Category: Tunes

Highlights from the soundtrack of my life.

I cried.

Yesterday, just before my Mom put the pads on my knees for my tens unit, my knee made the biggest crack! It wasn’t just  a’pop;” it was a HUGE crack! My knee was bent and it felt funny so I shook my hands and asked my Mom to straighten it out in an almost breathless panic.  As she did, it cracked louder than it ever has before! It was immediately accompanied with two of my screams just as crests stung my eyes.

There is no medical explanation for this for all the times I’ve been to see Dr. Moore since my surgery. I just saw him last Thursday and I will post about that a little bit later. So, I didn’t feel well yesterday following the big crack with my knee and it was raining!  So you know, I’m just gonna blame it on the rain!:

I thought this song as I heard the rain outside and I knew that, “The  rain don’t mind and the rain don’t care. You know you got to blame it on something…” I’ve figured out that when I am in this much pain, it’s best to just sleep.

I was in a very deep sleep but I dreamt about when I woke up from surgery. I didn’t even open my eyes and said, “My  knee hurts!”   I then looked over to a nurse on a computer and asked if I just had surgery. When she told me yes, I asked why it felt like  was crying.  She told me that’s because I was. I asked if that was normal. She told me that it was. Well, I woke up from my nap yesterday and my knee felt exactly like it did after surgery! Why on earth is this happening?! I looked at the lights on my tens unit that I keep clipped to the front pocket of my hoodie.

They were barely let up green. That’s why my knee hurt! I needed a new battery! I have already bought three batteries! These batteries are $9 a piece!   My Nom came back by and I showed her my tens unit. I was sad. My knee hurts! She hugged me and I cried.

Millionaires

I convinced my Mom to buy us a mega millions lottery ticket Tuesday night. I got so excited to be a $1.6 billionaire!   I figured that I could scrounge together a dollar and if she matched my dollar to get the ticket, we could buy one mega millions ticket and possibly be the winner of a $1.6 billion jackpot!   I started to laugh as I dreamed of what I could do with all of that money.

I told her we probably would be taxed $500 million but that really didn’t matter because we’d have  more millions to spend!  I told her that it would be just like The Script’s song  and began singing it for her! She didn’t know what song I was talking about and I offered to play it for her. I told her that it wasn’t one of my, “Wah, Wah.  Cry, cry”  songs and I’ve pulled it up on Apple Music as she put the pads for my tens unit on my knee.

She didn’t like this song even though it wasn’t one of my, Wah, Wah. Cry cry songs.”   I didn’t care because I liked it! She showed me the ticket and Tuesday and I found out Tuesday night before I went to bed that we didn’t win, we didn’t even match one number!  We do not live in South Carolina!  My Mom got a little irritated that we could have bought a gallon of milk with that money but I said that it was an investment in our future and it was fun. I never buy a ticket unless it’s like $1 billion anyway!   It’s fun to dream!

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #33

I hadn’t been out of my house for probably around a month but it was Sean’s first quarter  conferences,  so I made sure my tens unit was on and I had to go. My Mom and I got chicken Schwarnas afterward.   I absolutely love having grown up in East Dearborn!  Because I can fully appreciate Middle Eastern food!

There’s a place right by the school and we sat in the car to eat them.  She went in to the restaurant to go grab them and when she came out, this song was on the radio. I was kind of surprised that I knew all the words still and that I didn’t have a hard time bulging them out. I was  surprisingly on key as well!

My Mom got back into the car and didn’t mind that I was belting this song out at the top of my lungs. When the song was over, she kind of sighed and said, “Yrah, one of your Wah Wah, cry cry songs!”   Yeah, I guess so! And, it might be official that I  I am older because I stick to the 90s on nine or  The early 2000‘s radio. They were songs that were cool when I was in high school!

Book Ends

The same time that I thought about that, “Hands Clean” song by Alamo’s Morrisette,, I also thought about my ALMOST Forgotten Tune #7:

I listened to this song a lot during my first days at WMU and the first days in my dorm.   Yesterday morning, I saw this video on my YouTube feed;

These two songs served as bookends of my time at WMU.  I had to click on the video when I saw it and I was immediately transported back to my dorm! I listened to Dido’s Album as I drove home for the last time from Kalamazoo.  I had to click on the video when I saw it in my feed. I was immediately transported back to my dorm  and my time at WMU.

My time there, although it was so long ago, it definitely feels like a LIFETIME ago because so many things in my life have changed!

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #32

I thought of this song yesterday and I’m not sure why.  It probably had to do with washing my hands.   I remember that this song got a lot of radio play but I couldn’t really remember more of the songs  from the album. I borrowed the CD from a friend’s daughter. I will have to download it later. It came out just after Sean came home from the hospital so I’m trying to remember what was going on when I had a small baby and was still an undergrad.

