Category: Barwis Methods

I fell asleep before my time at Barwis.  I closed my eyes and I guess it was more than just resting my eyes because I was startled awake.  You know that sensation when you are asleep and you’re falling?  Well, it was like that.  Phil stretched me out and asked why I was so tight.  Well, I didn’t sleep well and it rained in the morning.  I was trying to push through it but I wasn’t doing very well.  Phil set my feet and positioned the PURPLE half popcorn ball thing and told me to stand.  I heard what it is REALLY called but I think I like “half popcorn ball” better opposed to “stepping stone.”  I’m not doing any steps with it so I will continue to call it a half popcorn ball thing.  I stood with A LOT of difficulty and A LOT of help from Phil.  Phil told me on Friday that I need to, “push more with my legs then pull with my arms.”  I was kind of an “A-ha!” moment for me.  I did what he said and was ecstatic when I ACTUALLY was pushing MORE than pulling!  I kept saying that, “I’m pushing more than I’m pulling!” I was SO surprised that I was ACTUALLY doing it!

I would tell myself that repeatedly any time I would need to stand and transfer from my chair since he told me to and I was able to do so.  I told myself that when he told me to stand.  I kind of whisper, “More push than pull” over and over and sometimes I close my eyes.  I bet it looks kind of crazy but I don’t care.  I’m okay with doing this until standing is almost effortless for me.  I got fully up with A LOT of pushing and Phil let go of me and put his hands to his side.  I didn’t stand for as long as I did of Friday but I felt my quads burn and shake before I sat down.

I tried again to stand but I was unsuccessful.  I couldn’t stand up fully no matter how much I pushed.  After the second failed attempt at standing, Phil told me to go over to the table.  I was BUMMED!  I still managed to ride down the ramp with my hands up and I let a, “Woo!” out.    At the table, I sat and let my legs dangle.  They began to calm down and I felt more relaxed.  Phil went into the back room and I tried to change my perspective on things.  He came back other table and said, “nice legs!”  I laughed and told him that if I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I’d have… a dollar.  But I knew he didn’t mean it like that.  My legs were relaxed and he kicked my feet a few times,  we did manual curls and extensions and he poked around on the muscles in my quads and hamstrings.  We hadn’t done this type of work in a while so I felt it reflected badly on my performance and ability.  Lindsay told me that it didn’t and Nick took me out to my car just after Phil, “Joystick”ed me by the chairs.

I drove home and thought about my performance today and my progress thus far.  It’s definitely NOT linear no matter how much I wish it was!  I think that is what makes this work and this disease SO hard!  But I decided long ago that I will “steady the course” and continue working.  “More push than pull!”  It will all be worth it in the end no matter how long it takes.  I just got to “keep on…”  Little by little…

My legs were REALLY tight yesterday.  Having MS, I am affected when something is bothering me.  I knew that that was the cause of my leg tightness and it irritated me but I couldn’t really change that immediately.  Phil stretched me at the Keiser machine and we didn’t even attempt to stand before he told me to go over to the table.  I was a bit bummed but I understood.  I rolled down the ramp with my arms up but in silence.  I REALLY thought that I would have a better showing at Barwis because of this whole “polar vortex” thing.  I heard about it on the radio a couple of days ago and I was kind of happy.   Jim Ryan (afternoon DJ on the Pulse XM 15) said that because of the vortex, temperatures would drop 10 to 15 degrees.  I can dig this!  The heat has been SO debilitating for me that I could stand to have a reprieve from the extreme temperatures that we’ve been experiencing.

