I tagged my friend, Jaci, on Facebook in the post I wrote yesterday. We reminisced about laughing at me setting my alarm to wake up to watch David Letterman in order to watch U2’s musical performances, arriving to work very early, and how she is reminded of me with James blunt. I DID listen to him a lot during our first years teaching.
We were hired in the same year. There were five hires in our, “Freshman class” as I call it. I was one of the last to leave and now none of us are teaching there anymore.
Sean left to get his haircut so I am by myself in my house and I added Back to Bedlam to my Apple Music playlists and proceeded to listen to the entire album. (I need to gather my thoughts and I hope to write about it in a little bit) but I heard this song and given how I handled listening to that James Blunt album, this song seemed fitting. I almost forgot about it:
So today, in the late morning hours, I was feeling some U2 music! I pulled up my U2 playlist in Apple Music and was trying to decide what song I wanted to hear. I scrolled through the EXTENSIVE playlist and randomly chose songs I wanted to hear. Any U2 song has the power to transport me back to a different place, time, and circumstance. The songs I chose were largely from one of the best of albums:
I listened to this album a lot on my way to work when I worked at DFCU financial while I was in college, just after Sean was born. I am reminded of Matt Davis. We were both working in the drive-through and I was thinking of songs I heard on my way into work and I just exclaimed, “I love u2!” Matt looked kind of uncomfortable and asked me why I said that. I laughed and told him I was talking about the band.
This album was spring of my freshman year at WMU and driving down E. Pond Dr. after just leaving my dorm and living in Kalamazoo.
This one was my first year teaching. U2 was the musical guest all week long on the David Letterman show. My friend and former colleague, Jaci, thought it was so funny that I would go to sleep at my normal time during the week and I set my alarm to watch David Letterman. Because I was 26 at the time and Dave’s target audience was 18 to 25, I didn’t really dig that show as much as I used to when I was younger. I didn’t find it as funny as I remember it being. So on Tuesday and for the rest of the week, I set my alarm for just in time to see u2 perform their new music.
This album is really special to me because the few new songs that are on it, speak to me! I listened to one of these songs right after my Dad died and I drove to work crying and would wear my sunglasses into the building give me those sun was not even up to hide my red and puffy eyes.
Sean was in his room and asked, “What’s up with the depressing music?“ I laughed and told him it was NOT depressing! I guess I was choosing more of their mellow tunes but I didn’t mind at all!
I’ve said before how I do not share my U2 songs with anyone because I don’t want negative memories to cloud my music. Then I listened to a song that I don’t listen to often because I do not appreciate so much the time, place, and circumstance I am transported back to. But this song is fitting because it’s Easter!
Last night, after Sean got out of the shower after he got home from work, he sat on the couch to put his socks on. His friend was picking him to hang out for a while. We were talking and I’m not sure what he told me but I looked to the right and kind of half-smiled and my son told me, “I have your eyes!” And then he continued to say that he has felt himself make the same face I just made.
Now, I know my son is mine because I HAD him! However, he really has never looked much like me and I accept that!
He has brown eyes which I KNOW are from me! I remember one day that he came home from preschool quite upset! He was the ONLY student at his school who had brown eyes! I tried calming him down and told him that his brown eyes are from me. I agreed to conduct a poll of all of my students so he could see how common brown eyes really were!
I will never forget the year that I asked of my students the color of their eyes because it was the year that I had a student named Gerardo. He had green eyes. So, I was happy to report to Sean the next day that 199 of my students had brown eyes and one student had green eyes. My three-year-old Sean accepted that answer and it made him feel a little better for him having brown eyes.
As for his eyes, they are a lot later than my eyes! He always has told me that when he is at school, he feels like his eyes are really dark. And then he comes home and realizes they are not because mine are practically black!
I just really liked hearing him say that he has something of mine! Even though I know that it’s not really that true! As he got up from the couch to get his shoes, I let him know that he also has my lips and I could put lip liner on him at any point! He declined and told me that he will NEVER let me do that!
When my Mom and I went out to Target Wednesday (which I am still recovering from!). I wrote about how we saw my friend and former colleague, Mr. Wright. He looked sun-kissed! I asked him where he went because I knew he had to have gone somewhere warm. He always did that during the breaks when we worked together. He told me that he went to Las Vegas.
