Month: February 2015

Dan pulled me into Barwis yesterday.  After I pull up to one of the disabled parking spaces, I know that I just have to open the door and I’m home free.  The tricky part is getting out of my car and into my chair in this extreme cold!  The cold causes my legs to “seize up” or straighten up tightly so it’s near impossible to bend them to get out of my car.  Yesterday, because it still is SUPER cold out was more of the same.  I opened my car door and when I realized that my legs weren’t going to bend I leaned back and SLOWLY inched my feet out of the car.  I said, “Little by little … Jen, little by little.”  I didn’t have to mutter to myself because there is NOBODY outside in the back of Barwis Methods.  I haven’t said this proverb to myself in a while so it was nice to hear and remind myself of it’s truth.

Mike pushed me over to the blue table and there were two other people in wheelchairs already there.  One person, (Chris?) was getting off of the table and his caregiver was helping him.  I said to Mike that I felt like I was in a traffic jam with all these wheelchairs.  So, now there were two of us in chairs and one table.  Megan had slipped in with Garret and they were on the white table.  Mike walked over to Nick to decide who was getting the table. I suggested that they have an arm wrestling contest to decide who gets the table.  Mike just kind of rolled his eyes at me.  Then I suggested “Paper, Rock, Scissors.”  As Nick was headed over to the red mat, Mike told me that my suggestions were “SO juvenile!”  I reminded him that I teach middle school.  As it was being decided who got the table, I showed Megan my socks for “Wacky Sock Wednesday” #5.  She had socks with penguins on them.

Mine had elephants on them.  Elephants are my FAVORITE animal!  One of the elephants was holding a daisy in his trunk. Not only are the socks purple (my FAVORITE color), but they also have a daisy on them!  Jesse and Phil used to call me “Daisy.”  My son says that these socks were made with me in mind.  I agreed.

The stretch was SO intense that I shoved my sweatshirt sleeve in my mouth to bite down on to stifle a scream.  After a stretch, Mike crossed my legs and stepped back.  He told me to uncross them by myself.  I said to myself over and over, “Little by little, Jen.”  It took a long time and I told Mike not to give up on me.  Then my legs uncrossed.  I yelled, “I did it!” just like Dora the Explorer (my friend, Travis, told me that I look like her when I cut my hair) and Megan repeated that I did it from the other side of the gym just as loudly.  She was busy the second time so a different trainer named Mike  told my Mike that I did it kind of making fun of me.  I told him that I uncrossed my legs twice!  I was proud!  Mike took that picture of my socks, put my shoes back on, and put me (kind of easily) in the car.  I drove home with my legs relaxed and feeling good.

Donny pulled me in to Barwis on Wednesday and a few of the camera crew guys from “American Muscle” were there.  They were shooting a video for The First Step Foundation.  As I rolled to put my jacket on the chairs, one of them saw me and said, “Hey Stranger!” as he walked by.  It was nice to see him again.  He came over and talked with me and asked how things were going and I told him that things were well and that I am not walking yet.  He told me that I will soon and we took a selfie before I started working.

Mike pushed me to the blue table and sat me on it.  I told him that I felt a little tight and he worked my calves before having me lay back.

The stretch was INTENSE as usual and I sat up and rested a bit after a while.  He told me that he was going to stretch me “ike I’m sitting like I’m a man” (it was nice to hear him describe it how I do).  He had me move my legs into position as much as I could (which WASN’T a whole lot!).  He leaned it and it clapped my hands over my face to stifle a scream.  I kept saying over and over again, “My butt!!!”  I asked him why my right side was always MORE sore than my left side.  He explained and it made sense to me.  My right side has ALWAYS been my “poop side”!  He had me roll over on my stomach and Dan sat next to me on the table.  I panted and grunted as he stretched my legs back and asked if it will ever get easier( it didn’t seem very easy right now!!!).  He told me that the only thing that feels tight is my calves.  Really?!  I guess I AM progressing.

I drove home feeling tired and my legs felt loose.  I guess my right side isn’t totally my “poop side” regarding the “man sit” stretch.  BOTH sides of my butt hurt equally!  Which it A LOT!!!  But okay.  I will take it.  I’ll just wait until it doesn’t hurt any longer and that day was NOT Monday!