Yes, it is DEFINITELY a lifetime ago because my son is going to be 17 soon!   I haven’t thought about Alanis Morissette as an artist for a long time but now I’m going to have to.

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #31

I think it was watching Chase Winovich sing along to this song that reminded me of this song and 1999.  My Junior year; the best time of my High school career! Sean is a Junior now. In Winovich’s words, after tonight‘s “smack down,” “The “Revenge Tour” has officially commenced.”   I love football!

I am old and how did he know this song?!:

 

T-30

When Sean got up for school on October 2nd, I told him that it was T-30. He didn’t know what that meant.   So, as an explanation, I played him this song:

It COMPLETELY blows my mind that my baby is going to be 17! It blows my mind that 17 years ago, I was entering the last month of my only pregnancy.   Sean always makes fun of me that when my birthday comes around, I celebrate for the whole month. I told him that we can celebrate for two months for his 17th birthday!

As it has turned out, lately, Sean has not gotten me out of bed and I go back to sleep when he goes off to school because I’m not sleeping very well through the night. Before he leaves, he comes to tell me he’s leaving and often times he will kiss me on my forehead. I will grab my phone and play this song that I downloaded on Apple Music!   I also will play this song when he gets home from school too!

Since I’ve been doing it for a week now, Sean will roll his eyes  A little, smile, and will dance a little to this song because he sees how excited I am. The other day, I only played it once and I told him that that fact  kind of bummed me out. He said it was OK and I told him that this was the last month of my pregnancy. He asked me if I, “Really was going to make this about me?”

I told him that it was because I birthed him and have the scars to prove it and I grew him so, yes it is about me too!

Since I have played him the song so far about 20 times, he smiles when I know all the words and I will tell him about when my friend turned 17.  I drove her to school and the morning of her birthday, I drove past her house to get to school so Mr. Flint could let me in early and I decorated her locker before I drove back to pick her up.  When she got into the car, I played ABBA for her too!

It wasn’t really T -30 anyway because there’s 31 days in October but he got that his birthday was a month away!   Tomato, tamahto.   He will be 17 soon and until that day, I will play him ABBA every single day!

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #30

I’ve been watching the Hallmark Channel Fall Harvest Movie Countdown this whole weekend  when I was not watching football. Both Michigan and the Lions won!   During the commercials and between the movies, there was an advertisement for the countdown that had this song playing in the background. I haven’t heard this song in a really long time and it’s fitting because it’s October.   It doesn’t really feel like that because I can’t tell being cooped up in my house  since I got my motorized chair.

I have already seen the number one movie in the 15 movie countdown but I really like it! It’s “Falling for Vermont.”  Stacy Hinkhouse, the, “Insane  psycho freak” from Freaky Friday is starring in it.   My Mom was the one who made that connection when I was watching another Hallmark movie she’s in.  She is older  and has darker hair but now I can’t NOT see Stacy Hinkhouse when I watch the movie.

Yes, Yes, and No.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what my Mom said to me at the post office after my last appointment with Dr. Moore. It’s true! I haven’t sang for a very long time! I wanted to change that and I knew that if I watched the movie, RENT, I could do that because I know all of the words because of singing it over 1 million times with my cousinT Shannon and  by myself in my car and in both of my apartments.

I finally started to watch it OnDemand yesterday and sang along with the entire show! However, I could only get a little bit past when Roger goes to the life-support meeting.  And then, I began to cry!

At the support group for people living with AIDS, they sing a song.  As I have said, I have listened to the  audio of this play and seen this play  performed once and the movie tons of times butI have never once thought to liken myself to these people singing this song:

I began to cry and paused the movie. For me, the answers to these questions are: yes, yes, and no. For me, living with MS,  I will lose my dignity (I feel it is undignified for my Mom and my 16-year-old son to have to cut up my food before I eat it and pick me up and place me into a car if I want to go anywhere among other things).  I am also BEYOND grateful that my Mom cares for me.   And lastly, even though I pray for it every night before I go to bed, I have yet to wake up from this nightmare.

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #29

I sang A LOT with my cousinT, Shannon, during the last two years of high school.  When this song came out, I remember buying the CD single. My cousinT told me that I sing like her. When I told my brother about it, he agreed that  I sounded like her too.  I didn’t like that because  even though she sings well,  I don’t like her voice.

After my doctor’s appointment where Dr. Moore prescribed my tens unit, my Mom and I stopped at the post office  so she could mail a package that I put together for my niece, Natalie, who is away at college. When my Mom got back into the car, this song was playing  on the radio and I asked her if I sounded like her because Shannon and Jimmy think so. She told me that she hasn’t heard me sing in a VERY long time.