I smiled because that sounded like a place he would go! He told me he came back after they took all of his money! Right after I smiled and told him that he looked sun-kissed, he in turn looked at me and said, “And you look so white!” As a Mexican person, I don’t think I’ve ever really hear that! I just started to laugh because I didn’t want to be a downer and tell him that I really haven’t seen the light of day outside for pretty much two years!
I hide from the sun so much now that I can’t ever imagine being sun-kissed again! I so much enjoyed seeing him though! We slid back into an easy conversation as if we saw each other every day like we used to do when we worked together! It really made me think about and miss all my former colleagues! We. (the OG’s) were a really close knit group! I am basically a shut-in now.
Mr. Wright hugged me and my Mom upon greeting and again when we parted ways. He smelled really good, like he always did! I enjoyed that smell every time I turned my head to the right for the whole time we were at Target and for the rest of the day!
My son and I recently talked about past Easter celebrations from his youth. My brothers and I would make up plastic eggs for our kids to find in an Easter egg hunt. It worked out where we would decide a few weeks before Easter that each sibling was responsible to provide 100 eggs to for the kids to find.
Sean was blown away that we were all in our early 20s doing these things for our children. I always filled the Easter eggs I was responsible for with Sean’s favorite chocolate and quarters! I laughed when I told Sean about how exciting it had to be for the kids to find an egg with a whopping 2 quarters! My brother, Dave would provide the “Golden Eggs!” I think it was one egg that was golden in color that contained $5!
Sean never got the “Golden Egg” when we held hunts for the kids so it got me thinking about the fact that I wanted to have one more Easter celebration for Sean! My son is 17 so next year, he will technically be an, “Adult” in the eyes of the law. I think I am just feeling nostalgic so I wanted to have one more Easter basket! Sean doesn’t care either way! He hasn’t cared that he hasn’t had an Easter basket for the past couple years because I have not been working. I wanted to change that!
So yesterday, I just received my Social Security check and paid my bills so I had a little bit of money to get him some Easter candy for a basket! My Mom loaded me into the car to take me to Target to get some! The first thing that I noticed once we got into the store was that Target looked so much different than I remember it! My Mom told me that it has been changed for a few months but I wouldn’t know because I rarely leave the house! She pushed me in my manual chair to get all of the specific things for Sean.
While we were in Target, I saw my friend and former colleague, Jonathon Wright! I was so happy to see him! He looked at the items in the basket on my lap and told me that he was glad that I am eating healthy! I laughed and filled him in on what’s going on with Sean! I was really happy to see him and I was immediately transported back to a time when I first started working with him and teaching English. I was still walking on crutches and driving back then as well. It really seems like a lifetime ago now!
Once finished shopping, I could feel myself getting fatigued! My Mom stopped to get us a shawarma for dinner and as I waited for her while sitting at the car, I realized that my knee was killing me and even my feet hurt. When she came back into the car, I told her about it and I was a little puzzled by it. She told me that I have NOT been in my motorized chair for too long!
It’s saddens me to realize that this was true. When I leave my house roughly once a month for a haircut and eyebrow wax, I am out of my chair probably a total of 30-45 minutes. Shopping at Target, it was longer. My knee was killing me! Once I was home, I reclined my motorized wheelchair and basically passed out till close to 11 o’clock. I was bothered somewhat because I wanted to write my blog post about seeing Mr. Wright and trying my hand at venturing out to Target.
I thought of a picture I posted on Facebook recently:
The MS fatigue was REAL to me yesterday but I think more important was the fact that I realized yesterday how much my motorized chair is a necessity now! My legs need to be elevated to NOT hurt so much! So, me passing out after getting home yesterday was completely an MS thing but my knee hurting so badly it’s not! This, “Double Whammy” really stinks! And it is where I find myself!
Yesterday, I had to do some Easter shopping because this may be the last year Sean gets an Easter basket! He hasn’t had one in a couple years because I haven’t been working but this year, I wanted to do this for my Beeb.
My Mom loaded me into the car and we left. This song played right when I got into the car!:
This song has been my jam for almost 20 years! I thought it was going to mean it was a good omen but… I will write about it in a bit.
So, I’m feeling like poop today but as I sit and watch a cheesy Hallmark movie (which I LOVE!) that I have never seen before, the guy talked about Night swimming. Of course I thought of this song and had to share it! I have not thought about this song in over 10 years, probably about 14…
I chose to read this book because my Mom talked about it years ago and I have never read it.. I thought of that James Blunt song:
Because this book was written so long ago, I really have to concentrate on the language chosen. I appreciate this fact because it helps my brain and makes my mind think harder! It may take me longer to read but I’m down for that!
