I’ve been thinking a lot about what my Mom said to me at the post office after my last appointment with Dr. Moore. It’s true! I haven’t sang for a very long time! I wanted to change that and I knew that if I watched the movie, RENT, I could do that because I know all of the words because of singing it over 1 million times with my cousinT Shannon and by myself in my car and in both of my apartments.
I finally started to watch it OnDemand yesterday and sang along with the entire show! However, I could only get a little bit past when Roger goes to the life-support meeting. And then, I began to cry!
At the support group for people living with AIDS, they sing a song. As I have said, I have listened to the audio of this play and seen this play performed once and the movie tons of times butI have never once thought to liken myself to these people singing this song:
I began to cry and paused the movie. For me, the answers to these questions are: yes, yes, and no. For me, living with MS, I will lose my dignity (I feel it is undignified for my Mom and my 16-year-old son to have to cut up my food before I eat it and pick me up and place me into a car if I want to go anywhere among other things). I am also BEYOND grateful that my Mom cares for me. And lastly, even though I pray for it every night before I go to bed, I have yet to wake up from this nightmare.