I told Sean a few weeks back that, and it was more of just me making a statement to him that pretty much everywhere I go, I am the only person in a wheelchair. It was just a statement of fact and I told him that it feels kind of weird. He thought about it for a minute and I told him that I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about that but that’s just the way things are. None of his friends have parents in a wheelchair and when I’ve been to school functions for him, I am the only person in a wheelchair most of the time (sometimes there is a random grandparent).
I don’t think this bothers me, it’s just the way things are. Well, I had an appointment last Thursday downtown at RIM (the Rehabilitation Institute of Michigan to get fitted for a different wheelchair). I’ve been there before and I was prepared to see TONS of wheelchairs. Valet parking is half off if you are in a wheelchair. As we waited our turn to get our car checked into valet, I watched as a person was being unloaded from his van in his wheelchair.
I got a strange feeling in my stomach and chest that didn’t go away the entire time I was there. It took me until today to realize what that feeling was and to put it into words. That’s why am writing it here. When I used to still drive, I would load my wheelchair in the trunk and put my right hand on the doors to brace myself as I walked to the driver side to get into the car. This was back when I was still driving with my feet. I was still pretty independent when I started driving with my hands. When I taught, I had arranged for my kids to have a field trip to go see a movie and I had just gotten my hand-controls and my chair topper.
I remember all of the kids were loaded into the buses as I rolled up to my car door, opened it up, got into the driver seat, operated the chair topper so the arm came down and pulled my wheelchair up and into the compartment on top of my car, and closed it. I was winding up the cord to the control wand with my feet still outside of the car as it closed. The sixth graders were in the bus directly behind my car and could see me do all of this. And I will never forget that as my chair topper closed, the entire bus erupted into cheers and claps! “YAY!” I thought, “How cute are they?!” I smiled widely and waved to them just before I swung my feet into the car and closed the door. I had to drive separately so I could get us all checked in before the buses arrived.
As I watched this man being unloaded from his car, I thought about that day when those kids cheered for me. As the van pulled away, and it was our turn to check our car into valet, my mom got out of the car to assemble my wheelchair. This is a pretty long process because I can no longer just throw my standard wheelchair in the trunk of my car or even have it pulled up into the chair topper. I have a customized wheelchair now, one that was made especially for me. It completely comes apart to be put into the car and needs to be reassembled outside of the car before I can get into it. As my mom, or my son, are putting it together, I am seated in the car. Most of the time, I have the heat on full blast because I am always cold now.
When the chair is fully assembled, my mom, or my son open the front passenger side door to get me out. Now, note that I said, “Get me out.” There is no throwing my chair in the trunk and walking to the driver side door for me now. They have to pull my feet out of the car and onto the ground outside. Once my feet are set, they grab my hands to pull me so I’m sitting on the edge of the seat. After I have rested for a moment, they lean in close to me so I can put my arms around their neck. They, “count it out” (mostly for my benefit) to transfer me from the car seat to my wheelchair. Once in my wheelchair, they grab just below my knees to, Count it out” again to push me back so I am seated comfortably in my wheelchair. Then they buckle me in. The whole time they are doing this, I just sit there. They both are quite adept at doing this and I am beyond grateful for it. I told you they are my “Sacreds.”
I was thinking about all of this just before we got into the doors of RIM. It has been so gradual, that I don’t even know how things changed from me zipping around in my wheelchair by myself to being a passive participant in the movements of getting into my wheelchair and being pushed. How did I go from wheeling myself everywhere in my wheelchair to being wheeled by someone else most everywhere I go?!
This question was heavy on my mind as we got into the building. There are wheelchairs everywhere! All different types of wheelchairs. The only other place where I see multiple wheelchairs is at Barwis. But, at Barwis, they are my peeps! I didn’t know anyone at RIM so it felt completely different and I didn’t like the way it felt. I felt uncomfortable and it made me miss Barwis so much more! I told the woman at the front desk who I was there to see and she gave us directions on where we needed to go.
As my mom was pushing me kindof a long way to where we need to go, I was lost in my thoughts. It wasn’t until my mom said, “That man was checking you out!” that I was torn away from my thoughts. “What?” I vaguely remember seeing a man with blonde hair with a polo and khakis on. He obviously worked there. I didn’t believe my mom because I never have felt so invisible in my life but she was positive that that is what he was doing!
I told her that I wished I knew that or that I saw it because maybe it would make me feel a little bit better. We have to go back in a few months so maybe I will see that guy then. I’m not really sure that matters though… I wish my knee would stop hurting so much!