Month: August 2016

I got to Barwis a little bit early and my Mom pushed me to in between the tables so I was out-of-the-way.  I was next to Landis stretching someone out after their workout to my right.  A few tables over, to my left, Megan was stretching someone out on a high table and I wondered how they both got up onto the table.   I watched both of them stretching out their clients with ease and I was envious.  They both were stretching their clients pretty far and it wasn’t hurting either client.  It looked like it felt good.  I told Landis that, “I wished my body moved normally.”  I was a bit sad watching normal bodies move.

Just then, Nick came over, moved the fan off of the table we would work on and put it on the table right next to us and wiped the table down.  I got on the table and laid on my stomach.  He asked if the fan would be okay there and I tossed my head so my hair blew back around my face and i told him, “Yeah, I’m pretending I’m a supermodel at a photo shoot with the wind machine blowing my hair everywhere!”  I was okay with the wind.  It wasn’t cold so it didn’t bother me.  He periodically asked if it was okay and I told him that I was still at the photo shoot,

Nick got the roller stick and rolled the backs of my calves, thighs, and butt.  Then he pushed my foot back to my butt until I could feel the stretch in my thighs and held it there for a bit.  Then I rolled over onto my back and told him that the photo shoot was over and he rolled my thighs.  He bent my knees and rolled the insides of my thighs and I rolled on to either side and he rolled the outsides of my thighs.  I felt relaxed and completely rolled.  I vaguely wondered if I’d have bruises but didn’t care!

The routine changed.  Now, Nick helps me onto the table and I lay on my stomach right away.  To loosen my legs up, he pushes his fingers into the middle of my calves.  My legs loosen up quite easily and it makes for easier leg movements for me.  I say “easily” meaning that it is easy for me but not so much for Nick and his fingers!  This time, i remained laying on my stomach after the initial “calf pushes”.  Nick pushed into my calf again and my knee bent with my foot off of the table in a 90 degree angle relative to my thighs.

This time, for the first time, Nick had me do some PNFs where I pushed my leg backward toward the table and immediately pulled my leg back up to my butt.  I would rest a moment and then Nick would tell me to, “Push” (and I would) and then he would immediately tell me to, “Pull back up.”  This was the first time I completed PNFs with multiple muscle groups!  Granted, these PNFs could be stronger but, it’s a beginning!

I thought back to when I couldn’t even do PNFs.  I couldn’t do much with Jesse.  I did some with Phil before the deep freeze of my first winter at Barwis.  I remembered talking about moving up to PNFs with Mike Rhoades and now, here I am.  Multiple muscle group PNFs!  Nick had me roll over onto my back anf then pulled out the roller stick and rolled the fronts and sides of my thighs a little bit before my time was up.  He came out to help my Mom get me into the car.  Since Nick first started rolling my legs, my Mom can get both of legs in easily in one motion.  Nick got to see this as he brought me out and my Mom thanked him!  He smiled and went back in because I was in the car.

Nick helped me onto the table, but before he did that, I HAD to tell him about my Neurology appointment the day before!  Having had MS for a little over 15 1/2 years, I have gotten into a routine.  I see my Neurologist annually (in the summer).  I don’t want to jinx myself but I’m very lucky to this point not to have reason for seeing my doctor more often or having to be admitted to the hospital because of a really bad flare-up.  So, I see my doctor once a year.  I think I have had my current Neurologist for 13 or 14 years.  I love him!  He’s really tall and looks like Lex Luther; the Gene Hackman one.

Only, he has a warm smile and even warmer handshake; he has big hands.  He’s the head of the Neurology department.  He came in for only a moment this time to ask if it was okay if his med. student did my intake.  I was okay with that.  Kai came in and did all the normal things; he looked at my eyes with his little light and tested my arm and hand strength.

Then he did something I hadn’t done in a while, he took both my socks and shoes off and pulled out that big one-sided Q-tip, took it out of the package and broke it.  I had done this so many times before, years ago.  It NEVER felt normal when I was poked in my feet and legs, rather it felt like a circular ripple  after the initial poke and the initial poke felt kind of tingly, not like the sharp edge of a broken Q-tip.  The soft side didn’t feel normal either so when Kai got ready to do this, I was ready to feel the normal “abnormal” sensations.

