This morning, when my Mom had Leia on a walk, I put some Gavin DeGraw on my Apple Music on my phone on shuffle. Has he played on my phone and I absentmindedly played solitaire, my mind shifted to our first apartment. I vividly remember washing dishes standing at the sink. Even in my second apartment, I still did dishes at the sink but this time, I sat in my, “Cooking chair.” That was an Amish stool that I bought from Art Van after my Mom let me use hers and I had to have one for myself!
I can vividly see both of our apartments and I am somewhat saddened and how less, “Able” I am now. When my Mom got back into the house after Leia’s walk, I just started thinking about living in our house and cleaning up the kitchen and Saturday mornings back when I still used to work and how different things are for me now in terms of mobility.
My Mom walked by me and she saw my face. Apparently, me being lost in my memories showed on my face. She commented on it and I told her that I was lost in my memories. Deeply! At this point, when I am that deep into my memories, I don’t cry but rather, it is an ache in my chest. And ache of longing. After I got ready for the day, my knee started hurting really badly!
With all of these thoughts swirling around in my hand, my knee started to hurt excruciatingly! That is a whole ‘nother layer of things. After my Mom turned my tens unit on, I asked her to get me a mug of milk. The milk was for me to take with the pain pill and I decided that I needed two pieces of chocolate to eat to finish the milk as I started to cry a little bit. I cannot always live in my memories but I spend an awful lot of time there when I think of my current inabilities.