I get to Barwis and an intern helped me get into the building. I get in a bit early and Brock and Chris were there. It was REALLY nice to see them!!! Chris left right away this time and Brock was sitting in the chairs against the mirrors. He looks over to me and asks how my training is going. I thought about that for a minute thinking of a million things I could say about the frustration and disappointment I have been feeling lately. I look at him and just say, “this is hard!” He looks back at me and nods and kind of shrugs and says, “yeah.” He KNOWS how hard it is even MORE than me! I think that I needed that empathetic look and nod from him to give me that extra boost I needed to persevere. It was the “shot in the arm” I needed to make me feel a little bit better. I have been thinking A LOT about how difficult it is and how necessary it is to persevere. There is no other choice for me. Not that I WOULD accept any other choice.
We talked about the snow and how BIG of an impediment it is for us! I asked about his driving and life after a chair. That to me is probably the BIGGEST thing! I don’t know that I can really fathom NOT being in this chair. He thinks for a moment and says, “there ARE things you need to re-think.” Yeah. I bet there are. He had a dirty towel in his hand that he was going to throw into the bin and then he rethought it. The bin was kind of far away. I told him that I can take it there from him. He stands and says that he can do it. We talked a little more and he told me to have a good workout. I put my hand out and told him that I could take the towel because the bin was in the opposite direction of the door. He conceded and handed me the towel.
Phil stretched me out a bit as is the routine now. When I was talking to Brock, I refered to him as “Adam.” I think I might have even CALLED him “Adam” yesterday. Weird! I did a few stands. I asked Phil if he was holding on to his socks. The next stand wasn’t that impressive so I asked on the next one if it was good and he said yes and called me a “sock knock-er off-er.” But, I think he was just patronizing me. We moved over to the table which is usually against the wall. Phil was bringing it over and he didn’t put it against the wall. I didn’t like it but he said it was so he could get around to both sides of the table. Okay then. That makes sense. He stretched me and then had me bring my knees up to my chest (I was laying on my back). He would say “up” and I would raise my knee. It was the COOLEST thing to think something in my head and have me legs immediately move exactly how I wanted them to in response. I remember Chris telling me that I need to have patience but once the pathways are set and things start to wake up then it will move fast. It is all muscle memory then. I haven’t had patience (of that I am POSITIVE!!!) but I have persisted and persevered and maybe the pathways are beginning to be set. Could this be the beginning of it happening for me?! How exciting is that?! Phil told me that we will stretch and stand before I walk on Wednesday. Bring it. I’m ready. I’m excited. Not fully Jessie Spano excited” yet though.
When we were done, Phil brought my chair over and put it a distance away from me. I saw it as being the furthest distance possible away from me. In Australia? Maybe China. He tells me to scoot down and to stand. He grabs my sides and before I even think about standing I ask if he has me and tell him not to let me go. I am TOTALLY TERRIFIED!!! I wasn’t “Walking Wednesday” and I didn’t even have my crutches with me! I think I got two steps off and then Phil picked me up and put me on the table again. I think it worked out better in his head because my body really wasn’t having it. That’s okay. I’ll save my walking for Wednesday.