Only… this time, the sensations felt NORMAL!  The poke was sharp with no lingering sensations!  The soft side of the Q-tip felt soft and there were no lingering sensations either!  It felt normal on both legs!  He poked both feet and shins half-way up.  Then he asked me to wiggle my toes.  Now in my head i was wiggling them as if i were drumming my fingers on a table repeatedly.  There was slight movement in both feet but it WAS a wiggle!

I told this (an abridged version) to Nick and he smiled and said something like, “Hell yeah!” and helped me onto the table.  I laid on the table on my stomach and he pushed his fingers into my calves.  He asked if it hurt and i told him, “At first but then it feels good!” He didn’t use the rolling stick on me which I was kind of glad because my legs felt really bruised but instead used his fingers.  I rolled onto my back for some PNFs and Megan came over and sat on the table beside me.  Well, I HAD to tell her!  She smiled, gave me a, “Hell yeah!” also and raised her hand to give me a high-five.  I told her that it took three years but turns out that i am NOT a lost cause!

Nick didn’t loosen my legs up in my chair as is the routine but instead helped me on to the table immediately.  He told me that we were going to do “something new” today.  I asked him if it was going to hurt and he simply replied, “yes.”  That reply was a bit concerning but I’ve always been okay with that.  I’ve known for a long time that, as in Never Ending Story, “it’s got to hurt if it’s to heal.”So I was game.  Nick helped me on to the table and had me lay on my stomach and he pushed my pant legs up to my knees.  He pushed his fingers into the middle of my calf and this kind of hurt but t wasn’t intolerable.  my knee bent and my heel went up in the air almost immediately.

Given the fact that my legs bent so easily and they began feeling loose, I was willing to handle the little bit of discomfort I felt.  I thought back to braking my ankle when I was student teaching. One student asked as I explained to the class how I broke it if I cried.  I guess he asked it in front of the whole class to put me on the spot.  I couldn’t feel my legs very much back then so I quickly and  honestly answered, “No.”  I guess that made me look tough given the surprised look on his face.

Nick asked if it hurt and I answered, “So good!”  Next he brought over a stick with handles on either end.  I’ve since found out from Jesse  that it is a “roller stick” used to break up fascia.  Well, Nick rolled it on the backs of both calves, had me roll over and rolled it on the fronts and sides of both of my thighs.  He constantly asked if it hurt and I constantly told him, “So good!”  It DID feel really good!  My legs felt warm and they loosened up very nicely.

When Nick and my Mom helped me into the passenger’s seat of my car, my Mom was able to easily get both of my feet in the car.  My legs felt relaxed and warm.  It was nice.  Then I got home…  My Mom touched  my knee to get my legs out of the car and it hurt!  I was able to fall asleep without anyone touching my legs and they felt warm and loose.  It wasn’t until the next morning that I felt like the girl with “birthmarks all over her body” from the “Crash Test Dummies” song, “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” from back when I was in grade school.  I felt like I had round bruises all over my legs like the purple circles she had all over her body in the video.

I texted Jesse about this fact the next morning and he told me the purpose of this what I call “rolling-pin” technique.  He asked me if it hurt and I told him, “Oh yeah! But SO good!” He told me that it was blood moving to the surface and that was a good thing.  I thought so too!  I didn’t have as many bruises as I thought I would but they were there!  Battle Scars!  I’ll take it!  It’s a battle worth fighting for sure!

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the MuckFest this year.  MS sucks! (On SO many different levels!)  Elle came to sit by me after Nick already had helped me onto the table.  My Mom was still by me and she also sat down.  I looked at her as she started talking and she told me that a donation was made to my account.  She told us the amount and my Mom started to cry.  This donation would pay foe over two weeks of training for me!

I was shocked and asked who donated.  A woman whose daughter is also a first stepper was the one who donated.  Her daughter would finish just as I would get there.  I first saw her when I worked with Adam and got to know her more back when I worked with Mike Rhoades.  I very much enjoyed watching her progress and I often spoke with her mother while she trained.  I count these women as my friends now and they both understand how difficult the work first steppers do at Barwis.

This woman donated to my account because she believes in Barwis Methods because of all of the wonderful work they have done with her daughter and she also believes in me.  I didn’t cry but was very moved by this donation.  It was the first donation I received.  (Actually, I take that back! – my mom donated some money to me when the donation site was set up.  Thanks mom!  Every little bit counts and DEFINITELY helps because as Jesse said, “I’m a lifer!” And I don’t mind that fact in the least!

