This morning, I awakened to check the time because my compression sock was twisted and it hurt my leg. I grabbed my phone to check the time and once I looked at it, the light from the phone sent a huge pain like a lightning bolt straight to the middle of my brain through my right eye. My right eye is my, “Poop Eye.” I have had Optic Neuritis in it since I was pregnant with Sean, so for about 18 years. It was still kind of early and I heard Sean rustling around getting ready for school.
I felt like the white walker giant and Lyanna Mormont had just shoved that blade into my eye socket. It was killing me! MS sucks!!! I just shut my right eye which is habit for me now because my eye was killing me! I was absentmindedly scrolling through Facebook as I was trying to wake up. I came across someone’s forehead that looked familiar and when I continued scrolling down, I saw it was a post from my aunt wishing my Dad a Happy Birthday. I gasped and tears immediately began screaming out of both of my eyes!
I miss him so much! Just as my tears started screaming, my Mom came in. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I missed Daddy. Today is his birthday. The last birthday we celebrated with him was his 55th. I made him a mixed CD. (This was 13 years ago and before streaming.). I titled it, “The Daddy Mix” and a friend of mine helped me collaborate it.
When we were making it, he told me that this was the worst mix he has ever made but I didn’t care because it was really sentimental to me! It was all the songs that reminded me of my Dad. My Dad listened to it often before his death.
My Mom had to run an errand quickly before we began our morning routine today so she left. I wheeled myself to the hallway between Sean‘s room and the bathroom because there is no light there and my eye was still killing me! I tilted my wheelchair back, put my Dad’s playlist on my phone, leaned back, and closed my eyes. My Dad’s playlist has all of the songs I included on the CD I made him plus 2 more songs that I added after his death.
As the songs played, I could feel hot tears running out of the corners of my eyes and into my ears. When my Mom got back, before we began our routine, she said, “Happy Birthday, Husband!” I told her that I couldn’t believe my Dad was 68! I told her that I couldn’t imagine him old with more white hair and sallow cheeks.
She told me matter-of-factly that he is not 68 and that he stopped stopped aging at 55. That statement was almost sad for me until she added, “I’m a cougar.” Of course, that statement made me laugh and it lightened my mood a little bit.
I miss you so much Daddy! I can’t believe that it hurts so much 13 years later! Something tells me that you won’t mind being with a cougar who is 12 years your senior though as long as it’s my Mom!