was still on my way to school and he was going the same place just a little bit ahead of me. But then, the car turned into the same driveway that would lead to my Dad’s dialysis center. The school of education had just procured a new building so I didn’t have to go onto Main campus to take my classes. The entrance to that building was just across the street from the entrance to my Dad’s dialysis center.
When I saw that, I busted out into tears! Like really hard sobs Coming out and tears streaming down my face. I had just been listening to the CD so I changed the song to make it fit:
I have always arrived early for class so I just allowed myself time to have a good cry out! And I still had time to compose myself and make sure that my eyes were not red and then I didn’t look like I was just bawling my eyes out even though that’s what I was doing!
I recently saw this meme and I thought specifically of this moment I’m seeing my Dad‘s car pulling into the dialysis center.
That’s one thing I love about music, it can mean 1 million different things to 1 million different people! This song, meant something to me having just had my Dad die even though that’s not why it was written. That’s why I chose to hear it:
I always heard that as, “I can’T be close.” And then the refrain continues but the song ends with this line:
So, if you read how I personally interpret these lyrics thus far, you should take the time to listen to the song:
Happy Birthday, Daddy!!! 💜💜💜