On the table, we did manual leg curls and extensions.  Phil was pressing his fingers on my thighs and I asked him why he was, “poking around on my legs.”  He told me that he was feeling the muscle to see if it was contracting as I was extending my leg.  I asked him if it was and he said, “Yeah.”  I smiled and that made me happy.  I have been noticing that it is easier to have “more push than pull” when standing/transferring.  NOT that it’s easy but easier.  SOMETHING is happening!

i went to my annual Neurology appointment yesterday.  I still have to keep current with my Neurologist even though I am on the Holistic/Natural path in dealing with my MS.  He writes prescriptions for any durable medical supplies I need.  I have been seeing him for probably 11 years now.  My legs were tight because it was 8 o’clock in the morning but my exam went extremely well!  He was surprised that some of my symptoms were getting better even though I am not taking the prescribed medication for it.  My exam always ends with a battery of muscle tests.  He was pleasantly surprised at how I was doing.  I was too!!!  Well, not really SURPRISED but PLEASED that I was doing SO well.  During these tests, I sit in my chair.  He tenderly asked if I could raise my thigh so he could feel the muscle reactions.  I lifted my right leg immediately  as he gingerly put his hand on my thigh.  I remember when I couldn’t lift my leg.  It was last year.  He was noticeably surprised and smiled.  He tested my finger strength which usually I do horribly at.  I asked Phil awhile ago for exercises that my cousin could do for her hands.  He gave me some to tell her (she also has MS) and I thought how miserably I perform when Dr. Elias checks my hand strength and how my hands get numb and hurt sometimes so I started doing these exercises as well.  Dr. Elias raised his eyebrows and told me that, “that’s pretty good!”  I still couldn’t touch my nose and then his finger that he holds in front of him very well but I was still pleased with the appointment and can’t wait until next year’s appointment.

So, I thought about my Neurology appointment and Phil saying that my muscles were constricting.  I was tired but I smiled to myself.  Nick took me out to my car and I told myself, “Little by little…” as I drove away.

Phil came out to my car to get me because it was already 5:00 as I was getting out of my car.  What can I say?!  There were some GOOD tunes on the radio AND it was air-conditioned.  Phil pushed me just inside the door and he stretched me in my chair on the turf.  My legs were STILL extremely tight.  It’s a ROUGH week for me to have MS.  All I can say is that even this week will pass.  After Phil stretched me on the turf we headed over to the plyo boxes.  There were 3 boxes against the wall under the clock and the picture of Brock.  They were 3 different sizes.  I told Phil that I wanted to sit on the “Papa Bear” block but Phil put me on the “Mama Bear” block.  I told him about my first day at Barwis before I worked with him and before he was “Phil” and the first time I sat on the block.  I talked about Larry Foote fist bumping me after the first time I did leg curls with the resistance machine and feeling like I was going to fall on my face off of the block if I let go of the side of the block; but I knew that I couldn’t leave Larry Foote hanging.  So I didn’t and by some miracle, I didn’t even fall.

We we did manual leg curls and extensions and Phil dug at my quads and hamstrings.  I asked him if he could feel it when I extended my leg.  He kind of smiled and said, “A little bit.”  I replied, “Well, a little bit is better than nothing.”  Phil nodded, and said, “Truth.”  I thought we were done after the block but then Phil had me get back into my chair and we went over to the Keiser machine for some stands.

I didn’t get fully up but my legs burned and shook each time I tried.  SOME progress is BETTER than NO progress.  Phil put his fist out and I grabbed it and held it tight.  Before he could pull his fist away, I yelled, “Joystick!”  Yay!  FINALLY!  I got him back! Ha!  Phil took me out to my car and I was able to stand tall to transfer.  I told myself “more push than pull” again.  I was tired as I drove home but I was happy that at least that was the most productive that I’ve felt all week!  “Little by little…”

I hadn’t been to Barwis ALL WEEK thus far. (I was not feeling well Monday or Wednesday).  I wanted to have an EXCEPTIONAL showing but deep within me, I knew better.  Yesterday was the first I had driven in a week so it was nice that I was driving such a familiar route as the route to Barwis is to me.  I was feeling A LOT better but I don’t think I was 100%.

