Month: July 2016

So this particular Tuesday was three years to the day that I have been training at Barwis.   I thought it would be some  monumental moment.  Jesse told me a long time ago that I would be a “life-er” at Barwis and I get that but I had hoped I would be walking by now.  I thought I would be.  I was tired and it was hot outside so I was having a hard time.  I was tired of my disease.

Nick stretched me out nicely in my chair and then we worked on the table.  We did our normal PNFs and I was quiet.  My legs slowly started feeling better and I appreciated it but silently wished it wasn’t fleeting.  I knew that my legs would go back to feeling like neatly packaged sticks of clay that aren’t meant to be used for anything.  In order to be used for anything, these sticks need to be taken out of the package and kneaded and squeezed and rolled into something that is soft and malleable.

For the time being, my legs felt good. But I was just in a bad spot.  Rather than basking in the good feeling in my legs, I mourned for the fact that this feeling was going to go away way too soon and was irritated that I had to deal with that fact.  My time was up but I was grateful that I at least I would sleep well.  I was quiet on the ride home and was frustrated that this feeling was going to go away.  It was my anniversary!  I was supposed to be happy!  Today I was not diggin’ having MS!

Nick would not be there on the 5th because he was still out-of-town from the holiday so I was scheduled to work with Megan.  Megan started at Barwis shortly after I did and she’s been there the longest beside Dan and Deeds but I don’t talk to those guys so much.  They work with athletes opposed to injury recovery clients.  I’m comfortable with Megan but I rarely work with her but she gives me hugs and we would compare our socks for “Wacky Sock Wednesday.”

She started stretching me out and I asked how she is doing.  Conversion flowed easily between us because I don’t really get to really talk with her for extended periods of time.  It felt like to old friends catching up.  I asked about the baby she works with (Emerson) and her apartment.  We started doing PNFs and she was impressed.  It had to have been over six months since I worked with her so the fact that she was impressed proved to me that I am progressing.

I rolled over on to my stomach and she bent my right leg and pulled my knee up away from the table.  On her command, I would push my knee down and then she would pull my knee back up and we’d do it again.  So,she pulled my knee up and told me to “push.”  I like doing these because by now, I’m pretty good at them.  When I’m told to, “push” I do it immediately and with purpose.  My quads burn in like a “muscle-ache-because-I’m-using-them” type of way and I like that.  So when I pushed and the movement was immediate and with purpose, Megan reacted with an immediate exclamation of, “Beautiful!” and that made me feel good!

I was tired when I got to Barwis and my legs felt pretty stiff.  Nick warmed my legs up for a LONG time because it took a while for me them to loosen because they were resisting so badly.  Once he got my legs semi-normal feeling, he helped me onto the table.  He grabbed a wedge for me to lay on and then grabbed my right leg.  He bent it and told me that today he was going to take it easy.  Nothing crazy.

He slowly stretched my leg outward until I felt the stretch but it didn’t hurt.  He held it there a while and rocked it a bit further outward.  I clearly saw my legs being two new sticks of clay and he slowly, artistically even, melded them into something manageable to work with.  He did the stretches on both legs and changed the position of my legs so I felt the stretch in both of my groins and hips.

I appreciated that we were doing, “nothing crazy” because I needed the escape from the tight feeling in my legs.  I remembered Brock saying that, “sometimes you just NEED a stretch.”  I also remembered feeling to disappointed, not productive, and like a failure in NOT having a “Walking Wednesday”  but now I understood the immense importance of the stretching I would do with Phil, Michael, Susan, and now Nick.  It’s not a disappointment, unproductive, nor a failure; rather, I understood the importance of doing, “Nothing crazy” in that moment  because I needed the break from the painful tightness in my legs that I feel ALL THE TIME now at least for a little while and I got that right now while doing, “Nothing crazy.”

I got to Barwis and Nick warmed my legs up in my chair (that’s how I’m going to say he loosened them up).  He helped me onto the table and Steven (I don’t know if it’s an ”v’ or a   ‘ph’ but my brother spells it with a ‘v’ so that’s how I’m going to spell it) brought over a wedge for me to lay back on and Nick worked my legs.  Steven sat on the table next to me  and asked what I had.  I told him that I had Multiple Sclerosis.

Nick found how far to stretch my legs by asking me and once that was set, Steven asked almost sheepishly what it was.  I told him I would explain it to him how it was explained to me 15 years ago.  I explained the broken up coating of the extension cord that is my nervous system.  Then I added the story of my internal civil war between my immune system and my nervous system and how my immune system is kicking my nervous system’s butt.  I also explained that my brain has lost communication with my legs because of this civil war.

I explained how I’ve been coming to Barwis almost 3 years and then I started enumerating my progress: my cold bathroom floor, I can now sleep on my stomach, and the necessity to shave my legs again.  I told him about my 35 yards walking, squats, and killing it on the shuttle.  I was just going on and on; I’m a talker, always have been.  Nick was pretty quiet as he worked other than asking me how far to stretch my legs.  My time was winding down.

I looked at him at told him that it was awesome walking my 35 yard stretch.  It’s awesome doing squats or killing it on the shuttle.  I paused a second and kind of stared at the ceiling and took a breath and willed myself not to cry and added, “but this (referring to his stretching) is pretty awesome.”  He smiled and then we were finished.  He helped me back into my chair and into my car and my legs felt loose and warm  and good and I knew I would sleep well and that too, is pretty awesome!