I missed my time at Barwis on Thursday. I just can’t handle the heat nowadays. When Nick saw me when I got to Barwis on Tuesday, he could see that I was tired.  I was a bit late to my appointment time so he just helped me onto the table.   It was a “just get stretched day. ” I was frustrated with that fact but happy to get stretched out so my legs would stop being so stiff.  I’m very grateful to have had Brock tell me that. He knows how hard this work is and him giving me permission to “just get stretched” made me realize that it’s okay.  Sometimes my body just needs the rest.

I laid back onto the weddings and Nick methodically stretched my legs out. Elle was on her way out and she sat on the table next to me and we talked more concretely about the MuckFest that was coming on Saturday.  My son has done the previous two and was registered for Saturday’s events. Elle’s family was also doing it.  We talked about the details and start times for Saturday and as my legs began to relax, I vaguely became concerned about the heat.

I’ve figured out that when my body temperature warms up too much (this occurs most often during the summer months) I only have a few minutes where I can control my arms and legs and have coherent speech. It only takes a couple of minutes for me to melt.  The few minutes have become shortened and I’m not sure if it’s more so because of the extreme heat we’ve been experiencing or the fact that I have had MS for 15 years. Either way, it really stinks! I do miss the warmth of the sunshine on my skin and basking in it rather than hiding from it and rushing from an air-conditioned indoors to an air-conditioned car.

Elle left and my time was almost up. I apologized to Nick for talking the whole time and he just shook his head and shrugged a little.  I was so grateful that my legs felt so much better and that I would be able to sleep that night. I’ve always liked the Autumn season most, even when I was growing up. Being a teacher, I probably should like summer because of the summer vacation but now I can’t think of summer without thinking of my limitations with having MS.

I got to Barwis and Nick told me that we would be on the shuttle and I was REALLY happy because I hadn’t been on the shuttle in SO LONG!  He also told me that he would force my knees to bend by loading three bands onto the machine.  The pressure would cause my legs to bend because there was NO WAY I could fight it and I knew that; I was cool with it.  Austin helped Nick get me onto the shuttle and Nick loaded the pressure bands on.  My knees bent with ease.  My knees had no choice but to bend because the pressure was too great.

Nick told me that we (or rather I ) would just hang out there for a bit.  It did feel kind of good to have them bent so much with no choice but to bend much further than 90 degrees.  Nick told me to try to push.  I knew I wasn’t going to move but he wanted me to activate my muscles anyway.  I pushed two or three times; I held it and kept pushing until Nick told me to stop.  I didn’t move upward but I felt my muscles activate and my quads and hamstrings felt warm.  He took a band off and I repeated my muscle activation, this time with slight movement upward.  We did this a few times and he removed another Banda.  We repeated this process until there were no bands left.

Just as I began pushing upward, Elle came by and sat next to me and we started talking about the upcoming MuckFest.  She was doing it with her family as well.  We talked for a while and I continuously repeated the motion upwards and down while we talked.  When she left, I looked at Nick and noticed that my quads were burning.  He kind of laughed and told me that he just let me keep going as I talked.  I did a few more before I stopped and Nick and Austin helped me back into my chair.  I LOVE leaving Barwis with my legs feeling loose but I ESPECIALLY LOVE feeling the warmth and tiredness in my legs from muscle activation!

Well, I didn’t make it to Barwis on Thursday.  I’ve decided that this heat is tiring.  I’ve also decided that I’m tired of having MS.  So, I was just TIRED.  With the heat and having had MS for 15 1/2 years, I was just tired.  Nick could see my tiredness on my face.  He loosened my legs in my chair and helped me onto the table.  He told me that we were going to do something,  “a little different.”  

He slowly stretched my leg as far as I could take it and pushed just a little bit further and he told me that he would just “hold” it there. It didn’t hurt and I liked it a lot.  Him pushing it just a bit further and holding it allowed for me to feel a good stretch and for blood to flow freely.  My legs started feeling warm and they loosened up nicely.  Both of my legs stopped hurting and felt loose and I wished I could have that feeling all the time.

Nick is SO GOOD at his job and understands what he needs to do with me.  He knew that I just needed to chill out today.  I thought about Brock telling me that sometimes all I need is a stretch.  That was the case on this day and I felt a little bit bad that it wasn’t going to stay but appreciated that I had the feeling at all.  My legs felt warm and loose and I liked that!