Phil stretched me at the chairs and I asked him how my legs felt.  He replied, “Tight… But not as tight as he thought they would be.”  When I was driving to Barwis, my legs DIDN’T tighten up as they usually did.  They remained relaxed.  So my legs are “tight” (I knew they would be) but them being not as tight as Phil thought they would be is a good thing.  I asked about Sherrie and Amanda (2 other women with MS who come to Barwis also).  He told me that he hadn’t seen Sherrie in a while and about Amanda’s progress.  Then I asked, “So, I’m the only one doing…”  I threw my hands up and shook my head a little and made a face.  “Nothing.” Was how I chose to end that sentence.  Phil said something quietly so I asked him to repeat himself and he told me that I WAS doing “something.”

We went to the Keiser machine and I attempted to stand 3 times with no luck.  Phil told me to head over to the table.  I threw my hands up in silence rolling down the ramp.  They have a new table now.  I told Phil that I liked the other one better.  He stretched me some more.  It kind of hurt but it felt productive in the same regard.  He took me out to my car and I got in kind of by myself.  He, “joystick”ed me, told me to have a good weekend, and closed my door.  I drove home not really hearing the radio.  I was deep in thought about missing the “Walking” days at Barwis (it’s ALL confused whether it is Monday, Wednesday, or Friday now).   Progress was more linear before and it’s difficult to take that is ISN’T so much now. I told myself ALL the things that I have told myself all along.  I have to “wait for it,” “little by little,” “slowly but surely.”  I WANT to walk again.   I am determined to walk again and now since I’ve started coming to Barwis, I’m doing something about it.  But the truth is, I have to wait for it.

Yesterday, I went to my work to get some off-season work done.  Sean came with me and I planned on taking him home before I headed to Barwis.  On my way to our house from my work, I blew a tire!  I have NO IDEA what to do to change a tire so I called my brother, Dave. I called him and he was on his way but was far away.  I then called Dan at Les Stanford.  I told him that I would bring my car in Tuesday morning.  He told me that with my tire insurance plan that I have he knew they towed vehicles and wasn’t sure if they would come out and change my tire.  He told me to all them to see.  All they would do is say, “No.”  I already had my brother coming so I wasn’t in dire straights yet.

I called them and they sent a guy out to me. I called my brother back and told him they were coming out.  He told me that he was still coming and to NOT call them off yet.  So it was a race between the two.  I hung up the phone and proceeded to do my “Happy Dance of the Moment” and may have let out a “Woo-Hoo” as I flailed my arms.  My son then started mocking my “Happy Dance of the Moment” replacing my “Woo-Hoos” with, “Weird!”  When he was done, I told him that Phil calls me “weird” too.  Oh yeah, I need to text Phil and tell him that I might be late.

The guy who Century Guard (my tire insurance) sent made it to me first (in ONLY 30 minutes) so he changed my tire.  I had Sean snap these pics that I tweeted last night.

I was making GREAT time because my tire got changed SO quickly.  I dropped Sean home and called my Mom on the way to Barwis.  I told her about my tire blowout and all of the calls I made and that, “Daddy’s smiling down on me because I took care of everything.”  She agreed and after I hung up, i thought of this The Script song.  I pulled up to Barwis at 4:59 (I start at 5) and Eric helped me get into my chair from my car.

Phil stretched me as he sat on a stool and I sat in my chair.  I rambled on about how my body was in shock from my last relapse.  I felt NOT completely well ALL of last week.  Yesterday was the first day I felt okay.  I asked him when we were going to walk again and he said with a smile, “When I feel like it.  Put that in your blog and smoke it!”  I laughed and laughed and told him that I was going to name my blog post that.  Phil stretched me for the ENTIRE hour!  It felt REALLY good!  It is a gradual ascension out from my latest relapse but I am beginning to feel better.  Phil put me into my car and I began my SLOW drive home on my donut.  On my way to Les Stanford this morning, I thought of my tire, my Dad, The Script song, and I began to cry.  I wiped my eyes as I pulled in to Les Stanford.  Keith asked me if I was crying and I told him, “Yes, my Daddy is smiling down on me.”

