I was late to Barwis yesterday. The snow was coming down and the roads were icy so traffic was extremely slow. I DON’T hurry. I only can move so fast. I saw Brock getting into his car as I was wheeling in. I commented on the snow and he agreed that it makes things slick. I told him to be careful and he told me to have fun to which I replied, “Of course I will! It’s “Walking Wednesday!” I get in and Dusty, Dan, and Phil all gave me looks to which I replied, “I KNOW!” I knew I was late, but it couldn’t be helped! I quickly wiped my wheels off the best I could and Phil was waiting on the table. I get stretched and it is AMAZING that my legs have started to listen to my brain and they move how I want them to in response to me thinking it. I thought my legs’ responses would be a good sign for “Walking Wednesday.”
Before we headed to the Keiser machine, it was apparent that Phil wasn’t in a good mood. Two other high school athletes commented that he wasn’t in a good mood as well. I told him the ancient Chinese proverb, “If three people tell you are drunk, go home and lie down.” I got that in a fortune cookie as a child and it took years for me to figure out what it meant. Phil just laughed. I decided that I wasn’t going to call him “Phil” when he is in a bad mood. I will call him “Adam.” So we get to the Keiser machine and my stands weren’t that impressive. I felt my body resisting standing up and I didn’t like that very much. Adam lowered the bar and I found it just as hard. We were going to try walking anyway so I head onto the turf and get set. Adam comes over with my crutches and Lindsay comes over to help us. She told me that she dreamed about me walking and I walked far! Ok. Good. ANOTHER good omen. I put my crutches on my arms and attempt to stand. “Attempt” is that operative word here because I couldn’t do it. I tried 3 times to NO avail. The right side of my body would not allow me to bear any weight on it. Adam told me to head back to the Keiser machine.
I am sitting in front of the bar going through today’s events in my head. I wonder where Adam is and then I turn my head for a second to see him coming back from the equipment room with a harness in his hand. I immediately turn my head back around and bite my lip. I tell myself repeatedly NOT to cry. Adam tells me that he knows I don’t like it and leans down to put my feet in the harness. What else is there to do?! I let him put my feet in the harness. I tell myself that it’s for the best but it still doesn’t feel good! Adam gets the harness fully on and he starts turning the air up. He gets Larry (an intern) to help us and explains to him what he needs to do. I KNOW what to do. I cover my eyes a few times to make sure I don’t cry. I was able to do full squats and Adam had me lift each leg to simulate walking.
That was it for today. I am getting my things to leave and feel myself more subdued than any other day that I have been here. Adam wheels me out as Dan stops us because I had left my crutches there. He asked if I use them at home and I shook my head and then he asks why I don’t leave them there. They will put them in the equipment room for me. Duh! That makes sense. I left my crutches there. Adam put me in the car and he says that I did well. He points out that I did good squats and stands. We fist bump. I tell him that I will cry on my way home. I sat there for a while and texted Mike, Jesse, and my friends to tell them about today. Then I called my Mom and I DID cry a little. Mike told me that “That’s okay!” and to “keep the faith” to which I replied, “I will. This is hard.” He told me that I will be fine and I replied, “really?” He replied that “Yes, you will!!”
This STINKS!
I awoke to this thought:
RIGHT ON!!! Yesterday DID kinda stink! It’s okay. Moving on…
I told Curl about my lack of “Walking Wednesday” this morning and he asked if it was weather related. Maybe. I told him that I was re-harnessed and he told me that I will have ups and downs. He REALLY understands this stuff! It’s ALMOST like I will NEVER call him a “gym” teacher again. “ALMOST” is the operative word here. So this is a “down.” This is what it feels like. I don’t like it. I am quiet today also.