I spent the whole day reading and ignoring the green, leopard print splotches in order to finish this book! I would definitely recommend this to everyone! It’s a good flick on Netflix even though it’s different from the book.
I read this article while laying in bed this morning waiting for my Mom to get to my house and I have been thinking about it all day long. I sat in my kitchen and told my Mom about it when she got here as I sipped my Kiefer.
Photographer helps Selma Blair get coffee
By: Derrick Bryson Taylor
Who says the paparazzi are only bad?
On Thursday, Selma Blair, who is battling multiple sclerosis, was out and about in Los Angeles when she was helped by a photographer-turned-good-samaritan.
According to Backgrid, the “Cruel Intentions” alumna, 46, was having a day of beauty at Bungalow Salon when she wanted a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, she was not able to find parking close enough to her preferred spot, Alfred Coffee.
A kind photographer, who she is reportedly on good terms with, came to her rescue and retrieved her coffee.
Blair was said to be happy and feeling “normal” as she went about her day.
She was also stopped by a stranger, who also went to University Michigan. The pair sang their school fight song before parting ways.
In recent weeks, Blair has been leaning on the support of family and friends including Michael J. Fox. She has not only opened the doors of her home for an intimate interview, she recently did a candid makeup tutorial for people with MS.
The biggest thing that stuck out to me was the last line, …”she recently did a candid make up tutorial for people with MS.“
I actually have never thought about how sad this is.. Sean had to be in second grade the first time I went to work without wearing make up. We were still living in our second apartment and I was still driving. I used to drive to my Mom’s house to drop Sean off so she could take him to school heading west and I would head east from her house to go to my school to teach.
On the drive to her house, I couldn’t understand why I was smelling my face cream so strongly. It was the moisturizer I put on right after I washed my face. It wasn’t until I made the turn onto, “Break-Neck Mountain” (Long story as to how that intersection got it’s name) that I realized I was NOT wearing make up. I dropped Sean off and proceeded on my way to work.
I was still teaching English back then and I stopped off into the teacher’s lounge and my good friend and colleague, Lauren, was there. I had been wearing dark, oversized sunglasses for a long time because of my Optic Neuritis and my sensitivity to the sunlight. I waited until the door to the teacher’s lounge was closed and I looked at her and told her that I forgot to put my makeup on this morning and then proceeded to raise my sunglasses and ask her if I looked okay.
She told me that I looked fine, that I didn’t look any different and that was the last day I wore make up to school. For me, I never wore a lot of make up but because I am in adult woman and was a professional, I needed to look the part. When Lauren told me that I didn’t look any different without makeup, that was license for me to NOT do my make up and sleep an extra 15 minutes in the morning!
As years went by, Sean and I were living in our house at the time and he was probably in sixth grade when I told him, “That I technically am too old to NOT wear make up, but …” It was just too difficult for me even to try! I used to wear dark brown liquid eyeliner and I noticed that in my freshman year of college, before my diagnosis, my eyeliner would end up getting thicker and thicker because my hand was so unsteady. I didn’t understand that I was losing control of my hands.
I stopped wearing eyeliner after my diagnosis and I think it made me a little bit sad. In fact, I take that back, I would wear liquid eyeliner once a year for Sean and my Christmas card picture. My Mom would apply it for me.
My Mom always told me that highly educated women didn’t wear make up for the most part and I agreed with that because as a 2 degreed woman, I didn’t wear make up.
Today, as I read that a, “make up tutorial for people with MS“ was needed; it kind of startled me. I pretty much have known all along that putting make up on after my diagnosis got increasingly harder. When Lauren told me that I didn’t look any different without the little bit of make up I used to wear, I was okay with that. Now, I couldn’t put make up on if I tried! I don’t think I’ll be trying anytime soon!
When I did the photo shoot for the magazine, Momentum for the MS society, they brought in a hair and make up woman especially for the shoot. I remember when Dan saw me, he smiled at me and told me that I looked pretty. I liked hearing bad! I remember it felt so foreign on my skin to me, like I was wearing a mask that I just wanted to takeoff!
I guess today, after reading that article, I am a little bit sad. I’ve known for a long time that I cannot wear make up because I do not have the hand-eye coordination to put it on but thinking about the fact that there are special considerations that would need to be taken in order to put make up on because I have MS just makes me sad.
*Wait, I just saw a portion of that tutorial and it made me laugh. She gets it too!
