Yesterday as I left work to head to Barwis I was stopped behind a truck that was stopped to let a very large group of pedestrians cross the street. I watched this group of people cross the street. There were kids so some of them were running. The sun was shining and it was warm (odd that there is 2 inches of snow on the ground now though!). This sight made me sad. All of them were just walking (or running) so effortlessly. They didn’t have to think about doing it. I thought about how I CAN’T do that. I thought about how long it has been that I have been unable to do that and it kind of compounded my sadness. I used to say that MS stole my 20’s and my ability to walk. The crowd finally crosses the street and the truck in front of me begins moving and so do I.
I thought about how it had been a very long time since I have looked at people with longing like that as they walk as I just did. I watch the athletes working out at Barwis not with longing but more with awe at their ability. It’s not longing at Barwis because I am there working TO walk. When I am there, I don’t get sad because I am actively doing something to change the fact that MS stole my 20’s and my ability to walk. Working at Barwis helps me both physically and emotionally because I KNOW it will be difficult, it IS difficult but MS may have stolen my 20’s and my ability to walk but I am taking back what MS stole in my 30’s. As I drive, I hold on to that thought and know that I am SO close to walking again! I turn on my WALKING song and smile.
I get in to Barwis and my smile continues because Phil was working with that hockey team again so he had his “mean face” on. When he gets done with them, he comes over to the chairs to stretch me. In spite of the little bit of rain in the morning, I felt pretty good. We head over to the Keiser machine and Phil tells me to stand. My first attempt at standing didn’t go so well but I wasn’t worried because “first is ALWAYS the worst.” Phil had me stand again and once I was standing, he had me do squats in quick succession. I got 9 squats in and I sit down and Phil puts his fist out to me. I grabbed it fully (well, as fully as I can because Phil’s fist is HUMONGOUS compared to my small hand) I gave it a good shake and Phil pulls it away as I am saying, “Joystick!” He said that it doesn’t count because I didn’t have his fist as I said joystick. Fine. I’ll get him again. For my second set of squats I got 11. Phil makes fun of me because I count on my fingers when adding numbers. Hey – I teach reading. Math is hard. So I had 20 squats under my belt now.
Phil told me that we were going to do 5 sets and then time was up. Backey would be taking me out yesterday because Phil had a 7 o’clock appointment. My next set I got 10. My 4th set I got 8 and I got 8 for my last set. So, I did a total of 46 squats yesterday. I told Phil that that was the most I have done in one day. He said it wasn’t but it was! He said, “Good job, Rios!” as I turned to roll down the little ramp at the Keiser machine. It’s a tiny ramp that now I roll down with my hands in the air accompanied by a little “weee!”
I got into my car ALL BY MYSELF yesterday. My butt hurt SO badly and it STILL does this morning as I write this! But I am looking at all of this pain as prepping me for an AWESOME “Walking Wednesday” #24! And I KNOW deep in my soul that even if I do NOT have an AWESOME “Walking Wednesday” #24 that I WILL have one… Eventually.