 

Connor came out to get me again, when we got inside, Megan gave me a good hug and we talked about the extreme cold we’ve been experiencing.  Mike pushed me over to the blue table.  He put me on it and began working my calves and ankles.  As he knuckled my thighs, I asked how I felt.  He thought a moment and furrowed his brow a bit.  He said, “Not as loose as Wednesday and not as tight as Monday.”  I repeated that a few times to myself thinking about it.  “So, it’s like it’s Tuesday?!”  I asked with an enthusiastic smile.  He kind of half-laughed/snorted with a crooked smile and rolled his eyes and said, “Yeah” and told me to lay back.  I get that type of response A LOT to questions I ask like that so I was cool with it.

I laid back and braced myself for the intense stretch that I knew was coming.  As he stretched me, (it was INTENSE) I asked about my weather-related progress.  It’s been SO cold as of late and it has been REALLY difficult for me.  Mike said that the best time for me is going to be Spring and Summer.  I told him that it had to be early Summer because extreme heat isn’t good for me either.  He said that he would be more aggressive when the weather breaks.  I’d argue that he’s pretty aggressive now!  He commented that my left leg was looser than my right leg and worked my right leg more than my left side to even up the score I supposed.

My legs were relaxed as I drove home.  I fell asleep easily and awoke this morning with my legs  in a whole lot of pain.  It almost felt like they were burning.  I remembered just after my diagnosis describing the sensation I felt in my legs was as if they were burning.  That was YEARS ago, back when I was on crutches and even before that when I was still walking by myself without any aids.  When I was still walking.  When I was still walking.  I haven’t clearly felt this much of a burn in my legs in a long while.  I almost forgot.  I remembered my legs burned that time that first summer I came to Barwis when Jesse stretched me like CRAZY!

Since then, the sensations I’ve felt haven’t really felt like this.  For the past 19 months, I’ve had all varied levels of sore muscle sensations but not like this.  I just put it together that the last time I felt sensation like this I was walking.  It can’t be that far off now… I feel it.  I’m excited!!!

 

 

i was a bit late to Barwis yesterday.  Traffic on I-96.  Connor came out to get me.  When we got inside, Megan came over to give me a hug.  I pulled my pant leg up and showed her my socks for “Wacky Sock Wednesday.”  I thought it was #3 and I tweeted the pic that Mike ended up taking of my socks but it REALLY was #4.  Mike pushed me to the blue table and put me on it.  He started working my calves and ankles and was pleasantly surprised.  He kind of grunted in surprise.  I said kind of morbidly, “Yeah,  if MS doesn’t get you in one way; it will get you in another.”  I looked away and Mike asked me if I cared to explain.  I looked at him briefly and shook my head saying, No.”  Today, my legs may NOT have been very tight but I told a colleague at work that I felt like the score was MS = 1 and Jen = 0.  It was THAT kind of day.

Mike stretched me REALLY well.  He put me in the, “Ooh Doggie!” stretch and he did a new kind of stretch where he pushed my ankles backward as I was sitting on the edge of the table.  I felt the stretch intensely in my quads.  After that, he had me lay on my stomach.  A few times ago, I asked him if eventually I won’t need such an intense stretch.  He answered that it was possible and that I may need less of a stretch and we would do more work walking.  I remembered that I liked hearing that and now that my legs were a bit looser I had an easier time almost believing it.

I was having a difficult time taking a picture of my “wacky” socks so Mike took pity on me and took this picture just before we finished:

So, my ankles had become a bit swollen (I don’t ALWAYS have cankles!!!).  But, in addition to my TOTALLY RAD socks, I drove home with my legs relaxed and I fell asleep easily.  I awoke this morning with my quads burning and painfully aching.  I texted Jesse this morning telling him among other things that my quads were KILLING me and that, “One muscle group at a time, (remember, that my butt was KILLING me earlier) slowly my legs are waking up.”  He thought that was great about my legs and it made me happy too!  It was NOT comfortable to awaken in such pain but I was happy that I ACTUALLY felt something!!!  It’s been a LONG TIME since I have really felt sensation below T7 in my spine (where one of my original lesions was located upon diagnosis).  So, retrospectively, thinking about that score,  I think it may actually be Jen = 1 and MS = 0 in the long run.

On Monday, I think it was Garret’s dad who pushed me in to Barwis but I got out of my car by myself and he offered to open the door so I asked for a push up the ramp.  I was kind of tight so I was looking forward to the stretch.  Mike pushed me over to the blue table and I sat as he worked on my calves and ankles.  He then had me lay back and he did that one stretch where he folds my legs like I am sitting like a man.  It was CRAZY intense!!!  I kept saying, “I can take it!” It was more for myself.  I was trying to convince myself that if I just breathed through it, it would be better for me if I just endured the intensity.  Nick even commented because I kept saying so loudly but it kind of hurt!

