Month: August 2019

My Queue

Today is the third day in which I have slept a large part of the afternoon and then into the evening. I just opened my eyes and I am super groggy. I think it’s terrible that even after a long sleep, I NEVER feel rested.

I have felt this way since getting back from my days at hotels when my power was out. It’s frustrating to me that I can’t just, “Bounce Back.”

What seems to happen is that I fall asleep with the TV on and maybe 45 minutes or an hour later I turn it off and fall back asleep for another hour or two. I wake up and look at, “My queue.”

Those are the books that I still need to finish. I have already started a few of them but I can’t seem to gather the strength to concentrate and read. My eyes are wonky anyway. The last time I read it was July 20th before my power went out. I hope to restart and complete reading them again soon!

Maybe I should just remove them from the corner of the desk under my TV but I choose to think this stack will encourage me to begin reading sooner than later. I just turned Pride and Prejudice on again but I fear that I may fall asleep again. I can’t get over how tired I am! MS really stinks! Oh, and my knee still pops out which hurts a whole lot!

10 Movies

I have figured out a couple of things with me feeling so awful today. I have been feeling, “Off” since I got back into my house after my power outage and after the quest to find a properly handicapped accessible hotel room. To my dismay, I never found that room. I got back into my house on July 25th.

Upon my arrival home, I had scrapes on both elbows and bruises on my backside. All of them hurt for a while but that pain has since subsided. I am not back to 100% though. I actually am far from it!

I started thinking that this was going to be a long process when I fell asleep during my two favorite parts of the movie I was watching. It was Labyrinth.

I currently am watching Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley. I finally figured out why I watch the same movies over and over again. Because I am not feeling 100%, I fall asleep often when watching it. And when I say, “Fall asleep,” I mean that I, “Pass out” seated in my reclined motorized chair.

Yesterday, the movie played three times in my house. I probably watched it all the way through one time once I pieced all the pieces I saw together in between my, “Passing out.”

I’ve since gotten my Mom interested in the movie with me when she comes by but the other day just as Sean was going to work and I started the movie, Sean let me know then that I watch the same movies over and over! He told me that in his lifetime, I have probably watched the same 10 movies.

I laughed as he left for work but it got me thinking. I DO watch the same movies over and over again but I think that’s mostly because I, “Pass out” so much mid-movie.

If I am watching a movie that I know what’s going to happen, I don’t feel so bad falling asleep during it. My Mom came by to drop off my tacos for Taco Tuesday and she looked at me and told me that I look like I don’t feel well. Well, I don’t! STILL!

I’m not sure if it’s the weather or the fact that I am really having a hard time, “Bouncing back” these days. I really hate not feeling well but I think I will turn Pride and Prejudice back on again today because I LOVE Mr. Darcy and may need to sleep AGAIN!

Pride and Prejudice was playing when Sean got home from work the other day and it may be playing when he gets home from work today too. I guess it’s one of the 10 movies I have seen over and over again in his lifetime. But, I’m OK with that though.

Leveled Up OR “Movin’ On Up”

My therapy party arrive to my house on August 2. It arrived after I posed a question to one of my MS support groups regarding my loss of hand strength. My loss of hand strength became evident when my toothbrush was wearing out a lot faster than it should or ever has. It made me nervous because I wondered how much damage I was doing to my gums with my heavy hands.

I ordered it at the suggestion of my new friend and fellow warrior, Ashley. She told me to squeeze the putty and move it from hand to hand while I watch TV. I immediately began using the teal, extra, extra soft putty. She told me that when it gets easy, I should move up to the next level of firmness. There are six levels of firmness in this package:

I started with the teal, extra, extra soft and I was surprised that it was difficult for me! It kind of discouraged me but I kept at it:

Well, after 10 days of work, I have leveled up! I warmed up with the teal putty this morning and moved to the neon orange which is just extra soft:

So, I have been working with the orange, “Fuddy putty” (As Sean used to call it) all day so far. To say that I haven’t been singing this song all day during the commercials would be a lie. I live on the west side of my city and I live in a house but the sentiments are the same. I am moving on up with my hand strength and abilities. I have noticed that I can control my toothbrush more so now so I am excited for my gums!

The 10th

This morning, it was extremely evident to me that it will take me a very long time to fully recover from my power outage at the end of July. I am sleeping a lot during the day even when I do not want to! For instance, I was set to watch the Lions preseason game against the Patriots last Thursday.

