Category: A Bit Of Randomness

I watched MNF (Monday Night Football) last night because football IS football even though I’m neither a Vikings nor a Giants fan.  It was  (MINvsNYG – Minnesota Vikings versus New York Giants) and I had NEVER seen the Madden NFL 17 commercial with Von Miller before and it made me laugh.  I called Sean over to see it and he said that he had already seen it and he told me it was old but I had never seen it.  I am a HUGE Von Miller fan! It might be the fact that he is a BEAST, or that I loved him on Dancing with the Stars, but mostly, I think it’s because he has glasses like my Dad did. But, seeing this commercial got me thinking about Justin Bieber and his song, “Sorry.”  (I’ve never seen this video either). So you KNOW I have to post it here now.

My Mom says that, ” Sorry” is a, “Barwis Song” because she would often hear it there.  I guess I was working oo hard to really notice.  She thought his name was “Justin Beeper” and she constantly gets it mixed up and that amuses me EVERY TIME because she often confuses it which further proves the point that she is ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!!!

Now, I’ve never been a huge Justin Bieber fan (I was already an adult and teaching when, “Baby” came out) and I remember all of my girl students screaming at school dances. When Sean was very young (4 or 5) people told me that he kind of looked like him (except for the hair).  And that used to amuse me.

  

But then I watched Justin Bieber’s demise in his bad decision-making skills of an 18-year-old boy with too much money.  Even though I feel kind of cheesy, I kind of dig some of his songs.  I recently texted one of Sean’s friends (she likes Justin Bieber) and told her that I liked that song, “Cold Water” and that it was getting posted on my blog (which it IS – October 2016 Faves).  She told me that she loves that song too.  Further proof that Sean is right that I listen to, “teeny bopper” music.  Well, yeah…  Touché.

PBA is Pseudo Bulbar Affect.  I first heard about this when I saw this commercial. Now, this was not to mean that I hadn’t experienced the uncontrolled laughing or crying but I finally had a name and reason for doing this.  Looking back and thinking about it, when telling funny stories to my family, I can’t catch my breath to tell the whole story because I’m laughing too much.  My family laughs and says it’s “just something that Jenny does.”  I remember correcting Sean when he was younger and I started laughing.  He gave me a puzzled look and asked why I was laughing and I old him that I didn’t know.  I did it again when I was upset about something he did and I started laughing so Sean did too.  I told him that, “I may be laughing, but you’re still in trouble!”

It’s become the norm that I cry watching A Football Life stories pretty regularly, stories about players in the NFL draft, and random commercials.  Songs make me cry pretty often.  The more I thought about it, I guess I kind of did this a lot.  This fact really hasn’t been a problem for me except for the time I started laughing uncontrollably during a weekday morning mass.  It was summertime and 8 o’clock mass so there weren’t a lot of people there; it was a part of mass when it was silent.  I tried covering it up by coughing but Sean told me that it wasn’t convincing.

This morning, it happened again.  My mom was over and it REALLY bothered her.  It was a tense moment between us and I hit my knee.  It really hurt so my eyes welled up.  But then I started laughing.  So here I was with tears streaming down my checks and I’m laughing uncontrollably.  My Mom wasn’t happy with my laughter (tense moment, remember?) She walked away and said, “You, just laugh” (or something like that) kind of angrily.  I called after her and said, “I can’t control it…”

I started looking for that PBA commercial online.  I saw this aYouTube video and appreciated how it was explained even though I haven’t had a stroke. I searched further and I saw this YouTube video that fits with MS.  I am by no means promoting drugs of any kind (If you’ve read different parts of my blog, you’d know that’s not my bag) but I’m left-handed and that’s 10% of the population so I figured that the video was meant to be shared by me and it’s pretty informative and proves that I REALLY CAN’T control it!

I recently saw this commercial not too long ago.  There was no talking in the version I saw and couldn’t read the words fast enough because I was so taken by the images I saw.  My Seanie was premature.   He was due on December 27th and I had an emergency C-section on November 2nd. He was in an incubator and under the Bilirubin lights.   So he would look like he was sunbathing with the little mask over his little eyes like in the commercial.