Phil texted me to come at 6 instead of 5.  I got to Barwis at about 5:15.  Eric helped me out of my car again.  I see Phil and he asks me, “Are you late enough?!”  I told him that he told me to come at 6.  He responded with an, “Oh yeah” and went back to working with whomever he was working with.  When 6 o’clock came, Phil stretched me at the chairs.  My legs were REALLY tight but they progressively began loosening up.  After he stretched me at the chairs, he pushed me over to the plyo boxes.  He pushed me over to the “Baby Bear” box.  He broke it down even further so it was shorter (about the height of my wheelchair) and put me on it.  It took a minute for my legs to relax and for my feet to touch the floor.  I wondered what we were going to do with me sitting on this short box.  Phil told me to put my arms straight out to my sides.  He said that we were working on proprioception.  Then he told me to not lose my balance and to recover.  I had no idea what he meant by that because it was fairly easy to sit with my arms outstretched to my sides.

Then it started.  He pushed different parts of my shoulders from the front and the back.  He pushed either side of my rib cage as well and told me to “recover” and to NOT fall over.  He had me sit with my arms outstretched for one minute while I became the human bop bag.  We did this 8 times and each time it got progressively harder.  He was pushing me faster and faster and it was becoming more difficult to recover and it would take longer but I managed.  I told him kind of accusatory that he was TRYING to knock me over to which he responded, “kind of.”  I didn’t fall completely over AT ALL!  I could feel my core muscles tightening and they kind of hurt today.

Now, each time he told me to put my arms out, I was reminded of auditions for the high school musical my Junior year.  A girl named Sandra was auditioning as well for more of a dance role.  I was auditioning for a singing role (once upon a time, I used to have some pretty good pipes) and before the director arrived we were talking and somehow got on the subject of ballet.  She used to take ballet when she was younger and proceeded to show me the first three positions.  We were just goofing around but she said that I always have to start in first position.  YEARS later, a colleague and I were talking and somehow the subject of  ballet came up.  She also took lessons when she was younger.  I told her about auditions and Sandra and proceeded to demonstrate the three positions I knew.  She gasped and began to laugh and told me that I was correct.  So, as I sat on the “Baby Bear” plyo box yesterday, I HAD to begin with first position and Phil made fun of me EVERY time!  Whatev.  I HAVE to have good form!  I got in to my car mostly by myself with a little bit of Phil’s help.  I drove home feeling productive even though I didn’t walk.  I am still making progress – slowly but surely!

Phil came to get me out of my car.  He pushed me right over to the plyo boxes.  There were 4 boxes against the wall and they were all the SAME size!  I was confused!  Good thing Phil sat on the box and I stayed in my chair.  My legs were REALLY tight!  Phil stretched me for 45 minutes and then asked how I feel. I was STARTING to feel looser but not quite.  He told me to go over to the mat and we would stretch more there.

I didn’t argue or feel defeated because my body hasn’t felt very good since my relapse and the stretching hurts a little but it ALWAYS feels better in the end.  I wheeled up to the mat and kind of slid out of my chair to which Phil said that I looked like sludge.  I made it on to the mat all on my own and Phil started stretching me out more hard-core than at the plyo boxes.  It kind of hurt but I felt my legs loosening up.  I remembered when Jesse told me the first time he REALLY stretched me that he had to break the ice around my muscles.  I guess my legs have re-frozen and Phil is an icebreaker too.

As Phil and I went out to my car, I told him that my legs kind do felt like Jell-O.  I got in to my car mostly by myself and we just kind of gave each other five in a weird grabby thing way because neither one of us attempted a “Joystick.”  As I drove home, my legs felt REALLY relaxed and that felt good.  I am okay with just having a training session with stretching because now I know that stretching is progress too!  The walking WILL come and even as I write this my legs STILL feel REALLY good!