I was excited when I watched the coin toss at the beginning and Stafford was one of the Lions players to witness that. Once the game started, Tom Savage was under Center so Matthew Stafford wasn’t going to play in the game. That bummed me out a little bit but there were a lot of other players that I wanted to see. I even had my eye patch on because my eyes are a little bit wonky right now.

I woke up just before halftime and I didn’t even know that I had fallen asleep! I then fell back to sleep and woke up well after the game was over. I haven’t been well since I got back into my house after the power outage.

This morning, for instance, I was really dragging! I sat in my kitchen and it took an exceedingly long time to drink my Kiefer. Sean woke up kind of early because he was called in to work early. My Mom had brought him pancakes that she had made at her house so he joined me in the kitchen to warm them up to have breakfast.

When he was finished, he was putting the gallon of milk back into the refrigerator and I asked him to get me my Adkins shake. He pulled one out of the door of the refrigerator and asked me if I wanted him to open it. I have had to have either my Mom or him open it because my hand strength has gotten so bad that I can’t even open it myself.

I told him that I could do it so he set it on the counter and went into the living room to lounge on the couch. I told him that I didn’t want to brag or anything but I have been, “Playing with my ‘Fuddy Putty’ for nine days so far!”

*** As an aside, when I said, “Nine days,” I immediately thought of my first days at Western and driving with two of my new friends and girls on my floor (Tonya and Marissa) to go to the local Target store. We were strangers until this day and Marissa started singing this song at the top of her lungs when it came on the radio and yelled for us to sing along as well because, “[We] knew the words!“***

Sean kind of laughed when I asserted that I could open my shake of my own. Once I did, I let him know that today would be the 10th!

Anticlimactic OR The Last Time

Sean starts his senior year in 12 days. For me, that fact is absolutely BONKERS!!! We got his school clothes for his upcoming senior year today. For me, it was a bit anti-climactic to say the least!

Because times and my physical abilities have changed so much, he ordered his shoes online. We needed to go to the Men’s Wearhouse to get a tie and pocket square to go with his suit for his senior pictures which are scheduled for next Saturday.

We also needed to get dress shirts that I got them from JCPenney because I have credit there. I couldn’t order his exact size online so we went to the mall to pick them up. His size wasn’t in the store either so we ordered them at the checkout desk. They will arrive in 4 to 7 days to the store. Although we were leaving the store empty-handed, we did stop to get nibblers from Mrs. Fields before we left the mall.

We have always gotten his school clothes from JCPenney. Five Oxford shirts and five pairs of pants. However, since he is in the high school, they only allow him to have Schoolbelles pants. They aren’t open on Saturdays when we were out and about so we will get some pants next week. He will also pick up school supplies by himself next week as well.

My knee hurts today and I am not sure how I feel about this being the last time we get school clothes for him. I didn’t let him know that this was a big deal for me but I guess it kind of was! It all was a bit anticlimactic with ordering things online and placing an order in the store.

I really can’t believe that this is the last time but I was happy to receive those nibblers today; more so than I will ever tell Sean.

Because he drove his car, I was in charge of the aux cord and the music. Of course, I played my jam a number of times and finally explained to him the significance of this song. It played once I signed for my new car. Ali Reda told me to keep my current car because the car I signed for was not available at the dealership to be picked up. I drove back to our second apartment in my last vehicle that was not going to have accommodations. This song played on the radio:

I felt pretty independent on my ride home. Little did I know that the MS that silently raging through my body would have different plans for my independence in the coming years. So that day driving was also a, “Last Time” time than I can clearly remember.

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #52

I have heard this song twice in the past two days and I was surprised that I still knew all of the words. Hearing it, I was reminded grade school, my friend Natalie, her house was within walking distance from the school, and her mom always baking. I had to listen to the entire song both times because I had such fond and wonderful memories!

I Love You, Mr. Darcy!

Sense and Sensibility is not available for me to watch for free on my TV right now. That movie really is my jam! I have settled for Pride and Prejudice with Kiera Knightley. I really dig that one too! I have seen it a number of times in the past four or five days and yesterday, when I was watching, it again, it got to my favorite part and I just said out loud, (Even though I was by myself in my house) “I love you, Mr. Darcy!”