I saw this commercial again last night and this morning I searched YouTube to find it. In that search, I saw this 2nd version the commercial. So,   I’ve cried all morning watching these commercials over and over. When he was in the NICU, I never cared to think about the type of diapers he wore.  But I see this commercial and the amount of care taken to manufacture them, I vaguely remember seeing the boxes of Huggies when I was there.  When he was there.

A person will never forget the time they have spent at the hospital with their baby in the NICU.  This commercial reminded me of that  clearly. Sean  was born at 32 weeks gestation, two months early, and was in the NICU for 31 days. He did not come home until December 3rd.  To this day, I tell everyone I tell that he was a preemie that this was the longest month of my life.  15 years later, that is still the case for me.  I couldn’t hold him right away. After maybe a week, he could be out of the incubator for 20 minutes. I fell  to a routine immediately when I had to leave the hospital and he had  to stay.

 I still lived with my parents back then and  was unable to drive after my C-section.  My Mom would take me to the hospital before she went to work. I would get there at about 7 am.  My dad, who was already working when I was dropped off to the hospital would get out at around four and pick me up. I would spend time with my parents talking about Sean and would go to his dad’s house who was just getting out of work.   After he would eat and take a quick shower, we would go back up to the hospital.

Once there, he would hold Sean for the 20 minutes and then put him back into the incubator. He would then go to the family waiting room and sleep. I would just  sit in the glider and glide back and forth while staring at my baby in the  incubator.   I would do this until about midnight when I would leave Sean and wake his dad up so we could go home. I would cry every night leaving the hospital.  It was horrible to have to leave him! Even though I knew he was getting excellent care and I would be back in about seven hours, it was still very difficult for me.

It was about two weeks after he was born that he could regulate his body temperature a little bit more, a nurse told me about “kangaroo care.”   She told me that this was very good for the baby. She told me that I would need to wear a button down shirt and I could hold the baby “skin to skin” for as long as I wanted.   I absolutely loved this!  I would recline the glider as the nurses would put up screens around me. Whenever the nurse would get him out incubator and place him on my chest, all of the numbers on his monitor would normalize and he  was calmed.

I’ve told Sean this story so many times over the years, I tell him how I’d  feel his soft baby hair on my chin and neck. I would always have the nurse place him on my right side. I could feel all of his little ribs when I’d  place my left hand his back and cradled his feet  with my right hand about even with my armpit. He was SO  tiny!  We would lay like this for hours!   Sometimes I would fall asleep too.   I loved it!

Sean was 4 lbs. 11 oz. when he was born so he was the “big baby” in the NICU.   He had tons of hair.   I stuck to my routine every day, I remember a nurse coming up to me and telling me that they wanted me to stay home because they wanted to hold my baby because he had hair!   I kind of laughed and told her that I wanted to hold my baby!

 I changed a total of three diapers in those 31 days. His umbilical cord fell out when I was not there.  I felt that I was missing so much of my baby that I really cherished the “kangaroo care” time  we shared!  I remember that I put him in an outfit I had gotten from my shower. I thought for sure it would fit him because it was a 0 to 3 month onesie.  He was swimming in it! I had to buy special preemie clothes for him that he wore for a pretty long time.

I would include pictures here but they are all packed away with renovations going on right now at my house.  I’m sure I will write about his time in the NICU again so I will include them when I do. So, ANOTHER commercial has made me cry but this I KNOW is NOT my undiagnosed PBA.   Rather, it completely reminded me of the 31 days we survived at the NICU.

There are a few things I remember about my first knee surgery, my ACL reconstruction that I had in January of 2000.   I never thought that I would have to have a 2nd knee surgery but here I am.  The first thing I remember about it is that I completely had a crush on my orthopedic surgeon! Dr. Frush asked me  if I remembered who did my surgery when  I unsnapped my tearways to show him my knee.

Did I remember?! Of course I did! I had the biggest crush on him! My 17-year-old self was in love with him! So,  when he asked, I’m sure I blushed and smiled as I told him, “Kyle Anderson.”  It turns out that Dr. Frush knows him.   I could feel my blush deepen and my smile broaden.  I explained that when I was 17, I completely had a crush on him! Dr. Frush laughed and told me that he thought that he is the doctor for the Detroit Lions now.

