Heartbreaking!

So, my orthopedist scheduled me for surgery and I am off of work so, because I have so much time on my hands, I finally  joined Facebook.  And now that most of my Barwis peeps are assembled, (they have “friended” me) I feel pretty good!

I will not put the couple of people who have  NOT joined my party yet on Front Street and tell you who  they are I but regardless, I STILL feel pretty good! The last time I was at Barwis Methods was October 20, 2016. The very next day I got injured and when I saw Dr. Frush he told me not to go back to Barwis until my knee stops hurting.

It still hurts. It’s been over six months since I’ve been there and now I am scheduled for surgery next month and it could be another four months after that when I could go back.  It’s heartbreaking!

Barwis Methods has been a HUGE part of my life.  It’s SO big to me because it has been the ONLY place that I feel comfortable in my wheelchair because here, everyone knows that it is temporary.   No one knows the exact date when I will be walking but they ALL believe in me doing so, they have always believed it. Even days when I have a hard time seeing it, they don’t falter.

My memories of Barwis go back to the first day that Mike carried me over to the  leg Kaiser machine:

Or Jesse’s really good stretches, and the first time it felt like I had two legs instead of one:

Or the day I “fan girl”ed out with THE  Brock Mealer and Adam (Phil) took this picture:

Or Phil wanting to press the bruise on my arm like my brothers used to, not ordering onions on his sandwiches from Jimmy John’s when I was there because I HATE the smell of onions,  or my favorite Barwis pic:

Barwis is having  music conversations with Michael Roades,  Megan Sundstrom telling me about Wacky Sock Wednesdays, doing the ropes with Mike Morfitt,  standing with Sue, Nick Montoni telling Deeds to play some U2 (just for me),  conversations with Elle when I call in, or Dan Mozes sticking his fingers in my ears.

Everyone who works with me at Barwis knows that I am fighting a losing battle with MS but they still work their hardest with me to stave off the inevitable as long as  they can.  I don’t think that anyone there knows how important they are to me but they are the MOST important!

I get afraid of how much I am backpedaling each day that goes by that I’m not at Barwis. I can feel my core muscles atrophying and sitting upright is harder and harder for me.  I’m  encouraged that my bathroom floor is still cold and it feels like I have two legs still. I know that however far back I have back pedalled, when my knee is no longer broken, whoever I am training with will get me back to where I was and further. Being without them for so long is  absolutely heartbreaking though!