Then he had me lay back and he worked on my ankles again.  I laid there thinking of a book I used to teach my 7th graders when I used to teach English.  Don’t You Dare Read This, Mrs. Dunphrey.  My Kids REALLY liked this book and I was thinking of and trying to remember the situation surrounding the protagonist Tish when she made the comparisonof having to take really bad-tasting medicine.  Something about being able to handle it if you only had to take it so many more times.  That was how I felt at that moment.  I remembered telling Phil this too that I can take this if there is an end.  But, sadly, with MS there is really NO end.  I was thinking about this as I laid there.  My legs weren’t on fire, that description didn’t fit. But, they DEFINITELY have been worked.  Mike said he liked this stretch because I just laid there and didn’t talk.  Yeah, not VERY common but I was trying to remember the book and deal with how my legs were feeling.

Mike put me in my car and I felt extremely spent as I drove home.  I practically fell into bed; EXHAUSTED!  My butt REALLY hurt!  But I fell asleep and woke up in the same position.  I slept THAT deeply.  I only have slept like that one other time about 7 years ago, right when I got back from Florida and seeing Jack, the electronic acupuncturist.  Even then, it may have been just a nap, not the ENTIRE night.  I woke up Tuesday with my butt still hurting but grateful that I slept SO well.  It’s NOT so much that I CAN take it but I HAVE TO take it.  But I will.

I got out of the car by myself and just as I was almost at the door when I saw evidence of someone working their hardest (someone yacked in the snow). GROSS!!!  I thought about Parker telling me that that type of thing is applauded here and I smiled. I opened the door and Dan pulled me in.  Mike pushed me over to the blue table.  Something was wrong with him; he was kind of poopy.  My calves and quads were extremely tight so he kneaded and knuckled them.  I used to be able to call Phil ,”Adam” when he was poopy because “Phil” was ALWAYS nice to me.  This didn’t work with Mike.  I was at a loss and he told me to NOT talk.

SERIOUSLY?!  Can I really do this, especially since he was stretching me?! The answer is NO.  I tried.  No dice.  This time, he put me in the, “Ooh Doggie!” stretch and crossed my legs and left me to turn to the other side of my body and get untangled by myself.  It took some time but I was able to do this.  Nick came over and sat in my wheelchair.  I told him that Mike was being poopy and he said that it was, “Classic Rhoadhouse.”  I laughed and said it a few times to test it out in my mouth.  Yes.  I liked it.  It was funny because Mike’s last name is, “Rhoades.”

Mike took me outside and ALMOST smoothly got me into my car after he commented on the yack.  He half smiled, waved, and told be to,”Be safe.”  As I drove home, my legs were relaxed and I slept well again.  It’s nice that I FINALLY am sleeping better in the cold… Only took almost two years!  The wait is hard work but I am sure it will be worth it when I get to my end. It’s SO true though, “Little by little, a little becomes a lot.” ~Tanzanian Proverb.  For now, my “little” is a good night’s sleep.

Mike pulled me in to Barwis when I got there after I got out of the car by myself.  I was a bit early and I wiped the snow off of my wheels as I waited.  I talked with Connor a little and he was excited for me as I told him of my little victories of my trifecta of pain, the charley horses I’ve had in my right foot, and my tub being cold the other day as I got in.  I could ACTUALLY feel it!!!  It was pretty cool!  All the guys here can appreciate the small things that won’t impress able-bodied people.  I REALLY dig that!!!  Mike came over to get me and I told him as he pushed me to the blue table that he HAD to take my shoes off so I could show Megan my socks because it was “Wacky Sock Wednesday!”  He told me that he wouldn’t and that if Megan wanted to see my socks, she would have to take my shoes off herself.  I told Megan this and she ran over (she was working with Garret) and pulled one of my shoes off.

Mike told me that I would have to be stretched with one shoe on and one shoe off.  I told him that he was, “Bumming me out!” so he is pictured here taking my other shoe off.  He told me that my socks weren’t wacky and I told him that I didn’t really have wacky socks and I had just ordered a few so they’re on their way.  Then he said that me and Megan are the ONLY two people who do this.  I told him that I didn’t care but I tweeted this pic so wouldn’t it be great to start a movement?!  EVERYONE wear wacky socks EVERY WEDNESDAY!!!