I wrote a blog post a while ago explaining that and Christen (my first physical therapist from years ago) confirmed that. After I found that out, I started paying attention to injured players when I was watching the Lions’ games  and sure enough! Dr. Anderson was on the field!   He’s older but I still could have a crush on him! He ages like Sean Connery

I  tweeted this photo  a while ago  and posed the question that if my orthopedic surgeon was touching Matthew Stafford because he did my surgery does that mean in a way, I was touching Matthew Stafford?   I thought so!  At least that is what I tell my self.

The second thing I remember about my first knee surgery is that was the most pain I have ever experienced in my entire life! That includes childbirth but  having had a C-section I think I cheated. When asked the question  at work how I was feeling, my answer was quick and with a straight face that it was, ” the most pain I have ever in in my life.”

My nephew asked me if I was scared and I paused a moment, told him that knee surgery is the most painful thing in the world and  after some hesitation simply said, “Yes.”   Dr. Frush told me that this meniscus trim or meniscus repair will not be as painful as ACL reconstruction but somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.

The third thing I remember from my ACL reconstruction is my follow-up appointment.  I got to see Dr. Anderson  one last time after the surgery was complete and I was getting my stitches out. He told me that I was lucky that my meniscus was still  intact because otherwise, that would be really painful! That statement really didn’t seem important to me because the surgery hurt enough as it was!

Now I sit here with a torn meniscus and COMPLETELY concur with him! This is really painful! It has been painful for over six months now. This really hurts  I am not looking forward to surgery because throw a little MS in and I’m not sure what my rehab is going to look like. I know one thing though; it is going to be  long and painful!

Well, my knee still hurts very badly.  Every second of every day! The most recent development is that when I roll over in bed, it pops out!  There is no comparison to being sound asleep in your warm bed, rolling over, feeling the burn just before my knee pops out of its socket, hearing the subsequent “POP,” then feeling the excruciating pain!  My eyes fly open and I am absolutely stunned!  Paralyzed in agony.  It takes a second to get my bearings and if I roll over again, my knee might “pop” back in.  It takes 2 or 3 times of rolling over onto my stomach and then over onto my back and then I will hear the, “pop” of it going back into place.  I’m still in pain because it, “popped” out but I can begin to relax.

Until i have my surgery, I tell myself NOT to roll over!  If I don’t roll over, it will be fine. Right?  Until, the newest development is I lay on my side and just moved my right leg in the slightest and the process begins again just before the, “POP.”  At this point, I couldn’t roll back and forth but was paralyzed in pain until my Mom came by to “pop” it back into place.  With each, pop” I am concerned that I am doing MORE damage to my knee.  If I think about this too much, I’m stunned.

Now, I’ve never been punched in the face, right in the nose, but I imagine that it does NOT feel good and it also has a stunning effect.  In the past week, I’ve received some proverbial “Punches in the face.”  I hope that I don’t offend anyone by using this comparison, if I do, I apologize. This comparison works for the stunned, shocked, and paralyzed feeling I’ve experienced a few times since I stopped working and learned that I needed surgery.

The first punch came when I received an email calling in to question the possibility of NOT having a job opening for me the upcoming school year as I am out for the duration of this year.  The second punch came when I received a phone call from the insurance/billing office of  the hospital where my surgery is going to be performed.  Now, Sean has had a couple of mouth surgeries that came along with his braces.  I’ve had these types of conversations with the insurance/billing department of the oral surgeon but they were for my son. I’m SUPPOSED to do this.  The surgeries were NEEDED, so I took care of it.  Thank God I have insurance.  I have NEVER had surgery myself where I am the person in charge of the bill.

