The other day, as my Mom and I were getting me ready for the day, I moved in such a way that put some strain on my right knee as we were getting me ready. It really hurt! I looked at my Mom and told her more than I asked her but it was a statement and a question rolled into one. I said, “I have a bad knee now.” It was a statement and a question because I could not believe that that is true. My Mom just answered me with a simple, “Yes.”
My knee popped out this morning and when my Mom came over to help me out of bed, my knee popped back in as she was helping me to transfer into my motorized chair. When my knee pops out now, (because it does often), I no longer gasp when it happens but rather, I scream! Often, tears will accompany that scream and it’s been one year, 10 months, and one day since my surgery.
A few days ago, I was sleeping in bed when I kind of rolled over to my back and it popped out! It was probably around 4 o’clock in the morning and my eyes shot open and I called to my Mom! She wasn’t at my house (OF COURSE!) and she laughed when I told her when she got to my house if little bit later. She told me that she must be a good caregiver for me to call to her! I will never dispute that, EVER because as much as it hurts me to realize that I have a caregiver, I couldn’t have a better one than her!
MS is difficult and add it to that, the pain STILL in my knee, just about makes it unbearable! I’ve been thinking about the fact that just after I told/asked my Mom about me having a bad knee and when she answered with a simple response of, “Yes.” I’m not sure if I cried but it was a sad realization! My Mom saw my face and told me that, “The game ain’t over!“
I KNOW it is NOT but it IS difficult! I find myself, “grabbing my guts” even more now and often with tears streaming out of my eyes. I knew what she said was true, and MY TRUTH but it still was a little difficult to hear! As I agreed with her assertion, and I thought of this song: