Category: Barwis Methods

I didn’t know how tight my legs were until I got to Barwis and Phil started to stretch me.  He stretched me for a long while and then told me to head over to the table. I asked if we were NOT standing and he told me that he was going to stretch me a little bit more. Maybe we would get some stands in today. So we head over to the table and Phil pulled it away from the wall so he could get on both sides of the table. He started stretching my legs out. They were really tight! He talked with Eric as he was doing this and Eric came over and grabbed my right leg to see how tight it was. He asked me what I was doing and I shrugged and put my hands up. I had no control of my legs resisting and curling up, “boing”ing almost.  Phil stretched me for a long time. For like 45 minutes.

Phil told me to head back over to the Keiser machine and he stretched me a little bit more.  He had a mark on his hand and I asked what it was. He told me that it was the remnants of a Tinkerbell tattoo that a 7-year-old client gave him. He wore it for her. That’s super cute! She is physically disabled as well.  I asked him what it was like to have so many disabled clients who he works with. He said it “was hard… but rewarding.” I really liked that answer.   Then he had me stand. It was very difficult. I told him it feels like I’m Calobos from Clash of the Titans. The 1981 version.  I asked him if he had ever seen the movie and he shrugged. I explained Calobos’s transformation to him and told him that is what I feel like when I am trying to stand.  At least today.  Most days.  He looked at me and kind of smiled and said, “I’ll research it.” because he had no idea what I was talking about.

Here is Calobos’s transformation.  I feel like this when I try to stand up straight.

     Click picture to view.

II stood a few more times and even *BINK*ed for a second. But it was very difficult. Phil looked at me as I was sitting in my chair resting and he said,  “Well, at least you’re looser.”

I WAS looser.  I felt it in my legs on my way home. Even going to sleep last night, my legs did not “boing” up.  But then I woke up this morning. It’s really frustrating that every day is another accident as Jesse told me so long ago. Because I felt super tight this morning. As I got out of bed and was getting things ready for my shower this morning, I noticed that even though my legs feel super tight, my knees were not touching and my feet we’re straight forward and not a curving inward.  These little things are things that I have been working on at Barwis to regain my leg strength. So there is progress. I want a lot more progress but I guess it’s coming.  Too bad I stink at this patience thing!

I woke up yesterday morning to my legs being really tight and hurting. It was the first day of my winter break and Sean still had to go to school so my Mom came to pick him up (she works right by his school).   She came into my bedroom and I told her that I needed some help getting out of bed. She pulled my covers back and was expecting me to do something. But I couldn’t. My legs would not move no matter how much I willed them to. Man, that really stinks!

My time at Barwis was what I expected it to be. I was a really tight and it was the first time that it kind of hurt when Adam was stretching me.  I told him that I know I have a MS (that’s the response he and Jesse usually give me when I ask why my legs are so tight as if that is the first time I have heard that news) but I asked why now?  Adam said “it is freezing and it’s supposed to snow tonight.”  That made sense. I asked about Amanda and he said she was tight as well. This REALLY stinks!

I ended up standing for a little bit 5 times. It was on my second stand that I told Adam I could stand for days. But my feet were set a little too far under the bar so it got difficult. As my legs started shaking, Adam said, “it hasn’t been days.” Funny!  I stood for only a little while longer and then I had to sit.  Adam put me into my car.  All this cold weather and snow is REALLY stinky!

I felt SO, SO, So good headed to Barwis yesterday!  It was an EXCELLENT radio day in the car after I listened to my WALKING song and #3 on Sara Bareilles’s Blessed Unrest CD.  LOVE that CD!  I was feeling good and I spent most of the day getting my mind right to have a good showing at Barwis for “Walking Wednesday.”  As much as my mind could get “right” teaching a bunch of 7th and 8th graders, right?!  On my way to Barwis, I heard Phil’s new song.  Well, really it is song that reminds me of Sean but I really dig it and I heard it at Barwis once and Phil and I talked about it.  So now, that song reminds me of Phil too!

I had a really good feeling and then things started to go awry…  I pull into Barwis’s parking lot and the delivery man has his truck parked across the 3 disabled parking spots.  I’m not putting that company on front street because I think that was illegal.  I didn’t want to park on the other side, that would mess up my mojo.  In retrospect, I should have parked on the other side.  I waited for a long while.  But yet, it STILL was a good radio day.  I had started my WALKING song when I exited the freeway so I had an array of songs to choose from on my CD.  No worries.  It STILL was going to be a good day.  Or so I thought…

So, I ended up being a little bit late getting into Barwis.  Grady gave me junk coming in as he ALWAYS does (jokingly of course!)!  He’s the left-handed camera crew guy.  I left my water bottle in the car because I was already late and it had rolled onto the floor of the passenger’s side of the car.  I tried to get it but I couldn’t reach it even going around to the passenger’s side of the car.  I was late.  I would do without it.  It STILL was going to be a good day!  Right?!

Phil stretches me out and I stood.  I did 14 7/8 squats so I felt really good!  Lindsay wasn’t there so Larry helped.  I got 1 yard.  That was stinky!  But everyone knows that first is the worst!  My second down, I only got 1 more yard.  Then that was it.  2 downs (I was late).  My legs were really tired.  Maybe I overdid it with the squats.  Even though I only got 2 yards, I STILL felt good!  I was STILL optimistic!  As Phil was putting my leg rests into the trunk, I asked him when IT would happen.  He asked what IT was and I told him, “you know, IT… walking.”  He told me that he didn’t know but he KNOWS it will happen!  Me too!  I think it was the first time that I REALLY knew that it was going to happen.  Just knowing that, makes me feel REALLY good!  I want this to have happened yesterday but good things are worth the wait!  Walking to be will be REALLY good so it is REALLY worth the wait.  I tried to get myself into the car but I undershot my car seat again!  Phil helped me get in.  He hit my head on my door frame.  Hs hit HIS head on my door frame.  He told me that this was the most horrible job he has done.  It was!  But soon it won’t be necessary!  Maybe it was because he hit his head but I was able to grab his fist when he put it out to fist bump me and give it a shake before he pulled it away.

I got into Barwis today and Chris was there. We talked for awhile about the snow and the salt and how messy it all is in a wheelchair.  He asked how things were going and I told him that in this weather I don’t feel that my sessions are that productive but I do get an excellent stretch!  he nodded and told me that that was it good thing. He reminded me that I need to have patience. I really stink get that! Then it was time for me to start and he told me to have a good workout.

Phil stretched me and I told him about my conversation with Chris.  Phil told me that everyday I come there is productive. He asked me what else I would be doing if I didn’t come there.  My response was “reading.” Then he asked how much reading is going to help me get out of that chair? I nodded. He was right. He told me he was going to harness me today and waited for my reaction. He said it wasn’t for anything bad but he wanted to help me stand by pressing on my hips and there weren’t enough people there to help in guiding me to stand as he was adjusting my posture. Okay then. So it wasn’t a BAD thing I was getting re-harnessed so I was okay with that.

So Phil gets me into the harness and had me stand before he pressed the air to help out. He adjusted my knees and my hips and asked how that felt. I told him it felt foreign and like I wasn’t standing up straight and my butt was hanging out in the back.  We did this a number of times and I did a few squats. Then Phil worked on my ankles and we were done.  It is debatable how productive this session was but I really did get an excellent stretch!

I was able to get into my car by myself on the second try. Almost. Phil needed  to help me get my legs into the car. He kept saying “c’mon, c’mon, c’mon” over and over and that was funny. I don’t think we fist bump any longer. It’s now both of us trying to grab the other’s fist and shake it and yell “joystick.” So today I was slow I guess and Phil was able to grab my fist and yelled “joystick,” wished me a good weekend, and then shut my door.

So yesterday, Phil told me that we were just going to stretch.  I really didn’t argue with that but I was hoping to do squats and do MORE than 21 reps so I could say that Clowney has nothing on me!  (yeah right)  I was down for a stretch though instead.  He asked how I felt and I told him that I haven’t felt as bad as I have been feeling.  (If that makes any sense) This prolonged cold is REALLY getting to me!!!  I could feel my body resisting as Phil started stretching me.  It bothers me that I can’t control that.  That inability to control your body really is humbling as my friend with RA has told me.  I wasn’t going to think about that for to long though.  I was just going to “relax” as Phil always tells me.  I told him yesterday that I actually visualize him saying that in my head.  He is sitting at the Keiser machine and says “just relax” like he always does.  He kind of smiled and said, “good.”  If only the relaxing part was that easy for me, right?!

I asked after Sherrie and Amanda.  I’ve decided that they are my “girls” even though I have never met Amanda.  Both Sherrie and Amanda understand things that I try explaining to other people and it always falls short.  They understand because they also have MS.   Sherrie, Amanda, and Kimmy all know things that I can’t ever put into words or come up with a fitting analogy because they KNOW how it feels.   As my cousin Kimmy says, “MS sucks!”  I’ll agree with that.  But what else am I going to do?

Phil was stretching my hard-core and it “hurt so good!”  I could feel my body resisting less and less and that was nice.  I always think of  it as me being clay and it takes awhile for it to become mailable and easier to work with.  Phil told me to put my legs over the side of the table and he was going to stretch my ankles.  Once my legs were over the side, I told him that , “my legs feel warm.”  And they did.  I could feel blood flowing through my legs all the way down to my feet and back.  That’s a REALLY nice feeling!  Phil told me that we were done and Backey was going to take me out because he had a client.  He pushed me over to the chairs where my coat was and I kept my feet up the ENTIRE way!  He puts his fist out and pulled it away as I went to grab it and then I put my fist out to fist bump him.  I was going to take getting my fist grabbed but then he put his fist out again.  I couldn’t resist.  I grabbed his fist and yelled, “Joystick!” and he smiled  just as Backey came over to take me out to me car.

So I have been on Twitter since February 18 and I’m not going to lie – it’s kind of addicting and a little bit fun.  Based on people who follow me; I started following these 2 “people” Motivation&Success‏@MotSuccess and Book Quotes‏@BooksBestQuotes.  I get all kinds of quotes that I favorite and retweet to my followers.  It’s some good stuff!  But last night at my alleged “Walking Wednesday” #19 at Barwis, I was forced to LIVE these quotes.  If I was going to share them – it was necessary to BELIEVE in them in the face of adversity.

I didn’t even attempt to walk yesterday.  Phil grabbed my right leg and was aghast at how tight my calf was.  Being without brakes for just those 2 days, I tensed up my legs in an attempt to STOP my chair from moving when teaching on Monday and Tuesday.  Yesterday at work, I had to remind myself to engage my brakes because I HAD them now and to relax my legs.  My thighs hurt SO badly yesterday!  I told a colleague that,”Now I know how Suzanne Somers must have felt!”  She laughed.  It was true!  I remember that infomercial for Thighmaster.  Phil stretched me and told me to relax and I was re-harnessed.  I asked if we were going to try walking today and he asked, “How are you going to walk when you can’t even straighten  this leg?!” (He was talking about my “poop” leg).  Okay.  Grrr!  Defeat!  We stood with a harness and then did some single leg extensions on a machine I have not been on since my first day.

I have been favoriting and retweeting these GREAT quotes thinking that I really won’t need them.  Turns out I do.  I KNOW that walking WILL happen because I watched Chris yesterday WALKING out of the door at Barwis.

Retweeted by Jennifer Rios

I woke up yesterday morning at like 2 o’clock and my legs were hurting so badly! I refused to get out of bed and sit in my chair (makes me feel better sometimes) because I still had some time left to sleep until I had to get up to for work. I was miserable from 2 o’clock on. I told Phil about it when I got to Barwis.  I told him that throughout the workday my legs started feeling better.

I didn’t have students yesterday so I just was getting work done that I needed to get done so it was quiet. He stretched my legs out and they started to feel even better.  My colleague at work asked me if the pain was a “good” pain or a “bad’ pain that I woke up with. I had to think about it. I wasn’t sure. My legs have never awakened me because of being in pain like that but maybe it was a good thing because I was feeling something. Phil told me maybe it was because it was SO cold! I am SO sick of this weather!

Then he stopped stretching me for a bit and my legs remained slightly spread apart and my feet were pointed straight ahead. I felt blood flowing through my legs and feet and I told Phil that my legs feel “normal.”

That “normal” feeling remained with me the entire time we were working. I was able to get into my car by myself.  Phil grabbed my fist after we fist bumped and yelled “joystick” but I was okay with that. The “normal” feeling in my legs continued. My Mom called and she asked me and Sean to meet her and my uncle at a restaurant. On my way home, I was hoping to get the tears out of me that I felt were SO close. They didn’t come. I pull up into my driveway and beep for Sean to come out. The “normal” feeling remained with me throughout dinner. I was in the restroom after dinner that the tears finally started to come.  I was overwhelmed that this “normal” feeling still continued. I wiped my face and got Sean and got in the car to drive home. And the “normal” feeling was STILL with me. My legs felt good!

Sean reclined his seat and said he was going to sleep for a while as we drove home. So then the tears came. I would like to say that they were “strong, silent tears.” But they weren’t. I could feel the sobs originating in my belly and rattling my chest. I stifled them because my son was sleeping next to me.  I have been working SO hard at Barwis that of course this day would eventually come. But I guess I was not ready for it. I debated if I was going to go to bed or not because I knew I would wake up not feeling this way and I wanted to keep the “normal” feeling as long as I could. I remember my Dad telling a story about guys in the Army being on leave and having to go back to Vietnam. They would get really, really, really drunk and some would pass out before leaving and would have to be loaded onto the plane to go back. When they woke up the next day, they were back in Vietnam. They would cry.

I don’t want to be like them. I decided to go to bed with the knowledge that I would wake up feeling badly again.  I woke up at 3:35 a.m. and my knees hurt a little bit. I rolled onto my stomach to make them stop hurting.  I had that “normal” feeling in my legs for 10 hours. Wow! Even now, as I sit at my table and write this, the “normal” feeling has begun to return to my legs and my feet are straight forward. I thought I would be ready for this. I thought I prepared myself for this. Apparently not. I suppose I will be a “sissy, cry-face baby” like I was last night.  But I’m okay with that.

So yesterday, Phil asked me how I have been feeling as he was stretching me.  I was happy to report that despite the weather (AND I AM SICK OF THIS WEATHER!!!  iT’S KILLING ME!!!), my legs have been feeling the most normal that they have felt in since I can’t remember when.  I was excited to tell Phil this news but then I needed to add, “except in the morning.  I feel bad in the morning!”  He continued to stretch me out at the Keiser machine and then told me to head over to the table.  He moved the table away from the wall again so he could get on both sides.  He told me to dangle my feet off of my bed in the morning as I dangled my feet over the side of the table.  I told him that they don’t want to dangle in the morning and he told me “but they can” and pointed to my legs and feet.  I told him that they FEEL normal and he told me that they LOOK normal.

Driving home, I heard my “Sean and Phil” song TWICE!  It ended and I changed the radio station and heard it again.  I don’t know that yesterday was “the best day of my life,” but it’s coming!  “I feel it in my soul!”

This morning, I woke up and turned my first alarm off.  I didn’t want to get out from under my warm covers!  I turned the second on off and reluctantly threw my covers back.  Man, it was SO cold!!!  My legs were all curled up and it took a minute to get them untangled from each other and over the side of my bed.  My “poop” leg knew what to do and it just dangled there.  My left leg needed some coaxing to “just relax.”  It started to and then I had to get up because otherwise I would be SUPER late.  I guess tomorrow morning I just have to “suck it up” and get out from under the covers earlier.  As I was driving to work, my legs did begin to normalize as I began to thaw from going from the house to the car.  Even now, as I write this, they are normalizing and that’s exciting!

My legs have been feeling better IN SPITE OF THIS HORRIBLE WEATHER!!!  i had to get my tire fixed (turns out I had 2 bent rims!  After Barwis, on my way home on Monday, I tried to avoid a large pothole and instead, I fell off of the world!  I took my car in on Tuesday (I didn’t notice low tire pressure until I got to work) they over-filled my tire and I took it back to Les Stanford on Wednesday morning.  They took me to work after I dropped my car off and picked me up).  I was late to Barwis because all of this.