I wasn’t ready for it.  I’ve had surgery twice in my life and I was a dependent on my Dad’s insurance both times. Now, the discussion regarding payment for both of Sean’s surgeries were done face to face.  Mouth surgery is A LOT less expensive than knee surgery I’ve since learned with the phone call.  The woman was pleasant on the phone and matter-of-fact.  When I spoke with the oral surgeon insurance/billing department they first tell me how much the surgery is, how much insurance will pay, and how much I am responsible for.  The woman on the phone did the same thing BUT the dollar amounts were SO much BIGGER!  Hearing the tens of thousands of dollars being enumerated, I was grateful that we were on the phone so she could NOT see my face with my bugging out eyes.  I was stunned!

Stunned because the amount I am responsible for is more than an entire 2-week paycheck.  It was easy for me to take in the information for Sean’s mouth because he NEEDED the surgery.  But, I also NEED this surgery.  Wow!  I’m not quite sure of what’s going to happen, well the surgery IS happening, just not sure of the “how afterward.  I’ve been stunned with this information trying to sit with these figures.  But then here comes “Punch in the face” #3.

I have yet to get a specific answer of how I am to be paid while I am off work awaiting this very expensive knee surgery.  I have had automatic deposits from my employer for 12 years.  It’s clockwork.  All of the automatic withdrawals from my bank account are set up accordingly.  I get paid twice a month. I am a salaried employee, contracted for this school year.  Only, I didn’t get my scheduled deposit today.  STUNNED. With a few tears, I’m not going to lie…

I thought about this recently as my knee surgery is approaching. I think my Mom told me this after my Dad had already been dead for a little while, but she told me that her and my Dad were driving somewhere on a sunny day a little while before his second heart surgery. My Dad kind of brushed the scar on his  chest,  stared out the window, and told my mom, “This  is going to hurt, Mary.”

it’s been 17 years since my knee surgery and I still can honestly say that that was the MOST pain I have ever been in in my life. I love adding that I even had a child!   (Granted, that was surgically but it still happened!) Dr. Frush assures me that it will not be as painful as my ACL reconstruction but now, sprinkle in a little MS and there is no telling how my body is going to react and how it will ultimately heal.  This part scares me. Fills me with dread even.

I never knew that my Dad was dreading his second heart surgery, or even had been afraid. My Dad was the eepitome of strength for my entire life! Now, as I have aged, I understand that the, “Man of Steel” whom I have always known may have rusted a bit.   I’ve been thinking about as strong as my dad has always been for my life, even he  experienced the dread of the impending pain of a surgery that he had already had.

That is exactly where I am at!   I’ve had many things to get my mind off of this dread in the past week. Phone calls  from the  hospital, emails my work,  and the extreme pain that my knee is in the whole time!  But, I’ve said this before like in the epic movie, The Neverending Story  so I’m  NOT looking forward to it but I am  ready.   I think.   I just know that this is going to hurt.

It has been seven months and five days since my knee was hurt. It’s not like I have forgotten what a normal knee feels like, my left knee feels normal. In the past seven months and five days, I have forgotten  what it feels like to NOT  have a broken knee. My right knee  is broken. I felt that something was wrong with my knee three days after the incident; that  feeling was strengthened because it was not feeling better and healing  with physical therapy.  Finally, the feeling was solidified when Dr. Frush told me that my meniscus was torn and I needed surgery to fix it. I knew something was broken!

As my surgery date approaches, I am feeling nervous. I am nervous because there is no way of knowing how my body will feel having had MS for 16 years until  my body is feeling it. I know that my body takes longer to heal with MS (my broken ankle took 6 months to heal).   I also know that knee surgery  is the most pain I have been in my life to this point!  These aforementioned things are two things I am not looking forward to at all! A friend of mine told me that he didn’t think that the pain I will have  post-surgery will be as bad as the pain I have been in for the past seven months and five days. I hope he’s right!

I got a call from the hospital  where I will have my surgery last week. They  asked me a bunch of medical questions. They also told me that I have to discontinue the supplements I am on for my MS one week before surgery.I stopped my supplements on Monday and today (Wednesday) I am feeling like the Tinman in the beginning of the Wizard of Oz  before Dorothy and the Scarecrow give him the oil.   My body is so stiff that movements are slow and my knee is hurting even more! But, looking on the bright side, I only have to endure for five more days.  I can do anything for five days!  At least, that is what I am telling myself…

I have had MS for 16 years now. When I was first diagnosed, my original neurologist told me that she wanted to “wait and see” and hold off on drugs, hopefully my MS would be dormant in my system.   I had my son and he was two  or three when it  started to become clear that my MS would NOT  remain dormant. Around that time, I was fitted for Canadian crutches to help with my stability in walking.   I know I have written numerous times about teaching him to walk and then hitting my thigh and telling him to “Hold mama’s crutch.”

