Month: January 2014

I should be just about ready to start working out at Barwis right now.  I did not go to Barwis because of all of the snow.

Sean and I had snow days today and will have a snow day tomorrow too. I woke up this morning and got out of bed and this was my thought for the day. I have been thinking about what it said all day so far…

Hope anticipates. I’ve got that one down. I have been hoping since I came to Barwis about 6 months ago. I was hoping before I came to Barwis but I didn’t know how my hope was going to come to fruition.  I didn’t know that I could hope for my legs to work once  the ability was lost.  My  hope has been renewed now. After coming to Barwis I KNOW that I CAN get my ability to walk back and I WILL.  It’s just a matter of time.

Faith believes.  I’ve got that one down too.    I had total and complete faith in Jesse when he was working with me and now I have total and complete faith in Phil.  They know what they are doing.  I was reminded of Parker in the beginning of coming to Barwis.  Jesse would get the same look on his face as Parker did, the same look as Phil does now too.  They get this far off look on their faces as they are feeling for particular muscles in my legs.

It’s the patience that I DO NOT have! I WANT to be walking yesterday!  Or last week.  Or last month.  Or 5 months ago.  I feel that I am NEVER going to get my ability to walk back unless I “quietly wait” but I am SCREAMING in my head.  I WANT to walk.  I’m WORKING to walk.  Why isn’t it happening RIGHT NOW?!  I have to wait for it.  And waiting is hard.

So I get into Barwis today and I think it took about 20 minutes to wipe off my wheels of all the snow and salt.  This year has been the first year that I’m conscious of this fact and it really stinks!  Hopefully, it will be the LAST year that I deal with this!  Phil asked me how I was feeling and I told him that my legs hurt but not as much and I pointed to my right leg which has been my “poop” leg. I tell him that it feels like Susan’s curls in the Ramona Quimby book series.  He laughs and has no idea what I am talking about. Then I tell him all about Ramona Geraldine Quimby and how she was my favorite character in a book when I was a kid.  When I was a girl (probably about 25 years ago) I really liked Ramona Quimby books (Beverly Cleary wrote them) and  in one of those books she talked about a fellow student in Ramona’s class who had curly hair.  The student’s name was Susan.  I couldn’t remember Susan’s last name but I remember Ramona calling them “boing-boing curls” because they would bounce up and down when she walked and Ramona always wanted to pull the curls. I said my legs kind of feel like that. I straighten them out and they “boing” back and I’m not sure why. I do know it kind of hurts.

Eric came over and explained to me why my legs were doing what they were doing. Phil said it was really hard to straighten them out.   I’m sure it was! He told me to just head over to the table and I didn’t argue.  I remind myself that it’s baby steps, Jen!  It WILL NOT be linear progress as Phil is pushing me to the table.  He said he really wanted to stretch me out.  Phil REALLY stretched me out and made my legs feel better. Now my right leg isn’t “boing”ing like Susan’s curls.  Thinking about it; I bet this weather isn’t helping anything!  My brother was telling me tonight how much snow is supposed to be coming.  That doesn’t help at all but my legs haven’t been hurting as much as they were.

Phil told me that it MAY be because I am on break and the change of my routine may be messing with my legs; maybe I’m not using them enough. I told him that I’m kind of “over” this break (not that I necessarily WANT to go back to work on Monday).  He said that we’ll do squats and stands on Monday. I agreed and told him we can get ready for “Walking Wednesday.” The first one of the year!  And 2014 is the year I regain my ability to walk!!!