Phil stretched me out at the Keiser machine and I did a few stands.  Standing was REALLY hard for me!  I thought that Phil saw the struggle on my face.  It was so difficult that I was letting go of ideas of it being a “Walking Wednesday” but then Phil pointed to the turf and told me to go that way.  I excitedly asked, “We’re walking?!”  He replied with a small smile, “We’re gonna try.”  That was good enough for me!  I was excited and was willing myself to walk over and over in my head.  Lindsay came over to help and I stood.  Phil was giving me directions on how I should have my body engaged as I took my steps.  I got 9 yards on my first drive.  I was SO excited to have gotten steps off!  My second drive (I only got 2 because I was late) I got 8 more!  I got a total of 17 yards yesterday!

TOTAL YARDAGE = 195 AND 2 STEPS

Phil took me out to my car and I got in ALL BY MYSELF!!!  We fist bumped.  Just normally, no “joysticks!”  This was the second time that we did this.   He said that I did a “good job” and that he was proud of my 17 yards.  Me too!!!

Now, I’ve told Phil that our photo opp is coming up and I think he wants to flake!  That will TOTALLY bum me out!!!  We have said before that it will have to be a selfie because Phil is my Barwis photographer.  He has to take it because his arms are longer than mine!  I told him that I’m going to put it on Twitter and we will trend #DaisyandPhil because that’s us!  He’s not really going for that though…

I posted this on 11.26.13.

Phil (I was working with him today) came over to sit as Brock and I were talking.  It was so COOL talking with Brock!!!  I needed that boost today.  I needed that reminder that it IS possible!  Bock told me he does back pedal at times (like I feel like I am right now!) but he said he comes back stronger.  After Phil called me, “chatty Cathy” I said my goodbye to Brock and went over to start working.  Phil could see that I was so star struck having seen Brock, he asked why I didn’t take a picture?  I told him that I didn’t have my phone so he calls Brock over said he would take the picture and send it to me.

I posted this on 11.27.13 about “Walking Wednesday” #8 back when I only had clocked 101 yards.

Phil took a picture of Jesse and me.  I look really tired because I was.  I told Jesse that I would send him a pic of my camo shirt when I get one. I promised to wear it every Wednesday like I do my socks.  I told Phil that our photo opp will come at 200 yards.

Maybe I can guilt him into taking the pic of us.  Next “Walking Wednesday” IS my birthday…

I woke up yesterday morning and it was a fight with my legs! I tried dangling them over the side of my bed as Phil has told me to and it was quite difficult! I was REALLY slow getting ready for work and it was SO cold! I am SO tired of this weather! I tweeted about it.

My body STILL was hurting at work. I made it through the day and was glad that I was headed to Barwis.  I told Phil that this was round 3. Round 1 was getting ready for work. Round 2 was going to the bathroom at work. And now Phil was going to stretch me, so it was round 3 “Ding, Ding.” I thought of Jesse making the analogy of me having an “accident” every day. For this “accident,” I totaled my car, flipped it over, and broke all the windows in it as well. Man, it hurt!

Gradually, my legs started to loosen up. Phil patiently stretched me and then he told me to head to the Keiser machine and we would try some stands.  He set my feet and told me to stand. “First is the worst and second is the best.”. That saying held true for each one of my stands. It was a fight to stand and it was very tiring. But for a couple of my stands it felt really good! I stood for a long time and so Phil was happy with that and on my last stand I found the “sweet spot” and I could “stand for days.” Phil stretched me out a little bit more and pushed me over to the chairs where my coat was. I kept my legs up the entire time! When we went out to the car, I got into it all by myself. Mostly. Phil had to help me with my feet and I asked him why it was happening now?  Referring to my body hurting so badly.  He said that it might be weather shock considering it was 40 degrees when I left Barwis.  Let’s hope that when the weather improves, so will my body. We fist bumped (another normal one) my hands are very small compared to his and he said I did some good stands.

It kinda stinks that the fight began again when I woke up this morning…  COME ON SPRING!!!