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I pillaged today. I have a virtual appointment on Friday with my neurologist. I am going to see my optometrist the Tuesday after that appointment. These appointments just keep coming!

I’m really not sure how we feel about this, but I just exist between appointments now. I was not ready for that at all! I think that things will start settling down during the ‘ber’ months. At least that’s what my schedule says at this point.

I got my teeth cleaned today from Sarah. She was my hygienist, but then my Mom wanted her so I went with Kristen because I liked her as well and my Mom and I got our teeth cleaned at the same time. Now that my Mom and I are no longer on the same schedule because I get my teeth cleaned three times a year instead of two, we both can see her.

She was the one who suggested to my Mom that I should take the pills for my colonoscopy. She asked me about that today and I shook my head and said it did not work so I am going back in October. I told her that we just have to wait for the schedule to open up and then I will schedule one. I told her that it will be unpleasant, but at least it’s a, “Ber” month.

I told her that I did not know what I was thinking when I scheduled all of these appointmentsin June in July. She looked at me and said, “Well, we didn’t know it was going to be 1012°?!”

I laughed at that statement because it has been so hot! Dr. Fox asked me how my summer was and I told them that it’s so hot!

So, my teeth are cleaned and next week I am going for my next appointment. I really can’t believe that this is how it is now but it is…

I realized today that it’s July 2 so I should be watching Hallmark Christmas movies. So I put one on today:

I remember I saw this one last year in three stages. But today, I got to watch the whole movie from the beginning. I think it’s cute! I was hoping to find A Crown for Christmas, but not yet I guess. There’s time!

Because I was watching a Christmas movie, I saw an excellent Hallmark Christmas commercial and I had to share even though it’s NOY holiday themed (it’s July) and I am NOT a first generation homebuyer so neither is Sean, but this commercial made me cry:

When it talks about, “Those eyes.” That’s a trait that we all have gotten from my Dad. He got it from his mom, my grandma.

Sean has them too, even though when he was young, he saw a picture of his dad, and he thought it was him and he asked when he had blue eyes. He got those eyes from me and I remember the day in the hospital when they changed from gray to bown. He was about three weeks old.

I am feeling a little better today even more than yesterday, but I am still a little bit cheerful and that’s a little bit startling.

I am trying to wrap my head around this, but it all seems like a lot.

I woke up this morning feeling better. I can breathe easier. That relieved me, but let me tell you how I got there:

I could only put my finger on it this morning when I was no longer anxious. I didn’t even recognize that I was so anxious until I am not. I kind of had an inkling yesterday evening.

I put on my, “The Daddy Mix” last night and I tried to channel my Dad. That playlist will 100% make me cry every single time and I was feeling that I needed to let some tears out to make me feel better.

I put the playlist on shuffle so I would not know what song was coming until it came. Sure enough, I began to cry! I just let myself cry and let the tears roll down my cheeks.

I didn’t listen to the whole playlist, but I definitely heard a number of tearjerkers! I really like the fact that I woke up feeling better today. Now I know what I need to do in a couple of weeks.

I am getting my calculus zapped on July 15. That doctor told me that I will be under for 1 to 2 hours. I read my MIchart results and I was under aesthetic for one hour and 14 minutes this time.

So, I will be in a different clinic for this procedure, but I’m going back to gastroenterology in eight weeks to repeat my procedures. Hopefully, the colonoscopy will be a go, and I’ll be able to see what my gastritis is looking like as well. I am currently taking two prescriptions from the doctor and three prescriptions from Zerbo’s.

One of those prescriptions from the doctor is for Prilosec. I told Sean that and he asked if that was for old people and I told him that I am old now, but it’s for sick people and that’s me now too.

I woke up crying this morning. I woke up crying from my endoscopy as well. It was different this morning, (really this afternoon) when I woke up crying because I was in my room all by myself instead of having multiple nurses (who were strangers) bustling around doing things.

Now, when I say that I was crying, it was not one glistening tear on my cheek. It was a deluge out of both eyes! With multiple tracks of tears streaming down my face. Today, I just let them fall and did not care until I needed to blow my nose.

I just don’t know why this is happening? I remember when I woke up from my last surgery, (that was my second knee surgery). There was a nurse working on a computer to my right and I just said with my eyes not even open, “My knee hurts.” And then I opened my eyes a little bit and asked if I had knee surgery. She said, “Yes” and I went back to sleep.

Waking up, crying, kind of it’s not sitting well with me. I completely understand that it is something neurologic. 24 years ain’t no joke, I am finding out and I will ask my neurologist, Dr. Cerghet in August. That’s when I have my virtual appointment.

I remember that I would used to only see my neurologist once a year, in August. That was the end of my summer and before I started work. That’s the only check-in I did medically. I just reviewed with my Mom the upcoming appointments for the year and I have multiple appointments (with different doctors) everymonth! I wasn’t ready for this.

I just see my neurologist virtually because she’s not going to cure me. Now I’m homebound. I wonder if I will wake up crying tomorrow as well? I amSTILL so shocked for my procedures that I don’t even think I have been begun recovering yet. Hopefully that can start tomorrow?

I was telling my Mom about Anne Hathaway’s performance in Les Misérables. I told her that she’s sang beautifully, but I have no intention of watching that movie again because it was so heart wrenching!!!

Last night, I showed her videos of Anne Hathaway singing and Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman singing as well. This reel showed up today:

And somehow I cried too, watching her singing this with her shorn hair, which is just like mine now… would I describe what I’m living as ‘the hell I’m living’? It’s not fun to say the least and this weather is not helping. I have an appointment next week…

This morning as I groggily, ran my comb through my hair. There were no knots. Wait. What?! My hair is so short now. I have hair like a nun.

I do not like this at all, but it is necessary for me to have hair this short. I look like sister Mauritia.

She was a nun who worked in the office at my grade school. Me and my Mom were talking when I first told her that I have hair like a nun. I told her that I look like sister Mauritia. She was the meanest nun ever!!!

My Mom says that she was not mean, she was direct and she just didn’t care. I told my Mom that the translation is that she was terrifying! I was terrified of her! She even had the white whiskers on her chin. She was so mean that it was scary!!!!

My Mom told me recently that when she was the PTO president, she wanted to make a bulletin board in the hallway of all the teachers as children and then she would have a student guess which teacher was which child. So she asked sister Mauritia for a picture of her when she was young. She declined and did not participate.

Then my Mom told me that Sr. Mauritia told her that she had something for her to see. My Mom beautifully walked over and Sr. Mauritia showed her a black and white picture of a child smiling at the camera with Shirley Temple ringlets! Sr. Mauritia, the meanest nun at Saint Alphonsus has ringlets?!

I’m pretty sure that everyone I went to school with back, then, felt the same way because we were kids and she was mean and scary!!! I have hair like when she was a nun at my school now. #MSsucks!!! 😒😒😒…

This weather is absolutely brutal!!!

I can’t believe that it has been so warm for so much of this day! I got a headache today. I hadn’t felt the screwdriver in the right side of my head for a long time, but I felt it in full force today!!! Thank God that my air conditioning is fixed!!!

it’s difficult to breathe.