I absolutely love that part of the movie even though that’s not my favorite adaptation l of the book. A&E has that distinction! I am able to watch this version because it is on Starz. The last scene has been cut out probably to save time for this viewing. I looked it up and showed it to my Mom this morning:

That could be another reason why I love so many of the Hallmark movies. Many of them have the same names as the book and movie. Either way, I’m really loving Mr. Darcy right now!

“Ooh, Ooh, Stinky Feet!”

I saw another version of this commercial five times yesterday:

Each time I saw or heard this commercial, I thought back to my childhood and my Parents’ green station wagon. Now, my brothers and I lovingly refer to it as the, “Tank.”

I recently shared that meme on Facebook and sent out a shout out to anyone who had ridden in the Rios‘s station wagon. The entire neighborhood and school rode in that car at one point in their childhood!

Because of that BMW commercial, I most vividly remember riding in the very back of the station wagon with Heather Wells, my cousin, Melissa, and or my cousinT, Shannon, or a combination of the three. We used to think it was such a treat to ride in the very back of the car when really it was just giving my Mom a much-needed break.

My Mom and I recently talked about how bad it really was to have children in the very back because the exhaust fumes would go up and into the car. Retrospectively, we all could have died!

I just laugh about it now and think back to all of us taking our shoes off and putting our bare or stocking feet on the rear window and moving them back-and-forth and singing in unison, “Ooh, Ooh. Stinky feet!” And I think of my Mom listening to oldies on the radio and hearing this song:


The Cutest Thing EVER!!!

My Mom has planted flowers all around her house since I was a girl. She absolutely loves them! They are beautiful!

This morning, she was not able to water her flowers so once we begin our routine, it was almost afternoon, so she asked Sean to go to her house to water her flowers. She told him to call her once he was starting to water them.

I was fortunate enough to witness the cutest thing ever as I got ready for the day. My Mom had Sean on speakerphone and she told him how to specifically water each flower. She told him the proper setting on the attachment to the hose and told him how long he had to water each pot.

She told Sean to talk to them and let them know that he was her grandson. I began to laugh when I saw the complete joy on her face! Sean declined from talking to the flowers but he painstakingly watered each one exactly how she told him to water it.

He was so engaged and listened to everything she told him and asked her questions when he had them. He followed her directions to the letter. As he moved to the back of the house, he asked my mom what to do with this, “Bad boy,”. My Mom immediately corrected him by telling him that they are ALL girls and they like to be called “Beauty.”

My Mom has told me before that it takes about 45 minutes to water all of her flowers. I have only watered them once in my life when I was about 16 years old. The only reason I went outside to water them was because there was a crew of workers on my roof at the time replacing the roof so I wanted to be outside to look at them.

Once Sean was finished, he told my Mom that her flowers were beautiful but he did NOT like watering them! I am so happy that I witnessed their exchange as Sean listened to my Mom and did what she said as my Mom was almost giddy at the fact that her flowers were being watered when she couldn’t water them herself this morning. It was a really good feeling to see and hear my Nom’s excitement and hear my son doing exactly what my Mom said.

A Slow Recovery

I have been back in my house with power for a couple weeks now but my, “bounce back” has still not happened fully. I am not going to lie, it concerns me a little bit. There isn’t anything to do but just wait it out.

Abrasions on my elbows and bruises on my backside have since subsided but my speech is still affected. I’m not sure if it’s the heat or just a side-effect of me trying to get back to my, “Normal.” It frustrates me to realize how slow the recovery process really is!

As of late, in the past few days even, I cannot seem to remain awake during the day. These. “Naps” are really just me, “Passing out” in my wheelchair. I never know when it is going to happen and I don’t know that it has happened until I wake up.

It’s my, “Thing” to watch the same movies over and over again. Right now, I am watching Pride and Prejudice. I swear that I was born at the wrong time because I absolutely love it and I wish I could play the piano. I fell asleep during a large portion of the movie today but I awakened just in time to see Mr. Darcy profess his love for Elizabeth.

Sean has seen me watch Pride and Prejustice and/or Seanse and Sensibility and I let him know when I am watching scenes from a dance that really, it smells pretty badly in there because back then, they didn’t place much importance on personal hygiene.

Maybe I would rather NOT be born in that time period but I love these movies! I think I just love being lost in the romance of the movie because it’s so different from my life right now. At least it helps me think about something else other than my VERY slow recovery.