It was at this time when I started Interferon shots.   I gave myself daily shots in my thighs and would have to get my mom’s help to administer the shot on the backs of my arms (my left arm  mostly because I am left-handed).   I remained on these shots for about three years. Often times, I was NOT very  diligent in making sure I took it daily. My body did not tolerate them.

Ultimately, the side effects were too much for me to handle. I was in my young 20s then and could not handle losing the hair on my head (the hair I kept was very greasy), growing facial hair (a lot of it),  and falling asleep if I sat for too long. It wasn’t a nice “Sleeping Beauty” sleep but more like but more like Homer Simpson with the drool coming out of my mouth.  When I couldn’t take it anymore, I started researching natropathic medicine.

It was the summer after my dad died that I started my organic lifestyle,  purged my apartment of non-organic food and cleaners, went to Florida for electronic acupuncture, and then saw my first natropath here in Michigan.  He put me on a bunch of supplements instead of taking the shots. I stayed with him for a few years before I moved on to my current natropath.   Dr. Clark is also a chiropractor and he helps me with my chiropractic needs as well

The insurance  I have through my work does not cover any naturopathic expenses so this proves to be very expensive in addition to my organic diet. Because of this cost, I am not able to eat as much organic food as I would like.  The choice I made to stop Western medicine was my own and many people do not agree with this. MS is such an individual disease, I choose to do what is best for my body and I  couldn’t handle how the MS drugs made me feel nor the side effects.  I’ve taken a lot of flak from people telling me how my supplements do, “nothing.”

I take a whole LOT of supplements and they are expensive! Times when I can’t afford all of them, there are a few that I really need! When I can’t afford those few, there is one that is imperative that I have! I never run out of that one! I make sure of it!   It was concerning last week when the hospital called me and told me that I had to stop all of my supplements one week before my surgery.  I was nervous but knew I would “grab my guts” and do it, it would only be ONE week!  I posted a couple  days ago that there were five days left and it was difficult but I was going to do it!

Well, I’ve been off my supplements for six days and I want to tell everyone who says naturopathic medicines/ supplements  do “nothing” – THEY DO NOT DO, “NOTHING!!!”   I’m sure that I will be a box of nerves tomorrow in anticipation for my surgery but I wanted to let it be known that I stand by my supplements 100%!

I started a new puzzle yesterday, it’s the Creation of Adam depiction of the fingers almost touching. Puzzlin’ (as I call it)  helps my brain keep working and it gets my mind off of the pain of having MS  for as long as I am doing it. I have been known to puzzle all day on the weekend. So, I open up the box and start dividing the pieces up  between end pieces and middle pieces.  And I see this:

If you can’t see from the picture, instead of being normal, uniform puzzle pieces, they are all crazy shaped!  This was as far as I got in my dividing. Given that my body hurts so badly, I just stared, at a loss, at these crazy shaped pieces. Sean saw me and gave me a sort of pep-talk encouraging me that I “had this!”  I pushed away from my puzzle table and shook my head. My body hurts too badly to concentrate! I’ll start the puzzle after my surgery, or when the  healing process is well underway.

Just in case my nerves are going nuts tomorrow, the day before my surgery, I just wanted to tell everyone that naturopathic medicine is NOT, “Nothing!”  My body is currently screaming a lot louder than it normally does!   Thinking about it, the only way my body it’s going to feel better is to get back on my supplements. I will only start my supplements again after my surgery so I’m going to be in pain anyway! Not MS pain  but surgically repaired knee pain, I’m not sure that’s going to be any better…

So, I had surgery yesterday. It went well. My meniscus needed more than just a trim and Dr. Frush  put three stitches in  to repair it. I currently am on high doses of narcotics. I am in and out of coherency and will be for a few days.  I thought I would post this now so everyone knows that surgery went well and I am recovering.