Phil stretched me at the chairs first.  At first my legs were pretty tight but then they started to loosen up.  We went over to the Keiser machine after stretching.  I think it was the first three stands that I REALLY had to fight to stand. Phil told me to, “Push” and to, “Squeeze.”   And I did.  My butt is KILLING me today!!!  On the fourth stand, I popped right up out of my chair.  It surprised Phil.  He told me that I should do that EVERY time.  As I stood for that fourth time, a woman from the physical therapy part of the center rolled a man in a wheelchair over to the Keiser machine.

Thry both were watching me standing at the bar and she was telling him something.  I couldn’t hear them because the music was loud and Phil had his hands at his sides telling me to, “Push” and, “Squeeze.”  My legs were shaking as I looked down at him and told him that, “I’m showing off right now” because the man in the chair was watching me standing.  I sat and rested awhile.  Phil had me stand one more time and I popped right up again.  I stood for a little while and Phil pushed me over to the plyo boxes.  There were 3 boxes against the wall and Phil broke one down to make a “Baby Bear” box.  He put me on it and we did some manual leg curls.

I was REALLY tired.  I think having training sessions where I just was stretched were GREAT but I hadn’t worked THIS hard in a while.  We get out to my car and I took a deep breath before my first attempt to transfer.  I grabbed the car door and stood straight up AGAIN!  Even though I was EXTREMELY tired, I was able to sit fully on my car seat.  I just transferred COMPLETELY into my car ALL BY MYSELF!  AND I am crazy tired!  After Phil stowed my chair away into my chair topper, he bent down and put his fist out.  I thought for a second and reached my hand out to grab his fist.  He pulled it away and said, “Don’t even” with a laugh.  Okay.  I concede.  Here’s to an upswing and actively working again.  I put my fist out to fist bump him and he grabbed it, shook it, and yelled, “Joystick!”  and shut my door.

i had to drop something off at a friend’s house after Barwis.  She also lives in Plymouth but I had never been to her house so I didn’t have the music on as OnStar was giving me directions to her house.  I didn’t have the music on because I was concentrating and in the silence I thought back to my first day at Barwis and Mike telling me how we were going to get my muscles firing so I get the response I want from them.  He told me that it will be in the overwork of my muscles that we will forge new pathways to my spine to tell my brain how to get the proper response from my muscles because having MS, my spine is all messed up with scar tissue that the signals can no longer get through.  I thought that today (yesterday) I got 3 proper responses!  So many times I have been trying for that and I’ve just misfired.  It’s in the repetition that among all the misfires I will eventually get the proper response I need.  Today (yesterday) I got 3 of them.  NICE!  So it’s REALLY starting to happen now!  3’s just the beginning…

Phil stretched me at the Keiser machine.  I was feeling good from Monday’s stretch so I thought I would have a good showing.  Phil brought over a GREEN half popcorn ball thing.  It was a pretty green but I told him, “It’s NOT PURPLE but it’s NOT even ORANGE so… ” as if the half popcorn ball thing color had some bearing on my showing for stands.  He replied, “Oh yeah! THAT’S it!” with a roll of his eyes and a sort of a smile. He got me positioned to stand.  I STRUGGLED maybe 4 or 5 times and then Phil had me sit in my chair to stretch me some more.

Then he got me positioned to stand again.  It was beyond disappointing that I STILL wasn’t able to stand!!  I tried 3 or 4 times to no avail.  Phil told me that this last attempt would be my last time before we went over to the table.  I stood straight up and Phil said, ” ‘Bout time!”  It was a struggle to stand for a long time so I sat.  We then went over to the table so Phil could stretch me VERY well.

i was tired and wasn’t able to get into my car.  Phil put me into it.  I drove home kind of bummed because of my lack-luster showing.  I talked to my Mom.  She doesn’t often put things bluntly but our conversation boiled down to her giving me two choices: either 1. Give up or 2. Fight.  When she said that, things clicked for me.  Duh!  OH YEAH!  I am going to fight!  It’s just taking longer than expected but I KNOW it will be worth it.