He stretched me like crazy!!!  He told me that we’re in “Maintenance Mode” right now because of the weather and the constriction of my blood vessels or something but I understood what he meant.  This winter has been SO much better than last!  I don’t know if it’s because last winter was ABSOLUTELY horrible or because I have 19 months of work under my belt.  This time, I again refused to say “Ooh Doggie!” Even though the stretch was INSANE!  When I got home, I talked to my Mom and told her she that my butt was KILLING me! (It still is this morning) and she suggested that I don’t challenge Mike any more.  But, I kind of dig challenging him with the raise of one eyebrow and the assertion that, “I can take it!” through gritted teeth even though it IS pretty tough at times!  In my refusal to submit and say, “Ooh Doggie!”, I tell him to “Do your worst!”  I think he did do his worst this time but I’m okay with it because I KNOW that it HAS to hurt if it’s to heal!  All signs point to walking… Eventually.

I got out of my car alone yesterday and when I opened the door, Deeds pulled me in.  When I got into Barwis, Mike asked me how I was feeling and I told him that, “My quads are KILLING!”  I had awakened the night before in the middle of the night with my quads hurting really badly!  He thought for a moment and when it was my time, he sat me on the table and made his hands into fists again and pressed them on my quads.  He knuckled my thighs.    “Knuckled” IS a word (I looked it up at Merriam-Webster online).  It means: To press or rub with the knuckles.  That was what Mike did.  I remember Phil doing this also.  My Mom doesn’t think it’s a word but it IS!

After he knuckled me, he stretched me.  The stretches STILL have NOT gotten easier but I feel that my body has loosened up a bit in spite of this bitter cold.  I still protest and by that I mean that I gasp, yell, and scream.  Luckily, I still HAVEN’T said, “Ooh Doggie!” again though. When we were almost done, he asked how my quads felt.  I furrowed my brows as if to say that they were still tight.  He asked if I wanted him to work on them further and I nodded.  He pressed harder this time and I told him that he better not bruise me.  (He didn’t but it would be okay if he did).

He put me in the car a little clumsily.  I wonder when we will get it down.  But, maybe I’ll be walking before then so it won’t matter.  My legs stayed relaxed the ENTIRE way home and I fell asleep easily.  I laid on my stomach at 9:51 and woke up a little after midnight but on my side so I don’t know how long I was on my stomach but my body STILL felt relaxed.  I awoke just before my alarm with a dull pain in my quads.  It hurt but not as much.  The hot water of the shower relaxed them so my drive in to work was tolerable. It’s progressive I suppose.  I’ll take it!

 

I went to Barwis right from work.  Connor just happened to come out as I was getting out of my car so he helped out and pushed me in.  I saw Megan as Connor pushed me in and she stopped, hugged me, and pulled up a chair to chat.  We talked of the progress Claudia and Garret have made.  She works with them and it was good to hear a trainer’s perspective.  I’ve only had trainers who were dudes and they don’t talk so much.  We talked about how the progress is a slow process.  I told her that I read the Barwis Methods website regarding injury recovery and what to expect.  I can’t paraphrase this so well so here it is:

“It may take some real time and a great deal of effort to overcome your injuries or motor difficulties, often depending on your initial condition, attitude and effort. For others, your change will be much faster, coming in with a cane and leaving it behind. Some people train 3-5 times per week, others come in for a short period and go home with specific exercises to work on their own before returning for a reevaluation. Depending on the nature of your injury and your current condition, it is possible to have you training along in a group environment just with specific, calculated exercises to assist your recovery. If you are seeking help, it is very important that each you come into our programs motivated to work hard, determined to keep a good attitude, and a steadfast belief that you will recover as your body conforms and adapts. With these character traits in combination with the world-class training, almost everybody comes through the program as a dramatically different person!”

I train 3 times a week and am motivated to work hard and determined to keep a good attitude.  I’m working on keeping a steadfast belief that I WILL recover.  I waiver sometimes.  We ended our conversation with me telling her, “Little by little…”  It IS a SLOW process!  Then Mike came to get me.  He stretched me like CRAZY!  My Mom took a pic last time of one of the stretches Mike did last time:

Mike did this stretch on Friday.  He’d get my leg set, would look at me, and then lean.  After I would gasp, he’d ask, “Ooh Doggie!”? Then he’d remind me that all I had to say was, “Ooh Doggie!” and he would stop leaning as he leaned in a little more.  I wouldn’t say it for a couple of reasons though!  1.  I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of saying it and 2.  I knew that if I endured even this for a little bit longer, it will make walking that much closer.  Each time he leaned, I gasped, and felt an almost searing pain in my butt and hamstring.  The pain continues today; it’s the trifecta of pain (butt, quads, and hamstrings) for sure but, it’s got to hurt if it’s to heal.  I have to keep that “steadfast motivation and determination” and walking won’t be that far off.  Right?!