I didn’t feel pain the first day because the drugs they gave me in the hospital were still in my system and still working their way out. So, I was feeling NO pain! (If  you know what I mean! ?)  I vaguely remember waking up in recovery and my eyes were still semi-closed. I said, to no one in particular, “My knee hurts!” I opened my eyes and saw that I was in recovery and asked if I had knee surgery. The nurse on duty told me that I did and I asked her why I felt like I was crying. She told me that I was. When I looked alarmed, she told me that it was normal coming out of anesthesia.

A little while later, after my juice and Nutri-Grain bars, my mom came back to see me. And this is when I learned that my meniscus needed to be repaired. Dr. Frush said it went perfectly and because he needed to stitch me up, I need to be “non-weight-bearing” for two weeks. So basically, I will be carried around whenever I need to get out of the recliner. Which is only to go to the bathroom. (Thanks Lil’ Dave!)

So, as they say in one of my favorite Disney movies (Sleeping Beauty), “I still think what I think before,”  knee surgery hurts more than having a child! My knee actually does not hurt as bad as it has the past eight months since my injury; but, the only difference here is,  I am on a whole lot of drugs! I knew what kind of pain to expect and I was not disappointed  in the least! Just, after my injury I could not be heavily medicated while I was at work so that hurt a whole lot. Now, that my knee is surgically repaired, I CAN be heavily medicated  as my knee FINALLY heals.   It’s going to be a LONG road, but at least it will lead to my knee NOT hurting anymore!

It’s about time for another dose of pain meds so I will be “out” for a little while… thanks for all the prayers, well wishes, and good vibes that were sent my way! They COMPLETELY worked!  Because of popular demand, I have extended the Booster until Sunday night. Please and thanks so much!

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I ABSOLUTELY  LOVE  watching Good Morning Football on the NFL network!  The past two days have been absolutely hilarious! They are big on using Twitter and I tweet all of them all of the time! Sometimes they like my tweets  and/or reply. This is when I feel famous!

I would recommend the show to anyone who is home weekday mornings from 7 am to 1 pm. (It’s on twice in a row)  if I can’t catch it right at 7, I watch the second half and then I watch the first half.  I love the NFL network and I was able to start watching the show  when I was not working when I originally was hurt. Now that I am off hard-core medications post-surgery, I can start to watch it again. I find it so interesting because I love football so much. They have tons of a special guests: players,  coaches, commentators, a backstreet boy, (HILARIOUS),  Jerry O’Connell (Frank Cushman in Jerry Maguire)  and so much more. I plan to be on that show one day so then I will be a “Friend of the Show!”

Just today, Kay Adams addressed the viewers saying that we were the fifth member of “the breakfast table.” (that’s what they call the table  where they are seated).  I tweeted her and asked if I am a member, where was my mug? They all have mugs that say “Good Morning Football” and I REALLY want one! She did not respond… YET!

I am at a point in my disease progression (MS sucks!) that I drink ALL of my beverages from mugs. My hands cannot hold a cup of any kind.  I put one hand, (usually my left because I am left-handed)  through the handle and hold the mug on one side and use my other hand to hold the other side. I’ve been told I drink like I am a toddler. My hand strength started becoming an issue a little  while ago, when teaching, if you were seated at my table, you would constantly have to pick my pens up!

I have tweeted them a number of times now about how to get a mug but I don’t want to be a pest but I am confident that I will get one one day! I HOPE!   Maybe they track how many tweets I send them to have a timeline of how long I have been a loyal viewer or something. Maybe I just have to wait a little bit longer…

I have also tweeted the Fox guys for a number of reasons besides liking their mugs also but I have a crush on Michael Strahan and a little bit on Howie Long and Jimmy Johnson did a commercial about MS the 2015  season. So let’s see which show is cooler and will give me a mug, preferably  a set of 2.  Or at least tell me where I can buy one. Or 2.

Good Morning Football is so FUNNY though!