Month: June 2015

I saw my Neurologist before I went to work on Friday.  I couldn’t feel the vibrating from his tuning fork on either of my knees this time.  I got more bad news with how I should handle the increased spasticity in my legs.  I was frustrated and sad.  I went to work and afterward, driving to Barwis some of that frustration came out with some tears while listening to some good Gavin tunes.  I got out of the car and into Barwis on my own and tried to shake it off.  This was just stinky!!!

Nick pushed me over to the blue table and lifted my right leg while I sat in my chair and said that I felt tight.  I told him that I was mad and told him about my disappointing neurology appointment.  Nick stretched my legs REALLY good.  It hurt so good that I had to grunt and groan to get through it.  The PNF stretches I completed while I was laying on my stomach were VERY difficult so I grunted through it to help out.

Madison came over and told me that every time she hears me being stretched, it sounds like I’m dying.  I laughed after I caught my breath and told her that hearing that made me make a direct correlation with my students.  6th graders at my school believe that screaming makes them better Dodgeball players.  Subsequently, they scream for the ENTIRE P.E class for “Dodgeball Friday.”  It’s kind of cute to hear these kids screaming like banshees except when you teach reading to below level readers in the classroom right off the place where all of the screaming is taking place like I do.

Nick helped me sit up and I sat up and balanced for a bit on the blue table.  I’d been thinking about my appointment ALL DAY and thought about my legs being SO STIFF because I was not at Barwis this past Wednesday.  I thought about being in a slump right now.  I told him that my walking is on “pause” right now.  My legs hurt as I drove home but I KNOW it’s for the best in the long run.  So, they hurt so good.

I didn’t go work Monday.  My body reacted crazily to the weekend full of rain this past weekend.  I was faced with decisions having to be made because of my changing abilities due to MS.  MS sucks!!!  It was almost time to go to Barwis and I was quiet.  I get into my car and wanted to hear this Gavin DeGraw song so at every stoplight before I get to the freeway, I grabbed some CDs from the compartment in the center console of my car and searched for the correct Gavin DeGraw CD.  A couple of summers ago (right when I started working at Barwis) I went to a The Script, Gavin De Graw, Train concert with my cousin, Shannon.  In order to prepare, I stocked my car FULL of ALL of their CDs.  The CDs are STILL in my car.  I couldn’t remember which CD the song was on so I just put in whichever Gavin DeGraw CD I pulled out.  The song was on the 3rd CD I pulled out and listened to.  Such GREAT songs on ALL of those CDs!!!

The song is pretty mellow but I wanted to hear it.  I played it A LOT when Phil left because I dug the line, “You don’t have look back; but if you ever do, you know where I’m at” because I am a “lifer” at Barwis, I’m there – at the Barwis Methods in Plymouth.  I got out of my car on my own and pushed myself to the chairs because the roll-down door was open.  Nick came to get me and kneaded my calves while I sat in my chair.  He said my legs were pretty tight.  I knew it!  I was pretty stressed.  When I got on the table, he stretched me like Mike used to like I’m sitting like a man.  Then he had me lay on my stomach.  Heather came by and heard me grunting.  She asked if it hurt and I could just say with eyes closed and through  gritted teeth, “Hurts so good!”

Nick helped me into my car easily and saw all the CDs on the passenger’s seat of my car.  He asked if I was a CD person as well.  I nodded and smiled.  We talked about preferring CDs to digital downloads.   I called my Mom from the parking lot because she had my son.  She told me that she heard something in my voice and asked how the stretch was.  It was good but there WAS something in my voice.  I hung up with her quickly because I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t want to cry.  I pulled out of the parking lot and had the song playing continuously in my car on my way home.  I thought about the things I’m dealing with having MS and a single tear rolled down my right cheek.  As the song started again, I thought – maybe I just miss Mike.